I know, it's been far too long since I've updated this. But you must know that I will not be updating as frequently due to the awesome book series that I am reading. It's quite a long series. I also have some fans that I am desperate not to disappoint for my other Merlin fanfic.

Hey! I took a Merlin personallity quiz the other day and I came up as Merlin! This rocks 'cause he's totally my fav character.

Also, I added another story to my profile and poll, so if you like that idea then I will try to write that sometime soon. I've also added the option to choose a third choice for those of you who have already voted. Oh, and you can all stop voting for "Why You Don't mess With Merlin" because I'm already writing it.

Arthur awoke physically feeling almost worse than he had when he'd fallen asleep. Though, emotionally he felt less like he was falling apart.

His throat was painfully dry, his eyes seemed unable to open properly, he was beyond starving and he felt gritty and gross. He remembered being too busy and out of sorts the day before to really care much about himself. But now he felt like he could finally see to his own needs.

As he slowly got out of bed he noticed that it was already past lunch. Arthur sighed. He couldn't remember much of last night after he had left Gaius' chambers, only that it had been rough. He could still feel the ach in his heart at the thought that Merlin was dying. Part of him wanted to rush back to Gaius' quarters and stay with Merlin, and the other part wanted to hide, fearing the truth of the situation.

But Arthur knew that he wouldn't be able to go on or help Merlin at all if he fainted from hunger. So he poked his head outside of his chambers and told a guard to have a servant prepare him a bath and to bring him some food.

Arthur sat down on his bed and looked himself over and realized for the first time exactly how ragged he was. His pants were covered with dirt and grime, and both they and his shirt, which had once upon a time belonged to Leon, were now in tatters. And when he looked at his pillow he saw a little bit of blood on it. He'd forgotten about his head wound, though, it really didn't seem to hurt anymore.

Soon a servant came in and started to heat a tub of water and before long Arthur was sitting in a nice warm bath. Despite the fact that every second he was remotely awake was another second he felt like screaming in the pain and unfairness of everything, it still felt beyond wonderful to be clean again. The same with eating.

So though Arthur really couldn't enjoy anything properly he still felt loads better after getting the dirt off of him and some food into him.

At last, feeling quite refreshed physically—emotionally hadn't gotten much better—Arthur started headed towards Gaius' chambers. Again.

Arthur no longer felt like he was going mad, but he knew that it was probably only temporary. He still had hope that perhaps Merlin wasn't dying after all. Maybe the horrible news from last night had been only a dream, or maybe the manservant simply needed to get worse before he got better.

As he walked Arthur made sure to be on the lookout for his father, he really didn't want another confrontation right now. Uther would probably yell at him. He did feel rather ashamed with the way he had acted, and at the same time he felt that it had been completely justified. But whether it was justified or not Arthur knew that it hadn't been a particularly smart thing to do. If Merlin did end up living Arthur hoped that he father wouldn't go so far as to do something to the boy just because of his own foolishness.

But thankfully Arthur saw no sign of his father and soon he was once again staring down at Merlin. But instead of Gaius or Gwen, this time it was Leon who was tending to the boy. At first Arthur just stared stupidly at the sight of a knight taking care of a simple servant, but then he remembered that Merlin was far from simple and that all of the knights knew it.

"How's he doing?" Arthur asked quietly, though, he still managed to startle Leon a little.

"Sire." He glanced at Merlin, the sadness unmistakable in his eyes. "He's becoming steadily worse. I wish I knew something that could help him, but I'm really just filling in for Gaius since both he and Gwen needed to get some sleep. He's Merlin's room so that I don't wake him." Both men gazed at the door that should have Merlin behind it, not a seriously sleep deprived Gaius.

With a sigh Arthur sat down on a stool next to Leon and took the cold cloth from his hand and began to wipe Merlin's forehead with it.

There was a few moments silence and then Leon tentatively said, "I understand if you do not wish to tell me, but, sire, what exactly happened to him?"

Unlike the night before when it had all seemed too fresh and nightmarish Arthur now felt almost resigned to it, almost like he wanted to tell it. But that didn't mean that it still wasn't painful.

"Something felt off," the prince chuckled mirthlessly, "he seemed to sense it before I did. We decided to come back early. And it was a good idea anyway; Merlin was already weak from hunger and lack of sleep before we'd gone on the trip. I suppose I really didn't want him to collapse on me again." Arthur realized that he was getting sidetracked in a way that must be very confusing for Leon.

