Chapter 16: The Pied-Piper
Finally I switched the radio off, , and got out of my seat, and "Ohh!", Boy was I stiff, I needed to moving, and burn off some energy: Go and shoot someone…. No, Correction! Go hit something….. No! Scrub that, Go do something positive. Yeah that's more like it.
That sounded better, although in this universe, and especially in here, "something positive" would mostly likely involve shooting or hitting something.
Smiling slightly, at my black humour, I wandered back through the office and out onto the Upper Atrium, and... stopped dead in my tracks, something was wrong, different somehow. Basically, everything looked, ... well shabby, for want of a better word.
It took a couple of minutes for me to twig what it was, the Vault hadn't magically transformed changed, while I was in the office; however the air had. With the Air Filtration System now working properly, after it's long overdue service, and with a large number of its vents now properly positioned, it had not only removed the ever-present trace of the psycho-gas, but also all the dust, smoke, and other muck, that had been suspended normally in the air, and now for the first time, I could see everything clearly.
Sadly, that just emphasised just how bad a state, the Vault was in. It would take a lot of work: cleaning and repairing, to get it back up to what I felt would be an acceptable standard.
Once down on the Lower Atrium, I was greeted by a tired, but satisfied Sarah-Jane "That's the job done for now", she proudly declared, "I have cleared all the bodies, and stuff up, and sorted all usable clothes, weapons, and whatever in to boxes that are in the first room on the left, down there" she concluded, gesturing over her shoulder to the door that led to the Maintenance wing, and our quarters. "How's your day been?"
After dropping my heavy rucksack & Assault rifle down, I then proceeded to relate what I had discovered in the Overseer's Office, plus the news that I had been promoted to Deputy Overseer.
However before Sarah-Jane, could give a response positive or negative to the news; There was a loud clatter from the direction of the Vault Entrance.
Almost without thinking, I was off and running to see what it was, with Sarah-Jane close on my heels. Just short of the Vault Entrance, I flattened myself against the wall, gestured to Sarah-Jane to do likewise, while with my other hand, I drew my trusty .32 pistol. Slowly sidling up to the doorway, I cautiously peered round it into the room.
The first thought to flash through my mind was "Wow! Robot gone Bad!"; for there buzzing backwards & forwards between the Main Vault Door, and its control station, burbling away to itself, was the strangest looking Mr Handy robot, that I had ever seen.
It had to be the Pied-Piper, because it matched the Sarah-Jane's description of a cross between a Mr Handy, and an Eyebot. It had rough body shape, and arms of a Mr Handy, but an Eybot's front grill, and its array of aerials, although unlike a standard Eyebot layout, the aerials instead of pointing rearward, the Pied-Piper's aerials were sticking out in all directions, giving the robot a definite Punk style look. Also at some point over the years, it had received at least one Raider make-over, with the multi-coloured graffiti adding to its 'Bad-Boy' look. Worryingly, it had a very familiar gas cylinder strapped to its back.
However, this was my chance to eliminate this hazard to the humanity. I slipped as stealthily as possible, into the room; I would only get one free shot, and it must be a good clean one, because with that gas tank, the odds of me getting gassed were dangerously high, even without the risk of rupturing the tank myself.
I took aim, and ... ZAPPP! ...
The unexpected jolt threw me hard back against the wall, and down behind a control panel, while my gun flew out my paralysed hand, and skittled across the floor, before dropping through a floor grating.
"Damn!", I yelped, I had made the mistake, of only watching the arms that held the buzz-saw, and Flamethrower attachments, for any hostile movements, and had missed spotting that the Pied-Piper was also fitted Eyebot's Zapper, which had been mounted like a rear turret, just to catch potential ambushers, like me.
Upon reaching back behind myself, for another weapon, I let burst another vile expletive, as my left hand scrabbled at fresh air. Of all the stupid, green-horn mistakes, that I could have done, and it had to be this one. In my haste to investigate, I had gone left my rucksack, with all my other weapons back in the Atrium, and with my whole right arm still out of action thanks to that Zapper, my chances barehanded against this metal opponent were about nil.
