I know your heart. You think I don't, but I do.
I see the parts of it that you can't. I don't know why but I do. I see these things, threads, red like blood droplets drip drip drip no matter how much it drips, you never felt afraid. Haemoglobin. Heart beating. Thud. Thud. Your heart. I see it, Simon.
You are mine.
You love Kaylee. Me too. But there is love, and then there is an unstoppable force. The only one that exists in the universe. On Earth that was, so many believed in it.
Soulmate.
You are mine.
You'll do all sorts of things with her. Your body will sing beneath her touch, although I know you don't like to think that it will...some things don't change. Masculinity. Power. You'd never hurt her, but this is socially programmed into you. Do this, do that, become male. XY chromosomes. Testosterone. Don't you dare be weak! Owned! Submissive! Broken arms, legs, ribs, and hearts. Thud. Thud. Beating. Haemoglobin. Around and around we go. I can't... these threads I try to grasp, they're slippery red like blood...I try...Simon...
I am yours.
There was a country, on Earth that was. They had a belief that those inexrtricably bound by together by life, are bound metaphysically by a red string. They were right. I see it, now, it winds around our necks, twirls between our fingers. Starts with me ends with you starts with you ends with me. Around around. Ring. Rings...have no end. Where is the beginning? True infinity.
I know want. I do know. They sterilised me, but they did not render me frigid. Frozen. Cold. I'm not that. I know what it is. Heartbeat, moving from the chest to between my legs. Deeper beating. Different slippery. I feel it when I look at Mal, sometimes. I know you feel it when you look at Kaylee, and Kaylee has been ruled by the frustration of it when she looked at you, in the past. Visceral. Strong. The Shepherds...some Shepherds, not all of them...some of them preach that it is anathema. To be denied. Especially when looking at your own blood.
Thud.
Thud.
We will go beyond that. There will be a point where it will not be needed. The want will subside. But the thread will only tighten.
And you won't understand it. It will drive you close to mad...or so you'll think. (You will never know true madness. I would not wish it upon you. Or anyone.) You won't understand at all - you will panic, run...run in circles. Infinity returns to us, Simon. This is what we are and what we'll always be. We'll be united by the physical and sealed by the intangible. The Bible makes no sense but this does. This is the only thing that makes sense, sometimes, when Serenity is murmuring to me and I walk through everyone's dreams, late at night. Gorram moon brain, you see. He is right, Jayne is.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Simon.
What you fear is what is already in place. You have proven it over and over and over. At the end, there is me. Xiao meimei.Words looks touches eyes hands lips mind tears - uncountable innumerable tears like heartbeats, haemoglobin, blood rushing to your head, your lips, tightening your grip, falling rising falling - ah...!
The red string leads to you me us. We.
Try not to be afraid, Simon.
I love you.