Chapter 4

"I can't forgive you, Damon...I..."

"I understand." He replys in a low whisper.

"No, you don't. Let me finish. I can't forgive you because I heard what Caroline said. I know that it's all you want. Well your not getting it. I won't give it to you so you can give up. When you are cured we will revisit the subject but untill then I will fight for you, even if you have nothing left to fight with, I will fight for you."

"Oh, how the tables have turned."

"Tell me about it. We go from one extreme to the next."

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why are you fighting for me now? I skrewed up so bad. Karma is a bitch and lets face it, I deserve it."

"Because I need you too, Damon, I always have. Now sleep. You spent way too much time taking care of me."

"I wanted to."

"I know." I telling him as I lay my head on his chest and he wraps his arms around me. I shouldn't feel safe, I shouldn't want to forgive him. I shouldn't be able to but its a moot point because I don't even have to think twice about it. I'm angry about choices he made but that's all it is is anger and right now that anger is no where to be found. All I do know is that we have hurt each other and somethings can't be forgotten but it doesn't mean they can't be forgiven. Damon is the prime example for that. He snaped Jeremy's neck and even Jeremy doesn't hate him. Bonnie is a witch and it goes against her nature to trust a vampire but the night of the dance she choose to let Damon be the one to help her and confide in. There were so many times he hurt me but I never once fully hated him. I just couldn't. He has made Stefan's life hell but he's never hated his brother. A long time ago I said that Damon had no redeeming qualities but it's the opposite, he's full of them as long as you get to know him. The real him. And now I was going to lose him, after I fought so hard for him to realize he deserves so much more than he thinks. There had to be a way. Elijah had to find one.

Two Hours Later

"Jenna is here. I'll give you guys some time alone."

"Don't go too far." I tell him knowing that if he stays close enough that he will listen to our conversation. I didn't know how else to tell him, to show him. I was so confused about Stefan and Katherine, so afraid he would die.

"I won't." He says squeezing my hand and kissing it before he gets out of bed and leaves. The hand holding had somehow become our thing and to both of our suprises I'm sure, I had no objections to it.

"Oh my god, Elena, I'm so glad that your awake. I was so scared that you weren't going to wake up. Damon saved you did he tell you? Do you know what happened with Stefan? Elena, I'm so sorry. Damon told me everything and I want you to know that I'm not mad, I was a little upset but.."

"Jenna, slow down."

"Right, sorry. Your okay."

"I'm okay." I tell her and she smiles, the tears in her eyes fall. She gives me a big hug and then sits down next to me.

"Damon's bed is huge." She laughs.

"It's comfortable."

"What do you remember Elena?"

"I know Damon saved me, I know somewhat about Stefan and Katherine, and I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about everything. I was trying to protect you. I was trying to save eveyone but somehow my plan didn't go as planned. I'll tell you anything you want to know, just not yet because none of that matter right now."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter, of course it does."

"Not now, Damon is going to die, if we don't find a cure."

"Elijah..."

"I know but I can't fully count on that. I need a plan b. I need for you to get Jer, Bonnie and Ric together. Look through the journals. There has to be something. I'm not going to let him die. It's not an option."

"Elena, there may be no cure. Ric told me all about Rose."

"Like I said that's not an option." I tried to force away the tears that I could feel welling in my eyes but not fast enough to elude Jenna.

"Oh, Elena, I'm so sorry."

"You have to stop apoligizing, you have nothing to be sorry about."

"Honey, you were there when it happend to Rose. You need to prepare yourself..."

"Jenna, no. I will not lose him. I can't. He saved my life, now I'm going to save his. One way or another."

"Does he know?"

"Know?"

"That you love him."

"No."

"Don't you think you should tell him?"

"He's most likely listening to this conversation. I asked him not to go far. I can't tell him. Not yet. I need him to know but I need him to fight to live to hear it. I'm not going to give him a deathbed confession because he thinks he's dying. When Stefan comes back with a cure and after I talk to him about us, I will tell Damon. I won't say the words before that. He fought for me for so long but he skrewed up majiorly. If he wants to make it up to me he can live. When I was asleep, in a coma, whatever you want to call it, I heard everything. I know how much he loves me, what he risked. I couldn't face it because I was being so loyal to Stefan. Well when I was being so loyal to Stefan he was fighting his feelings for Katherine. I ignored everything I felt for Damon because it wasn't right. I was with his brother. Everyone accuses Katherine of using them, playing them both, I was scared to be like her because I had feelings for both of them. I was wrong, I'm not like her, I won't use them, I won't play them. She chose Stefan, she made that clear. He was the only one she ever truly loved."

"Elena, what are you saying?"