"We found a man in-in this clearing. All Merlin had to do was touch him and somehow he knew. But I didn't listen; all I saw was a man who looked half-dead." Arthur remembered the look of pain on his servant's face after touching the sorcerer. "And all I heard was a servant who—never mind that he had already tried to give his life for me—didn't deserve to be listened to.

"Suffice it to say that the injured man was, in fact, perfectly fine. Fine enough to knock both me and Merlin out cold and bring us to his lovely little lair.

"Apparently Merlin had some strange resistance to his magic, so much so that the sorcerer had to cast a spell on him several times. The result of that was Merlin having a horrible headache that Arcturus said should have driven him mad. But it didn't.

"He was so impressed with Merlin's resistance to magic and pain that he…" He cleared his throat. "He said that as my servant he should know some of what I know. He tortured Merlin first." Arthur couldn't handle looking at Leon as he said this, so he just glanced away.

"He flogged him. I-I've never seen anything like it, Leon. I—" A single tear ran down Arthur's cheek but he didn't notice. "He didn't tell him anything. It wasn't even until after the twentieth blow that he screamed.

"He didn't beg for it to stop even once, Leon. He was flogged into unconsciousness and he still wouldn't tell him anything.

"And then, after all of that, he was tortured again when he woke up. That sorcerer used his magic on him and Merlin still wouldn't break."

Leon's eyes where now a bit wet as well, as were the eyes of a certain physician who couldn't sleep and had therefore heard every word.

"I was trained for that, Leon, all my life. But Merlin wasn't, he's never had to resist pain." Then Arthur looked down at the thin white scar on the boy's shoulder and wondered if that was exactly true. "I'm honestly not sure that I wouldn't have broken by then."

Arthur sniffed slightly and dried his eyes. "You know, lately I've been thinking that I have some sort of guardian, a magical guardian." Leon's eyes widened. "Yes, I've seen things happen that could only be caused by magic. Not long ago I think someone used magic to save me.

"Up until now I believed that this magical protector was good. I mean, why would someone evil protect me? A Pendragon? Saving my life is not something an evil sorcerer would do.

"But after all this…I think I was wrong. Whoever has been saving me is no friend or kind-hearted do-gooder. Maybe they've been protecting me in order to gain my trust so that one day they might stab me in the back, I don't know. But I do know that anyone who could stand by and watch—knowing that they could stop it—as an innocent person like Merlin was tortured has only cruelty in their hearts." Arthur's voice grew harder and colder as he spoke.

"This person knew that I was in danger in the cave, and he knew the second that Arcturus hurt me. He must have known what was happening to Merlin and he didn't stop it.

"You said you saw a light that led you to me, and you also said that we were all unconscious when you found us. I sincerely doubt that Arcturus would have knocked himself out. Whoever has been protecting me only helped when the sorcerer hit me on the head with that club."

Arthur was practically shaking with anger now. "He let Merlin, kind, innocent, silly, friendly Merlin get tortured and did nothing about it. I don't know who this person is, but I do know one thing…he's no friend or ally of mine. If I ever find this person, I'll kill him."

Gaius' heart sank as did the heart of the other person they thought too asleep to hear.

The anger vanished from Arthur's face as quickly as it had come, only to be replaced once again with the overwhelming sadness. "I still can't believe it, Leon; you should have heard…he screamed so badly. I still can't quite believe that he did that. Why he would go through that? Anyone else would have…he's not a knight or some noble, he's just a servant. I don't know why he did it."

Both knights turned around then as they heard the door to Merlin's room creak open and they watched as Gaius walked out. His voice was quiet and pained. "When you think of him just being a servant, when you think about his job or what he was taught then it seems a miracle that Merlin would ever let himself go through that, sire. At any time he could've have told that man what he wanted and spared himself the pain. He could have done what any other servant would have. But he didn't and that's what seems so unfathomable.

"But if you think of him, not as a servant, but just as himself, as Merlin, then you realize that he could have never done anything else. That's just who he is…Merlin. And Merlin didn't protect Camelot because he was a servant to the prince, but because he was his friend." Gaius stared pointedly at Arthur.

