The Note He Threw Away
Hermione gives Professor Snape a note.
This is my first attempt at fanfic! Reviews would be nice!
She stood there and watched him writhe in pain. A small part of her tried to imagine a way that he could be saved but there was none. For a moment, she thought he glanced her way, noticing the tears in her eyes. She wasn't certain if that actually happened, she wasn't certain that she even wanted him to see but she couldn't look away from him. It didn't matter that it broke her heart; she simply stood there and did nothing more than witness his death.
It was sometime in her fourth year that she realised, she had a silly crush on him. Not that she'd admit it to anyone of course, she'd rather die first! Despite his strict, at times cruel, character, Hermione found herself staring at the strange Professor Snape in a way that was most inappropriate and imagining what it would be like to spend some time alone with him. Just to have a cup of tea and talk about books, not much really. Just some time together. It was impossible, crazy even! But Severus Snape had captured her heart...
Every single time he stood over her cauldron and made some remark or another, she held her breath. Whenever he asked a question, she wanted to be the only one to deliver the answer. Granted, she would have wanted that even if she had no feelings for him but she was sincerely trying to prove she was worthy of his attention. He didn't care much for it though and kept removing points from Gryffindor much to Hermione's dismay.
In the beginning of her sixth year, she couldn't take it anymore. Yes, she'd dated other boys and spent fair time with many of them but her mind hungered for serious conversation and wit that she couldn't find among boys her own age. She knew all the reasons why it was wrong to be in love someone older than you - a Potions Master to top that but she was nothing if not brave and so, she decided to wear her heart on her sleeve- unsanitary as it may have been- and speak up.
It was just after nightfall when she managed to drag herself over to his office. For a moment, she thought she might collapse. What had gotten into her? Had she really written a note, describing her feelings for him? Was that really Hermione Granger? No, she argued." I will not be a coward! I will tell him! I will not fear about my heart being broken! I will just tell him!" she whispered angrily to herself and knocked on his door.
Severus Snape wasn't happy to be disturbed. He looked down at her with contempt; but also a hint of surprise. Hermione's courage vanished. Even if he wasn't angry, the sight of him made her melt.
"What can I do for you, miss Granger?"he almost snorted.
"I... I just... I just wanted to..."
"Waste my precious time, obviously."he said and crossed his arms on his chest.
Hermione felt defeated. She couldn't find the right words and yet, it was now or never! So, she reached out and handed him the note. Snape looked at her in disbelief but took the note anyway. She watched him unfold and read it, his eyes widening with each word and she would have ran away but her legs were shaking. By the time he'd finished reading it, Hermione was on the verge of breaking down and crying. Detention, that was what she was going to get. For months, possibly. But what Severus Snape did was even worse. He simply looked at her and threw the note away. She wasn't sure if she'd really gasped; it seemed real though. As real as that agonizing pain in her chest.
"Are you completely out of your mind, Granger? Or is this your idea of a joke?"
Hermione looked straight into his eyes. Her courage now refuelled by anger and rejection, she dared raise her voice to him.
"Out of my mind, apparently, Sir! What was I thinking, believing I was in love with you? For in order to inspire love, one must possess a hint of something decent and you clearly don't fit the description! The way you tossed the paper away... It was only a piece of paper but you have to realise what it took for me to come here! A bit of respect to my feelings would have been enough, but no! You have to trample over my heart because it's what you do, isn't it? It's how you keep yourself entertained!"
She thanked her lucky stars that the corridor was empty and no one could hear her yelling. And at the same time, she didn't care one bit. For two years, she had loved him and suffered quietly; she now wished she could go back. She'd rather have him not know than see with her own eyes that he could never care for her.
"I assure you, Granger, I do not find this the least bit entertaining!"he whispered menacingly.
"You could have told me to leave! You could have taken a hundred points from Gryffindor! Anything would have been better than what you did! Anything!" she said and hid her face in her palms.
"Seriously, miss Granger? What did you think was going to happen? I am, after all, your teacher! And old enough to be your father. What would you have me do? How on earth could I have possibly handled this so that you wouldn't scream at me?"
Hermione stopped sobbing, long enough to look up and take in his wounded expression. An expression that disappeared in the blink of an eye but she was sure that it had been there. She hoped that he might hold her hand, just for a second but he made no movement towards her. He kept his lips sealed, mysterious as ever and let her stare at him for a while.
"I don't know what I expected from you. I should have known better..."she finally gave up. "I should have hexed myself to oblivion before I walked to your door. You are lonely and bitter and I wish... I wish..."
"What? Spit it out already, you annoying witch!" It was his turn to yell.
"I wish I had never met you!"Hermione screamed and ran away, tears blinding her.
She promised herself, she'd never spare another thought on him; after Dumbledore's murder, she cried herself to sleep for weeks. Because despite the things she'd told Severus Snape, she didn't really wish for anything other than to see him smile someday.
It didn't matter that it broke her heart; she simply stood there and did nothing more than witness his death. For a split second, she thought about what could have been if he had only held her hand that night. She saw him die and the guilt overwhelmed her. If they had stepped in, if they had helped him somehow...
Harry collected the memories and started heading back. Hermione walked to the body who once belonged to the man she loved. Her friends tried to pull her away but she shoved them back. Her feet, she blamed her feet. She didn't want to touch him and feel... death. But her feet dragged her on. She knelt beside him and held his hand in hers. A few years too late, she thought. Too late.
THE END
Author's Note: So... I've never done this before. I hope you enjoyed it! Although I'm a fan of this pairing, I strongly believe it would never have worked between them and this is my way of saying it. (I do love Severus Snape!)