Author Note; Just a quick note to anybody reading, the future of this story has been changed slightly. It's not going to end in St. Berry. There will be a strong St. Berry friendship but no romantic feelings. Apologies to anyone looking forward to that..
And thanks so much to Amanda for taking care of Pucktana for me3
"So, you're telling me that Shelby's little girl is actually Santana and Puck's daughter?" There was a mix of pure shock, and utter confusion splashed across Kurt's face as he did his best to keep his eyes focused on the road and not turn to stare at Rachel.
The brunette's head was currently lulled back against the passenger seat, and her eyes were closed. As soon as she had heard the comforting sound of Barbra's voice she allowed her eyes to finally close. They were stinging from all the tears she had shed in the day, and Rachel honestly needed a moment to let her guard down.
As she explained Santana and Puck's story to Kurt, she felt her own heart twist with pain. She never understood their decision to hand Valerie over to Shelby. Sure, they were just kids but Rachel was fairly certain that Mrs. Puckerman would have helped them. And if they hadn't, she knew without a doubt that her fathers would have welcomes Santana and the little girl into their home with open arms.
The thought of her fathers had brought a fresh batch of tears to Rachel's eyes, and she had to go on quickly to explain the story to Kurt in her hushed tones. "Yes, that's why Santana ran out. I presume hearing the little girl call Shelby momma was too much. And who can blame her. It doesn't matter that Shelby's the one raising her, to Santana that's always going to be her little girl." The brunette sighed softly as she finished her sentence. Her eyes open slowly as she sat up and leaned forward to grab the water bottle that she had begged Kurt to allow her to bring in the car.
She popped off the cap as Kurt expressed his shock at the turn of events. Her head nodded before she brought the water bottle up to her lips and took a large sip. "I know. I would have told you earlier but Santana swore me to secrecy. And while our friendship has evolved, I would not put it passed her to punch me in the face if I went against her wishes."
Kurt let out his own chuckle, as he pulled closer towards the curb and rolled the car to a stop. He killed the engine, and turned his body to face the brunette in the passenger seat next to him. "Well, she is Santana. I just can't believe she was pregnant. How did she manage to hide that?"
Rachel lifted her shoulders and dropped them a second later, finding she couldn't bring herself to speak anymore. Her throat was on fire, and the reality of her situation was beginning to fully sink in.
As if on cue, Kurt seemed to catch drift of the pain that was coursing through Rachel and unbuckled his seat belt before leaning over to hug the tiny diva. "We're going to get through this. I promised you earlier and I'm keeping that promise, okay?"
Her head nodded as she felt the tears pool into her eyes for the countless time that day. He seemed to know just what to say to make her feel better and for that Rachel was thankful. She would be lost if it wasn't for Kurt. He was being so strong for her, when she knew he was hurting just as much as she was. After all, he had lost a brother in this as well.
Car rides were not supposed to feel like you were stuck on Wicked Twister in Cedar Point, from the moment Santana had peeled out of the apartment complex's small parking lot that was exactly the way it'd felt. She'd put her foot like lead directly onto the gas and pushed with all the strength she had left in her. He'd never seen his life flash before his eyes before as much as he had the moment she'd begun to swerve in and out of the back roads to avoid cars and sidewalks. With panic in his chest he carefully reached for his seatbelt pulling it into place and fastening it tightly across his lap. Jesus effing Christ he didn't want to die so soon. The way she was driving it seemed almost as though she had a death wish for them both. For a moment he glanced over at her trying to figure out if she was actually seeing the road. Her eyes were glazed over, he might not have been able to see her whole face but he could see the slow line that was leaking down her cheek. He could see the way that her hands were shaking on the steering wheel as she turned the car this way and that.
"Slow the fuck down"
His choice of words made her wince. She always did when he chose the harsh words he did. Maybe that was why he hardly ever swore around her. Because that vocabulary had a tendency of reminding her of all the time her father's cruel words had been accompanied by a sharp slap or brutal fist. He would have apologize for it too if she hadn't just driven straight through yet another stop sign without the least emotion. Being killed in a tragic car accident that could have injured someone else wasn't exactly his ideal way to go. He had a little too much to prove yet before that could happen.
"I'd like to prove that I can actually graduate Santana. Slow the fucking car down."
With his hand coming in contact with the dashboard and releasing a sharp crack as it did so he watched her wince again this time she listened to what he said as though she were that child who'd do anything to make her daddy stop neglecting her. the feelings of guilt and shame washed over him as reaction to what he'd done. Even if it'd made her suddenly stop the car he knew he still shouldn't have used force the way he had. Even if he'd only hit the dashboard. He was too lost in his thoughts for a moment to turn his head. He could hear the sounds now coming from her. The agony in her chest releasing its self as her fists pounded against the steering wheel taking out as much aggression as she could get out of her. It was then that he finally looked at her and saw the mess and the mere reflection of the girl he was so irrevocably in love with fallen apart at the seams. …the same way that he felt that he was on the inside. Their hearts were both broken and damaged and he could see for a second just how bad shape they were both in. He watched her a few moments longer as her fists pounded into the steering wheel, her knuckles becoming raw and red, her hand falling messy, her tears with no sign of stopping. As pissed as he was with her he couldn't let her explode any longer. Instead he pushed the arm rest up and pulled her arm lightly till his hesitance was gone and he was pulling her closer to him. Her fists beat against his chest, her emotions coming undone without any sign of stopping.