"I choose Damon. I always have. Everytime I saved him, stuck up for him, forgave him. He saw it before I could even begin to try and accept it. Caroline was talking to me before I woke up and told me to fight to wake up because Damon needed me and Jenna I woke up. Damon was enough, he always has been. We strive on fighting and fighting for each other."

"I hope he survives, for your sake, I hope there's a cure. I don't want him to die either, Elena, not after he saved you. I'll call Jer and Ric. Bonnie is on her way with the spell."

"Okay. Will you tell Damon to come back? He's dowstairs having a drink, most likely by the fireplace."

"How.."

"He's still Damon." We bought laugh at that. He was still Damon and I needed him to be excatally that. He was the better man, he was the monster. And I loved it. The better man saved Caroline and the monster saved me. It was a fine line but it was okay with me. I accepted who Damon was a long time ago.

"For someone who is in love with my brother you know me so well."

"I know you heard our conversation, Damon. I wanted you to hear it. You wanted me to fight, I did. Now I gave you something to fight for. Now do it."

"Demanding aren't we?"

"I have to be."

"Elena, why are you doing this?"

"You heard me. I'm not giving you anything else. Not yet." He sits down next to me on the bed not looking anymore convinced that he should fight.

"You said it was always going to be Stefan."

"I'm never going to live those words down. I know what I said, Damon, I meant it then. Somewhere along the lines things changed. Don't ask me how or why because I'm not even sure at this point. All I know is what I feel."

"I don't deserve to live, Elena, I don't. I've skrewed up so much. I've ruined so many lives. I've hurt you, everyone you loved. But at the sacrifice when you looked at me I still saw something in your eyes for me. I wondered how you could still give a damn, still look at me with out hatred."

"I just can't hate you. I should but I can't. Not even when I tried could I hate you." I take his hand in mine just as he did to mine while I was trapped inside my sleeping body that wouldn't wake up. Our eyes lock together and we just sit right here, together.

"Guys, I don't mean to interupt but I found the spell."

"Bonnie!"

"God, Elena, it's so good to see you." My best friend comes over and hugs me. It's so good to see her.

"Damon, why didn't you tell me? I could have been looking for a cure for awhile now."

"We had to focus on Elena."

"I could have done both."

"I didn't know you cared so much."

"I could say the same about you."

"Witch." He smiles at her.

"Vampire." She smiles back. "Now let me try and help you." She chants the spell holding onto Damon's arm and sprinkling something over it. Their gazes are locked on each other. Within minutes she lets him go and the wound on his arm gets lighter and smaller. "It's slowing it down. I can do the spell once a day, it will shrink it and cause you to have less pain and hullicinations but it won't cure it. I'm going to look for a cure. I promise."

"Thank you, Bonnie."

"Your welcome. I don't want you to die Damon."

"I didn't want you to die either."

"Thank you. Can I have some time with Elena?"

"Sure. I'm quite hungry. Are you Elena?" Damon asks rolling his sleve back down and grabbing his coat to leave. Giving me some real privacy.

"Sure. How about a burger?"

"Sounds good to me. Bonnie?"

"That would be great, I'm pretty hungry too."

"Okay, I'll pick up Jeremy on my way and we'll be back soon."

"Oh, Damon?"

"I know Elena, no pickles."

"Right." I smile at him before he turns to leave.

"He loves you."

"Caroline told me what I missed." I tell her. Not sure how to bring up the subject. She use to hate Damon once upon a time.

"Yea. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you?" Hm. No one could tell before how I felt about him. Maybe I became that good at hiding it.

"That you felt the same."

"I didn't even want to acknowledge it myself. I was scared of what it meant. I was so selfish. I may have tried not to hurt Stefan but I was doing a hell of a lot of damage to Damon. Bonnie he was suppose to be the bad brother, the one with no redeeming qualities. None of that was true. He's been hurt so much. He's so different now and he finally is getting the life he deserves and look what happened."

"I'll do as much as I can. We just need to hope that Elijah finds the cure."

"Klaus is dead. My life should go back to being as normal as it can but it won't. Not if Damon dies. I won't just be able to go on and forget him. I still think of my parents all the time. Damon has been so difficult but I can't imagine a day without him. I get why he fed me that blood, because I feel the same way now. If I thought my blood would heal him I would shove it down his throat. Maybe if things happened differently I wouldn't be here at all or I wouldn't be saying or doing what I am now but eventually I would. He was never just my friend."

"I knew he was in love with you a long time ago."

"Everyone did. I couldn't...and now..."

"There's always a way Elena. We will find one." Bonnie comes over to the bed and pulls me into a hug and I let the tears fall freely. I needed her to be right.