Remus found the rest of the week passing quite quickly, Eddie kept the men all happily fed and entertained Harry most of the time. Remus found himself becoming more and more drawn to Sirius but he had refused to give into Sirius' advancements.

Sirius had used his time in Remus' cottage to push his friend as far as he could, hugging the werewolf whenever he could, lingering brushes on his arms and shoulders or back, kissing him briefly on the cheek when he wasn't looking then chase kisses on the lips goodnight every night after a night cap and chat. Eddie watched all this with amusement but said nothing.

Saturday afternoon saw Harry leave to go stay at the Weasleys for the night, as Harry disappeared into the floo network Sirius turned to Remus smiling broadly

"So, what is the plan for the night?"

"Nothing Sirius"

"Lets go into town and check out that band "

"I can't Sirius I swapped a shift with Tonks and I am on guard duty tonight" Remus lied

"Eddie my dear, what are we doing this evening then?" Sirius asked giving Eddie his fakest and cheesiest smile winking cheekily

"Sorry Sirius I'm meeting friends for dinner in London" Eddie lied as well

"Fine, abandon me, leave me to my own devises" Sirius dramatically sighed

Sirius sat himself down in front of the cd player and picked up a book

"I will entertain myself" He smiled

A little while later Sirius saw off Remus and Eddie, he wrote a quick letter sent it with a wand flick into the floo to the weasley household refusing to spend the night alone, a few minutes later Charlie came stumbling out of the floo

"Night Sirius" He smiled

"Fantastic you could join me Charlie boy!" Sirius beamed

"Lets get going I want to see this band you were talking about" Sirius continued

They apparated into a quiet side street before walking to the over crowded and nosiy pub, people spilled out onto the street in varying states of intoxication

Sirius happily walked in feeling much at home in the old pub, he and Charlie sat down when a young man had to take his date home after she turned a little green around the edges. Sirius looked at the posters on the pub walls and saw the same dark background and writing this time written in English

Charlie retuned with a beer for each of them and sat next to Sirius, after a few minutes of chatter Charlie's eyes swelled as Sirius felt a tap on his shoulder

"Don't let him see you" Eddie begged Sirius

"Who?" Sirius asked

"Papa, he will freak out so please don't move from here, we wont be able to see you from the stage" Eddie turned and walked way, dressed in black tight jeans, knee high heeled black boots over then and a silver shimmery tank top.

Charlie was staring at Eddie's retreating back

"Oh boy you got it bad" Sirius chuckled as Charlie blushed as bright red as his hair.

Sirius' chuckled died out as the lighten in the pub changed a middle aged man sat himself at the drums, he waited for the applause to stop and spoke into his microphone

"We're the Blackened Hearts, I'm Lock on drums, on bass we have Buck" as another man walked onto the stage to loud applause

"On lead this is Eddie" louder applause filled the pub along with wolf whistles and hooting

"Quite down you psychos" Eddie stated as she took her place on stage before Locks continued over the noise, the crowded clapped, cheered, yelled, hollered and stamped their feet.

"Finally our singer the one you sickos come to see and throw your underwear at, Rem"

Remus walked onto the stage and stood before the microphone with a half empty beer stein in his hand, he was dressed in jeans that were tighter than usual and he was in a t shirt that was grey, he was wearing the black combat boots laced up in shins and his hair was brushed out of his face.

Remus waited looking at the crowd

"When ya finished" Remus muttered smirking handsomely at them

"Right, if this is ya first Blackened Hearts experience here are the rules" Remus stated, voice somewhere in-between natural and his professor voice, he pointed to the stage edge

"The more drinks appear here the more we play, if it runs out we leave, ya got it"

Several drinks appeared on the stage and he turned and downs the drinks in quick concession

"Here we go" He stood over the microphone, legs both side and leaning in close

The first song started as Sirius stared at his love with admiration and desire

"Oh boy you got it bad" Charlie chuckled repeating Sirius own words back at him

Sirius didn't answer as Remus started to sing, Remus expressing himself and showing all his pain

Sirius had tears come to his eyes as Remus sung about things they had refused to discuss, Sirius felt his heart break as he continued to sing of his abandonment when he was left alone, Sirius in Azkaban, Lily and James dead and him believing the same of Peter in a well fazed and slightly cryptic way.