"It's ok, San, it's okay, I've got you. shhh, it's okay"
Her fists soon subsided and finally she was grasping at his shirt, holding fistfuls of the white material as tightly as she could as if he'd slip away if her grip loosened any. That was her biggest fear, that he'd be gone in a single heartbeat after what she'd done to him. Losing him would have been more than she'd ever be able to handle. He knew that also. That was the reason his hinds slipped up from her thighs, slowly snaking his arms around her waist, rubbing against the clingy black fabric as he held her tightly, his grip assuring her that he wasn't going anywhere. He couldn't go anywhere.
"I didn't mean to scare you. It's okay, I promise its okay."
Leaning his head down he caught her forehead and placed a soft kiss there knowing that he shaking wasn't only coming from the fact that everything they'd let go had been in front of them for a moment, but, because he'd triggered memories that scarred her mind day in and day out. He'd held her enough times to know the shake, to feel the emotions that echoed through her in reminder. He hadn't meant to trigger anything. He was just enraged and angry. He let his own emotions pop up for the moment. Her hands were still tightly clutching his shirt, her knuckles ghostly white against her normally well tanned skin.
"I can still… I… I can feel her touching me."
Although her voice wasn't anything more than a whisper that he almost couldn't make out he could hear every ounce of pain in it. The same pain that made his own chest feel like it'd been split wide own to allow all the blood to run out of it. Then again, that probably would have hurt less than this. Any amount of physical pain probably would have hurt less than this did. His own mind worked to get rid of the angry shade she'd looked at him through when she hadn't gotten a response out of either one of them, his own eyes looking right back at him with curios and shattered hope. Hope that he couldn't ignite for fear of only causing himself more pain. Pain that he'd already suffered through in intense waves for the past two years.
"I… I'm so… I'm so sorry. I didn't… I shouldn't have…"
Those were the words he'd been waiting two long and painful years to hear. The words that he hadn't thought she was capable of when it came to the whole situation. There was suddenly the slightest bit of relief that washed over him. It wasn't exactly freeing but it made him feel the slightest bit better. She knew the feeling, how broken they both felt in side …how they'd made the wrong choice. His arms tightened around her in a squeeze for another moment as the apologies kept coming as fast as the tears did. This was the reason that even if they'd screwed up so badly they still belonged with one another, because despite the broken pieces there wasn't anyone in the world that he wanted to protect more than he wanted to protect Santana …more than he wanted to protect his own personal Tinkerbell. His hand smoothed her hair down as he pressed another kiss to her forehead and dropped one of his hands to undo his seatbelt.
"Come on baby, I'm gonna get you home. We're gonna go home okay?"
Without hurting her any further and without losing much contact he slipped into the driver's seat, an arm still locked around her as he did so. Rubbing the skin on her back for the flesh on flesh contact. He started the car and pulled out of the messy parallel parking spot never once letting go of the grip he had on her.
"It's my fault that she's not with us. It's my fault that we're not mommy and daddy and for that Puck, for that I'm so sorry. I …she should be ours Puck. She should be."
Words weren't all that easy to make out as her voice shook. His own eyes filled with more tears as he held onto her and she did him. She was right, this was her fault. Yet there was something inside of him that restrained him from telling her that. Instead he stayed silent with his eyes straight ahead as he rubbed circles over her skin and pulled right into the driveway of their two bedroom apartment. Shutting off the car he never bothered to untangle her from him. instead he simply lifted her out of the car bridal style from the driver side door and took a moment to kiss the corner of her mouth while he held her there. if he'd been able to take away her pain for even a moment it would have been the first thing he did. Instead he felt the same blaring pain that she did. With her still in his arms he walked up the short way to their door and pushed it open making his way with balance through the pillow strung living room to their bedroom. Carefully he laid her down on the bed before laying down right along beside her, her body curing into his. The perfect fit as it always had been and always would be.
"I love you Tink, I know, you've made mistakes …we've both made mistakes but I love you."
With his own eyes full of tears hazel looked down and met tear filled chocolate as she lifted her head not at all expecting his lips to meet hers like they did. Softly yet with more passion than either one of them had felt in two years. Maybe the word sorry was important for something.
"I'd tell you both to get a room, but looking around it would appear this is what you have deemed as your bedroom. Colors don't match though," Kurt's voice was soft but it was enough to pull Tana and Puck apart, and glance over in the direction of the doorway. "Beat it Puckerman, girl talk time. Go have some Jewish coversations with Berry or something."
Kurt stepped inside the bedroom, and walked over to the bed where Santana was still laying down, and crossed his right leg over his left. His eyes glanced around the room once or twice, a small scowl forming on his lips, before he turned to glare at Puck, waiting for him to leave. The mowhawked teen stared in disbelief at their friend before leaning down to place a final kiss on Santana's lips.
"Any day now," Kurt mumbled to himself and to the couple.
"I'm going, I'm going. Don't get your panties in a twist." With his final word, Puck made his way out of the bedroom, leaving Tana and Kurt to have whatever kind of girl talk conversation was possible seeing as Kurt didn't exactly have lady parts.