The Revenge of the Pissed off Writer

by Haldirsbaby

Rating: PG13(for bad language)

Spoilers: Elves were hurt a little, but for good reasons...they all recovered from injuries I inflicted and still Love me and I still love them...m..K...

Warning...A little graphic meanness here, but what's a writer to do when her muse pisses her off?..

Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR, Characters, or ME...Tolkien owns them...Only borrowed for my enjoyment.

Timeline: Modern Day.

Players: Celebrien, OC, Galadriel, Arwen, Haldir, Rumil, Orophin

Summary: My heart was broke, and I had to teach the elves how it feels.

Note: Little funny, but not much...You may become appalled on what happens..but try and look at the little humor that is here.

Tough times hit hard, all the time anymore. I can't help who I am and what I have become.

Ideas run rampant in my mind, stories play out like short videos and sniplets, but when I try to get them out on paper...Nothing happens.

Oh, joy...

The downfall came when I met a man in my real life. He was wonderful in my eyes, held all the qualities I so desperately wanted in my life, but there was one true problem..His problems. Separation came and what made matters worse, I lost my new love and with that loss, my ability to write, create and think clearly.

Haldir, who always seemed to be the pillow under my head, the soothing voice in my mind, the comfort I always sought in times like these. Got on my nerves one last time.

It happened, he pissed me off.

I stood there, looking at that beautiful elf before me, who at one point was the light in my life in trouble times, but today, he did the unthinkable. He told me to forget the man, and focus on my writings.

Like a feral beast, whose home had been violated by a predator, I began tearing up all that stood in my path...including Haldir..

Going to the bathroom, I searched high and low, for the right weapon to use against him. A plunger, well, it would do good to hit him, maybe give him a good pumpkin knot, but I felt bad at that thought. Not to mention the thought of the poop particles hitting him, just did not seem right. I looked around more...the toilet brush. No that too was just wrong, brushing his fine elven skin with toilet chemicals, poop particles and leaving behind the blue coloring of cleaners, just seemed a little, wrong.

So I picked the deadliest weapon that would do the least amount of damage..a towel..

Taking the extra thick towel, I wet it, as I did, Haldir stood outside the bathroom door, banging hard, and yelling, "Darling, please. Don't be mad."

Continuing my task of soaking the towel I sweetly replied, "Oh, I am not mad. Not at all, you just severely annoyed me and will pay dearly for it."

With that, I got the towel from the sink. Begin to sling it in the air twisting and twisting until it was so tight that water dripped freely from it, like a small river. I slung open the door, holding the towel from view. Haldir stepped back, looking all sorry, and full of concern. "Baby, are you alright?" he asked. Usually his concern always touched my heart, but not today. It just pissed me off more.

I slid up to him, smiled sweetly, oh revenge would be so sweet now, kissed his lips, backing away so he could not touch me. He looked down at me, with hope of forgiveness in his eyes. I backed off, bringing the towel to my front holding it with both hands. Haldir's eyes grew to the size of small saucers as he realized, I was still mad.

I began my flicking motions, hitting him hard on his beautifully toned back, leaving red marks in the wake of my assault. The whole time, he cried out in pain as I hit him over and over. "That is for telling me to forget him!" A quick snap. "This is for being an asshole!" Snap, again! "And That," one more hard flick, "is for being a male!"

By the time I was finished, I stood at my front door, staring at a thoroughly hurt elf, who seemed to be on the verge of tears. Taking out my phone, I snapped pictures of his face. Boy, won't the other wardens love to see these to prove that their esteemed March warden was a cry baby. Finally, I slammed the door with a loud bang, pictures flew from the wall nearby from the force of it.

Oh, how sweet this felt. Now, I can rest. Sitting down at my computer, I began to stare at a blank page. A message came up from a friend, who had heard of my pain. Talked to her a moment, but my phone began to alert me. A text message. Rolling my eyes, I looked down to see Haldirmuse's number.

Viewing the message, I rolled my eyes again. Our texting war began.

Haldir: Baby, forgive me. I am sorry

Me: Fuck off!

Haldir: Let go of the pain, baby. Let me come home.

Me: Fuck off you stupid elf!

Haldir: Baby, you need me.