Remus stopped wiped his sweating brow on his arm and picked up a glass of beer downed it before doing the same for several more mixed beverages until he nodded his head to the band and continued

Remus walked across the stage standing with Eddie or Buck, leaning into the crowd to drive them crazy and shuffling back and forth. Remus's spare hand would run itself through his hair, rub the back of his neck or hit his hip keeping rhythm. Sirius smiled sadly as his life long friend spoke of his infliction and the curse that had affected his life. He removed his t-shirt standing there is a white chesty singlet that was damp with his sweat. He smiled crookedly at the crowded waiting for the applause to stop, he drank several offered shots of spirits and asked

"What you want next" to which voices yelled out song titles before a chant started

The crowd went wild, voicing mixing as they yelled different song names

"You get off on my pain the lot of you" Remus angrily replied continue

Sirius was shocked as Remus sung about Peter, such hatred and anger come through the song, feelings of betrayal filled Sirius as he thought of Peter as well.

Remus sung in a deep, broken and husky voice it was raw and honest to which the crowd responded. They danced, swayed and jumped up and down, they became angry when Remus did, calmed when he did and followed the emotional journey Remus showed them.

Remus paused at the end and took a deep breath, his stomach swelling with the effort of filling his lungs with air again. He drank as if he was dying of thirst downing one after another for minutes, not noticing whether is was beer, mixed drinks or spirits.

"This one I wrote only a week or two ago, let me know what you think" Remus stated not looking at the crowd but having a silent conversation with Eddie, Eddie sighed and started the next song glancing over to where she knew Sirius and Charlie were sitting

Sirius wishes Remus had told him any of the things that he had sung about, specifically his feelings for Sirius. It gave Sirius hope that Remus could admit in song that he wanted to be with him and wished they could get away and have a life together.

Sirius' mind wandered as he dreamed of being with Remus, several songs passed by without him noticing the words, all he saw was Remus, singing skin shining, pain, happiness and desire showing across his face. Remus walked around the stage, strutting confidently, teasing the audience and making them cry or scream with delight before throwing back endless drinks in-between songs. He rocked back and forth slightly and his hips swaying as he lost himself in the music, Sirius was captivated and he could hardly control the emotions as he wanted. A hand placed a beer in front of him and snapping him out of his dream, he nodded a thank you at Charlie and focused his attention back to the words of Remus' next song

"This is our last song too, the drinks have dried up and I'm done with this" Remus wiped his arm across forehead as he put down his last drink with the large collection of empty glasses at the stage edge, before turning around, removing his singlet and chucking into the ground.

Remus had his arms outstretched when he run the chorus' showing the world how scared he was. He sat on the stage edge legs wide apart, taking an offered drink in his spare hand drinking in the pauses, at the end of the song he laid down flat on his back as his unconscious ignoring the crowd who cheered, yelled and hollered. After several moments Remus sat back up and followed the rest of the band off the stage he walked through the crowd directly to Sirius and Charlie's table in the corner. Sirius looked down sheepishly as Remus stared at him unblinkingly before speaking

"Enjoy yourselves" Sarcasm dripping off the small sentence

"Rem" Sirius started

"Come on" Remus muttered as he walked out of the pub into the cool street

"Rem, are you angry"

"No Sirius it just took me awhile to smell your scent over the crowds" Remus looked drained and drunk than Sirius had realized while he had been on stage

"When did you notice"?

"Second last song" Remus sighed stumbling slightly on the uneven street surface

"You always written heartbreaking songs Rem"

Remus laughed bitterly

"Such is life"

Sirius followed Remus out; Remus rounded a corner into a dark alley

"Rem, your too pissed to aparate" Sirius' concern that Remus would splint himself

"I am, your not" Remus stated, stepping closer to Sirius

"Rem, I haven't side apparated anyone is years," Sirius laughed

"Not hard" Rem muttered stepping closer again

"Come on Siri" Rem laughed leaning onto Sirius' chest looking him in the eyes

Sirius sighed placing him arms around Remus' slighter waist and apparating them into the downstairs sitting room of the cottage.

