"This is just ridiculous!"
With an angry huff Ponder climbed from the bowels of the machine. Originally, when it was clear they'd lend a helping hand to their brethren in Pseudopolis, he had planned to simply have a look at the machine, see what Adrian had managed to remember, maybe point out this and that if it was needed to get the machine running but not do anything beyond that.
After all, at brass tacks Adrian DID betray their group.
But Stibbons had quickly passed that state of mind and had become eager to get the dreaded thing to work, taking its unwillingness to function despite everything necessary being in place as a personal affront.
And now, as the deepest part of the night was reached, he was standing in front of the quite huge apparatus, with his sleeves rolled up, shirt, shoes, open waistcoat and trousers stained with dust and oil and his robe and hat laying neatly on the side for quite a while.
In short, he had by now given up to look at the matter from a plain wizard's point of view and decided to approach it as a... He didn't fully know as what he was approaching it, but it was certainly not as a wizard.
And by now he was working on it alone. Adrian and Skazz had wandered off after Adrian collapsed due to over-fatigue; Charlie and Dr. Baker had left for the city about an hour or so ago and only a short while back Professor Macarona had left for bed as well.
Though working alone didn't mean Ponder was alone in the room.
"I say it's broken beyond repair or the machine realised that Hex is superior to it."
Of course Archchancellor Ridcully was sitting there for some reason, watching the youngest member of his faculty work.
And that wasn't helping.
What was helping even less was the fact that ArchChancellor -as Skazz pronounced it- Porter was present too. Likely to keep an eye on Stibbons so there would be no attempt to sabotage Brazeneck. And maybe Ridcully was just here to keep an eye on the former Dean in return. In retrospect it was actually pretty hard to tell who of the two had which reason to be here.
In any case their constant bickering and snappy remarks towards each other were a nuisance to any person who tried to concentrate on something.
Ponder decided to ignore his Archchancellor's comment and just silently counted the seconds till Mr. Porter's response.
"Pah! And I say your lad is just not trying, Mustrum."
...Three...
"My lad keeps working on your dreaded heap of rubbish long after your lads have given up."
"Because I am here to keep an eye on him. I bet you and your bunch would have snuck off long time if you'd have been given the chance."
"Sirs!" Ponder suddenly spun around. "With all due respect, but I am doing this out of my honour as a natural philosopher and because Adrian's still my friend. And because he is my friend I will not stand listening to anyone claiming that he gave up. You saw him collapse because he neglected hissleep in order to get this machine working again. If he'd have stayed up any longer he might have snapped. He deserves to get a good night of sleep, gentlemen, no matter what you may make of that. Skazz went with him to make sure Adrian's well and he has a right to do that just as well. As for Charlie and Dr. Baker, they went to help in the city. And I am certain that every hand, especially if it can do magic, is needed there right now."
For a moment the two senior wizards looked taken aback. Such a tone from Stibbons was still something very, very rare. Though the silence only lasted till Ponder turned around again, looking the apparatus up and down once more.
Ignoring the restarting bickering, his mind raced.
Everything needed was in place. He knew Pex didn't have an FTB, so that couldn't be it. Not to mention that they did try that as well.
The machine had been working before. It should start just fine. Granted, the morphic resonation field might have collapsed after the accident, but the chickens were back and yet... Ponder frowned and looked to the small coop. This couldn't be it, could it? Well, establishing the field needed a bit of order... When they started Pex the first time the chickens were likely a bit scatterbrained, just as when they came back to the university now. And now the fowl was...
"You've got to be kidding me!" Stibbons hissed, his shoulders sinking. Somehow at least that managed to once more make the two older wizards stop their quarrel.
"All I was saying was that Henry here -" Ridcully started.
"Not you, sir," Ponder rolled his eyes. "The fowl. It's the fowl. It's sleeping."
"Of course it is, Stibbons. Chickens always do around this time of da- " Suddenly the Archchancellor of the UU understood, drawing a face similar to Ponder's expression.
Moments later it dawned on the former Dean too.
"Is that true, Mr. Stibbons?" he asked and it seemed as if he was using his whole body as resonator for a growl accompanying that question.
Ponder felt awkwardly horrible all of a sudden. He shouldn't have said that. The way the Archchanclellor of Brazeneck looked right now spoke of a not very bright future for young Turnipseed.