I pressed my back hard against the control panel, while I looked round desperately for a weapon, any kind of weapon!, all the while, conscious that the Pied-Piper was slowly moving around, with the intention of finishing me off, from a safe distance beyond arms reach.
"Excuse me...", my head shot round at the surprise sound of Sarah-Jane's voice, and my eyes bulged in shock, for she was standing just inside the room, wearing only her underclothes. The remains of my male side acknowledged that she looked pretty good (Okay, OKAY! she looked great!), and even the female side of this body seemed to agreed, with a small pang of jealousy.
While Sarah-Jane's unexpected appearance had made my stream of thoughts jump a gear or two; it must have popped a couple of the Pied-Piper's circuits, for it genuinely didn't seem to know how to react to this new situation.
It started to drift in her direction, all the while its weapons flipped back & forth between her, and my hiding place, while it tried to analyse what to do.
"Excuse me!" She repeated nervously, "But could you tell me, if there is somewhere safe to shelter around here?"
Those words seemed to resolve the Pied-piper's dilemma, for it immediately began to broadcast, what sounded like an ancient pre-war Vault-Tec advertisement, it was hard to be totally sure, as most of the recording had become distorted with age, and repeated wear & tear, but "Bacon & Eggs" & "Reserve a place in a Vault", could be heard. The recording ended with Leris's voice declaring that there were still a few vacancies in Vault 106, but that "you must hurry, as these are only available, on a 'First Come, First Serve' basis", and although I couldn't be sure, but I thought I heard a faint buzz, that hinted that there may be some Ultra-Sonics backing up what he said.
Sarah-Jane seemed to listen attentively, and then ducked back out of sight, through the doorway; just she did so, as my hand found something. A screwdriver, Okay, not an ideal weapon, but better than nothing.
As I shifted my position slightly so as to be ready to move, I made a slight scuffle sound, but it was enough to remind the Pied-piper, that there was some unfinished business to hand.
It swung rapidly around the end of control panel, to get that clear shot at me, but thanks to Sarah's momentary distraction, it had moved much closer to my hiding place, than it had originally intended, such that it passed right above me.
Lunged upwards, I drove the screwdriver with all the strength that my legs, and arm could provide upwards, ramming it through a crack in the Pied-Piper's hodgepodge armour. It froze transfixed; there was a flash, several bangs, and smoke billowed out of every orifice, and an electrical jot zapped down my arm, and then it went dead.
My triumphant cry of "Yyyeee...", was cut short, as the now suddenly 'lump of dead-weight metal' made like a stone, and dropped, right onto my still rising head & body.
This time, I didn't even have to open my eyes before I regretted regaining consciousness. Fallout had been one of my favourite games, but now having to 'live the life' I was rapidly down-grading that opinion.
"Time to get, Mr Deputy Overseer", an angry voice, now boomed into my aching brain. I painfully opened my eyes, to see Sarah-Jane standing over me, her facial expressions constantly shifting between professional concern, and righteous indignation.
"Ohhh!, Can't you give something for my head? A Stimpack, or something" I moaned, wincing as every word seemed to threaten to split my head in two.
"Now I warned you, what I would do to you, if I saw you in here again so soon!", she retorted, though her words were contradicted, by her concerned expression, as she waved, what I presumed was some kind of scanner, over my head, while at same time cross-check the readings, with what she was uploading from my Pip-Boy.
"Besides, I have already told you, that Stimpacks don't really work on bruises, and that's basically what your thick head is now. One BIG bruise!" She continued, as she clearly relaxed slightly, obviously happy with what the scanner was telling her. "I can't use Med-X, as that can conceal evidence of brain damage. Any other pre-war pain-killers that may have been stocked in here, have either been used up, or otherwise lost. Plus I don't have access to any of the usual plants & fungus, that we normally use outside in the Wasteland"
"Plants & Fungus?" my curiosity momentarily overcoming the pain "Yeah, most scavengers look for them, when they're out & about, as a good way to earn caps. I hear that Moira Brown has a few of them on contract looking for new specimens, which could be useful."
