A/N: I spent quite some time on this. I wrote. I edited. I wrote more. I edited again. Then I wrote more yet again and finally I edited and revised for the last time. Now the beginning might seem a little scattered, but there is a lot of information in this chapter about Zack. Some about Cloud. A lot of elaboration on the things that were mentioned in the previous chapter. Sorry but there's no Vinnie.
Disclaimer: Would I be posting on a fanfiction site like the poor nerd I am if I was the rich nerd who owned Square Enix?
Chapter 3: Smell of Freedom
When Zack woke up feeling something soft against his skin, he immediately knew that he was snuggling with something. Zack had always been a really tactile person, and, though he would never admit it to the majority of his soldier friends, he was one of the few men in the world able to admit to themselves their fondness for cuddling. Realizing that there was fluffy hair beneath his chin, warmth in his arms, and breath fluttering against his chest, he came to the conclusion that whatever he was cuddling with was most likely alive.
He groggily squeezed whatever warm, soft and fluffy thing he was sleeping with into his chest and inhaled the scent of whatever it was. The scent of fir trees, spring water, and fresh air filled his nose. He'd almost forgotten what those things smelled like. He couldn't help but wonder how on earth this person managed to smell like freedom, wilderness, and life.
The pleasant scent made Zack gratefully rule out the possibility of whatever he was snuggling with being anything other than human. Zack had some very unfortunate memories involving waking up with a strange animal in his arms. Once or twice he'd gone out drinking with the guys only to wake up in a strange predicament, and one time he'd found him-self waking up in a dog-pile of numerous black Labrador puppies. It was unpleasant to wake up to the feeling of a puppy tongue in your ear.
That one instance wasn't the only time Zack found himself waking up next to a strange animal. During a mission near a forest on the border of Mideel Zack woke up, on the third day of the third week of his third deployment, to find that a raccoon had managed to find its way into his tent and…..it was a surprise to realize he'd somehow managed to grab hold of a wild animal in his sleep and not get mauled. Somehow the animal had decided to snuggle with Zack and slobber all over him instead of chew his ear off…..
That raccoon had certainly taken a liking to Zack. It was a six week deployment and over the following three weeks Zack became famous for his new pet, which he named Sookie, because it was very obviously a girl what with the way it jealously warded off that one civilian woman (and those two civilian men) who had aggressively approached him when he was wandering the village closest to their campsite (no, he was not shirking his responsibilities and skipping his patrol duty- no one said that the village didn't need patrolling).
There came a time where everyone in the campground knew of his pet. Squad mates, subordinates, and any other military personnel he associated with during that mission made cooing noises whenever they saw him and playfully ribbed him because Sookie followed him everywhere and had a habit of riding on his shoulders, wrapping her tail around his neck.
He always laughed and made jokes back, and he became even more well-liked among the lower ranks than he already was. He was already pretty popular because he was a naturally happy person and treated everyone the same way. He was kind and helpful without being condescending. He was a nice guy, but his somewhat prodigal rise in ranks tended to get in the way of friendly relations with the men he worked with. He took every opportunity he got to ensure that the jealousy directed toward him didn't morph into grudges, rivalries, prejudices, or hatreds, but there were many times he'd gotten into conflict over his quick rise to power. It seemed people found it difficult to believe that Zack was an extremely hardworking person who was blessed with a lot of talent.
He always told the people who directed resentment toward him that they should first train until their hands bled and it felt like their arms and legs would fall off before they talked to him about taking the easy way out. He also told them that they should carry three comrades off the battlefield, making sure to crawl and fight their way out of a horde of Wutaian foot soldiers, without a weapon, in order to do so, before they could talk to him about bravery. (He was often accused of kissing ass and bribing officials to get where he was. Once or twice, he was called a coward for avoiding conflict with those who attacked him verbally, and one time, after it became known that he went for men as well as women, he was accused of exchanging sexual favors for a rise in the ranks. Needless to say that person suffered from a broken jaw. Zack almost suffered a nervous breakdown when his bisexuality became common knowledge to Shinra personnel, but after realizing that Shinra didn't give a shit what he did in his spare time, or who he did those things with, just so long as it didn't affect his work performance, he calmed down.)
Zack had many happy memories featuring that raccoon. Because of this he came to think that 333 might become his new lucky numbers, what with him meeting Sookie on the 3rd day of his 3rd week of his 3rd deployment. But alas, he was sadly mistaken. Sookie didn't last well in her new domesticity and Sephiroth put her down claiming that there was no way the animal didn't have rabies. Zack swore she only foamed at the mouth because of the smarties he gave her but noooooooo Sephiroth wouldn't listen to reason. He wouldn't even believe him when he said that she didn't mean to attack him and nearly bite off his hand, he'd accidently stepped on her tail, so it was perfectly reasonable that she went slightly ape shit.
Zack did not cry when Sephiroth murdered Sookie, and he was not being overdramatic by holding a funeral for her, even Angeal, ever stoic Angeal, cried because of the speech he made. (No. Unh-unh. It was not because he'd spent over half the funeral coughing and choking, and that was not him trying to hide laughter. Nope, no it wasn't.)
