A/N: Man, I love writing angst. I could keep this up forever. (I won't though).
A while later, he could not really tell how long, it could have been one hour, it could have been 6 months, it was probably closer to ten minutes, Castle realized that he had been sitting with his head in his hands on Lanie's couch ever since Beckett had disappeared. Everything was kind of blurry. Had everything actually happened? Had he really said what he thought he had? The fact that he was alone in an unfamiliar room feeling as if he had been slapped and then repeatedly kicked in the guts made him think that yes, it must have happened and yes, those words must have been exchanged. Even though he knew how pathetic it was to stay here trying to remember every single word they had exchanged, every single feeling that had transpired on her face and mourning the probable loss of a life he had loved so much, he couldn't move. His knees were shaking and he felt more tired than ever. So he stayed here. Just for a little bit longer. And a little bit more. He would go very soon. It was not like he had to hurry home, nobody was expecting him there. So he just stayed here, on Lanie's sofa, his eyes automatically scanning the room without registering much. Going home would mean that he had to face the fact that he would probably never set foot at the precinct again and that he had to go back to his old life. He always thought he had been happy before but right now, his old life looked a lot like hell.
He heard the key turn in the lock and the front door open but somehow, the information did not really went all the way to his brain. Any normal day, he would immediately have started looking for a viable excuse and a way to charm his way out of this bizarre situation. But that day had been anything but normal.
Lanie opened the front door just enough to lean in and listen to what was going on inside. Everything was silent so she let herself in, assuming that they had left to celebrate. She was certainly not prepared for the sight of Castle sitting on her couch, in the semi-darkness of the falling evening, his chin in his hands, staring ahead of him at nothing in particular. She stopped dead in the doorframe of the room. From where she was she could not really distinguish his expression. With Kate gone, her mind immediately jumped to conclusions and she exclaimed:
"What the hell is going on here?"
He started violently and turned towards her, his face the very image of confusion.
"What are you doing here? And what did you to her this time?"
She did not even wait for the answer, which Rick would have been quite unable to provide anyway.
"Seriously, what is wrong with you? You two are supposed to be adults, how can you not deal with this like adults do once and for all? So, will you explain why are you on your own in my apartment and what the hell you told Kate to make her run away?"
That's when she finally took a good look at his face. Her anger ran out immediately and she took a step closer.
"Castle?"
A/N: I do realize that I've been unfair on Kate. I actually really love her but I felt like siding with Castle on this one. (And I kind of blame her for the whole Josh fiasco, so this is my revenge). And I'll make it up.