And that Ridcully then looked at the other senior wizard with a certain worry was only adding to that.
"It's," Stibbons started carefully, knowing he had to choose his words wisely. Adrian's reputation depended on it.
"Yes, the machine isn't working because the chickens are sleeping and can't therefore build up the needed field. But that is not Adrian's fault. It is but one of many theories we have about how thinking engines work. He couldn't have known, sir."
The former Dean raised a brow.
"Couldn't he?" he growled, crossed his arms and leaned back "But you knew, Stibbons. That means you kept that bit of knowledge from him in order to sabotage us."
"That's enough, Henry!" Ridcully bristled "Use your head for something else than eating and nagging for a change. Stibbons realized these things just now, obviously. He can't hold back things he didn't know before. And even IF, why should he have kept it to himself in order to sabotage you? No one knew you'd steal young Turnipseed from us till it was too late. You're being paranoid."
"I might very well be. Officially we're at war, are we not?"
Ridcully glared.
"I thought we were to sort that out on the field, Henry."
The other Archchancellor rose, glaring just as angrily.
"I thought so too, But apparently you and your lads can't wai-"
"Henry Cornelius Porter!"
It is never a good sign if someone sees the need to raise his voice and address his opponent with the full name and use an exclamation mark that borders on being two marks.
It was an even less good sign if the person doing the addressing that way is Mustrum Ridcully, someone who was the epitome of 'No Indoor Voice'. Though right now 'Vocal Warfare' might be the better word.
"You will stop being so bleedin'ly paranoid about this whole thing and finally wrap your head 'round the idea that we will sort this mess out on the field as agreed. Understand?"
Ponder couldn't help but compare the former Dean to a soufflé someone had opened the oven door on too early that moment.
"I didn't know either!" the young wizard then exclaimed, earning some very surprised looks.
"I admit it. I had no idea what could have been the problem. And with all due honesty I still am not. As I said, that it takes the field the chickens are ought to establish are one of many theories on how machines like Hex or Pex here work. It could even be that there's no such thing as a morphic resonation field. No one really knows how these thinking engines work. Except for themselves. I know what you might be thinking. 'They are but a bunch of pipes, metal, wood and some unhygenic critters scattering about,' that's what you're thinking. So? A human is nothing but a heap of flesh, blood, hair, skin and some actually very nasty chemicals from a certain point of view. And yet he can think, be creative, become so many things. Watchmen, Patrician, Butcher, even Archchancellor..."
Ponder bit his tongue and the idea that the list of examples was a good addition quickly faded. He knew what would come next.
"You're trying to tell me that thing could take my place?"
"You're not an Archchancellor, Henry."
Though Stibbons didn't even hear the confirmation that his idea of the older wizard's reaction was correct. He had grabbed his clothes and left before any more babbling would start.
Couldn't they hold back just for once? Or at least ask questions concerning the matter?
Or even better, read up on things before they comment?
Ponder wouldn't even go as far as to demand they should read up to understand him perfectly, but at least get some basic knowledge on the things he was doing.
He noticed he was getting grumpy about the same old stuff again. Didn't he promise himself not to do so anymore? Granted, it was better than yelling at them one day.
After all, in some ways he liked the old folks, even if he'd never openly admit it. But sometimes they were about to drive him mad.
Ponder still wasn't certain if he should be happy or angry at Archchancellor Ridcully after having discovered the old man was, or at least could be, far cleverer than it often seemed.
But to be honest, right now young Stibbons was certain about nothing at all. Except for the fact that now that the problem seemed solved he had run out of steam and was getting sleepier and sleepier with every step.
A bit of steam returned, though, when he walked cross the courtyard and spotted Professor Macarona sitting in the light of a small lantern on the side of the fountain there, looking miserable and rubbing his face.
"Weren't you heading for bed, Professor?" Ponder greeted, not knowing anything better to say.
The genuan wizard looked up, wincing briefly and holding his ear.
"I was. You do not have a warming spell prepared, non?"
"No, why... What happened?"
"I must have somehow triggered a spell in the corridor over there. And now my face hurts."
Stibbons sighed, sat down and had a look at the reddened, cold skin.
"It burns. It burns with cold," Macarona moaned.
"Marston's Frigorific Barrier, as it seems," Ponder said with a hint of confusion. "In case you don't know, it's a spell to protect rooms from unwanted people getting near or into them... Especially if those people intend to peek through windows, keyholes or listening on the door, window or wall. What did you do?"