The mishap with Sookie, combined with some other horrible things made him realize that bad things happened to him when he was associated with three threes in a row. It was bad luck. There were many circumstances that proved it. Harry, his beatific puppy had died the 3rd day of his 3rd month in the 3rd grade, the Modeoheim mission had been on the 3rd day of the 3rd month of the 3rd year Zack had been a Soldier, and Aerith had dumped him, just recently, on the 3rd day of his 3rd year being a First Class soldier after he returned from a mission that had been 3 weeks longer than it was supposed to.
333. Evil numbers if he ever saw any. No one who kept stock in the 666 idea was worth their shit. Zack determined that he needed to take precautions to ensure that he didn't suffer anymore from the nasty 333 timeline that screwed him over. Anyone who knew Zack Fair knew that superstition was alive and well in the Fair household and by association, in the houses of any and all of his friends. Zack Fair was a proud Gongagan, and proud Gongagans believed in their superstitions.
The elders frequently told him that an individual chose their own superstitions, and that luck was different for every person. Uncle Rupert could believe that breaking the necks of every beer bottle he drank, after he drank them, brought good luck, just so long as he cleaned up after himself and ensured Zack didn't get anywhere near the broken glass. Zack's father could believe wearing mismatched socks kept him in the good graces of Lady Luck, just so long as he made sure he put his pants on properly and zipped up before he left the house. And dream catchers would ensure that good fortune followed his mother into her sleep if she believed it would. Just like the lucky earring she wore every day of her life would pass her good fortune on to him, now that he was a soldier on the other side of the continent, far removed from her loving care. Zack wore her earring every day, partially because he liked the reminder that he came from a loving place, mostly because she had threatened to shave his head bald if he didn't.
Zack missed Gongaga, and he especially missed having people around that understood his slightly… different culture, but he didn't think he'd ever willingly go back to living in that hot, moist, and suffocating jungle village. Still, he didn't think he'd stay in Midgar the rest of his life either. He didn't like cities. He was a country boy through and through. Unfortunately for him, he realized this only after living in Midgar for just over nine years.
He had recently begun to long for the country and the outdoors. He'd give anything to move to a little village near a forest like the one that brought him Sookie. He'd love to be able to walk among the pine trees, breathe in the fresh air, listen to the trickling of a creek or the rushing of a river, and feel free again.
He felt like he was trapped by an ever growing mountain of responsibilities, enclosed in a tight space, restricted from the possibilities life had to offer, dying a prisoner and most importantly, all alone.
The person Zack was holding at the moment smelled like pine trees, spring water, and fresh air. He liked the way this person smelled, it reminded him of being free, of being happy, and of having someone to laugh with. It was almost as relaxing as…
Zack couldn't help but wince as he was reminded of his broken heart. There was a hollow feeling in his gut, a loneliness standing over him like some shadow bent on tearing him apart, an all around icky feeling that filled him. He'd done the screaming and crying last night. He'd broken things. He'd raged to his pals. He'd gone out and he'd gotten drunk. Apparently he'd even found a rebound one-night stand to make him feel like yes, his dick still worked. All that was left was the second look at the relationship, the review of everything that had been wrong, everything that had been right. After that he had three options: get angry and fucked up and go through the whole process all over again, call her up and try and work it out, or… accept that they'd gone their separate ways.
Aerith had smelled like flowers. She'd been magical, mystical, beautiful, everything he'd never known he'd wanted. Her smile had fixed all his problems. Her quiet words had soothed him and her beautiful voice had done everything else he'd ever needed. He felt like he was as free as he could possibly get, as close to flying in the sky as he would ever be, when he was with her.
Everything she did for him…. How long had it been since he'd come to depend on them? Zack was hard pressed to remember the last time he'd gone a day without thinking about her. He couldn't remember a time he hadn't used the thought of her smile to keep him going. It would be difficult for him to remember what it was like to live without her songs, her smiles, and the feeling of her standing by his side.
She probably wouldn't sing for him again, smile for him again, hug him, soothe him, or love him ever again. He probably would never again be comfortable asking her for those things. He'd thought that she was willing to give them, but he was wrong, it seemed. He'd taken too much from her. And hadn't given enough back. It couldn't be more obvious. Despite the fact that he'd done everything he possibly could to give her everything she ever asked of him. It wasn't enough. Not good enough. He wasn't good enough.
She'd said many things. He'd yelled back. They'd screamed, cried, thrown things. Zack had never gotten into an argument that bad with any of his previous girlfriends, definitely not with any of his 'guy' friends. Those relationships had been easy, relaxed. None of them had forced expectations on him or manipulated his actions with smiles. They hadn't made happy proclamations that involved him without consulting him. They hadn't automatically expected him to agree with whatever they said. They hadn't made him feel like he wasn't good enough. And the sex was definitely a lot more fun… Then again, his guy friends had, more often than not, used him. He'd been more invested in all those relationships than his partners, despite his carefree act and reckless mannerisms.
Somehow, he was always the one that felt dumped. He'd 'cut loose' a few women, most notably that one secretary that had started spouting all the random facts she knew about him while they were having sex. It had been difficult to phrase his decision not to see each other again in a way that wasn't incredibly insulting. He didn't think saying 'Sorry. You're hot, but I don't find my shoe size, height, regiment, and apartment number sexy' would have gone well and ended up giving an extremely vague 'it's not you, it's me speech' that made absolutely no sense. She'd done some nasty, extremely stalker-like things for a few months before the restraining order and Sephiroth's blizzaga convinced her he really honestly didn't want to see her again. (He'd been a little more selective about his bed partners after that mishap.)