"Sounds familiar", I muttered, as I slumped back on the bed.
"Oh No! You don't! UP", Sarah-Jane interrupted my collapse, "You're not sleeping here! You have your own bed to go to. So UP you get, and get going. Get a shower and some sleep, I have put some food in your quarters, and I don't want to see you outside your room for the next 24 hours."
"What?" I sat up almost too quickly for my own good, in my surprise at her words.
"You're grounded" she explained in her strict no-messing doctor's manner, "Do you know just how stressed out & exhausted you are? Well I do. Okay, living in this madhouse of a Vault, would be stressful for anyone. But your Pip-Boy has shows that for past week or so, your stress levels have been going through the roof"
"But, I haven't been wearing it that long", I protested, as she near bodily dragged me, to my feet, and ushered me towards the door.
"The Pip-Boys are cleverer than you think. They can analyse your body, almost right down a cellular level, so they can determine your medical history. And you are fit to drop", Sarah-Jane chivvied me up the stairs, and into my quarters "And while it is your job, Mr Deputy Overseer to care for this Vault & it's occupants; it is my job to ensure that you stay fit & healthy to do that."
And with that, she turned, stepped back into the corridor, and very firmly closed the door behind her.
I stared bewildered after her for a few moments, then burst into a fit of laughter, as crazy/funny side of what had just happened. It was just so ridiculous.
My sore head, very quickly brought my laughter to an end, but I did feel a lot better. I always said that I had a 'cracked' sense of humour, and it was kind of comforting to know, that it was still with me, even here.
To honest, by this point, Sarah-Jane's suggestion of shower & bed, sounded really good, and looking at the state of my Vault-suit, a set of clean clothes wouldn't go amiss either.
The hot relaxing shower did its work, so effectively, that I barely managed to reach my bed, before collapsing sound asleep.
I don't know if it was my head injury, my mental exhaustion, or whether Sarah-Jane had slipped me something, but somehow I managed to sleep 16 hours straight.
Which meant that, combined with the removal of psycho-gas, my mind was clearer than it had ever been, since I arrived here.
After I got dressed, and checked my door. I now had to consider my situation, which didn't include a large range of options. Sarah-Jane hsdn't been joking with her 'you're grounded' threat. I was sealed in my quarters, as she had initiated a medical lock-down on my door, which even I couldn't override. I was stuck here, for the time being at least.
"Getting stuck in locked places, seems to be my speciality", I mused, half-humorously to myself.
However on the plus side, on my room's table, there were several crates, plus my rucksack, all of which I was fairly sure hadn't been there last night.
These contained:
A few food items, some of which I had breakfast (Fresh food supplies are definitely a priority).
A mixed selection of salvaged equipment, mainly firearms & armour.
A selection broken medical equipment
A large note on the crates, said:
"Work is supposed to therapeutic! And if any more of my equipment fails, I won't be able to put you back together again.
Priority: please get the 'Head-Scan' unit working a.s.a.p. Especially as you seemed determined bash your brains into new & interesting shapes.
Sarah-Jane"
I had to give a wry smile at that last jibe, as it did seem all too true, besides her suggestion was very valid.
So far, I had been lucky, but luck has the nasty habit of running out. Better I spend some time investing in some protection & insurance for the future now, than leaving it until I am either very dead, or at best in a load of pain.
It was surprising how quickly the time seemed to fly by, as I worked. Most of the medical equipment just needed a good service, and minor repairs (broken wires re-soldered, etc), the few exceptions I was able to repair by cannibalising others.
So hopefully Sarah-Jane can continue to patch me back together, assuming she ever lets me out of here.
I decided to take a page from Moria Brown's book, and using the Raider Heavy armour design as a basis, I proceeded to armour my Vault-suit.
To be honest, I was extremely proud of the final product, which according the analyser function on my Pip-Boy had a DR of 15, yet a weight of 10, which I was fairly sure was much better 'protection to weight' ratio, than the game's version of an armoured Vault-suit. This was probably due to the fact that I was able to re-use Vault Security stab vest, but with the stab plates replaced with some that could provide protection from bullets.