Remus rocked back and forth, placing his arms onto Sirius's shoulders to steady himself. Remus steadied himself but didn't remove his arms instead sliding them behind Sirius' neck.

"Thank you Siri" Remus smiled

"Remus, your drunk" Sirius laughed

"Werewolf metabolism means it will wear off soon ill sadly be entirely sober" Remus sighed smiling sweetly

"I know" Sirius answered, aware of Remus' alcohol problems.

"So if you want to kiss me you better do it now" Remus pactically purred, voice lower than Sirius had ever heard. Sirius felt those words send shivers down his spine, temptation almost to tempting.

"Do you want me to kiss you?" Sirius begged

"Badly" Remus answered

Sirius knew he shouldn't, he knew that drunk Remus was more reckless than normal Remus and when he sobered up he will be blamed but here was the man he loved asking him to kiss him, wanting Sirius to kiss him and willing to let him kiss him.

Sirius hoped that it would be worth it and Remus wouldn't hate him to badly as he wrapped his arms tightly around Remus waist and captured Remus' lips under his own. Sirius was so desperate for his friend to realize that he truly loved him; he kissed him with his desires, love and passionate bubbling to the surface. He moved both his hands so he held either side of face, rubbing gentle circles with his thumbs, he gasped as Remus pulled him closer and forced his tongue into Sirius' hungrily. Remus ran one hand through Sirius' hair, pulling it gently as his other held Sirius as close as possible to himself, Remus groan happily as Sirius placed on his hip squeezing gently. Sirius thought he might burst with happiness at that sound, he kissed, licked, sucks and rubbed every part of Remus he could blissfully. He nipped Remus' ear lobe before muttering happily

"Fuck Rem I love you"

Remus pulled back as if suddenly burned and from the clarity in his eyes Sirius realized had sobered completely. Sirius felt the pain in his chest tighten and tears come to his eyes again

"What the hell was that Sirius" Remus boomed, his natural deep voice amplified in his anger, he pushed Sirius with hands on his shoulders causing Sirius to stumble before he answered quietly

"You asked me too, you told me too, you told me you wanted me too" Sirius sighed

"You listened to me? I was drunk"

"I know"

"So what you thought you would do it anyway? Ignore the fact that I was not myself, that you know I struggle with alcohol, how could you?" Remus continued to bellow

"I'm sorry, I know I know I shouldn't have but fuck Remus you know I love you and you stood there asking me, telling me you wanted me badly. You held asked me to side apparate you and wrapped your arms around me leaning on me and smiling up at me. You may have been drunk but at least your drunk self admits you love me"

"Did I say that?" Remus challenged

"No" Sirius said defeated

"Well Sirius what is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry Rem, I mean you were looking at me so. So sweetly asking. You were so amazing playing tonight, singing and performing, I didn't mean too, I couldn't resist, any idea how you effected me up there on stage. I'm only human"

"I'm not" Remus responded harshly

Sirius snapped

"Fuck you Remus, I am sick of you saying this. You are human, except one night a month! You are more humane, sweet and giving than most of the wizarding community, I don't want to hear you calling yourself a monster again," Sirius argued

"I am" Remus forcefully pushed

Sirius pushed Remus in the centre of his chest roughly; the surprise of Sirius turning violent towards him caused Remus to fall back into a sitting position on the lounge. Sirius was furious; he radiated anger from him and all sense or restraint left him. Sirius stood over Remus as he sat eyes blazing angrily while he yelled

"Dam you Remus, your not a monster and have spent all your life proving to people that werewolves are more than their infliction. You're using it as an excuse, trying to justify that you're scared. Scared of letting some one in, scared I will leave you again and you know your only making it worst"

"Worst" Remus asked

"Worst! I love you and have been telling you so but you ignore me, pretend not to care then you beg me to kiss you when your pissed and tell me you love me but wont be with me, so i'm begging you Tell me what you want from me" Sirius asked sadly

"I want my best friend" Remus stated looking down sadly

"I am your best friend Remus, I will always be your best friend. I couldn't forget or ruin our friendship when if I wanted, your too important to me. You are the only person who knows me, really me and knows all my secrets, fears and doubts. I will never stop being your best friend Remus" Sirius sighed

"Thank you" Remus smiled

"I will never leave you Remus, I will always be here as your best friend but I love you much much more than that. I will always love you Remus I have done for years and it wont stop, give me a chance, let me be your best friend and your lover"

"Sirius" Remus sighed sadly

"You love me, let me love you"

"Sirius…"

"Please don't ruin me Remus, your killing me slowly with each rejection and refusal you are slowly killing me. It hurts so badly Remus, don't you see that?"