Occasional mishaps aside, Zack was, more often than not, the one who lost in relationships. That is, if love were a game and the object was to take someone's heart, use it, break it, throw it away like trash, and then leave the owner behind, missing a valuable part of their self-esteem. He seemed to be perpetually attracted to people who just didn't click with him, and contrary to the popular belief on base he didn't just go for anyone. He had a type, and normally, if the relationship ended up involving sex, or even second base, he was the one who initiated the contact in the first place. Did he have horrible taste or something? Why did he do the same things over and over again, expecting different results?
This thing he'd had with Aerith had been the longest… romantic… entanglement he'd had with anyone. (Relationships normally involve sex, don't they? So it couldn't possibly have been a relationship. Although he knew sex didn't mean it was a relationship. Why did these things have to be so complicated? Was that long, painful, torturous thing he'd had with Aerith the closest he'd ever gotten to a relationship?) He and Aerith had been together for three long years. He'd been the happiest he'd ever been with Aerith and he had definitely fallen harder than he ever had before. Throughout those years he'd thought that what he had with Aerith was the best thing he'd ever had.
It had also ended the worst. Most of his previous flings had ended gradually. He and the second party had taken a step back, realized they were better as friends, and returned to the way things had been at the beginning, a fun little circle. Then again, they'd started out as friends then evolved into friends with benefits. No real romance had ever really been involved, although there were one or two little forays into that kind of feeling. There was no way he and Aer were going to be able to be friends. Not with the way that ended.
Gaia, it fucking hurt.
Zack, don't come back to the slums and see me again. I'm not your girl anymore, you're not my guy. I can't forgive you for what you did. What in the world made you think something like that would be okay?
He shook his head violently when the sound of her voice filled his mind. He squeezed the warm body lying beside him tighter, closed his eyes shut tighter and buried his face in the fluffy hair that lay below his chin. Then he returned to his thoughts. This person was sound asleep, he could tell by the sound of the breathing, the feel of the heartbeat. For all Zack knew, it could be 4 am, just an hour or so after they'd fallen asleep.
He was tired, but his thoughts were keeping him awake. They hadn't shut up the night before, after that horrible fight, before that awful phone call, before he'd called up a bunch of friends he hadn't talked to in months and gotten drunk…. when it seemed things could be fixed and all he had to do was think of the right way to make it all okay again.
He realized now, he couldn't make it okay again, because it hadn't been okay for a long time. It'd been bad for a while. It had probably started getting bad as long ago as his promotion to first class.
It hurt. Oh Gaia, it hurt. What had he done? He'd changed nearly everything about him for her. He'd worked so hard for her; started praying and reformed his evil ways (he didn't see how it was evil when he hadn't harmed a fly). He'd burned so many bridges because of her, given up so many things, and some harmless mishap sets her off?
They'd argued a lot. Frequent screaming matches had plagued their relationship, and it wasn't entirely her fault. Oh hell no, it wasn't. Zack was stupid; he lacked a few I.Q points, especially when it came to women. He'd made the mistake of flirting a little too much, drinking a little too much (only for a few months, just after Angeal had died, he'd realized it was a problem, he'd stopped), and he'd said some stupid ass, often times cruel, things. (How on Gaia could he have said she was ugly? He thought she was the most beautiful person he'd ever met! Fat? What the hell had he been drinking? He didn't doubt he'd said it. He was dumb enough for it, but really? What was wrong with him!) A lot of his friends were dicks, a lot of the things he'd done had been dick moves. He'd tried so hard, though, and he'd thought the world of her (when he was sober). They'd worked it out (Or so he had thought).
He'd been faithful to her. He'd spent as much time with her as he possibly could: every day off had been spent in the slums, every free hour had been on the phone. Three years, he'd devoted three years of his life to her, had even bought a ring, and she threw it all away? Just like that? "I'm not your girl, you're not my guy." What…. the…. fuck?
He'd asked her last year, she hadn't given an answer. He was okay with that. At the time he would have waited five years for her to say yes if he had to. He wanted to marry her, have children with her, settle down with her, and do right by her. He didn't think he really wanted that anymore.
He had been faithful to her. He didn't have sex with, go on dates with, talk to, kiss, or even seriously consider anyone since he met her. He hadn't really even looked at other people all that much. Porn? Nope, it didn't do it for him. Trashy magazines? Strip bars? NO. He did NOT cheat on her, nothing he did could be in any way construed as unfaithful, despite the fact that she barely allowed him to kiss her, none the less actually touch her.
And she repaid him with horrible accusations and a phone call?
He'd understood her beliefs. He hadn't forced the issue of intimacy or pressured her for sex. He'd kept it in his pants for three whole fucking years! No complaints at all. No flirting with the secretaries. No nights out with the guys. He'd quit smoking, he'd quit drinking, hell he'd even quit singing in the late night shows for amateurs because the music the majority had performed was blasphemous. Like hell it was!