The last sentence was spoken with a suspicious undertone.
"I headed for my chamber and as I wandered the corridors here I heard a... ah, now I forgot the word... How would you say bruit étrange?
"Strange noise?"
"Yes. My, basic words and I forget them. So, I heard a strange noise from one of the rooms down this corridor. I became suspected...no, that's not right... suspicious and wanted to hear what it was."
Ponder tilted his head, watching the genuan wizard trying to get some warmth back into the side of his face, "Don't pinch it like that. Rubbing and patting has a greater effect."
"Je sais. I heard that one often enough."
"Anyway," Stibbons frowned, crossed his arms and sent the older wizard a brief glare, "I guess you are aware that Professor Turnipseed's room is on this very corridor and that Sebastian is with him, aren't you? I know for certain that Adrian puts up said spell if he wants to keep his privacy and, no offense but..."
"Mes dieux, what do you think of me, M. Stibbon?" Macarona protested offended, "M. Courtsbridge is so aggressive towards me, even if I would have been curious if the lads do anything else but actual sleeping, I do not wish to -how you say?- push my luck. I don't even know if it was M. Turnipseed's room. I was just curious about that noise."
"You could have just knocked. In any case," Stibbons shook his head, "You shouldn't really walk around like this with your knee still in bandages."
"But it is so boring in the chamber they gave me. There is not even anything to read."
"I'm not surprised. They still are in the middle of moving. I take it most of the book are still at the old rooms of Brazeneck," Ponder briefly sighed as a thought struck his mind. "Why couldn't the whole university stay there? We wouldn't be in this mess if they'd done."
"M. Stibbon, this is actually something I would like to know. What is it actually with this whole 'war based on distance?' I can not say I fully understand it."
Ponder sat down next to the genuan wizard, sighing.
"An old rule," he started, "No, not rule, actual law. From the time when the thaumaturgic wars slowly ceased. If two cities house a university large enough to have an Archchancellor on top the smallest distance between the out-most boundaries of the institutions have to be a certain distance apart, otherwise the two schools and thereby the cities are officially at war," he pointed up at the fountain. "This fountain is, according to old documents, exactly that distance away from the Tower of Art. What that means for the boundaries is not hard to guess. While Brazeneck was in its old building further turnwise from here things were fine. But then they moved here, the former Dean became Brazeneck's Archchancellor and now the two cities would be officially at war if their leaders wouldn't have agreed on having us wizards sort things out in a different fashion. If it hadn't have been for Mr. Likely and his new set of football rules who knows where we'd be now. Lucky he decided to take the chance and propose a game following the rules he's been working on ever since his father's untimely death now. Pity the test game against the team formed from the regular city teams ended as it ended, what with your knee and all. But we won and people seem to like the new rules and..." Ponder paused, narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, looking at thin air for a moment. "But that last bit you know and therefore it was pretty unnecessary to give that bit of exposition, wasn't it?"
The two wizards looked at each other, both shrugging after a moment.
"You are heading for bed?" Macarona then asked, shuffling a bit closer to the younger man.
"I should, it's almost sunrise and if my suspicions about Pex and the chicken were correct we'll be leaving for old UU after breakfast. And above all," Ponder rubbed his eyes and rose, "I am so tired. You should get back to bed, too. Good night."
"Could you help me to my chamber? It has gotten colder and that is not of help to my knee. Not to mention you could stay, too, it's such a long way to your room and..."
"Good night, Professor," the younger wizard said flatly, turned and stalked to his own room.
And the next morning came.
It remained over Pseudopolis for a while and then decided to move on, making place for early midday.
In one of the chambers something stirred under the bedcovers and a murmur was heard.
The murmur, as it was, was the answer to a careful knock at the door before.
And it was followed by another knock.
Adrian Turnipseed raised his head from under the eiderdown, peeled one eye open with a lot of effort and repeated himself.
"C'm in."
As the door opened he fell back into the soft cushions with a sigh.
"Good morning," Ponder whispered, looking at the two men in bed with a bemused smile.
In response Adrian mumbled something that vaguely reminded of 'Morning' and slowly sat up. Well, tried at least.
"Slept well?" Stibbons asked, smiling as soon as Adrian had managed to open both eyes for a moment.
