So it had been now been three weeks since my Russian god decided to up and leave. For three weeks I have hidden in my room, three weeks of continuous vomiting. I was alone, all alone. Nobody even came to visit me anymore except Adrian, every time I shut my eyes he was there. Adrian had turned from a complete drunk arse hole to my rock. He understood what had went on between Dimitri and I and he never judged me, he simply held me when I cried and listened whenever I decided to speak which wasn't a lot lately. I don't think I will ever want to leave my room but I know I will soon have to if I want to graduate. My defined muscles were slowly wasting away, all my hard work was for nothing if I just gave up on life like Dimitri had given up on me. I never thought of him to be a coward or someone to run away but that was how I felt towards him now. It was simple I hated him, so so so very much but I knew under that hate was a lifetime of hurt and disappointment in myself for not being good enough. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt sick. Her eyes were empty, bags were under her eyes, her hair looked like a zoo, her skin was pale and she, was there wasn't much left of her. She was now wasting away. I was wasting away whether I or anyone else liked it or not.

"I can't believe she's given up on me" I whispered croakily to myself as I laid in my bed, it felt like I was laying in my own filth. I was a mess and when I needed my best friend to be here for me she left. Yep, like Dimitri she left, walked out of my life forever, turned her back however you want to think of it. I was now all alone and scared of what was to become of me. The day that I told Lissa that I thought I had bulimia was the day that she told me that she was moving to court, without me. She didn't even ask me to go! We hadn't even graduate and I was meant to be her guardian but no, she didn't need me anymore. She was having another Guardian. I don't understand why she even bothered saying that we were sisters or that she was always going to be there for me when she had planned to leave anyways. If I died, I hope she would feel that the blood would be on her hands. Well not really but I would hope that she would feel guilty after everything she had done to me. I had given her everything, just like I had given Dimitri everything and yet they both failed to appreciate me. I guess if my own father never turned up to know me and my mother abandoned me I should have been use to this feeling but it hurt even more thinking that I would finally feel loved, finally be accepted.

Lissa had blocked me out of her head, I don't know how she did it but she did. I still took the spirit away from her though which drove me even crazier than I already felt. I was on the verge of welcoming death with wide open arms. If the two people that I had given everything to decided that I wasn't worth anything then I may as well go kill myself. What was the point of life without the two main people who were meant to be in my future?

I walked from my bathroom to my room collapsed into my bed and welcomed the darkness hoping that I would never see the light again. "Little Dhampair, always a pleasure to see you" Adrian said as in the dream.

"Adrian" I said with a sigh as I looked at our surroundings we were in the forest that surrounded the Academy. It was beautiful unlike everything else that was in my life at the moment.

"I wish you would smile" Adrian said as he welcomed me with a hug. I sighed against chest.

"I will never smile again" I said as I pulled away from him.

"Don't say that Little Dhampair. One day you'll see that what they did has benefited you"

"I hope I don't live that long" I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing" I said as I avoided his gaze.

"You can't give up on life because two people left"

"Yes, yes I can and I will" I said as I stared at the ground.

"I won't let you. I won't give up" Adrian said strongly. I laughed bitterly.

"You will. Everyone has. My father, my mother, Dimitri and now Lissa and you will be next Adrian. I've had enough false promises for a life time so just stop" I said in a rather bored voice. Adrian just shook his head. "What?" I asked annoyed.

"You have little faith in me but I'll prove you wrong" Adrian said before he vanished.

Knock, knock, kock. I groaned as I rolled out of bed. "Who is it?" I said weakly.

"Adrian" there was a pause "now open up or I'll bust this door down". I almost wanted to laugh at the last part of his sentence.

"Go away Adrian. I don't want to see you"

"Rose quit being so Stubborn"

"Can't, was born this way" I said with hint of attitude.

"Rose" Adrian said in a warning voice, if I was my old said I would of said "Adrian" in the same voice just to tease him. "Open up. You cannot shut me out. I'm the only one you have left and you're either going to realise that today or tomorrow or the next day because I won't give up". I stayed silent as I stared at my door. "Rose answer me" Adrian yelled in a voice that made me jump.

"Why?"

"Why? Are you kidding me are you really asking me why?" Adrian asked, he sounded hysterical. "Why. Because you need a friend. Because I need to see you. Because I care about you. Because, god dammit Rose, I love you!" Adrian yelled then he whispered "I've always loved you".

"Leave!" I screamed at him, well I screamed at the door. "Leave now!" I screamed over and over and over again until someone had to drag him away.

Why was I always alone?

Why was I always abandoned?

Why was I such a screw up?

Why? Why?

All I wanted to know was why?

If there's even anyone reading this, I am truly sorry if there were a few spelling mistakes or some sentences didn't make sense, I was in a rush when I wrote this. J