Chapter Two – You Are The Reason Why

James was crying. He sat on his bed, in front of his laptop. He was reading through comments on one of their interview-videos on YouTube.

OMG I simply love BTR! Well, except of James – he's so gay!
James is so ugly!
I hope James dies soon and in pain!
my order: 1) Kendall – he's sooo hot! 2) Logan – he's really cute! 3) Carlos – so funny! 4) James – I don't like him at all!
James is so stupid! He thinks he's all pretty, tho he isn't even close to!
James should kill himself!

He never said he was pretty and he definitely didn't think so either. Maybe he was gay, he wasn't entirely sure. He was sure though that he was in love with Logan.
But what made them say that he should die in pain? If they didn't like him, fine! But why wish him death? Why say that he should kill himself? What for? Because he was ugly? Because everyone hated him? Because he would never get what he really wanted – Logan? Just why? Maybe James should kill himself. Maybe it would make the world better. They wouldn't even miss him, might wouldn't even realize he's gone. But it certainly would make all this pain stop. This pain of being hated, this pain of not being loved back.

James opened the Twitter page and logged in. What he needed right now was some love. He clicked on the little button that said 'Mentions'

And yes, I'm proud to be a BTR hater! Especially James sucks! Hear that jamesdiamond? I hate you!

Yes, James heard it and it broke his heart. It was the first mention on the list, written by someone with the username IhateJamesD. Great. More tears were running down his cheek, blurring the monitor. He wasn't able to read more tweets. Instead he tweeted something himself, not needing to look at the keyboard. His fingers were running over it, pressing the letters, before sending the tweet.
He was still crying when he closed his Laptop and stood up.
They always tell u 2b strong in ur life, no matter what- I was 1 of em too, until I realized that sometimes there's simply just one way out…

He was going through his tweet over and over again. Stupid 140 characters. It made all tweets look stupid, trying to make them short enough to fit. He didn't exactly tell them what he was about to do, but he did gave them the chance to know why when they read about it the next day.

Logan knew he had to find him. He ran. He ran up the stairs and pushed the door of James' bedroom open. He found James standing on a chair with a string in his hand, about to fix it on the lamp hanging above his head.
Logan knew what he had to do. He ran towards James and pushed him off the chair. He was still holding the rope when he crashed on the floor.

'Dude! What the heck?' James jumped up, screaming at Logan in a loud voice, which was shaking a bit.
'I should say that to you! WHAT THE HECK!', Logan was screaming, for the first time ever. 'You were trying to kill yourself!'
'No I wasn't…', James mumbled. 'YEAH YOU WERE!', Logan screamed back angrily.
James hated to cry when somebody saw him, but he couldn't stop the tears that were running down his chin right now, he couldn't stop the sobs that were shaking him. He covered his face with his hands and screamed trough his fingers: 'Just leave me alone!' Logan was making it all worse. It wasn't only hate that had driven James to do what he was just interrupted from…

'No', Logan whispered, getting up. He couldn't really stand straight up, he was shaking too much, still shocked. 'I won't leave you alone! Not right now…' He looked at James, still worried and hurt. How could he. How could James do this? A tear gently ran down Logan's cheek as he realized how close he had gotten to lose James.
'Why?', he managed to ask, trying to stop his shaking.
James didn't look like he was going to answer this, didn't look like he even completely knew it himself. Although James knew exactly why, he couldn't tell Logan. Not everything. Not the entire truth.

'Nobody likes me…',he whispered through his tears, ashamed.
Logan started shaking even more when James' broken voice said that sentence he was keeping inside of him for so long. Logan came a step closer. 'What? How can you possibly say that James!', Logan screamed. James just shook his head and sobbed, so Logan continued, trying to calm down a bit. 'Don't you know how much your fans love you? How much your family loves you? How much your friends love you? How much the boys love you? How much I love you?'
Logan shook his head in disbelief. Not James. Not him. James never mentioned that he felt like that. He was getting love from everyone!

James shook his head. 'No, I don't…' Tears were still running down the tall boy's face like rivers. James looked to the ground. No, he honestly didn't.
Logan's heart was broken. 'You don't think we love you?', he asked, pushing one more tear out of the corners of his eyes.
'No…', James whispered, feeling like a sword was pushed right into his heart.

Logan could feel the pain in James' voice and he couldn't stop it. He also couldn't stop what happened next – he simply had been hiding it for too long. So he took a few steps, till he was just a few inches away from James, from his friend, from his hurt friend, from his friend who thought they didn't love him, who thought that he didn't love him.
Logan took James' face in his hands, pulled him close and pressed their lips together.
Their kiss lasted for a few seconds before Logan pulled away. 'This is how much I love you!', he whispered, more tears running down his own face now.

'I… What?', James stuttered. Both of their shirts were already wet from crying. 'I love you!', Logan whispered, looking into James' eyes. Hurt.
'Never do this again to me! Never let me read a tweet like that again. Never! James, do you even realize how much it would have hurt me to lose you?' Logan was crying really hard now. 'I… I…', he sobbed, but James just pulled him into a gentle and soft kiss.
Logan was surprised when they broke apart. He looked confused, but his tears had almost stopped. James hugged him. 'Don't cry. Not because of me! I'm not worth it! It kills me to see you cry!'
'No, you almost killed yourself! How could you?', now tears were shaking Logan's body again, when pictures of the dead James came into his mind. He tried to shake them off, but he couldn't.
'The truth?', James asked, sitting down on his bed, sighing. 'The truth!', Logan said, taking place beside of him.
'I have two reasons. One: I was either getting hate from people or they didn't even care about me at all lately. I may have never talked about it, but it killed me inside. And two, maybe the even more important thing, maybe the thing that gave me that little push I needed to do what I was about to do… So number two would be… You…' James blushed and looked to the ground, avoiding Logan's shocked expression. 'Me?', Logan said unbelieving, his voice shaking. 'You', James confirmed and forced himself to look into Logan's eyes.
'But…', Logan started, when James put his finger on Logan's lips and interrupted him: 'You are the reason why I cry at night, you are the reason why I can't focus on school. You are the reason why I didn't have a girlfriend for such a long time. You are the reason why my heart begins to beat faster, you are the reason why I smile though I'm hurt. You are the reason why I wake up in the morning and am happy to get up. You are the reason why I know what true love feels like. But still, you are the reason why I didn't want to live anymore… Because you would never love me back, because I could never possibly get the only thing I always wanted. Because I could never possibly get you!'

Logan thought about it all and tried to process all those things James had just said. 'But it doesn't matter anymore!', Logan finally replied, after letting James wait for hours as it seemed. 'It doesn't matter anymore, because I love you too! I always have! And now I don't have to worry anymore either! Because you love me as well!'
James hesitated. 'So you really meant it? What you said? The kiss?' 'Every single word, every single touch, every single second of the kiss. I love you James Diamond, you are the only person I've ever truly loved! I honestly love you from the bottom of my heart and will until I die.'

James leaned in and their lips touched softly. People might think James always got what he wanted. The hottest girls, good looks, fame. But finally, and for the first time in his life, James really did get what he always wanted. True love from Logan Mitchell.

[A/N]

Sooo what did ya guys think? :) Chapter was a bit longer this time and of course the story could end right now, but nope, not right now, it has two more chapters and it gets more dramatic in the next one and really intense in the last one! :P
So stay tuned and let me know what you think so far! :)