Title: G is for Gai Sensei

Summary: Sometimes revenge is a dish best served anonymous.

Rating: T

Classification: General/Humor, Chapter/Drabbles (One for each letter of the Alphabet)

Disclaimer: It's not mine.

Author's notes: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, it really is very encouraging to know that people read and appreciate what I write. The greatest joy I receive through my writing is knowing that it has made somebody smile and laugh.

It was Sunday. It was two in the afternoon. And it was ridiculously hot. Sasuke could feel the sweat dripping down the back of his neck and soaking his shirt as he bent down to grab a can of paint. He picked up a brush and held it in his teeth for a moment as he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and flicked the excess sweat at Naruto.

"Eeew, gross man!" Naruto grimaced and stuck his tongue out at his partner, but a few moments later he was back to cheerfully whistling and painting his part of the wall.

Tsunade had found them a building to relocate their childcare center too, but it apparently had been a morgue in its past life; either that or an interrogation office. Painting every wall black would be a really effective way to hide blood stains.

Tsunade was giving them one day to repaint the building and put it into 'top operating condition.' Sasuke thought leaving the walls black would be fine, but one glare from Tsunade had him adding that he would not be averse to spending a few hours painting the walls a more…welcoming…shade. Unfortunately, neither Naruto nor he knew how fix the air conditioning and the repairman would not be arriving until early the next morning, by which the painting would have to be finished. Until then, Sasuke was stuck in this tedious business. He was stuck standing there just listening to Naruto cheerfully whistling. Dip brush, swipe brush, swirl brush, sweat, repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Wipe sweat out of eyes. Repeat. Listen to Naruto whistle. Annoying, annoying. Paint, sweat, whistle, repeat.

"Naruto."

"Yeah," Naruto said, not looking away from his patch of paint on the wall. He flipped his brush with a bit too much energy and spots of green paint speckled his face. He painted on, oblivious. And still whistling.

Sasuke stared at him and pulled back from the wall. "Stop whistling."

Naruto turned, surprised, then whiny. "But…"

"No." Sasuke bent down to dip his brush back into the paint can and almost plunged his entire arm in as the door crashed open behind them.

"GAhhH!" Naruto squealed and his brush went flying from his hand to land against the far wall. Great, that wall was supposed to be yellow…but Sasuke could not really fault his friend for his surprise because quite frankly, Sasuke was currently making a better effort than that brush to become one with his wall.

Naruto remained frozen in fright at Sasuke's side, but before them, framed in a halo of afternoon light from the abused door, stood a nightmare in tights.

"Oh most inspiring of youths, it is I! The Lovely Green Beast of Konoha, come to your aide!"

Naruto tensed even more and moved one arm so his hand was clutching Sasuke's shirt sleeve. Lips barely moving he whispered, "Sasuke…"

"Yes?" Sasuke looked at Naruto from the corner of his eyes. Naruto's eyes were clenched tightly close.

"Is he still there?" Naruto kept his eyes closed.

Sasuke looked back to the door. "Yes"

Naruto slowly opened his eyes and relaxed his tense posture. "Crap."

Sasuke blinked. "Yes."

Gai blundered on, waving his arms dramatically, ignoring their exchange. "My most youthful friends, I just returned from a glorious mission bathed in the golden glory of success and heard of your heart-breaking endeavors!"

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a 'look,' one in which Sasuke raised his eyebrows and Naruto's jaw dropped a bit lower than was usually considered physically possible.

"Upon my victorious return, imagine my delighted surprise to receive a note from my eternal rival to meet him for lunch at the most blessed of ramen stands, Ichiraku."

Naruto nodded emphatically and Sasuke narrowed his eyes, he opened his mouth to speak but Gai was suddenly in front him, gripping him tightly by the shoulders and gazing determinedly into his face. Sasuke choked on his words and stopped breathing. Maito Gai had no such issue. "Alas, I went there and he must have been preoccupied by something that demanded his cool and collected intelligent demeanor for something kept him from keeping our most jubilant engagement. However, that most invigorating of ramen stands has the most charming owner, who, once learning of the eternal band of brotherhood existing between ourselves, enlightened me into your most spirited and patriotic endeavors. Of course, after hearing about my esteemed rival's two most beloved students' acquaintance with misfortune and dire need of aid, I could not sit back and simply leave you to the exhaustion and despair of working on such a commendable feat alone!"

Letting out a gasping sob, Gai pulled both Sasuke and Naruto into a tight, inescapable hug. Naruto looked fearfully at Sasuke over Gai's shoulder. Sasuke thought he could make out Naruto mouthing 'What the hell is he talking about?,' but could only shrug (as best he could in Gai's vice-like grip) weakly.

Gai released them and they both slumped to the floor and hurriedly scooted back to the safety of the far wall as Gai continued to rant. Naruto's head hit the wall with a thump and Sasuke sat quietly next to him, murmuring, "He must have heard about the daycare blowing up."

