Shout out's go to: Vault1412, EvangelineRose2412, Allen 'Dango Sticks' Walker, and OceanicCrownClown! Thank you all very much for reviewing! Onto the story!

Trying to find someone you lost a long time ago is hard. It is hard both physically and mentally. The emotional stress chews you up and spits you out. The degrading feeling of failure, the feeling of all motivation and hope being beaten down. Getting so close where you can taste the victory, soon torn down. Allen would admit to experiencing all of that.

He practically had Lavi right in his fingertips. He was right in front of him. Just feet away. So close, yet so far.

Allen had done nothing but search after that. He barley gave himself time to eat or do anything besides look for Lavi. Yet all of his searching was in vain. Two years had gone by. Nothing but searching and the occasional mission from the Black Order. "Why was it so hard to find one person?" Allen would ask himself everyday.

Riding on trains seemed to give Allen anxiety. He actually liked to ride on trains when he began his search for Lavi. It gave him new hope that he could possibly find Lavi. By now he hated them. Every time he prepared himself for failure, every time he waited for the heartbreak. And it always came.

Allen had read Lavi's entire Journal by now. And there was one entry that caught his attention out of the whole Journal. He would read it over and over everyday. Truthfully he loved that one entry. He remembered the first time he read it like it was just the other day, when in reality he read it one week after he saw Lavi in that one town.

-Flashback-

Sitting alone in his small train compartment Allen twiddled his thumbs in boredom. After a few moments passed Allen decided he would read Lavi's last Journal entry. Pulling out the worn black Journal Allen sighed.

He enjoyed reading Lavi's Journal. When he thought about it sounded kind of creepy and stalker-ish. However it gave him an inside look at Lavi's perspective of the world, the Order, people, and surprisingly he found Lavi's thoughts on him. Some were good some were bad. Mostly good things, but the occasional nickname that annoyed Allen to no extent.

Flipping to the last written page of the Journal Allen frowned. It was the last time he would read something new about Lavi. It made Allen upset considering that he wanted to learn a lot more about Lavi.

As Allen began to read the entry his eyes widened in surprise.

January 17th, 1888

Dear Journal,

This will probably be the last time that I write in you for a long time. For Gramps and I are leaving the Black Order. I can say for once I will miss the people here. However I can't get wrapped up in emotions. Yes it will be sad, but they are all just ink on paper. Different place markers, some will be forgotten some will be remembered. In all their existence didn't change my life to drastically. Well there is one existence I know I won't forget. Allen Walker. Gramps says everyone is just ink on paper. Well I consider Allen a blotch of ink. A splatter that makes you wonder. One that covers all others. He hides the written words, making you find out yourself what those words once were. For he is so hard to figure out. You peg him as one thing then he proves you wrong. His existence can not be explained in words. Only by him himself.

That sounded pretty corny, didn't it? Oh well, I meant all that I said. Being sixteen and the destroyer of time is pretty big, so he deserves all of the attention he gets. However I will never know myself how his story ends. I wanted to stay at the Order, but my emotions were starting to get to real. So Gramps told me we are going to pack up and move on. I only wish I could have stayed. After all the emotions that are making me leave are the reason why I want to stay. The feelings I have for Allen have gone to far, well that's what Gramps says anyways. Which I can understand. My goofy hugs turned into hugs that lingered until Allen pushed me off. And between you and me. Secretly when Allen wasn't paying attention I would burry my nose in his soft hair and smell that sweet aroma. Agh, there I go again. Stupid emotions! Why must Allen be so irresistible? Maybe the old fart is right, perhaps I do need to get back on track with being a Bookman.

Just one more thing, before I leave here forever I want to say something to Allen. Well I'm going to act as if you are Allen, ok? Good.

Allen, I need to tell you something. It's kind of embarrassing but I'll do it anyway. I secretly stare at you when you're not looking. I follow you down the hall just to marvel at you. I actually like to watch you eat. I find it adorably cute. Especially when you get food on your face, and when I try to wipe it off you blush. I know that you try to hide it but I don't mind. Well I guess what I'm trying to say is that I Lavi, an emotionless Bookman love you. Please don't be disgusted that I love you, or that I'm a guy. Just please say it back. That's all I want, is for someone to love me. Say it. And mean it.

Lavi Bookman. Jr?

After reading that Allen actually started to cry. No one had ever shown that much affection towards him. Heespecially didn't expect to read a love confession. It warmed his heart. That helped him push harder to find Lavi. Now he knew Lavi actually felt something towards him. So he wouldn't be walking into the darkness blind, but not clearly. He would just have the simple comfort of a small light. That light leading his way, giving him hope. And reminding him why he was doing this in the first place.