Arthur stared back at the old man for a long moment, vaguely noticing that his eyes were red. He looked at Leon at also realized that the knight's eyes weren't entirely dry either. The prince wiped his own and looked down at the raven-haired boy who was his friend.

What he said was more to Merlin than anyone else. "I don't know why I'm crying over you, you're a lousy servant. Not to mention lazy. It must be the concussion."

Gaius' head snapped up from where it had been looking at the floor at that. "Actually, sire, when I checked your head last night it was fine, if a bit bruised. It was strange, though, there looked to be more than enough blood to cause a massive concussion, but there is none." The physician gave Merlin an odd glance that Arthur didn't understand.

The prince pushed all thoughts of a concussion away; if it was his magical protector at work then he didn't want any more of his gifts. "Are you sure Merlin is still…that he's not getting any better?"

Gaius felt like crying, but he didn't show it. "Merlin is stronger than he looks, sire, by all rights he should be healing, not getting worse. His back has begun healing and he shouldn't be in such terrible danger from lack of food yet, but still he is dying. His body is acting like there is a horrible poison in it."

Poison again, Arthur thought.

"Is there anything that you can think of that happened while you two were…captured that might cause this?" Gaius seemed to be almost pleading for the knowledge that something else had been done to his ward, though, Arthur knew it was because he wanted to help him.

The prince thought for a moment. "Arcturus did torture him with his magic, but he said that it wouldn't cause any damage, only pain. He…he wanted Merlin to stay alive long enough to break him." Arthur nearly choked on his own words.

Gaius and Leon looked kind of sick at his words as well. "His life is fading, Arthur, if I can't find the cause of whatever of this is, and, more importantly, the how heal him, I fear that he will not live for much longer. Three or four days at best."

Arthur sighed defeatedly, he wanted to go and cry some more. But he didn't. "Is there anything I can do?"

Gaius looked apologetic. "I need someone to help me take care of him sometimes and it would be nice if you could help me get some food into his stomach, but other than that there's not much any of us can do for him."

Arthur really hadn't expected there to be.

The prince stayed and helped out a little; they managed to get a few bites of a thin soup into him, but he left when Gaius said that he had to change the bandages. Arthur really didn't want to see what had been done to him again.

He was just about to enter his room when a guard came up to him.

"Sire, I have a message from your father, he wishes to speak with you in the throne room."

Arthur groaned inwardly. Time for me to be scolded, he thought.

Nothing was real, and yet everything was. There was no light or blackness; there was just nothing. But at the same time there was everything. He knew everything about himself, but at the same time nothing because as soon as he knew something he would forget it, only to remember it and then forget it again.

He knew other things too; things that he didn't understand, things that had no connection to him. He could feel the flow of time agonizingly slow and terrifyingly quick. He just didn't understand. But through the constant knowledge and the forgetting of that knowledge he felt a familiarity; a sense that he had done this before.

Another rush of painful and frightening images swept through him, leaving him anxious for the forgetting again. And forget he did because his brain could not be expected to handle so much knowledge.

Merlin, for that is who he knew he was; one of the few things he did know for sure, somehow felt that he was seeing everything, which is why he had to forget. Because no one can know everything.

He wasn't sure where he was exactly, but he knew he had been here before, only this time it was different. He felt both hopeless and hopeful. Hopeless because he didn't think he'd be able to handle anymore; his mind and body had been through too much for him to want to live. And hopeful because this time he had an even greater reason to do just that. He didn't know the cause of the reason or what its name was, but he knew that it was something powerful, something he didn't want to leave alone.

He felt like he was dying; this was what it had felt like before, both times, and he was fighting as hard as he could. The problem was that he didn't know what he was fighting.

He was in pain; a deep pain that transcended everything to get to him. That was what it had been like the last time. The first time the cause of his near death had been anger and cruelty. The second time had been due to a magically enhanced poison, and that magic had been able to reach him, make him hurt more than he could ever remember hurting, which wasn't saying much since he couldn't remember much at the moment anyway.

But now the pain, not a physical pain but a pain of magic, was reaching him; acting like a poison all of its own. He didn't know how to stop it, the dark tendrils of cruel and sadistic magic, when he could hardly remember that that's what they were. His body was far too greatly damaged to be able to fight the ocean of fog that he was drowning in.