The younger man let himself fall back into the bed again, nodded and managed something that, translated into a vaguely human language, could easily mean 'Sorta'.
"I think I might have found your problem, Adrian."
Again Adrian yawned and turned his head a bit.
"Mhn?" he mumbled.
"At least I dare say so. Oh, and the others have found something to do with the eggs."
"Oh?"
"They did the obvious and used them for breakfast."
"Breakfast?"
"Granted, it's almost eleven in the morning now, but, hey, at the UU you can get breakfast from six in the morning to half past eleven in the night."
"...Do I dare to ask what's for breakfast then?"
"Well...You can have scrambled eggs;" Ponder started, "bacon and scrambled eggs; bacon, sausage and scrambled eggs; bacon, scrambled eggs and scrambled eggs; sausage, bacon and scrambled eggs; bacon, scrambled eggs, sausage, scrambled eggs and scrambled eggs; baked beans, scrambled eggs, scrambled eggs, bacon, scrambled eggs, sausage and scrambled eggs; scrambled eggs, scrambled eggs, scrambled eggs, scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon and scrambled eggs; scrambled eggs, scrambled eggs, scrambled eggs, scrambled eggs, baked beans, scrambled eggs, sausage and scrambled eggs...
"Anything without scrambled eggs?"
"The sunny side up eggs... I think."
Turnipseed frowned, rolled over in his bed and caused the still sleeping Skazz next to him to mumble annoyed as Adrian had been pulling away the eiderdown in the process.
To this Turnipseed slowly sat up, looking at Ponder who was looking everywhere else now.
"Be fair," he yawned with a risen brow and leaned to the side to fish for his clothes, "It's been such a long time."
Stibbons twitched.
"Why thank you," he said. "A confirmation is just what I needed."
Adrian dressed, stood up, gently laid the eiderdown back over Sebastian, who cuddled into it with a satisfied sigh, and placed a small, loving kiss on the younger man's cheek, before waving Ponder to follow him out of the room.
"So," Adrian started rather sheepishly once he had closed the door again, "You found what was wrong?"
"Remember Tez's old theory of -what did he call it again?- 'Required Harmony'?"
The younger man's shoulders sank after a moment.
"That's a joke, isn't it?" he squeaked, looking miserable.
"As the machine is working now, it's apparently not."
Adrian sighed, rubbing his temples.
"Porter's going to kick me out."
"I doubt that. Believe it or not, Ridcully had a small fit of rage when Mr. Porter seemed to get that idea."
Turnipseed blinked once, twice and then blushed deep red, chewing his lower lip.
"And... and Mr. Porter? What did he say? Did he listen?"
"I dare say so. When I left them to look how you and Skazz are doing they were talking about when to call the football match."
"Oh. Well..."
"Doubt we'll be playing before late summer."
"Oh... Err... Ponder?"
"Yes?"
"Can I ask you something personal?" Adrian looked down at the ground, trying hard to avoid the other's gaze.
Adrian was more than obviously carrying a great weight on his chest. He finally gulped, took a deep breath and started with a low, meek voice.
"You said we are still friends, right?"
Ponder blinked.
"...Yes."
"And you are not angry at me that I am here now?"
Again Stibbons blinked.
"...No...? Yes, I have been... miffed that you came here at the drop of a hat, but looking at the possibilities -" he stopped, looking at Adrian with an icy lump forming in his stomach. "Is everything alright?"
Adrian looked rather bewildered.
"Yes. Why shouldn't it? You're not angry with me and... well, Porter isn't going to kick me out, right?" Adrian smiled "We...should go and eat something, shouldn't we?"
For a few confused seconds Ponder stood there, looking after his former student as that one moved down the corridor with wide steps, before shrugging and following him.
The rest of the day was pretty unspectacular.
At Brazeneck that is. Rincewind later had a brief moment of utter bliss when he discovered that, if he had stayed in Ankh-Morpork he would have had to go to a certain at a certain hour, which would have led to him now being somewhere over in Brindisi, involved in a gold-robbery, coach chases and might have ended being stuck in a carriage dangling over a cliff.
But as things were now the only curious thing that happened was the absence of some of the members of Adrian's team and the former Dean when the UU wizards left for their own University.
Curious, but comprehensible, once one thought about it for a moment.
The following evening the trek arrived back in Ankh-Morpork.
