Mary woke in the morning in the arms of Matthew. She snuggled closer to him, enjoying the feeling of her skin pressed against his and she gently kissed his neck which caused him to stir.
'Good morning Matthew,' she whispered, biting gently on his neck which caused him to groan, 'it's time to wake up.' She bit slightly harder and in the blink of an eye she found herself beneath Matthew and staring up into his crystal blue eyes.
'I love you Mary Crawley,' he whispered, using her maiden name.
'I love you too,' she smiled a genuine smile at him.
'Will you marry me Mary, when you've divorced Richard?' he asked softly and tears welled up in her eyes and she kissed him passionately.
'Yes Matthew! Yes of course I will marry you! I've wanted to marry you ever since you first proposed to me all those years ago,' Mary cried and Matthew grimaced.
'Mary do not remind me of those times, it just brings pain to know that I could have been married to you all these years, we could have had children, we would be happy,' Matthew whispered, 'and Lavinia would never have caught the Spanish flu, she wouldn't have died, she wouldn't have had to endure the pain, our kiss…. How that must have killed her inside.' Matthew rolled off Mary and turned away. Mary bit her lip, hoping he wouldn't turn her away again.
'Matthew?' she said quietly, but he didn't stir and she noticed his shoulders shaking and realised that he had not really mourned Lavinia as much as he should have. He had all this inner turmoil, all these inner feelings that she had not seen before and he was about to let them out. Dread filled her as she realised that maybe she was his rebound woman, if she was somehow Lavinia in his mind.
'We're cursed.' He whispered again and Mary's heart broke all over again. This could not happen to her, not again. Mary stood up, quietly retreated to her own room and looked at her naked frame in the mirror, how she was bruised she was from Richard's beatings and how special she had felt when she had made love with Matthew, well what she thought was love. Matthew had not come after her so it was obvious that she was his Lavinia. She sighed and dressed herself, something she was not used to and walked into Matthew's room, discovering him in the same position. He didn't look up at her so she took a deep breath and spoke to him.
'Lord Grantham, you are obviously deeply troubled and I think it best if we do not see so much of one another again. Now… I will return to my husband and you will mourn the loss of your fiancé properly. I think perhaps, the next time we meet will be at my father's funeral. Good bye Matthew.' She said before walking out with her head held high, trying not to cry. She did not notice that Matthew was now staring at her in shock and was trying to think of words to say. Mary picked up the phone and requested an automobile to be sent to Downton. When she put the phone down, she noticed that 'Look for the Silver Lining' from Zip Goes a Million was still in the grammar phone. She smiled sadly and put it on, remembering that this was the song that she and Matthew had danced to. But they were cursed and she had to accept it. She was angry that she had allowed herself to believe that Matthew truly loved her, it had seemed so sincere, so truthful but as soon as Lavinia was mentioned, the fantasy world she lived in came crashing down. She jumped when the bell rang and she opened the door to see her chauffeur waiting. He picked up her luggage whilst she sat in the car and a tear fell down her cheek. Her father had gone, Matthew was gone again and she was destined to live a life of woe.
'Driver, I would like to make a quick stop first please.' Mary said when the driver sat down.
'Of course my lady,' he said, 'where to?'
'The graveyard in the village please,' Mary said softly and she took a deep breath when they pulled up to the church where she wed. She got out of the car and walked towards Lavinia's grave, smiling when she saw that it was being taken care of. Mary sat on the bench, took a deep breath and sighed, struggling to find the words to say but somehow just sitting by the grave in silence calmed her. Suddenly the chauffer walked over.
'Excuse me Lady Carlisle, if we do not leave soon, you will miss your train.' He said and Mary nodded.
'I will be with you in a moment.' Mary smiled and she got up from the bench. Crouching before Lavinia's grave she smiled, 'I expect it shall be a while until I spend time alone with you again Lavinia. Papa's funeral is to be held here but he is to be buried in the family graveyard at Downton. She pressed a kiss to her fingers and placed her fingers against the grave. She then took a handkerchief with her initials on and placed it on the grave before heading back to the car.
