A/N: I just realized how snarky I make Canada. It's just that I don't really see this story working out with him being shy all the time... So, if anyone has a problem, tell me~ He's gonna be snarky for the rest of this fic. ^^
Lastly, late and short update is late and short! I hope you enjoy anyway~
Chapter 3
. . .
Name: Matthew Williams
Current mood: Weirded out
Status: It's actually capable of eating?
Name: Gilbert Beilschmidt
Status: Yep. Oh, and peeing and pooping, too.
It was thirty minutes prior to when they'd first arrived at the Beilschmidt household. After Gilbert apologized to Matthew(rather badly, too), and Matthew figuring that it was the best he was going to get, the four had split up. Ludwig and Feliciano were currently upstairs while Gilbert and Matthew came down to the basement. They mostly fooled around, figuring out what the fake baby was capable of doing, until Matthew spotted a small gap in the baby's lips and suggested that they might have to feed him.
"That's ridiculous," Gilbert snorted, but then the baby started crying, so he said, "Let's give it a try."
Matthew tried to soothe the baby's cries as Gilbert went to find something for it to eat. When Gilbert returned, Matthew had his pinky finger jammed into the baby's mouth.
"What are you doing to Yori?" Gilbert exclaimed, feigning dramatic surprise.
Matthew looked up with a small smile. "It stops crying if you feed it something," he explained. "But since it's, you know, fake, it can't tell what you're putting in its mouth is actually food or not."
Gilbert looked down at the cup of Jello that he'd taken the time to mash into smaller bits. "Let's try it anyway," he said, grinning.
Using a small spoon, Gilbert scooped some Jello onto it, then raised it to the baby's lips. Matthew was still holding it, so Gilbert had to be rather close...
Suddenly Matthew's face flushed. "W-what are you doing to my arm?" he asked.
Gilbert, who'd innocently placed on Matthew's forearm, withdrew. "You should be thankful that the awesome me has touched you," he said, trying to make up for the fact that he was blushing too.
"Just feed him," Matthew shot back, holding the baby out.
"Okay, mommy."
"What?"
Name: Matthew Williams
Status: Now a mother, as self-proclaimed by Gilbert.
Name: Feliciano Vargas
Status: You never know! Maybe Gil was the one who gave birth, ve~
Name: Gilbert Beilschmidt
Status: You're all just jealous! Jealous!
"I can't believe this," Matthew said, tone incredulous as he examined the dampening diaper on their 'baby.' "It's pooping." He set it down on the table before turning it over. Then, he undid the diaper from the baby's hips and peeled it off to reveal a big green spot dead center of the diaper. "That's disgusting," Matthew said pointedly.
Gilbert snickered, albeit childishly. "It looks like he pooped puke," he giggled. Well, it was true. The fact that green Jello was still oozing out of the doll's butt wasn't helping.
"Very mature, Gil." Matthew glanced worriedly as the Jello eventually stopped running. "I have decided to never have children in the future," he mused out loud. "Where's your bathroom?" After all, they were going to need more makeshift diapers. Unless they wanted to hold the baby over the trash can while they 'fed it...'
Why was he even worrying about this? He already knew that they could just stick one of their fingers into its mouth and it would stop bawling.
But that's no fun!
Matthew was startled to be thinking that last thought. Surely he-
"-Oh, bathroom's over there. Anyway, where was I? Right!" Oh, it was Gilbert who'd said that. "We'll be married when we get a kid, so you wouldn't have to worry since I'm so awesome."
Matthew followed the direction that Gilbert had pointed to and entered their bathroom. "I'm so glad that this thing doesn't have some sort of recording device in it," he said with a sigh, tearing off some toilet paper and folding it into the best diaper he could do. He was about to ask for some tape when he sensed Gilbert in the doorway.
The albino smiled sheepishly. "Actually..."
Name: Alfred F. Jones
Current mood: Psyched
Status: Duuude! This doll's gonna pick up soooo many perverted conversations! XD
Name: Kiku Honda
Status: Whatever do you mean, Alfred-san?
Name: Lovino Vargas
Status: Damn that teacher! There's actually a recording machine in this devil's incarnate!
Name: Alfred F. Jones
Status: Chill, it's only a doll
Name: Feliciano Vargas
Status: And don't worry Lovi, it only turns on at random times and doesn't record for more than two minutes at a time! Mrs. Braginskaya said so, ve~! :)
Name: Gilbert Beilschmidt
Status: I trust Feli here, 'cause I know he was totally listening. I'm just too awesome for those kinds of things.
Name: Ludwid Beilschmidt
Current mood: Smug
Status: Oh yes, you were too busy ogling that blond, weren't you?
Name: Gilbert Beilschmidt
Current mood: Defiant
Status: Was not! Fuck you :{
Name: Matthew Williams
Current mood: Uncomfortable
The moment Matthew stepped into the kitchen, he was tackled by an Italian and almost dropped the doll. "Hi, Feliciano..." the Canadian said, awkwardly patting the other's back.
"You can call me Feli, ve," Feliciano said, pulling back with a wide smile. "Sorry! I thought you were Ludwig!" He looked embarrassed for about three seconds before his attention moved to somewhere else.
"Feliciano? Are you in here?" The heavy Germant accent made Matthew turn. "Oh, hello...um..." Ludwig scrunched up his eyebrows in concentration.
Almost automatically, Matthew supplied, "Matthew."
"Right." Ludwig nodded. "I apologize, I am not good with names." Then he seemed to completely forget Matthew and turned to Feliciano, holding out their own baby in his hands. "Feliciano, you said you were going to feed it, but then you forgot it back in the other room."
As the two began to have a conversation as if Matthew had turned invisible, Gilbert walked in, stopped, and frowned. "Hey Luddy, why're you always lecturing me on having better manners when you're ignoring birdie here?" he demanded loudly, causing Matthew to jump in surprise.
"Birdie?" Ludwig asked.
"I think he's talking about him, ve," Feliciano said, gesturing to Matthew. The flyaway curl that stuck out from the rest of the Italian's hair bounced as he went to rummage around in the refrigerator.
Gilbert hooked his arm around Matthew's. "C'mon birdie, we're gonna go somewhere we're appreciated," he said with an exaggerated harrumph.
Then he dragged Matthew out of the kitchen and back down to the basement, with Matthew protesting the whole way, "My name's Matthew!"
Name: Matthew Williams
Status: At least he notices me.
Name: Alfred F. Jones
Status: Aw, that's so sweet! Mattie finally got a boyfriend~!
Alfred was long used to the fact that his brother was gay. When the younger had come out to him when they were halfway through middle school, it only made Alfed more protective. Said protectiveness showed when he looked out of the window to see his brother coming out of a car, smile, wave to whoever was in the car, and start walking to the front door.
Quickly, Alfred dashed to the door, opening it just as Matthew was taking out his keys. Time for big brother bear to shine(oh, how he loved American sayings).
Name: Alfred F. Jones
Status: Wait, boyfriend? Who is it?
Name: Matthew Williams
Current mood: Elated
Name: Alfred F. Jones
Status: Dude! You're never elated! Who is he?
Name: Matthew Williams
Current mood: Ecstatic
Name: Alfred F. Jones
Status: Mattie! you're scaring me!
Name: Matthew Williams
Current mood: Orgasmic
Name: Alfred F. Jones
Status: why r you doing this to your big bro? :( I still have dad's pistol, you know!
Name: Matthew Williams
Status: Laughing my ass off :)
Name: Alfred F. Jones
Status: You suuuuuck