Wow. Loved the, uh, one review I got for the last chapter. Awesome. Really. I'm glad I'm writing this.

I own nothing . . .

And I have to give credit to the last two chapter titles: they were taken and inspired by the Jackson Brown song, The Pretender. "And we'll fill in the missing colors/In each other's paint-by-number dreams."

Good song. Aaaand enjoy.

December 21, 2021

"So I tell him, 'This isn't wrong! We can make it professional.'"

"You can make it professional? You really said that, Leesh?"

"Uh, yeah . . . it was the only thing I could think of at the time. Anyway, it got him to have sex with me. So I think I succeeded."

"Alicia, you could have said anything and he would have had sex with you by the end of the night. It's called patience."

Claire giggled and took a sip of her Long Island Iced Tea, smiling along with her friends. It was a girls night out, something they the five of them hadn't done in a long time. Alicia was telling them about her recent escapades involving getting her new limo driver/assistant/chef/fill-in-the-blank to sleep with her. It was a regular thing, but Claire still loved to hear about it. Alicia's way of living and dating was so much different than her own it was like watching a movie, not real life.

It had been four days since the Victoria's Secret shoot. It had been amazing; a few of the models had even told her that it was an honor to meet her and gave her their info so she could call them for any other jobs. It was scary and exhilarating all at the same time. She hadn't been able to properly focus on her career in a long time, it felt like. Of course, that was all that Josh had ever paid any attention to, ever. She felt like she was getting back in the fast lane, back in the zone, being successful. When Dylan had called and said that they were having a party to celebrate her being single and Kristen's nearing due date, she'd jumped at the chance.

Claire hated to admit it, but she was nervous about entering the dating scene again. It wasn't something she was really prepared to do. She'd only had two boyfriends in her whole life, and both had been serious. She didn't even really know anything about the dating scene.

She scanned the bar, half-listening as Massie went on about recent business dealings and Kristen went on about pregnancy pains. It was then that she saw him.

He was sitting at the bar, laughing it up with Chris Plovert. God, she hadn't seen him in a while. He looked good.

She was thoroughly buzzed from the alcohol. Not drunk, but perfectly bubbly and content. She couldn't really make it out from all the way across the room, but she knew what he looked like from sheer memory. She knew all his lines, all his smiles, all his laughs, all his frowns and winks and the way he bit his lip when he was trying to hide something. She memorized them back in seventh grade. She'd learned every inch of his body as she stumbled into adulthood. She'd grown up with him alongside her. He was like a part of her, instinct, a piece of her senses.

She knew that one eye was blue and the other was green.

He had proposed to her, way back in college. She had said no.

What Claire didn't notice was Kristen, who had seen Cam too. She didn't see Kristen jab Massie's ribs with her elbow, motioning towards Claire, who was staring at Cam. Okay, staring was the wrong word. She was simply observing. There was nothing wrong with that. Her and Cam had dated for literally nine years, she had the right to look at him when she spotted him in a crowded bar.

"So are we ready to go? I am," Massie said hurriedly, trying to tell everyone with her eyes that they had a slight emergency on their hands. The girls all quieted as Massie tapped Claire's shoulder.

"Claire? Honey, we're going," she said quickly. Claire's attention was suddenly diverted by her friends.

"Oh, I think I'm gonna stay for a while," she mumbled as she slid off her chair and made her way to the bar. Massie quickly chased her, pulling Claire back by the arm.

"Claire, this is a bad idea. Just leave Cam Fisher be. Let's go to my place, 'kay?"

Claire turned in annoyance. "You don't have to protect me, Mass. I've had one drink. Saying hi to Cam won't hurt anything." She wanted to believe that, and she did. She was an adult and responsible for herself.

And with that, Claire pulled away and casually walked up to the bar, signaling for another drink and sliding onto the stool next to Cam. He turned and saw her, taking a second to realize who she was. She could help but smile at his blatant shock.

"Claire Hotz. Or should I say, the new and improved Claire Lyons! How have you been?" His smile is easy and carefree.

Claire took a deep breath at Cam's bold introduction. Then she smiled. Maybe he was right. Maybe she was new and improved since the divorce. No, scratch that, of course he was right. She was ten times better, now that she was single.

"I've been good. Actually, great. And you?" She suddenly feels a sort of cocky confidence swelling up inside her, like she can say anything and get away with it. Cam is just so familiar she doesn't feel like she can do wrong.

Cam smiles and now she can see, even in the dim light, his blue eye and green eye. She always loved those eyes. Different from the rest of the world, those eyes.

Cam is easy to fold into. She doesn't even have to predict what will happen or what he'll do; she just knows. Like a song she's heard five-hundred thousand times. Maybe she's a little sick of it, but she knows every beat and pause and word and breath. It's just easier. Effortless.

The girls have left, and it bothers her because Massie was so worried about her. Massie is always worried about her, though. But really, what was so wrong about talking to Cam again? He was a nice guy. Sure, things between them didn't really end ideally, but that was life. If everything was ideal, nothing would end.

