CHAPTER 2

"FuN-eR-aL!"

Today was the day of the funeral and Lydia had her funeral gown on. More elegant looking then her other similar Goth gowns she wears around the house.

She went in her room alone and looked into her magic mirror and called on BeetleJuice.

Though all we can document is the last lines of her summoning for the fear he might exists haunts people today of all the weak minded who saw the movie and actually believe it. Sham on you! Get a life! Yes, the Devil exists but BeetleJuice doesn't, that's just he's favorite soft drink, he's a parody of Beelzebub the bug Devil king of flies. Of lies…..dumb asses!…Now the story continues….

"…Although I should be weary, still I venture someplace scary, ghostly hauntings I turn loose,…BeetleJuice, BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE!….."

Poof BeetleJuice appears before her vary eyes wearing a funeral tuxedo.

"Looking very handsome for the first time in years BJ."

"You look very pretty your self. I could have sworn you have the same very dress I seen you wear last week, in fact, every week. This must be …"

"Quit it BJ. Don't piss me off today. You better behave at her funeral today or I'll summon you away and never call you back BJ. This is your last chance BJ. Don't Blow it BJ."

"Ahh, I can see your finally getting your sense of humor back?"

"Stop BeetleJuice!"

"Okay, okay, babes, shhhh! Be careful with the B word. Lets just hit the road."

They went off with Uncle Charles as Lydia's cousin to the funeral.

"Here were are pumpkin. Everyone out of the car."

"Thanks Charles, for taking me. After all my family is too poor to have a car. I had to hitch hike all the way here. I'm guess I'm just happy to get a ride from you and not hitch a ride from some old fat smelly lady."

"Your welcome, I guess."

"Ha, ha, ha. Lets go." Lydia chuckles.

They all take there seats in the front row and await quietly for the priest.

Once he got upon the podium he read their mothers will after the long boring funeral introduction. After that was over he announced that they were going to have an open casket for everyone to have one last look good by but then the blonde lady mortician stepped in and whispered something in he's ear.

"Oh sorry about that, due to the nature of the death we are having this a closed casket funeral."

People stood up in the first row to take turns saying there last word with Lydia step mother Mrs. Deetz.

Mr. Charles had he's say first about he's "Undying love for her" and how much he will "miss" her and then Lydia.

"Hi Mom. I know you aren't my real mother but you tried and I thank you for helping my Dad out and all your efforts trying to raise me in this God forsaken town. No matter how annoying people thought you were, I will miss you. You were like a mother to me. God Bless you and may you have a safe journey to the afterlife. Goodbye!"

Then BJ came up and just smiled and replied, "Don't let the Netherworld boogies scare you to death again. Can't say that I will miss you but have a nice trip to the other side. Adios!"

Then the rest of the family had there last word with her, people not knowing if she could hear their prayers, they just hoped, just like one would assume with the soul?

Got Soul?

You never know if the netherworld really exist either or if it was just Tim Burrton's acid LSD trip?

OR

Some unknown Goth chicks journal they found at a mental hospital?

As BJ walked off the mortician lady noticed him and came up to have a chat with him.

"Hi my name is Christina. Who are you?"

"Well they call me BJ for short. Why?"

"Oh I'm just the mortician, though I have something I should tell the family

"But I can't because it's under investigation because of what I found out. Though you seem like a close friend or relative, I presume since I was told she doesn't have any brothers?"

"Of course, I'm her cousin. You can tell me I wont tell them. I promise."

BJ exclaimed as he crossed he's fingers behind him.

"Can we go somewhere real fast in quit?"

"Sure but not for long for I have company that awaits me."

They go into a small office room to chat.

"You see we had to dissect her to make sure she wasn't on drugs but we never found any drugs in her system. What we found is these small metallic implants in her brain and some other of her organs, though it's not metal, we had it tested and it's nothing from Earth. We do't know what it's made from? I have an idea but they wouldn't believe me and I don't think you will either but swear to keep this to your self okay?"

"Sure."

Fingers still crossed behind he's back.

"I believe it's alien in origin from other world or galaxy? That it's used to induce nightmares in awaking state of madness on and off until their fear drains them of life."

"You mean a heart attack?"

"No, I mean their life force is somehow captured in this alien implant. Every time they get scared it drains them of their life force slowly until they die scared to death."

"Wow, Cool. Can I have it?"

"No, not cool. Scary, horrible, how can you say that. That woman is dead?"

"My bad, no ,no, your right. I believe you. I'm really sorry about her death in all but if your interested I will but that device from you. How much?"

"No, it's not for sale. The FBI took it from the police. It's out of my hands now, though I needed someone in this family to know to watch out or report anything abnormal or anything out of the ordinary even if someone looks like their on drugs to report it, be the eyes and the noose for me sort of speak."

"You mean like a watch dog?" Asked BeetleJuice trying not to turn into one.

"Exactly, but I can understand if you don't want to."

"Well I don't but I need to and I'm gonna. It's all right darlin' I well help out a "pretty" lady like you."

But actually she looked like a skinny crake whore 100 pound white messy haired evil scientist mortician lady in her forties will little wrinkles and mole on her upper lip, long finger nails, and an unshaved uni -brow, which was hot back in the day.

"Thanks, here's my card for funeral morticianary services."

"Well next time I want to plan a FuN-eR-aL I'll contact you!"

"Well your welcome I'll let you get back to your fun-eral I mean funeral. Bye!"

"Bye! Sexy!" Slaps her on the ass and leaves.

"Oh there you are BJ, I was starting to get worried you were up to mischief?"

"Oh no, not today Lyd's. Let's just go."

Any who, they all went for brunch and of course Charles paid for everything.

BeetleJuice tried hard to retain himself from cracking jokes or juicing any one. While Lydia pretended to be okay smiling and nodding along with everybody holding BJ's hand very tightly forcing some tears in he's eyes. All in all they made it threw the evening and out the door they went exhausted but relieved from all the dinner table unbearable speeches.

When they got back home BJ waved by to Charles as Lydia wanted one last word with him before she summoned him away she told her Dad.

"BJ one last word before I say bye."

"Sure babes what's up?"

"I just wanted to thank you for not causing any mischief and holding your hand helped calm me down when I felt I almost couldn't handle it any more."

"I know you squeezed my hands so tightly tears welt up in my eyes, I almost cried. Your welcome, any time babes, just call my name and I will be there."

"Yes I know that but without you I couldn't have went threw it all, I would have busted out crying, running away, it was like going threw my 1st mother's death all over again. Thank you very much for being my friend and I don't know how much you truly know how lucky I am to have you. No one at school likes me. Prudeath Pubey and Bertha Burba aren't real friends their just quittances they think I'm to strange or weird or whatever the fuck people think of me in that fucken private school just wasn't for me. I don't fit in….. But with you I feel as if I belong and I feel accepted and I'm sorry about the other day and I wouldn't dream about leaving you or casting you to hell for good. BeetleJuice I love you BeetleJuice!"

Lydia kisses BeetleJuice and wraps her whole arms and body against him in a passionately kiss and he kissed her back caressing her funeral drape down her hair and he's eyes went wide eyed when her tongue went into he's mouth and then her eyes went wide eyed when BJ grabbed her ass. But instead of saying ass hole she said, "Mmmmm."

BeetleJuice was grateful she kissed him because he was speechless. He couldn't think of anything to else to say to her except….

"I love you Lydia very much!"

"I love you to BeetleJuice!"

Puff he was gone in a flash!