One mission, one mission runs overtime, one mission he's ordered not to communicate with anyone outside, and three weeks without contact, then he's one girlfriend short. What….the…..hell? He'd warned her long ago that something like that might happen! In fact, he'd been on countless missions like that, had gone even longer than three torturous weeks without contact! Why was she reacting like that now?
Okay, yeah, he did happen to be on a mission with his ex at the time, and yeah, maybe he should have warned Aerith before he left that it would be one of those missions, the ones that went overtime, got bloody, got ugly. So, he'd mismanaged some things, but he hadn't done anything to deserve that reaction. Besides, he'd told Aerith about Cissnei a long time ago. He'd even introduced the two of them to each other. They were friends! He'd done a lot to try and make sure she realized Cissnei posed no threat to her. He and Cissnei were just friends, probably were better friends now that they realized they just didn't do it for each other (Zack was Cissnei's first attempt at a relationship with a guy and although everything with him had been great (apparently she was bisexual) she'd realized she preferred women, always had, always would). He'd done nothing to make her think he was cheating.
He had done nothing wrong.
She didn't care, it seemed. Apparently all of his past wrongdoings, everything he'd tried to atone for all these years, and, most importantly, his dealings with other men, had nailed his coffin shut. He was "an alcoholic, a slut, a jerk, a non-committal delinquent, a recreant" and every other horrible word in the good book. Whatever. He'd never apologize for loving other men. No way in hell. He'd loved Angeal, even after the guy had dumped him for Genesis a year or two before he'd deserted Shinra. As much pain as that had given him, he didn't regret it. He would never apologize for it.
Aerith wasn't meant for him. He wasn't meant for her.
Angeal wasn't meant for him. He wasn't meant for Angeal.
Maybe he'd find whoever he was meant for some other day. As pitiful as it sounded, he still believed that there was someone out there that would be a good match for him.
Zack sighed and opened his eyes. He lifted his face slightly, and put his chin on the fluffy head of the person he was holding. He took a moment to examine his surroundings, he didn't remember much from the night before, and was pleased with what he found. At least there seemed to be four walls around him, a sound roof, nice paint, he must be above the plate. That was good. It meant he wouldn't have to worry too much about his next STD screening. It was a sparsely lit motel room; apparently they'd left the lights on the night before. Damn shame he couldn't remember everything that had gone on. He resisted the urge to move the blanket and peek at the body he was snuggling up against and remember the sights he'd forgotten.
He loosened his grip on the body he was holding so tightly, rolled away just a bit and turned to face the ceiling. The stranger's back was toward him and his scent (obviously male) filled the room.
The scent reminded him of freedom. Strange as it was, this person somehow managed to smell like freedom in this ugly metropolis. Midgar was definitely not as free as he'd been lead to believe when he was a wide-eyed teenager traveling to Shinra, trying to be a hero, but that wasn't something he could brood about at the current moment.
He'd found friends in Shinra. He'd definitely been a lot happier as a soldier than he'd been as the eccentric, hyperactive, reject child of the town drunk.
Yeah, Rupert Shinra had been the biggest bastard ever, and he'd mismanaged the company something awful. And, well, Sephiroth had almost gone batshit because of Hojo, the creepiest mother fucker on the planet. However, Vincent Valentine had rescued the SOLDIER program from that particular disaster and done much to stop some of the other problems of the company from escalating out of control. As for the ruler issue, Rufus Shinra took over the mantle of President after his father had become 'too ill' to run the company and had 'retired' to Costa Del Sol.
The younger Shinra had been taught by both his mother, and the Turks, about what it meant to rule Shinra, wisely, ethically, and peacefully. It was hard to make a company that started out as a ruthless arms dealer work the straight and narrow, but Rufus did his best to make sure he didn't abuse the people anywhere near as bad as his father or allow abominations like Hojo to gain too much power. It also helped that he'd gotten an appropriate lesson in how he was to properly treat and use the military courtesy of Sephiroth, and his second in command (cough Zack Fair cough).
There were still problems, lots of them, but at the moment, Zack felt he had no right to complain, because those problems were a lot less grave than the ones he'd faced before. They'd moved from the darkest black to the lighter side of gray. They were nowhere near the clear, but they no longer stood for evil.
Zack couldn't remember what freedom felt like. He'd been in Midgar for a long time, about three years, for basic training. Then he'd spent another four in Wutai. After that he'd gone on missions all over the world, but he spent most of his time in Midgar or in Wutai. The missions he received in other places were so brief and so few and far between that they never really gave him that breath of fresh air he craved. It had been a long time since his last mission anywhere other than Wutai, Midgar, or Junon and he feared it would be a long time before he went on another. Midgar smelt like garbage, mako, disease, and human waste. Junon smelt like sea brine, factories, fishing boats, and the sweat of the masses. Wutai…. The only smells he remembered from Wutai were mud, blood, and smoke.
He tried to forget memories he wish he didn't have and remember the night before. How had he come about holding this body against him? He rolled over, and smiled a little as he squeezed the other man back to his chest, tighter than he had before. The person he was holding didn't like that. He squirmed some and lightly grumbled unintelligible curse words under his breath. It was kind of cute, kind of annoying, that this person didn't like to be cuddled when he was so easy to snuggle.