Most of the wizards that went with it did something very, very unusual once they were back at the campus of Unseen University.
They skipped supper and headed straight for their beds.
Ponder on the other hand went almost straight for one of the renovated shower-rooms, followed closely by his student.
"...and that's just one possibility," he ended as they both started to undress. "I'll have to talk to the Postmaster General if it would work, though."
With a bit of puzzlement Stibbosn then looked at his student, who was staring in awe at the new changing room.
"Nice, isn't it?" he smiled, almost proudly.
"Oh yes... Did you do this by yourself... I mean the designing stuff."
"No. I just picked something from several designs."
Skazz nodded, closing the small locker.
"It certainly is pretty," he grinned.
And then watched Ponder shuffled around nervously, trying to undress without being seen. Even though them two were alone.
"There's nothing of what I don't know what it looks like, Ponster. And if there actually is you'd be rather concerned 'bout that and not me seein' ye nekkid."
Stibbons blushed slightly and then frowned, wrapping a towel around himself and marching towards the showers.
His student followed close by, sniggering amusedly.
Then they turned a corner and Skazz went silent. And felt his jaw drop for a moment.
He had expected the showers to look different after what he saw in the changing area, but this was just stunning.
"Wow," he managed, still standing there agape.
And if his memory served him right, and it usually did when it came to more or less useless knowledge, the style the showers were in now was called -what was that fancy quirmian name again?- 'Art Nouveau'.(1) In short: There was lots of brass, dark wood and warm colours and flourish decorations.
(1) Something that had let to various discussions already, as basically every style that hadn't been there before was 'new'.
He should have expected something like it from Ponder. After all, Skazz knew his mentor did things like this to outweigh the stress his jobs brought with them.
There were two areas at both ends of the long hall with open showers, but between them were several stalls with dark wooden doors for the shyer person here to wash dirt off or simply relax. These were, Skazz decided upon seeing them in full as Ponder led him up to a pair in the middle section of the hall, equally stunning as the whole room itself. Big enough to fit three to four people(2), with a stone bench each on one side and directly under the quite large shower head they were possibly the best of the best in the whole city already. Skazz examined the stalls as well as he could right now and found the doors were lockable. His grin broadened briefly before faltering into a sad pout.
(2) Three to four regular students that is. Which equals one regular wizard.
"What's wrong?" Stibbons felt obliged to ask.
"Nothin'. Just thought Drongo might have liked this."
"Curious," Ponder grimaced. "He said that about you when he had had a look at the showers. Had the same reaction, too. Told him not to think about it further. It would only result in clogged drains."
"Oh, that wouldn't have been somethin' to worry about if we'd both been here," Skazz sniggered and then moved passed his mentor and into one of the stalls as Ponder stiffened, the face deep red.
For a bit the only sound heard was water running and an occasional coughing. Then Sebastian felt like asking something that bothered him.
"Ponster?"
"Yes?" the answer came from the neighbouring stall.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Go ahead."
"Well, actually it's less o' a question... Y' know, I'm a bit amazed Drongo got that thing to work with chickens. Never would have guessed that'd work."
Ponder washed the soap off his face, coughing briefly as water got in his nose.
"If you take it precisely he acted according to the number one rule we had at the HEM, Skazz."
The student paused.
"'If Ridcully gets your thesis the first time round you're doing something wrong'?" he wondered.
"...Err...No."
Skazz combed his fingers through his hair and tilted his head up thinking after that response.
"'Switch off the Panspectral Emission Transmitter(3) if you don't need it, unless you're willing to get rid of the outerwordly, tentacly mess yourself'?"
(3) Originally Ponder had named it 'Panspectral Emission Non-avoidable Integration System'. He really isn't one for acronyms sometimes.
"...No."
"Don't say it...err... 'It doesn't matter how long you leave your clothes lying on the windowsill, they won't walk up to the laundry on their own even in a magical environment'?
Now Stibbons frowned, turned off the shower, wrapped a towel round his waist, stalked out of his shower-stall and opened the shutter to the one Sebastian was in.
"No. Not even close."
The student scratched his head.
"Number one rule..." he mumbled, "Oh, I got it: 'You don't know if it works until you tried it'!"
"That's the one."
Skazz smiled, before shrugging a bit lost.
"But, Ponster. It's still chickens," he said. "Chickens working in the place of ants completely destroys..."