-end of flashback-

- O -

Smiling as he walked through the small town Lavi waved at the occasional person. He had been here for a year. The last town he stayed in Bookman ended up getting sick. He was so sick he couldn't do anything. And that's pretty serious, considering how Bookman always managed to do his work it was very bad. Lavi was of course worried. However Lavi never expected Bookman to pass on. And of course as Lavi expected Bookman's last words were as cold as ice, well part of them anyway.

"Come on Gramps, It'll be alright you just can't give up!" Lavi tried to encourage Bookman who was lying motionless on his bed.

"Shut up stupid idiot. I know I'm going to die. I knew it was coming, and I don't care." Bookman spoke freezing the air in the room with his bitter words.

"Bu-" Lavi was cut off by the sound of Bookman coughing and wheezing.

"No excuses. You have been an alright kid. You've been a great successor. Don't forget that." Bookman gave Lavi one of his famous stern looks.

"Gramps..." Lavi whispered obviously upset by what was going on.

"Don't be a brat." Was the last thing Bookman said before his body went limp and his pulse went silent.

"You're as cold as ever. Even when you're dying."

Remembering that day did sting a little, for Bookman was like a father to Lavi. It was pretty hard to get through Bookman's death but Lavi did it. Now he was living on his own in a small little town where everyone knew everyone. These were the types of towns Lavi truly liked.

Now Lavi was twenty one. He had many friends in this town. You could say he was the popular guy in this town. However he always knew when to draw the line between work and fun.

When Lavi returned home he tossed the food that he had bought in to his small kitchen before returning to his study to translate nano scripts. Many people in his new town called Lavi a workaholic. Lavi just simply accepted that. He worked because his work interested him. So yes Lavi had turned into a workaholic much like Bookman.

Settling in his chair Lavi pulled out a pen from a draw where it was resting and groaned as he looked at the huge stack of papers he had in his To Do pile and his couple sheets in his Complete pile.

"I knew I shouldn't have stayed at that bookstore. Know two hours later I come home with no books and heaps of work." Lavi let out a sigh that turned into a groan.

After nine hours of continuous work Lavi passed out in his chair from exhaustion. His arms dangling of the sides and his legs sprawled out in different directions. It all most looked as if he jumped at the chair and stayed in that position (if that makes any sense.)

When Lavi woke up in the morning he grabbed his head moaning in pain. Whenever he fell asleep while working he would wake up in the morning with a killer headache. Mumbling something that he didn't even understand, Lavi walked into his small kitchen rummaging through the medicine cabinet.

When he pulled out a small bottle he shook it slightly only to curse under his breath. "Out of all days I have to be out." Lavi grumbled before stumbling to his room, flopping down on his bed he groaned in pain rubbing his temples attempting to get rid of the killer headache.

Trying to think of anything to get rid of his headache Lavi slowly lifted himself off the bed. Opening the closet to the right of the room hiding behind the door. Lifting a box off of the high shelf in the closet Lavi managed to walk back to his bed. Sitting down with a sigh he opened the box he had set at his feet. Rummaging through the random objects Lavi finally pulled out a small black and dusty diary.

The last time he had read an entry of Allen's diary was at least a year ago. It was the second to last entry. He was going to read the last one but the train arrived at the station before he could even flip the page. This was when he was heading to the town he was now living in.

He decided to save that one last entry for a rainy day. But for now this would have to do. Flipping open the diary Lavi began to read.

January 17th, 1888

Dear Diary,

Today is the day that I will be leaving for the Asian branch. It is also the day that Lavi will be leaving the Order and us forever. I wish he would stay but he can't. Being a Bookman he can't have any attachments or emotions. And that is what is starting to happen, he is starting to develop emotions. Well that is what Bookman said anyway. I decided I am going to tell Lavi how I feel about him. It's not like I'll ever see him again. So I should tell him while he's still around. I just hope I can say it and that he won't reject me to harshly.

Allen Walker-

"But you didn't say anything damn it!" Lavi shouted at the diary as if it were Allen. For the strangest reason Lavi had a nerve snap causing him to throw the diary at the wall closest to him roughly.

Grabbing the sheets under himself tightly in pure rage, Lavi covered his still existing eye with his other hand while gritting his teeth.

" You said you would tell me..! You didn't...! You say that I would reject you... I wouldn't reject you! I might have even stayed if you would have said something!"Lavi screamed his voice cracking only making him sob tears that he should have never shed.

- O -

Hi, sorry I haven't written in a while. Things have been a little hectic in my life. My family and I are moving so I've had little time to write. My time might even become more restricted later on this week. Well defiantly this upcoming weekend (that is when we are actually moving.) Anyway, thanks for reading and REVIEW! Please... TT^TT Oh yeah, I was wondering if any of you caught up on the Lavi Bookman, Jr? thing. If you caught what it means or you think you know what it means please tell me. It has meaning, it's not just a typo. Hopefully someone gets it!