A/N: I had this one finished like, I don't know, three centuries ago, and it was kind of okay then, but when I re-read it, I was like. What? No! This is all going too fast, we need angst, we need drama. So I went over it again, finished it, put it aside, then I died. Okay, not really, but my soul was no longer working properly due to school. Now that I am in the second week of my school break I have been able to revise myself and here I am, bearing gifts! Chapter elevun (!) of Catching Up To You! Before you ask, yes, I wrote elevun.
Also, and this is exciting. I started on a new story that I will not yet tell anything about, but I love it – mainly because well, it's about vampires.

Anyway, enjoy!

All Okay.

The last time I had a dream..., a really good one that makes sense, that you still remember the next morning, it's been years. I don't know why I don't dream, I probably do, I just can't remember in the morning. But this morning is different, in every sense of the word. I have never woken up feeling empty and sad. Okay, sad maybe, but for different reasons. The dream I had last night, combined with a visit yesterday afternoon, is why I'm sad and empty, maybe a bit guilty.

She's never invaded my subconscious like that. I have never dreamed of her before. I have thought about her at night – when do I not think of her? – right before I'd fall asleep, but never dreamed. It was nice though, it was beautiful, it was really too good to be true. She honestly is what I want; she is what I can get and that frightens me. Is she what I deserve? Can I give her all she deserves? I'm not sure if I can hold onto her, even if I want to. I'm afraid I'll end up breaking her, us. I'm afraid that maybe she was right, maybe I didn't change. Even though she didn't mean it, even though it was just an argument thrown around in the heat of the moment. I'm so afraid she is right. Because it was so easy to insult her, to hurt her. Looking back, it hurts me too, but then... I simply didn't feel it. I'm afraid that one day I'll go too far, pushing her off the edge.

But on the other hand, by now I should know that nothing breaks her. Not even Jade West. She has always had the strength to stand up against me, turn the tables on me. She has always had the upper hand.

She has something on me and I don't even know what, but she has always won.

I am a little hesitant to go to work today. I just hate awkward situations and I know for one thing that today will be awkward, but I have brought it on myself, so I shouldn't complain. Just grow a pair, suck it up and make it through the day. First I need coffee.

I could've known. Every pair of eyes inside the building is on me; news travels fast. But it doesn't necessarily make me feel uncomfortable: I've been talked about behind my back plenty of times, I've grown a protective shield for that. Besides, it'll probably blow over in a couple of days. I hope.

I enter the elevator, just about tapping the button to close the doors when I hear a distant familiar voice calling out, asking me to hold the elevator. I do so without looking up and when I see someone hurry past me in the corner of my eye, I let go of the button, allowing the elevator to start its ascend.

"Thanks." She whispers as she leans against the elevator wall, breathing heavily from running across the hall. I look up, shock written allover my face. And I was so hopeful about avoiding her for the first few hours or so. I mutter a 'sure', not sure what to say. Awkward.

Neither of us says anything, both very aware of the tension hanging in the air. And some part of me wants to apologise right on the spot, but for what? For drinking? No, that's my own damn business, not hers. For yelling at her? Well, maybe, but I kind of already did that yesterday when I reduced my voice to a broken whisper. For kissing her? Absolutely not, first of all because she started and secondly because I'm so not sorry for that.

The elevator makes itself known as we reach our floor and we both start to leave at the same time; both realizing that, yes, we could fit through to the doors together, but then our arms would be touching and somehow I know neither of us would like that very much right now. So I stop my movements, motion for her to go first and she does, leaving the elevator, turning right. I walk out after her heading ahead but I can't help but look back and to my horror – surprise, relief? – seeing her looking at me over her shoulder. I quickly avert my gaze and speed up my pace as I walk to my office, frustrated beyond believe. I slam myself down in my chair, bang my head on the desk once, twice, three times and then recline against the way too comfortable backrest. I pinch the bridge of my nose and then I hear my office door close, I look up just as Kent is sitting down on the sofa.

"What did you do? Everyone's talking about you." He's looking amused and concerned. It surprises me he doesn't know yet.

"I may have kissed the lead in my movie yesterday." No need to lie or hide it from him, he'll found out before lunch anyway.

"That's all?" He's laughing now.

"I may have also fallen in love with her."

"Her? You mean Tori?" He is utterly surprised now, scratching his head, looking beyond himself.

"What? You thought I was talking about Michael?" Where did he get that idea from?