After her third drink she's laughing a little louder and picking out her own music at the jukebox. She doesn't notice Cam's hand on her knee, or the way he danced really close when she ran onto the dance floor, declaring "This is my jam!" because "Pour Some Sugar on Me" came on. She doesn't notice these things, or maybe she does but she doesn't really care, or she doesn't want to care. Cam is just Cam, and she doesn't have to think which seems good at this point. She can close her eyes and not be worried.

Later, way later, possible wee hours of the morning later, she's leaning against the outside of the bar, her back pressing against the cold brick. Cam is kissing her lips, and she wants to laugh because literally nothing has changed about the way he kisses.

Then Cam groans and presses his lips harder against hers and for one, fleeting second, she can see Josh in her head, his brown eyes and his smile and his slightly darkened skin and his hair. She squeezes her eyes tighter and tries to block him out, but then she can see her wedding ring right before Massie put it in her pocket; the last, fleeting sparkle it gave before it disappeared. It plays over and over in her head; handing Massie her ring, telling Massie to do whatever she wanted with it, and that last, screaming flash that glinted off the diamond.

God, all Claire wants is to forget about everything but this kiss, right now, but she can't.

She molds her body against Cam's and lets his tongue into her mouth and that's enough.

Really, it is.

January 1, 2019

Claire blinked wearily at the sunlight streaming in through her window and tried to fall back asleep.

It was New Years Day. Last night, Claire and Josh had danced at Massie's until sweat streamed down her back and his hair was soaked. Now it was morning. The sun shined in and made her white sheets seem even whiter. She snuggled in deeper among the white, her blonde hair tousled and messy. She was completely naked. Upon arriving at her apartment last night, Josh and her had spent hours having hot, steamy, sex. She was a little sore and still majorly tired.

It was then that she heard a tiny click. And then another. Wearily, she opened her eyes.

Josh was sitting on top of the covers, clad in only his boxers. He had her tiny, digital Elph between his hands. She pulled the blanket over her face as he snapped another picture.

"Aww, Claire, lemme get another photo of you."

"Nuh-uh. I'm naked, Joshua Hotz."

He yanked the blanket down and caught another picture while she squealed. "Why should that matter? You're so pretty when you're naked."

"Do you mind telling me why you insist of taking pictures of me while I'm in bed?"

He set the camera on the nightstand and laid next to her, snuggling under the covers. He pressed his freezing toes against her calves and she squealed.

"Josh! That's cold."

"I know. Sorry." He laughed and then reached over her to grab the camera again. She giggled. He pressed his cold toes against her and she squealed again.

Just at that moment, he snapped another picture.

"Poor Claire, so cold. Claire a la mode."

"A la mode?"

"It means with ice cream. Right?"

"How would I know?"

"You know everything, Claire." He snapped another photo, this one of both of them, faces together as she faced him. "I'll name this one, 'Me with Genius'."

"Right. Genius. You are such a dork, Josh." She pulls the sheet over them both, so it's just him and her and white, white, covering them and everything else. They are encased in a tiny white capsule of body heat and giggles and her camera. He takes a picture of them now.

"Claire and Josh and Cloud," he says and she can't help it, she laughs even more. She closes her eyes and sighs. Josh shakes her.

"You have to stay awake. I have something to show you. Open your eyes."

She opens them and he reaches out of their little sheet cocoon, then turns back to her while holding his hand behind his back.

"Close you eyes!"

"You just told me to open them."

"Well, now I'm telling you to close them. Please!" He smiles and she can't not listen to him. She closes them.

She feels as he lifts her left hand, kissing each of her knuckles. Then she feels something slide onto her ring-finger.

"Open."

She already knows what's going on before she sees the ring on her finger. But, of course, this doesn't stop her from starting to cry.

"Oh, Claire, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong. Perfect. Everything is perfect."

He pulls her to himself, and it's just skin against skin and white around them, sunlight filtering through the sheets making everything bright.

"So it's a yes?"

"Of course it's a yes. God, Josh," she murmurs against his collarbone.

His fingers trace the map of her skin and she yearns to learn his landmarks all over again.

They spend the day like that, in bed, memorizing each other with the tips of their fingers.

At three in the afternoon she's starving and he orders in takeout.

While she's eating her egg roll she looks at him and doesn't want anything else, really. She just wants this day, second, to never find it's ending (was there even a beginning?) She wants to stretch these moments into paper-thin strips and lay her life out in youth and in love. She wants it to be like this forever.

He smiles and she can see he feels the same way.

Oh, Josh, her skin seems to whisper to him when it rustles against white cotton sheets. I hope we have forever. I hope these days don't pass.

I hope these seconds last. Even if it was only us, I think we'd be okay.

Reviews are appreciated(:

Last lines aren't song lyrics. Written by me.