Naruto scrunched his face up. "But how? None of us mentioned that to Ayame or anyone when we went to get ramen yesterday. And how did he figure out where we were today anyway?"

Their conversation was interrupted as Gai fell to his knees before them, hands dramatically slapping the floor in a petitioning gesture as he looked up at them with large, black, tearful eyes. "So I summoned the remains of my energy and rushed to meet you! Please, accept my assistance!"

Naruto shifted awkwardly, but could not back up further as he was pinned against the wall. "Well, um, er…"

Gai reached forward and grabbed Naruto's hand in his own. "I won't take no for an answer, I won't rest until we have created the most beautiful and imaginative and invigorating of child care centers in the entire fire country…"

To his credit, Naruto did try to cut him off. "Well, really, Gai-sensei…"

Gai continued on furiously, gathering a sing-song pacing to his ravings, "Strike that, together we shall create the most beautiful learning center any ninja village has ever known. It will inspire youthfulness, so that the future of our village will have a place to safely grow and blossom…"

"We're just painting the walls—"Naruto's comments were overwhelmed by the typhoon of Gai's passionate explications.

"Come comrades! Arm yourselves with your brushes and the youthful paint of the future!" Gai drug them both to their feet, swung an arm around each of their shoulders, and gazed fondly at their surroundings. "We shall paint the most glorious inspiring youthful child's daycare room that ever a youthful child was cared for in. To arms!" Gai's own arms lifted high in the air and then down again. Gai spun to face them, eyes flashing and manic, voice low and determined. "If not, I vow to personally help mentor and care for every child that walks through that door to make up for the deficiency in communicating for the duration of your mission."

Sasuke's head snapped up and he practically threw the paint can and brushes at Naruto. "Paint. Now."

Naruto wobbled back and forth on his feet, meekly responding to Sasuke's command with a quavering, "I think I'm gonna be sick…."

Sakura sat, bored and bitter, at the Ichiraku Ramen Stand. She kicked her feet and played with the straw in her drink. She was supposed to have met the boys here thirty minutes ago and neither had shown yet. She was startled from her irritation by someone slipping into the seat next to her. Her head popped, she would have noticed earlier if it was someone she hadn't known—

"Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura felt her eyes widen in surprise but Kakashi just raised an arm to call over the serving girl. "Ahh-Sakura, I hope you don't mind, I think I'll be joining you tonight."

Sakura reminded herself to close her jaw and found herself slowly but reflexively shaking her head. "No-not at all, it's just, well, you never really have come out to meet us for dinner before…" She tentatively raised her eyes to glance at her sensei, but the expression he wore only hinted that he was in good humor which…either meant a new Icha Icha novel had come out or that he knew something she didn't and was going to take enormous pleasure in reveling in holding a secret and making her guess. She took a deep breath, "I mean you've always had a standing invitation, but may I ask why…?" She let her question trail off as her sensei placed his order.

Apparently, Kakashi was going to indulge her curiosity tonight because she actually received a direct response to her question. "I'm actually not meeting you—you see, I was supposed to meet Gai here for lunch, about, oh well now… that would have been almost five hours ago? Silly me…time flies when one is looking for their wallet." He shrugged and his one visible eye curled.

Sakura scowled. "That took you five hours?"

"It was at Anko's," Kakashi replied as if that answer was self-explanatory, and perhaps it should have been. Their food arrived and they both sat in silence for a few moments, enjoying the warm food and unusually peaceful company.

A thought flitted through Sakura's mind and the corner of her lips quirked. Surely one, little, taunt would be ok. She looked up and smiled at her sensei. "I heard you had fun babysitting yesterday?"

A flat look appeared on Kakashi's face. "Oh yes, great fun. Darling little demons. Want twelve just like them." He flicked a stray noodle off the table.

Sakura placed her chopsticks on her empty bowl. "By the way have you seen Sasuke or Naruto?"

"Here, let me take that for you," Sakura looked up and leaned back as Ayame picked up her finished plates. Ayame moved to take Kakashi's plate as well. As she left she smiled, teasingly saying "It's not often we see you for breakfast and dinner, sir, should I be planning on feeding you three meals a day now?"

Sakura narrowed her eyes at her sensei as he flirted back with the waitress before returning to their conversation. He cocked his head to the side, considering her for a moment before answering in a slow drawl, "No, not seen anyone all day." He smiled, his eye curling again. Standing up, he placed some money on the table for his bill before sticking his hands and slouching off. He paused a few steps away from the table and gave some parting advice. "Although, you probably shouldn't expect them to join you tonight, it's just a hunch, but I think they've had one of those I-need-a-raincheck-stuck-tangling-with-unstoppable-forces-of-nature-days."

Sakura crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair as her sensei pulled out his favorite book and, whistling, faded into the night. She supposed she had better go bug Ino if she wanted to have any fun tonight. She still had no idea what her sensei was on about, but if he was this self-satisfied about incapacitating her team mates she imagined they wouldn't be showing up for dinner at all the next week.