"The Bicentrically Deployed Synapse Mimicry(4)?"
(4) See?
"Precisely."
"Though of that, too, to be honest. But as said, you never know without trying. Ants and other species with a collective consciousness taking the place of a brain's synapses made so much more sense than it just needing some order."
There was a brief pause and Skazz, being a bit annoyed with Ponder standing in the open shower door, pulled his mentor into the cabin and closed the shutter again. Stibbons' answer to this was a high-pitched squeak.
"Well, maybe chickens are the exceptions that proves the rules," the student said a moment later.
"Possibly," Ponder managed after having calmed again. "Have I told you I overheard that Baker calling it a miracle of nature? And he calls himself natural philosopher."
"That'd be fitting. Adrian is a miracle of nature himself, after all." Skazz nodded sagely and his mentor raised a brow.
"His father's a PE teacher," the student explained.
There was a bit of silence between the two young men before Stibbons shook himself and drew a face that neatly illustrated the definite definition of utter confusion and disbelief.
"Can they even breed with humans?" he finally babbled, "I always thought PE Teachers hatch from eggs roosters lay after getting hit by a medicine ball."
After another moment he shook his head, deciding that maybe there were, after all, questions in the universe that were better left unanswered.
This state of mind existed for all of two minutes.
"And how would you know?" he asked his student.
"Drongo told me when I once suggested we go to his folks over the holidays."
"Oh..." Ponder sat down on the bench and stared down at the tessellation on the floor. "Well, I shouldn't be surprised you know more about him than I do."
"A bit. But not much. He doesn't talk about his parents much."
"Oh dear."
"Mhn?" Skazz tilted his head in light confusion, turned off the water and grabbed his own towel, "Oh. Oh, no, it's not that. He's not holding back things. There's just not much to talk about. His mother is pretty decent and his father... Well, he's just what ye expect of a PE Teacher."
With a bit of relief Ponder sighed, before shuddering as memories of sport at his old school crept back to him.
At least he had been an excellent swimmer even back then, what got him off his teacher's blacklist despite being chubby and weird.
But an idea crept up his spine. (5)
(5) It had a few problems to reach his head though, as Ponder's hair was still wet and the idea had to move against the water running down.
"Do you think he is happy living closer to his parents again?"
Skazz took his dear time, drying his hair and trying to get water out of his ears. Then he looked at his mentor for a moment, looked to the side, leaned forward and whispered something in Ponder's ear.
After that Ponder held no interest in getting an in depth explanation.
Though even if there wouldn't have been the time for it now, as about the same moment the two had started redressing the Archchancellor walked in.
"There you are, lad. Need to have a talk with you."
The youngest member of the faculty winced. That did not sound good.
"Don't worry, Stibbons. It's nothing bad. Though important. In a way. Thought it better to come here and get you personally in this case. Not bad what you've done with the showers, lad."
"Err... Thanks, sir. But...How did you find me, sir?"
"One of your lads told me you'd be here."
Ponder blinked.
"Sir, except for Skazz here I have no lads left."
Now it was Ridcully's turn to blink in surprise.
"What about the fellow with the unhygenic hairstyle? Matted shags all over."
"Tez? He has been one of my students. But he joined the choir."
"Looked pretty alive too me. Well 'cept his hair. I'd expect such hairstyle on one of them howondalandian fellows - wonderful people, never you mind."
"Err...no,sir. The school choir."
"Oh."
In fact the Archchancellor had all reason to be astonished by that information. Not because Stibbons's whole group was apparently still alive and kicking, though that was an achievement in its own right, but because spotting a member of the choir outside a performance was event as rare as... There was actually nothing to compare it to. Even occurrences such as Great A'tuin meeting up with another full grown intergalactic turtle carrying on its back a four elephants that in turn carried a flat world on their shoulders to accompany it to a party organised by multicoloured horses was only almost as rare as spotting a member of a school choir.
Ridcully cleared his throat after a moment.
"In any case," he rumbled, his thoughts slowly recovering from the surprise and rearranging themselves back onto their initial track, "Get dressed and come to my study."
As the Archchancellor left Skazz patted his mentor on the head.
"Good luck there, man. You'll need it. But's been nice knowin' ye."
Ponder gritted his teeth, hissed through them, quickly redressed and still with rather wet hair, marched to the Archchancellor's study.