"I don't want to hurt you"

"But you are"

"Sirius, its not that I don't want too"

"Than what is it?" Sirius asked desperately

"I'm scared, you say you love me and want to be with me but once you have me you might change your mind"

"I'm scared too Rem, I'm scared you will see what I see that you are the most amazing beautiful caring and greatest man and realise you could do so much better than me, your not the only person who is damaged and scared Rem"

Sirius pulled up the back of his t-shirt with shaking hands turning around so Remus could see his back, large scars ran down his back in almost straight lines as if someone ran a knife down his back repeatedly.

"Azkaban made me old before my time, it damaged me to the point I will never probably get over it. I am scared too, the few ministry workers would do this, make themselves feel powerful, they would laugh and taunt those of us that had our senses still"

"I didn't know" Remus stuttered clearly shocked and horrified

"I'm old, I'm damaged and I am dangerous Rem. I have seen horrors, lost everything and survived that makes me dangerous as I know how to survive and cause pain like that was inflicted on me," He added bitterly

"I am poor Remus, I have had my home burnt to the ground and I have only a few processions to my name"

Remus shook his head shaking the tears out of his eyes

"I don't care that I am damaged or old that we are scared and bitter because the things that make it all worth it is you and Harry. I would do it all again if it saved you and Harry these pains"

Remus smiled at his friend

"I just want to know that you love this me, not the younger me that is long gone"

Remus looked at his best friend with tears in his eyes

"That you love me even though I am damaged, old, bitter and abused," Sirius begged sinking down to his knees in front of Remus. Remus held his arm out to Sirius sighing sadly

"Come on Sirius, enough for tonight, I am exhausted lets talk in the morning"

"You have any idea how amazing you looked up on that stage Rem"

Remus laughed awkwardly

"No I mean it, your beautiful Remus. I mean I just couldn't look away your so intoxicating when you sing" Sirius smiled stepping closer

"Thank you Sirius" Remus blushed

"Rem can I ask you something?" To which Remus nodded

"Can I crash in with you tonight"

Remus' eyes widened before Sirius quickly continued

"Not like that Rem, I mean Merlin I wish for that but just to sleep"

"Why" Remus asked

"I… I… I get nightmares Rem, horrible nightmares and usually Harry come in and talks with me afterwards until I fall back asleep"

"You didn't tell me that"

"I know but which harry away I'm scared to sleep Rem, I see such horrible things. James and Lily when I saw them in the destroyed house, I see Peter sneaking away, I see Harry crying as a baby and I try to get to them but I am stuck behind these bars. I…I my mother yelling and cursing me again, I have James and Lily tell me it was all my fault and you telling me I am useless and unlovable"

"Pads, you know it wasn't your fault" Remus comforted his friend

"I see the dementors coming to steal my soul but instead they take my heart and leave me as cold and evil as my family"

"That would never happen Pads, I wouldn't let them" Remus continued

"Come on Pads, you can crash with me tonight"

As they entered the room Remus went to the bathroom returning to find Sirius sitting cross legged on the bed changed into black pj pants and shirtless.

"Good night Rem" He smiled sadly climbing under the covers and turning his back to Remus as he climbed into the bed.

"Sirius?" Remus asked

"Yes"

"Hmm….hmm"

"Don't worry Rem if you try to make a move on me during the night I will defend your honour and push you away" Sirius sighed defeated

"No, I don't want to confuse you or lead you on but could you hold me?" He asked quietly

Sirius smiled briefly before rolling over and pulling an exhausted Remus into his arms.

"Night Rem"

"Night Siri"

"What did I tell you about calling me SIri" He chuckled before realizing that Remus was already snoring gently.