A/N: First of all, sorry for the wait! I will make it up to you.
Secondly, I will not say I hate this chapter, because that's a little drastic, but I don't really like it. It made me realize that I rock at writing Jade. :P
Anyway, it needed to be done, in my opinion, so here it is.

Also, a big thank you to everyone who favourited, alerted and reviewed. It makes my day! :D Really, thank you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious, you know. But I also do not own the lyrics listed below, ;) Though you should check out the song, "What Hurts The Most" and the band; Rascal Flatts.

What Hurts The Most.

Tori POV

"I'm sorry." And she's gone. And I'm sitting here, overthinking things as usual. What did I say? What did I do? I know very well what I said, but I didn't know it would upset her so much. I didn't know it would cause her to retreat in her head – her inner monologue was evident in her eyes – and leave. Then again, when I ran into her three days ago I didn't expect her to sit down and talk to me. When I did audition two days ago I didn't expect her to be there or compliment me. When I got up yesterday I didn't expect myself to head straight towards her office. I was supposed to be there, but not four hours early. I certainly didn't expect myself to ask her out to dinner. I don't know why I did the things I did. Now, or six years ago. I just don't know. Maybe if I hadn't been so hard on myself in the past, if I had just let Jade hate me, I wouldn't be so hurt by this. But I couldn't take her hating me. Not because I always want everyone to like me, but because it was Jade. To gain her acceptance was like a quest, an adventure. If you would take nine steps east instead of ten, you'd never reach her. If you would take eleven, she'd just walk by you. She didn't care and that made me care. Finally someone didn't instantly like me - or my cheekbones - finally someone made me work for it. And damn did it hurt in the beginning. But in the end it was just like a game. A game that suddenly stopped with graduation. A game I – or maybe we – never got to finish. And now five years later we're doing what? We're certainly not playing the same game, but it isn't a prequel or a sequel. It's a new game entirely. New rules, new characters. New storyline. And most importantly a new Jade. In a way. She's softer, nicer, but she still has this sharp edge to her.

I don't know what to do with her, but maybe that's not the most important thing right now. Maybe I should first figure out exactly why I am feeling rejected. Like she just walked out on me in the middle of a date. This wasn't a date. This was just friendly dinner, I had no ulterior motives when I asked her. Damn, I'm confused. I feel like a sixteen year old with raging hormones all over again.

I thought I was over this. I thought I had put this stupid crush behind me. This stupid crush that made me question myself every wake moment. I got over it after graduation. Okay, granted, in a way I stuck with it, but it's not just for Jade anymore. Ah, to hell with it! Did I seriously really think I was over it? I have never, ever again felt the way I felt when I would see Jade. What made me think I don't still feel the same? What makes me think that feeling in my stomach when she laughs comes from something outside my heart? What in the name of Sikowitz makes me think she would, or even could, ever love me back.

And it's not even my fault! I didn't purposely walk into her that day. Someone, somewhere that goes beyond me, is playing a sick game with my life.

All I really need right now, besides crashing down on my bed, is someone who understands. Someone who won't judge, won't even answer or react; someone who will let me talk while they listen. So when my doorbell rings twice, I don't bother to get off my bed and open the door; I know that in less than a minute I will be joined by the one person who will cross land and sea for those who need her: Cat Valentine. Bipolar as can be, shouting things that have absolutely no value whatsoever, but gifted with a pair of ears that can listen for hours. There's a reason I've always kept in touch with her - and not only because those invaluable comments never fail to cheer me up. There's a reason I gave her a key to my apartment - and not only because she immensely enjoys sleepovers.

She doesn't say a word as she sits down besides me, she doesn't say a word as a tear travels down my cheek. A tear I can't explain. And as my body starts to shake, she wraps her arms around me, holding me tight, as we fall back on the bed. My mask breaking, my tears streaming.

She must wonder what the hell I got myself into, but she says nothing until I do. Until my crying stops, my body relaxes and my breathing is almost even.

"Tori?" Her soft voice pierces the silence as her hand touches my still wet cheek, she must've thought I had fallen asleep.

"It hurts, Cat."

"I know." She's so understanding, so calm. She doesn't even know why I am crying, why I am acting like this, but she'll say whatever is right. Whatever is needed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She won't force me into anything. If I say no, all she will do is nod and lay here with me. Never to speak of it again. All I have to say is no.

"It's so unfair." I begin to sob again, mumbling words I don't want to say. But I can't help it; something makes me talk. Maybe it's Cat's arms around me that makes me feel safe and understood, maybe it's six years of lying and denying finally breaking free, maybe I just want to talk. But what is there to say? What words do I use, which sentences do I say? How do I explain that I am crying over the woman who was once her best friend?

"I know you did audition for her movie." I don't understand. I simply don't. It still amazes me when Cat seems to know what's wrong without me saying a word. She's done it before, and she's doing it again. I didn't say anything and she seems to know why I'm crying.

"I didn't even know it was her movie." I begin to calm down again, regaining my breath. Maybe one day I'll ask her how she knows, I just don't feel like it right now.

"But that is not why you are crying." It isn't. Because the audition went amazing, she even complimented me afterwards. Maybe, because of that compliment, I got my hopes up. Maybe, because of that compliment, I thought there was more.

I was pretty naïve, if I say so myself. Even though I kept my pokerface during dinner, those butterflies were ever present. To think I could make it through... Something was meant to go wrong. I just didn't expect her to be the one to walk, maybe that is why this hurts.

"You should tell her." Cat sighs – though I don't know why. I look up at her, confused for many reasons.

"I didn't say anything!" I protest. I didn't say anything. What's Cat talking about?

"Tori, I can see it in your eyes. Like that time my brother's eyes were all red and I just saw something was wrong! I can see it now."

"What was wrong with your brother?"

"A fly flew in his eye." She says in her bubbly voice and it makes me smile. Leave it up to Cat to talk about a conflicted heart and a hurt eye in one sentence.

"Cat, I can't do that. I can't tell her. I am overreacting anyways." I slowly get up, wiping my eyes, drying my cheeks. I guess I just needed a good cry. And I got one.

"You can't hide what you feel. If I can see it, then she will too." She looks at me, her eyes completely serious, a shade darker than usual. Please let there be a useless comment to lighten the mood. But there's no comment, there's just me and a completely different Cat. And I feel like I'm the only one who hasn't changed in five years. I feel like this conversation doesn't make any sense anymore, because she knows everything before I talk. And she's right. Jade will see, she will notice. She's not as naïve as I am. She'll push me away further than ever before. And why? Because I can't forget how I feel? Because my heart has a mind of its own?

Maybe if I did hate her this would be so much easier.

"What hurts the most,
Was being so close.
And having so much to say,
And watching you walk away.
And never knowing,
What could've been.
And not seeing that loving you,
Is what I was trying to do."