Zack didn't want to let go. He wanted to stay in bed, go back to sleep, and snuggle with this person all day. Thankfully, he could actually comply with this desire. Considering his recent fuck-up with Aerith and the leave he'd gotten after coming back from a long top-secret mission that kind of went wrong, kind of went right, mostly just got fucking complicated, Zack had time on his hands. He felt his grin grow wider and considered wicked ways to wake this guy up, then thought better of it, things were starting to come back to him…
"You know, you're kind of ruining the mood with all your talking."
Holy fuck. Zack thought. Was this guy's voice really that sexy? An accent? Wow.
Zack chuckled as some of the conversation from the night before trickled back into his mind. Had he really told this guy about Harry? He'd told this cute little stranger (since he's a guy I probably shouldn't let him know I think of him as cute and little, but really, what does he expect? He's barely five-eight and if I remember correctly has chocobo hair) about his cute little puppy, that had died when he was eight, and had been his best friend ever since he was born. That said something about the guy. Zack probably liked him more than he did his usual one night stands.
Which made him wonder how in the hell he'd managed to get someone with an actual personality to sleep with him last night. He'd been drunk of his ass. He'd drunk over half a bottle of absinthe, about twenty-six beers and more. Thanks to the magical powers of mako, he didn't feel like he'd run head long into a bulldozer, but he couldn't believe he'd been at all attractive when he'd approached the guy.
Did I really say "Hey blondie, you're my type?"
Zack felt a sudden urge to turn the guy over and look into his face. Was this guy ugly? Was that why he'd gone along with Zack despite the sheer enormity of his stupidity the night before? Then again, if he remembered what had gone on, there was no way he'd been as stupid as he thought.
As Zack struggled through his memories of the night before, he realized he didn't remember anything about what the guy looked like. He remembered the sounds he'd made when Zack had pinned him to a wall. He remembered that the guy had yanked on his hair, which had surprisingly turned Zack on even more than he'd already been. He remembered the murmured "Bed", which as Zack thought about it, had to have been the sexiest murmur he'd ever heard.
His voice, if his memories weren't mangling it, had been pretty damn sexy. The accent had been pretty darn cute, and had only showed itself when the guy had been preoccupied with Zack's hand down his pants, which Zack really didn't mind. Not at all.
Zack decided he should mess around a little with the guy. Maybe find out if he was ticklish, if he had any gruesome scars, any obvious deformities, stuff like that. He didn't want to check him out in order to see if his face was ugly, no, no, no. That kind of thing didn't matter to him if the person had a personality. His body was perfectly fine, if the feel of him against Zack was any indication, and the narrow taper of his waist in Zack's arms any help. Zack was, okay maybe he cared about outward appearance a little, but not like half the guys in the world, the ones who ripped apart the appearance of perfectly beautiful women for no reason at all.
He was just curious about how the fuck this guy was able to lower himself enough to have a one night stand with a drunk like Zack. He was the first to admit that he was the most obnoxious, most unattractive, most inane drunk on the planet.
Was the guy drunk himself? Zack couldn't remember.
Hmmmmm, how do I turn him around without waking him up? Zack wondered as he tried to think of a plan to see the guy's face.
Zack slid his arm slowly out from underneath the guy's side and pressed lightly on the shoulder that wasn't pressed into the mattress. The blond grumbled quite a bit at that. He obviously didn't want to be disturbed. After muttering and mumbling unintelligible complaints the man turned over and flailed one hand a little in a 'go away, NOW' gesture.
Zack could see his face perfectly now. The eyes were closed. The skin was pale. The eyebrows light, forehead normal sized (no cave-man brow YAY). There were other features that caught his attention, like the perfectly shaped lips, gentle slope of high cheek bones, elegantly shaped nose, an almond shaped face that tapered to a point at the man's narrow chin, but those weren't what really shocked Zack.
What Zack noticed the most was the strange familiarity he felt, the odd sense of recognition he felt, the déjà vu, upon seeing those features.
He'd seen this face before, and had felt exactly the same way he felt now upon seeing it…. How the hell could he have forgotten seeing this face?
Silence…
Zack noticed, as he looked at the most beautiful face he'd ever seen, that the room was eerily quiet.
Maybe it was the lighting? Maybe that explained why this guy had a prettier face than any woman Zack had ever seen.
Surely no guy could be this beautiful?
Zack had seen some beautiful men. Duh. His best friend, and superior officer, was Sephiroth. His best friend's dad, his hand-to-hand combat teacher, the guy he looked up to like an uncle, and knew even better than his actual uncle, was Vincent Valentine. A person was hard pressed to find anyone with a face that held a candle to the handsome faces of that father and son pair. They were as close as a man could get to beautiful, or so Zack thought.
There was no fucking way anyone could say this guy was ugly. Even if they were drunk off their ass, like that time Zack became so stupid drunk he actually thought Aerith Gainsborough, a girl who was frequently stopped by modeling agents while she was doing her grocery shopping, was ugly.
Even the word beautiful couldn't describe the man's face properly. There was no way this face was anything but male, but it was still far more beautiful than any woman's. What…the…hell?
It was otherworldly.
He couldn't tear his eyes away if he wanted to. How on earth had he managed to land someone so beautiful when he was drunk off his ass?
"Riiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnng! Baby why you calling me so late? It's really hard to talk right now. Baby why you crying? Is everything okay?"