Suddenly he felt himself being lifted, not out of the fog exactly, just to a different place. He saw before him a dungeon with a man sitting cross legged on the floor. The man looked bad. His clothes were torn and splattered with blood. One eye was swollen and bruises seemed to be everywhere. But despite all that the man didn't look in pain. He didn't look tired or ready to pass out as his condition should've demanded.

And somehow the man looked familiar. Merlin couldn't quite recall where he had seen him before, though; he knew that he didn't like him.

Suddenly the man's eyes seemed to see him, seemed to look right into his soul. And he laughed. And with that laugh Merlin knew that whatever evil magic was killing him belonged to this man.

"Ha! With all my understanding of the world I never could have seen this coming! I want you to know that had I known I would've never tortured you." The man was positively smiling with glee and all Merlin wanted to do was to get away from him, but some part of him told him to stay. And he listened.

"Oh, I was intrigued with you at the very beginning. When you stood up to me it was with a confidence that didn't come with great power, but rather with great pain. The pain of a survivor. I knew just by looking into your eyes that you were afraid, but at the same time confident that I wouldn't be your end because you had already lived through much.

"And I wondered how so much wisdom and age could be in one so young. Well, I suppose that this answers my question.

"And then when you were able to resist my magic and the pain that came with it I have to say that my curiosity was peaked. But I never, not even when I saw that beautiful light headed straight for me, even begun to suspect this."

Merlin felt very uneasy around this man, and he was quite confused about what he was saying. He wanted to leave this place, to leave the feeling of déjà vu behind with this man. And he was also wondering how he could see him, Merlin couldn't even see himself.

"My magic is killing you, and yet it shouldn't be. You have the power to fight it, but for some reason you're not. I wonder why. I sincerely hope that I'm not the cause of your death.

"I'm afraid that I can't tell you that I didn't enjoy it, because I did. You were a lot of fun to torture. But looking back on it I must say that if I had known who you were I would never have played with your life like this.

"Just because I believe death to be the answer doesn't mean that I think it will always be so. I may be cruel and heartless, but my cruelty was born out of the hate and pain that Uther has wrought. But I have always believed that a time would come when death would be no longer a gift, but a curse. A time of beauty and peace and magic. I just never thought that I would live to see it, and it looks like I won't.

"Had I known that you are Emrys and who Arthur is I would have left you both alone. I don't wish to get in the way of the peace that the two of you will bring about.

"But perhaps it is a good thing that I did not know. Just like I told my friend Uther, trauma defines who you become. Maybe, if you live, I will have given you something that you need. The ability to resist pain? More knowledge about yourself and Arthur? Maybe I have even succeeded in making your friendship with Arthur stronger. Perhaps my crime against you will turn out for good… in the end." He smiled, though this time there seemed to be some sincerity in it.

"I hope you live. I'm not sorry I tortured you, but I will be very sad if you join me in the afterlife." The cruelty came back full-blown into his smile. "You can't die now, Merlin, Arthur clearly needs you to protect him. You've done a good job of it so far even without using your magic. I've grown up all my life hearing about the days of the 'Once and Future King' and I've always believed them to be true. Arthur will be a great king, but only with your help.

"Now, if you'll excuse me," the terrifying man shifted around at the floor and laid his head down, "I really must get some rest. Soon I will die, and I'd really hate to sleep through it."

The foggy room faded and merlin found himself drifting further and further into the nothingness that longed for him. But this time merlin was far too busy to let it begin to pull him under.

Arthur, future, peace and magic, protect, friendship. And just like that Merlin knew what he was supposed to be fighting for. He was exhausted, and the pain was gripping him once again, but this time he wasn't going to give in to it. Arthur needed him.

So I think that most of my chapters from here on out will be longer because I still have way too many things I want to fit in and I'm supposed to be wrapping it up. Merlin should be coming back very soon so don't worry.

Now, I have given the readers of my other Merlin fanfic the option to influence my updating choices. I would have had this chapter to you all sooner had it not been for my desire to please the people who have already given me nearly a hundred reviews for "Why You Don't Mess..". So I think that it's only fair that I give you all a chance to play a roll in what I write. While I still plan on writing both stories the story that gets the most reviews will be far more likely to be updated. It is not my intention to blackmail any of you, but I'm simply stating that I am very vulnerable to bribery.

Oh, and please take time to vote on my poll, I really want your input. See you all relatively soon!