Having had enough, I told him more harshly.

Me: No. I don't want you or anyone anymore.

The phone rings, I looked down to find he was now calling me. I rolled my eyes and pressed the ignore button. Elves and their damned persistence!

I continued my conversation with my friend and soon heard a knock at the door.

I stomped through the house, just knowing it was Haldirmuse coming to grovel. Yes, girls, he grovels, more than anyone knows. I slung open the door to find before me, both Rumil and Orophin, looking quite cute and innocent. I knew deep down why they were there. "What the hell do you two want?"

"We come to check on you. Haldir said you were feeling poorly.' Orophin said looking concerned.

"I am fine. Go away!" I said feeling the irritation growing.

"You are not fine. Haldir is a mess and told us what happened. Please talk to us." Rumil said imploringly.

"Okay, I am not fine. You two, and your asshole brother, have no clue what it is like to be brokenhearted. Elves don't have to endure broken hearts and can die from them, making them the luckiest bastards on the planet. Humans have to live it, each day. So you two could never fully understand and neither can he." I said beginning to shut the door. Orophin stopped me, and peered in the door.

"Then tell us." he said staring me in the eye.

Okay, I thought, but how to emphasize it. I looked at him. "It feels as though you are kicked in the teeth and gut at the same time." I then did the one thing to emphasize my point. Taking my foot, I buried it into the groin of Orophin, then Rumil.

Both elves doubled over, their eyes nearly rolling into the back of their heads. Their faces turned red, then green as they felt the pain. Both hit their knees, their balls covered with their hands, as if that will help relieve the pain. I stared at them unfeeling. "Now, do you understand?" I asked.

Both elves shoot their heads. I slammed the door in their faces.

Fuming I returned to my perch upon the chair in front of my computer again. My friend gone now and was watching a movie. Which happened to be my favorite, but now held no meaning for me, cause it reminded me of what I knew I would never feel again. Love, arms, kissing, hugging or cuddling...God it was making me sick. I turned it off. A knock came again.

Surely it was not Haldir, or Rumil and Orophin, they could not be stupid enough to show up again. I got up, again, and went to answer the door.

To my surprise, there stood, three generations of married, beautiful ellith. Galadriel, Celebrian, and Arwen. I smiled sweetly at them, but they did not smile at me.

"We must speak, little one." the lady said looking at me concerned.

"About what?" I asked innocently.

"The three elves now in my husband's healing halls, each suffering injuries brought on by your hands, and a tale so unbelievable we had to come and find out why." Celebrian chimed in sweetly.

"Oh, that. Yeppers, I did it, and they all deserved it. Are they gonna live?" I asked walking from the door to stand in the middle of the living room.

"Yes, but what they told us, disturbed us greatly. We know you and are quite shocked you would go through such extremes. Why?" Arwen asked.

The three elven ladies came in the door and looked at me. I laughed out loud. "Oh, you do not want to know why. You could not comprehend." I told them..Did I have to really hurt them too? I was prepared to do it.

The lady looked at me, she heard my thoughts. "Yes, you may have to. For it will only prove you have gone mad. But explain to us why you feel as you do, we can understand it." the lady said eyeing me.

I looked at her. "My, lady, you can read minds, but you cannot feel what a person feels. To put into simple words...well, you can't you have to feel it yourself." I told her.

I came forward, not really planning to do it, but it was the best I could come up with. I reached out punching each lady in the chest, right on their boobs all three of them crying out in pain, but when I hit the lady she did something that I thought was so funny I nearly peed my pants.

As I hit her as hard as I could, and pinched her nipples into a Texas titty twister, she cried and snorted at the same time. Yes, ladies, she snorts. It was almost sad it was so annoying. With each of them holding their chests moaning, and Galadriel snorting out in pain. "Now you know what it feels like to really hurt." I told them feeling no ills on what I had just done to them.

The lady looked up at me, pain behind her eyes. I hardened myself against that knowing stare. The three women left, I slammed the door behind them.

I laid down that night, feeling alone, and quiet. I thought on the day, the things I had done, and realized, I had no ill feelings for any of it. My writing was gone, my heart tore in two and no aspects for the future...What a life this will be.

The End For Now

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