"Fuck." That was not the ringtone Zack wanted to hear at the moment. Why the hell was Aerith calling him? Could he ignore it and hope it went away?
The guy lying with him- Gaia, why couldn't Zack remember his name? – started to grumble unintelligibly again.
"I guess we never really moved on. It's really good to hear your voice saying my name it sounds so sweet."
The guy opened his mouth and spoke. "Gaia, what is that? Turn it off!" He moaned. He put a hand to his head and Zack immediately rushed out of the bed and started to search for his pants.
"Heh. Sorry!" Zack said as he frantically looked for his pants, which hopefully had his phone in it.
Zack freaked out. What was he going to do? What was he going to say? He was so totally going to make a fool of himself in front of this beautiful man. He could feel it sinking into his bones. The dread was climbing up his spine. He was so totally screwed.
Okay, so, what did he remember?
Pretty much nothing useful.
Did he embarrass himself last night? In the bar? Or worse…after they got to the hotel had he…failed to perform? Zack had never had trouble getting it up, but… with enough alcohol it could have been a problem. However, that one time Zack had that problem was after drinking his weight in alcohol and before he had any mako in his system, it had never happened again.
He didn't have a headache so that meant he hadn't been smashed enough to have that problem.
After a few minutes of fumbling around and panicking uselessly he found his pants. And thank Gaia, his phone was in the front pocket of his jeans.
The only thing he had left to worry about was whether or not he was going to answer.
Why the hell should he answer? After what Aerith had said last night, was it any surprise he wasn't really willing to talk to her?
And how awkward was it to talk to her, after he'd gone and had a one night stand with someone? And what was he thinking last night doing that? He was just proving her right!
No, he wasn't. He hadn't cheated on her, and she'd broken up with him anyways. He had the right to search for a casual fling. She'd cut the ties, and yeah, maybe it was poor taste to do that so soon, but he'd been with her for a long time, and hadn't had sex for a long time because of it. It was inevitable that he'd rush into something without thinking.
He was fucked.
While Zack was torturing himself over the question of whether or not to answer the phone it was still ringing rather loudly throughout the room.
"For Fenrir's sake! Turn that off!" The man's voice was velvet smooth, a soft monotone, not too high, not too low, melodious in a way Zack didn't know was possible. His accent was clear, his voice was garbled by sleep, tinged with slight irritation, and a touch of pain.
Well, it was obvious that the guy was drunk last night as well. He was suffering one major headache if his voice was anything to go by.
"Heh. Sorry about that!" Zack said, quickly making his decision to press the ignore button on his cell. Problem solved. At least assuaged, this way he wouldn't have to deal with the addition of Aerith into this crazy awkward situation.
Had the morning after been this awkward before he'd gone on a three year long 'Sorry, I'm taken' stint?
Maybe that was why he'd made a habit of sneaking out before the other party woke up, instead of being stupid enough to spend quite some time gawking at the person he'd jumped into bed with.
Lesson learned. Or remembered might be the right choice of words. Zack had been in this awkward situation before. It was embarrassing as hell but at least he knew he'd survived.
Zack couldn't bring himself to turn around and look at 'the blond-man-whose-name-he-didn't-remember.' He straightened out from the stooped over position he'd been in (he'd had to bend over to grab his pants from the floor) and forced his spine into the perfectly straight position he'd had beaten into him during basic training. His back was to the blond man and his eyes were staring at the plain striped wallpaper of the motel room and the door that broke the negative space apart. The door was right in front of the bed. Typical motel room, pretty typical situation.
Why did he feel so fucking awkward?
As Zack heard the creaking of the mattress behind him, he guessed that the guy was moving into a sitting position and turned around to look at him.
"Wha…..?" The guy asked groggily. He was holding his head, crumpling his blond spikes in his right hand as he shook his head and started to look around.
Zack stared at the blue eyes that were searching the room. He'd never seen eyes quite like those. They were the brightest and deepest cerulean he'd ever seen.
The man looked up and met Zack's eyes.
The wide blue eyes widened and a look of recognition entered them, followed quickly by an almost comical expression of shock.
"Uh… hi?" Zack said, shifting his feet.
The man's shocked face immediately and rapidly transformed into an expressionless poker face. The change in demeanor was so fast that Zack expected himself to get whiplash.
The man's eyes hardened right before Zack's eyes and Zack felt his stomach rise up and start to eat his throat. This was going to be bad. That was not a good sign.
"I recognize you, but you don't seem to recognize me." The man said softly, indifferently. The accent was gone and Zack felt a slight pang at the thought of it. There was no emotion in his voice or on his face. His eyes held a strange mixture of emotions Zack couldn't even hope to decipher the meaning of.
"Heh. I'm bad with names and faces, and I guess I was pretty drunk last night." Zack responded, shifting his feet again. He reached an arm up behind his head, rubbed the back of his neck, and sent the guy a sheepish look.
The man snorted derisively. "Understatement." He said succinctly.
"Hey! Judging by the fact that you were holding your head a few seconds ago, you got pretty drunk, too." Zack said indignantly dropping his arm to his side and taking a bit of a defensive stance. He wasn't as offended as he let on, but the simple monotone and simple monosyllabic response annoyed him. It drove him to get a suitable response out of the other man, just like with Sephiroth.