Matthew was in shock from what Mary had said to him. He was in love with Mary but he had just given her the impression that he was still smitten with Lavinia. Yes, her death had had a huge impact on him because he did love her but it was more a brotherly love now he really thought about it and ever since Matthew had been a child, he always said and did things he didn't mean and he had just driven the love of his life away. He got dressed quickly and ran towards the staircase to see Mary by the grammar phone listening to the song they had danced to and Lavinia had caught them kissing to. He hadn't wanted to hurt Lavinia but the guilt he consumed always ate him up. The chime of the bell woke him out of his trance and he saw a chauffeur enter and Mary exit. The chauffeur came upstairs and bumped straight into Matthew.
'My Lord! I am so sorry,' he cried.
'It's quite alright, I take it you are here to escort Lady Mary back home?'
'Yes, sir, if you could direct me to her luggage please,' he said and Matthew showed him to her room. The chauffeur picked up her luggage and walked down the stair, 'Have a good day Sir.' He smiled before leaving. Matthew watched through the window as he put the bags into the red automobile and then leave the long drive way. Matthew mentally slapped himself as once again he let the woman of his dreams go. Suddenly he realised that if Mary left him now, she would never come back. He quickly ran to the stables.
'You, boy!'
'Yes sir?' the stable boy said.
'I shall give you a pound if you can saddle this horse for me in less than two minutes,' Matthew cried and the stable boy grinned.
'Yes sir, right away sir!' he grinned and he quickly and skilfully saddled the horse. Matthew paid him the money and mounted the horse.
'What are you doing here anyway… I thought I dismissed everyone for two weeks,' Matthew stated and the boy shrugged.
'Someone needed to look after the 'orses sir, I volunteered,' and Matthew smiled.
'Well expect a pay rise chap,' he laughed, 'HYAH!' he whipped the reins and the horse broke into a gallop. Matthew rode towards the train station and saw that ahead, Mary's car was pulling up towards the entrance, 'come on boy, faster!' Matthew whipped the horse and found his speed increasing. He arrived just as Mary went through the station doors and stopped by the car.
'Driver! Take care of my horse!' Matthew thrust the reigns into the chauffeurs hands and ran after Mary. 'MARY!' he yelled and he looked around in desperation for her through the busy platform. 'MARY!' He bellowed again and his heart almost stopped when he saw her board the first class carriage. Making his way through the crowds of people, he ran towards her carriage and got on board and immediately spotted her sitting in a seat and starting a book. He smiled and walked towards the locomotive engineers room and paid him to stall for a while; he then sat opposite Mary, 'I thought you had gone,' he said softly and Mary jumped.
'Matthew! What are you doing here?'
'Mary, I am so sorry, please do not think that because of my behaviour this morning, my feelings toward you have changed,' Matthew reached out for her hand and she retreated from him.
'Mr Crawley, I would ask that you address me as Lady Carlisle,' Mary said coldly and Matthew knew she had retreated to her shell, her wall that hid her inner feelings deep within her.
'Lady Carlisle, come home…'
'That is precisely where I am going Sir! And I will hear no more of what you have to say. You may be the Earl of Grantham now Matthew, but I no longer live at Downton, I do not reside here, nor am I your wife therefore you do not have the means to tell me what I can and cannot do. I wish to return home to my husband! Now I would kindly ask that you leave me in peace!' Mary said before turning away from him.
'Of course… my lady,' he said before standing up, 'the offer will always stand Lady Mary,' he added before disembarking the train and leaving the station. Mary closed her eyes to avoid the tears but it came to no avail as they trickled out.
'Ma'am are you quite alright?' the porter asked and Mary nodded.
'Yes, thank you… I just am feeling a little under the weather,' she smiled her fake smile and resumed reading her book as the train left the station and on towards London.
Reviews please :D