"Sir?" he carefully shuffled into the door, expecting the worst.
He had helped a rival college after all. This was ought to fall back on him, though he had not expected it within the next four months.
"You're looking miserable, Stibbons."
"Sir, I have to protest that you see the aid I have been given to Brazeneck as something reprehensible," the younger wizard started babbling, "As I have already explained there are a many new and positive possibilities..."
"What'yer talkin', about, lad? I wanted to talk about these new projects of yours."
"Eh...?" Ponder blushed deep red and stiffened.
"Granted, I'm not at all happy that yer giving away Hex for free, but if you think it's fine I'm not going to say anything against it. You know that blasted engine better than anyone else. But do explain to me what those new projects you mentioned were. You made me curious."
It took the Reader in Invisible Writing almost all his willpower not to frown. One of the possible projects he, unwisely, had mentioned to the Archchancellor would, if it would work, enable Ridcully to shout at the former Dean from the comforts of his study.
"There," Ponder paused, "There actually isn't that much more to explain about it, sir. We don't even know if it works with current technology. Right now it's all a vague idea. Actually an idea we had had for years. The existence of Pex just enabled us to do a test-run of what we intend using the L-Space instead of, hopefully later, the clacks system."
"I see, I see. And the other things you talked about?"
"You see, sir, Those are even less of a concrete idea."
"Ah, what a pity. I had hoped we'd outdo Brazeneck rather quickly with that. But ah well. Now, for other things, Stibbons."
Ridcully reached towards one of the stacks of folders in the room and grabbed a folder from one.
"Got a bit curious 'bout why you needed to have the lad with ye, Stibbons. Had a look at young Courtsbridge's record."
Ponder gulped as the Archchancellor sat down.
"He seems to be quite a scallywag, if I read things correctly. Nothing wrong with that, I must admit. Been a bit o' one meself after all." Ridcully leaned back in his chair and looked rather thoughtfully at the ceiling. "But back to our young friend... I don't know. How would you describe him?"
"Sebastian is..." Ponder sighed through his nose, looking for a good answer, "He's a bit of an oddball and loudmouth, as said. Often speaks his mind without thinking twice. That got him in trouble often enough."
"Accourding to his record 157 times, not counting the reprimands. Did you hear that Herny recognised him? Your Mr Courtsbridge was the one who got the bright notion to take a pan to 'Poor Scholars' once."
Again Stibbons gulped. He had to admit that the Archchancellor was awfully frightening when he was for once speaking calmly, earnestly, and at a normal volume.
"Well, sir, Sebastian has an affinity for loopholes. I know I should have prevented him from doing that back then, especially since he approached me before and outright asked whether or not there's a rule against students bringing something with them to 'Poor Scholars'."
Ridcully looked back down into the folder.
"But you didn't. And perhaps that was even for the better. But," he looked back up and Ponder stiffened, "While we are at the topic of loopholes. Am I right to assume that what you called 'financial trickery concerning an old bequest', is a loophole which is aiding Sebastian's family?"
"It isn't an actual loophole, sir," Ponder sighed and then took a deep breath, "Remember the information you got about his step-grandmother? You see, sir, Sebastian discovered that he's a wizard by accident, as quite many students do nowadays. It was the same in my case. You saw how Sebastian's family lives now and it was far worse several years back. Now, they had the dilemma that they couldn't let him stay around anywhere as long as he can't control his abilities."
"But they didn't have the money, right?"
Ponder nodded.
"Precisely, sir. His step-grandmother then offered to pay for him. I don't know what the requirements were for that; Sebastian never told me, but I know that there had been some. Well now, by accident I later discovered an old bequest and tradition enabling and allowing faculty-members to take up sponsorship for up to five students..."
Now Ridcully sat up abruptly and furrowed his brow. Knowing that would happen Ponder sighed again and looked straight and sternly at the Archchancellor.
"Yes, sir, there is something in the university statute that has been made in order to aid students. The university is several centuries old and seen many things. Amongst them potential students that were unable to afford enrolling and instead had to leave their homes in order to protect their loved ones. Many of these young men still caused harm to others without wanting it and some even became evil wizards and warlocks because no one was there to guide them. In fact said bequest and the appendant rule are even older than the rule that got us into the trouble that made playing football necessary."
The Archchancellor leaned back again, folded his hands and thought for a moment.