The man smirked a little and then looked Zack up and down coolly and appraisingly, like one would look at a chocobo they were about to buy. One eyebrow lifted and his face took on a slightly amused, if still mostly emotionless, expression.
The hairs on the back of Zack's neck started to rise and he could feel his hackles begin to rise as well. This guy was annoying, smug, cocky, which he had no right to be. It was obvious from the fragments of sense he was able to make out of his hazy memories that this guy had been a lot more sober than Zack, which led one to ask the question: Why the hell did this guy have sex with him? Not just for the fuck of it surely? He didn't seem the slutty type.
"What's with the smirk?" Zack asked challenging the other man with a glare. The blonde man looked him directly in the eye and smiled. It was a slightly mocking smile, but it was chillingly beautiful to Zack. It made him wonder what a real, genuine smile born only of happiness would look like on that beautiful face.
"You are standing there stark naked, sir." The other man replied with a chuckle.
Zack looked down. He flushed slightly.
Okay play it cool. It's not like you have anything to be ashamed of, besides, that guy is just as naked as you are.
"Well, so what? You are too,"
"Yah, but I just found it amusing that you didn't seem to notice at all." The man said with a good natured, slightly indifferent, shrug.
Had Zack just misread this guy? He seemed to be relaxed, calm, not anywhere near as cocky as he'd thought before. He didn't seem smug at all, on second thought. He seemed to be uncomfortable, almost shy. What?
"Hmm." Zack said and fixed the other guy with a shrewd look.
"Umm I don't mean to be rude but where are we?" He added on as an afterthought.
The smaller man looked at him and tilted his head slightly to the left.
"Have you forgotten all of last night, sir? What do you remember?"
What's with the sir? Zack wondered.
Zack chuckled sheepishly, "Unsurprisingly little." He answered.
"Well, to start off my name's Cloud. Just so you know. And we're in a motel that straddles the line between Sectors three and four… Umm, this might be a strange thing to ask…" The man paused and shot Zack a cautious look.
Zack smiled and waved a gesture for him to continue.
"Ummm why aren't you in, like, serious pain right now? You drank a shitload of some pretty strong stuff. I mean you ended it pretty light and probably burned a lot of it off but, there's no way you don't have a hangover just about….say… five hundred times worse than mine?" Cloud spoke hesitantly, but there wasn't any emotion on his face.
"Heh. I'm a Soldier."
"I know that, sir, but-"
"How do you know that? Did I tell you last night?"
"Nah. I work for Shinra, too."
"Really? Ummm have we ever met on the job?"
"Once or twice, sir. No big deal. I was just another nameless grunt, sir, and you were just another Soldier giving orders."
"Ah. I see."
I better not get into trouble with this. If he turns out to be some stalker-hero-worshipper…I'm in deep shit. Seph warned me not to be so loose. He's not gonna rescue me with that blizzaga of his again.
Zack shifted again. He began to worry about how this would turn out. The guy was strange, Zack couldn't read him. That wasn't a good sign.
He looked into the blue eyes in front of him. They were honest, the face was cool, expressionless, but the eyes told the whole story. He remembered a hazy fragment of conversation from the night before.
"And I had to put Harry, the greatest puppy in the world, down!" Zack exclaimed in slight outrage.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I know how that feels. I had to put down a friend once, too."
"Really?"
"Yah. Y'see I found a wolf pup when I was young… It was separated from its mother. All alone." A pause as the speaker looked off into the distance sadly.
"I raised it. Hah. Pitiful thing is that I thought of it as my best friend for the longest time and then I had to kill it. A bunch of jerks, my age and a little older, came to our house-we lived on the outskirts of town, the furthest away from the village- and stormed the place. My mother was out. She was the town healer, and she was off, wasting her time, helping one of the ungrateful housewives that never treated her the way she ought to have been treated, give birth to a new baby boy. They were yelling, and crying out. "Princess Cloudy come out and play, we'll see who's stronger now-"
The boy paused and looked at Zack. Zack couldn't tell why and didn't really want to try to decipher the look. He just took things as they came. He was content. Whatever the other man was looking for he must have found because he continued with his story.
"They picked fights with me all the time. I lost only the first two. Then I learned to fight back. This was after several consecutive times I thrashed their asses. They were looking for revenge, y'know. Can't say I blame them. I would be too." Blue eyes met Zack's. Zack's attention was riveted by the lull of the blonde's soothing voice and the intrigue of his exotic accent, which seemed to get thicker the longer he spoke. Zack leaned closer because of the anger and sadness in those eyes.
"Anyways, the dumb shits brought pick axes with them. There were about ten. No way I could fight them by myself. But they also had a torch, and Nibelheim's a dry place. The roofs are thatched. My house could catch fire in a second, be burned to the ground in the next ten. They threatened to set fire to my home. I had no choice but to go out.
"By that time I let Shell, the wolf, I think she was a girl, but I could never be sure, I haven't gotten close enough to a pack of Nibel wolves-they tend to be vicious- to tell a she-wolf from a he-wolf. I let her wander around the woods during the night. She slept in a little den in the back yard during the day. She always returned to me without prodding. I never tied her up, never caged her.