"Well, uh, yeah!" He says as if it's obvious. That would have been a whole lot easier and less awkward. There's a moment of silence and then Kent moves to sit in one of the chairs at my desk.

"So, you're in love with her?" I have never seen such a serious look on his face, he is looking me straight in the eyes and for some reason it feels oddly comforting talking about this with him. I nod my response.

"And she likes you too?"

"Well, yeah, I guess." He cocks his head to the side a tiny bit, trying to read me, I think. He's probably noticed the hesitation in my voice, because after this morning I honestly am not sure what she feels.

"Did she kiss you back?" I nod again.

"So what's the problem?" He brings his hands up in question and as he sits back in his chair he folds them across his chest.

"The problem is that she is Tori. We work together." Now it's my turn to sound obvious. And because she seems to hate me! But I do not tell him that, he'll probably just tell me how that's all my own fault and how one little thing can make it all okay.

"For two and a half more months, then she is just your friend. Really, Jade, what's the problem?"

"That she... And I. We're just... Besides, I told her I can't." I sigh deeply at my lack of a proper response, I slam my back against the backrest of my chair – again – closing my eyes, groaning.

"Why can't you? What's holding you back?" I open my eyes to look at him again – he's still in the same position – and I ponder his question. I have asked myself that enough times already, even long before I kissed her, before I rejected her.

"It's because you're afraid, Jade." He's not accusing me of anything, he's not diminishing me, he's leaning forward looking at me with compassion.

"You're afraid of what people will think of you, what they will say. I have known you your entire life, I have seen you grow up, always in your father's shadow. I know how he was, Jade, and I know you wanted to make him proud. But he's not here anymore, he can't judge you anymore. You have to start living your life, the way you want to." That's a knock on the head from reality. I stare at him, wide eyed and open mouthed. He's right, though. He is so right.

"If this is what you want, to be with her, then that's what you should do. Don't throw away your happiness over a memory." With a thoughtful and friendly smile he rises from his chair, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I think about what he said, what my father would say. He and I never got along, I don't even really know why. I think he wanted me to go to college, graduate in something useful so I could take over the business. He never supported my choices, neither did my mother and I hated them for not having my back. I bet they hated me for always doing what they didn't want me to. Maybe I did some of the things I did on purpose, just to piss them off. But that doesn't mean I didn't want their approval, that doesn't mean I didn't want them to be proud of me. They would have kicked me out of the family had I shown up with Tori six years ago. They are what's holding me back. A stupid memory I don't even want to remember.

After lunch I reluctantly make my way to the studio on the 20th floor. Andre asked us – me, Tori and Michael; Kent has a meeting – to come down and listen to his two finished songs. I am glad the others will be there too, I'm not really sure what I'd say to Tori if we were alone. But when I open the door all I see is Andre and Tori sitting on a chair, going through some lyrics. I know I am the last one, I made sure to take my time. This is going to be more awkward than I want it to be.

"Where's everyone?" I ask as I sit down on the sofa behind Tori and Andre, they turn around to face me.

"Michael had to go home, there was an emergency. Didn't Kent tell you?" Tori is looking at me and I decide to meet her gaze. I have to look away to get myself to answer; her eyes seem to be screaming to me.

"No, he didn't. It must've slipped in." She nods, also looking away and Andre's looking between us. No one says a word and then he sighs, standing up. We look at him.

"I don't have to know what happened between you two yesterday afternoon when I dropped Tori off, but whatever it is, you're going to talk it out."

"But we already-" I begin to protest, he just holds up a finger.

"And when I come back, there are not going to be any awkward silences. Got it?" We both nod and then he leaves the room, leaving me and Tori to look after him. After about ten seconds we turn our heads to look at each other and for a moment we just stare.

"Jade." I'm sure there was going to be a whole sentence after that, but when I look at her, when I see her eyes shining with tears I can practically feel the lump she is trying to swallow. And then her sob steals her sentence and she looks down at her shoes in defeat. I sigh. We are like some freaking rollercoaster and though I normally like rollercoaster, I wish I never got on this one. I wish I had never fallen in love with her, hell, I wish I had never met her. But I did and there's nothing I can do to stop it, to stop myself. So as I rise from my chair, as I buy another ticket for another ride on this damned rollercoaster, I move toward her, hooking my finger under her chin. I keep it there as we lock eyes and I briefly smile.

"I don't know how, I don't know when, but it's going to be all okay."