Sadly my Vault-Tec Hard-hat was damaged beyond repair, but I managed to find combat helmet in good condition, which I suspect may have been looted from a museum, as it was blue, and had the defunct U.N. markings on the front, so it would have been unlikely to have in service prior to the war. I replace the U.N. lettering with the 106 number from my old hard-hat.
In my new colour co-ordinated outfit, I certainly looked ready for anything, except of the peals of laughter, from Sarah-Jane who had come in behind me, and caught me posing in front of the mirror. My crimson faced embarrassed reaction, which contrasted nicely with the blue of my outfit, had her rolling on the floor, while I growled at her to "Pack it in. It's not that funny".
"So I am I free to leave now" I asked sarcastically, once she had managed to pull herself together enough to given an intelligible response. "Oh, you have been free to come out since noon. Didn't you know?" she responded, while trying unsuccessfully to present a 'Little Miss Innocent' look, "The Lockdown only lasted a hour or so after you got up; after all we cannot lock up the only person who defend our home, now can we".
"Ha! Ha! Very funny." I growled, as I grabbed my guns & rucksack and walked out, while at the same time making a mental note to check to see what, if any game perks Sarah-Jane had.
But for now, I had some unfinished business up by the Vault Entrance.
I was soon crouched over my fallen foe, the 'Pied-Piper', examining its dead remains and to be honest I was surprised it that had ever been operational, because for whatever areas of expertise Dr Leris may have had, robotics was certainly not one of them.
It looked like something that had been assembled by a 5-year old, with circuit boards & wires plugged together practically at random. It was a miracle that it hadn't blow up in his face, judging at all the incorrect circuits that had either the wrong voltage/current connected, or incompatible protocol, or both.
One thing for sure, my insertion of a screw-drive had NOT improved things. The Pied-Piper was most definitely dead, although a number of its sub-systems still worked, which gave some interesting project ideas for the future.
In the meantime, I moved its remains down to one of the Maintenance workshop bays for safe-keeping.
Back at the Vault Entrance, I now searched to find how the Pied-Piper had got in here without us seeing it.
The answer, it turned out was fairly obvious, after all how many large air vents, have grills on hinges, and are opened & closed electrically. The answer should be nil, however after a helpful boost up from Sarah-Jane, I was able to pull myself into the vent, which according to the Vault plan should not exist.
Any hope of any big discovery were soon dashed, the duct only ran for a couple of metres, before stopping flush against a solid rock face. Dr Leris had clearly lashed the place up as simply a hiding/storage location for the Pied-Piper, for dumped on the floor, was Mr Handy recharging station, which had been crudely lashed into the Vault's power grid. I carefully disconnected it, and repaired the damaged wiring. If this is an example of Dr Leris technical skills, I shuddered to think what other possible damage he may have done to the Vault's systems elsewhere.
What I found really disturbing was the writing! Both sides of the duct was covered in layers & layers of writing.
On the left hand side the word "Cookie" frequently appeared, as well as literally hundreds of recipes & meal plans. 'Cookie' seemed vaguely familiar, and a quick double-check on my Pip-Boy, confirmed that one of the three Mr Handy's allocated to the Vault, had been given the ident-tag "Cookie", and had been assigned to the catering department.
On opposite side, it was the word "Eden" that was dominate, along with thousands of sayings & quotations, some of which I recognised from the game's Enclave broadcasts.
Where the two conflicting styles of text met in the middle of the ceiling, and floor, the surfaces were almost black with over-lapping, and conflicting messages.
"It figures! Schizo, or Dual Personality Disorder of some kind " I muttered, "Only in the Vault of the crazy, you would find insane robots. Leris has a lot to answer for".
With that said, I turned, walked to the exit, and dropped down to the floor below.
Five minutes later, I was stood at the door leading to the Science Section of the Vault, and where I now believed was where Dr Leris had made his lair.
It was time for a final showdown with Leris.