"She heard, or sensed, I guess, the commotion. She came back to the house in time to see me being beaten up. Two guys were holding my arms behind my back. One was punching me. He got angry. I can't say that I wouldn't have, too. I wasn't responding at all. I was just glaring at them coldly. They didn't take it too well. They demanded I say something.
"I did. They didn't take that too well either." The blond man laughed softy. Zack grinned, after talking to the man for a few hours he could imagine just what the guy would say.
"One got so angry he raised his pick ax above my head, and just when he was about to bring it down, bashing into my skull, probably killing me, Shell attacked them with a snarl so terrifying I almost ran for cover myself.
"She tore at them, but didn't kill them, or try to eat them. Only three of them even got bit, but that was enough for the townspeople. They made me kill her. Said if I didn't they'd hunt her down themselves. Shoot her, skin her while she was still breathing and mount her head on the wall of the town pub."
The man paused and let out a shaky breath. There was a great weight on his shoulders, a profound sadness was visible in his bearing. Zack knew he must have loved that wolf far more than Zack could have ever loved Harry. It made Zack feel a sudden affection rising within him. Anyone with a heart that big would be a great and loyal friend. Zack needed those. At the moment he had only one friend like that.
"I killed her. I didn't know how to do it humanely. I almost cut her head off with an ax. It was so painful. I was shaking and sobbing as I lifted it over my head, looked into her trusting eyes, and started to bring it down.
"My ma stopped me. Thank Odin.
"She told me that she had just made an herbal mixture that would kill her softly, let her peacefully slip away into sleep and then death.
"I slipped it into her water and gave it to her. I watched as she drank.
"And she died in her sleep an hour later."
Zack looked into those blue eyes and grinned. That affection he felt the night before was rising up in his chest and he bounced forward toward Cloud. He bent down and put his hands on the base of the bed.
He looked into the blond man's eyes before crawling onto the bed and making his way toward him.
Cloud's eyes widened and he just stared.
Zack found the other man's shock to be cute.
"So… I don't really remember last night." Zack said smoothly. There was a wicked gleam in his eyes, he knew. He continued to move forward even as the blond started to back away.
The other man stopped moving only when his back struck the head board. He looked like a cornered animal.
"Relax." Zack said reassuringly as he positioned himself so he was straddling the smaller man.
He placed his hands on the Cloud's waist, moved them so that they met at his firm stomach. One hand grabbed the blanket around the blonde's waist and pulled it away.
He slowly took in the body beneath him, moving his eyes down, then up the slender, but well built frame. Cloud had a lot of muscles. He looked small and weak from far away, and probably even smaller when clothes hid his well defined muscles, but up close Zack could tell that this man could pack a punch. He could probably take down a man three times his size with those tightly packed, lean muscles.
He looked at Cloud's face, up close and personal. It was even more impressive, more foreign, at this distance. He was looming over the blond. He felt the other man's hesitancy, sensed the slight fear, and smelt a tinge of excitement.
He looked into the eyes and leaned forward until their lips were centimeters apart. He closed his eyes, moved his hands to grab hold of Cloud's hips, yanked the smaller man closer, and trailed his hands up his shoulders. He wrapped one around the blonde's back and slowly moved backwards dragging Cloud away from his sitting position and laying him against the mattress softly.
"I think I want to remember what we did last night. Don't you?" he asked huskily before opening his eyes and looking back into Cloud's, fixing him with a soft but demanding stare.
"Maybe."
"Hmm?" Zack leaned in closer, moving his eyes to the blonde's lips.
His lips just barely touched Cloud's when his phone rang yet again.
There was a moment of complete silence as both men turned their eyes toward Zack's pants lying on the floor, just a few feet away from the opposite end of the bed.
"What the fuck? You can't be serious!" Zack exclaimed in outrage. He moved away from the blonde and sat back on his heels.
Cloud began laughing. Zack turned and looked at him.
"What's so funny?" Zack asked. He couldn't help but smile. Cloud's laughter was definitely contagious.
"This-" The blond began speaking only to break out into another fit of laughter (not giggles, no, no, no Zack didn't want to get punched for thinking that).
"Hah-Hah….heh" The blonde took quite some time to stop laughing. All the while Zack looked at him with a confused expression, a soft, questioning smile adorning his face.
"What is so funny?" Zack asked again when the blond had obviously gotten his breath back.
"This stuff only happens in movies! You gotta admit that the cliché interruption right when we're about to kiss is just fucking hilarious! How improbable is that? It's so fucking cheesy."
"Heh. You've got a point Blondie." Zack said. He was amused by the thought of it, too. What timing. He got off the bed and went to the phone and checked the caller I.D.
"Shit. Sorry I've gotta take this."
"Fine. Fine. I need to piss. There's a little kitchenette and living room area outside the door if ya need your privacy." The blonde said and started to climb out of the bed and head toward the door directly to the left of the bed.
Zack needed to get it together. He thought as he rushed out of the main door and headed toward the counter and tiny three foot by three foot kitchen area. He hadn't even noticed that there was a door to the left of the bed and he definitely hadn't noticed that it was open to a perfectly clean, perfectly useable bathroom.
He had to piss, too.
Unfortunately for him, the person on the other end of the phone would undoubtedly get violently impatient with him if he took the time to pee before answering.