"Ah well," he then shrugged, "we've all been students once. Do continue."
Inwardly Ponder was relieved that went rather easy. But now he had to finish his explanation.
"As you might have already guessed I... made use of the given possibility. In order to aid Sebastian's family..."
Here Ridcully raised his hand, stopping Ponder mid-sentence.
"I think I can guess the rest, too, Stibbons. You rearranged the money flow so that the money from his step-grandma landed in the pockets o' his parents, right?"
The younger wizards gulped and absent-mindedly scratched his cheek, looking innocently up at the ceiling.
"I take that as a Yes. But 'onestly now, lad. Do you think your young friend poses a threat to the university?"
"Sir?"
Ridcully sighed, causing the chair to creek rum as he leaned further back.
"I'm ought to ask, don't ye know? Normally I wouldn't care, me own file didn't look perfect back in the day and I know you've been around, too. But as the head of this institution I am ought to care. Therefore, does Mr. Courtsbridge pose any thread to the university or the city?"
For a moment Ponder blinked. Then the thought that the Archchancellor was taking an actual interest in such affairs solely to give old UU a better public image than Brazeneck might have struck and things started to make sense.
"To be honest, sir, sometimes I wonder if Sebastian spends his free time with sorting family pictures and planning to annihilate reality." (6)
(6) Of course, that idea of Skazz's free time activities was utter nonsense. With a family as big as his 'Sorting family pictures' was nothing you could do in your free time.
"Any chance of him succeeding?"
"Err... Actually no, sir."
"Then that's settled."
Ponder rose, not really knowing whether to answer that or not and if yes how.
"Oh, just one more thing, Stibbons."
"Yes?"
"Dry your hair. You'll catch a cold like that."
Stibbons nodded and left, heading back to the HEM.
He should sleep now, but not only was that talk he just had rather confusing as a whole, there was also the new project looming ahead. Something he refused to let wait till tomorrow. Now even more than before.
It surprised him, though, to find his student still awake, snuggled into the couch that one day appeared in Hex's room and reading.
"Still awake? What are you reading?"
As answer Skazz simply held up the book, allowing Ponder to take a good look at the cover.
"Sebastian!" Stibbons exclaimed in shock and horror, "Didn't I tell you getting those from the L-Space is dangerous? You could cause the universe to implode by simply reading them!"
Skazz looked up from the text.
"Logically speaking the universes already imploded when we found out about them in at least one reality. Aside from that I am not reading the one concerning our here and now, but the one from the article. Do you really think the Librarian would have handed this to me if he wouldn't be certain I am not destroying the world as we know it?"
Ponder frowned and sat down to continue working on Hex.
As Skazz was not someone who can read a book without commenting on the text, whether he's alone or not, the following time was filled with some chuckles, a few groans, some occasions of the student blowing raspberries at the book and one instance of
'Seriously, I know enough Uberwaldean to know that 'S' is probably NOT the letter you should be worryin' about, man'. This went on till he suddenly rose, flipped the book several pages back and walk over to his mentor, who was in the middle of copying an array of spells.
"Do we have one of those?" Skazz asked, pointing at the text.
Ponder's eyes wandered over the lines and he finally shook his head.
"No. Why?"
"Wanted to see what would happen after those 14.14 hours if we'd get a box one can fit everything into, no matter the size, from the cabinet and then put the cabinet into the box."
The Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic cast a stony glare at his student.
"You know, sometimes I hate it when I'm proven correct."
"Huh?"
"Nevermind."
Skazz shrugged, sat back down and continued reading while Ponder pulled a few more books from the shelves.
There was a moment of silence, if one ignored Skazz's mumbled commentaries, the typing sounds Ponder caused, the flipping of pages and the humming and rattling from Hex.
"You deceived me, roundwordly cover illustrator!" Skazz suddenly exclaimed.
Stibbons turned, having a very good idea what his student meant.
"Skazz you KNEW Vetinari wouldn't be referee. Cut the drama."
The younger man pouted and continued reading. Ponder tried his best to ignore any further noises from his student, as he was suddenly facing a bigger problem.
He had been trying to set up something to enable the direct communication between Hex and the machine at Brazeneck, using the clacks system.
It went well.
Then there had been the scratching of Hex's quill, followed by an eerie drop in the volume of the engine's sounds.
+++Connection Closed. Access Denied+++
+++I'm scared+++