Helllooo my beloved readers! I would like to thank you for all the reviews and feedback i have recieved from all of you! Nothing major in this chapter, not totally a filler chapter, just setting the scene and stuff, setting up for the next few chapters. hopw y'all like it.

Peter must have stood there with his mouth hanging open for at least five minutes, simply staring at his younger brother. His brain could not even begin to comprehend what he was suggesting. He saw Edmund's mouth moving and the determination of which he was speaking but the words simply did not regester properly. At all, really. Any one could see plainly that the Just King was rather annoyed by now and did not appreciate people gawking at him like he had four noses. It was a rather long while before Peter could actually make the words come out of his mouth. Well, word. Sort of.

"Huh?"

Edmund sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "I see we are going to have to take this slowly. I. Am going. To go. To. The White Witch's castle. To find. Lu's cordial. So we. Can give it. To Caspian." he said rather slowly, trying to use the smallest words possible. He felt as if he was talking to one of the second graders Susan had tutored in England.

Peter focused very hard on Edmund's mouth, concentrating on the words that werer coming out and only that. And still, they made no sense to him. Just strange babble.

"Sorry; didn't catch that." he said and Edmund rolled his eyes and groaned.

"For Aslan's sake Pete! How old are you, four? I am going to the castle to get Lu's cordial so that we can get the amphatike out of Lover Boy's system for good!" he said loudly, clearly frustrated with his big brother.

Peter still couldn't comprehend what his brother was saying. It was like they were standing under water and all of it was trapped inside his head. As soon as he heard the word 'witch's castle' it was like his ears shut off. But his thoughts grew louder. That was where Rabadash had tried to force himself on his sister. That was where all of her scars and tears and bruises and scratchs originated. From him. In that castle. He clenched his jaw almost instinctively and his heart throbbed with that familiar ache as he remembered how he had failed to protect his sister from her past.

"Could you say that one more time?" he asked and then winced after, preparing for a slap in the face or a smack upside the head. Edmund muttered several words he would never want his sisters to hear before throwing up his hands and grabbing his hair in aggravation.

Peter concentrated very hard on his brother's mouth and the words that had come out of them. Peter remembered the scared faced little boy with the cut up lip that had almost died in that castle and the permanetly scarred little sister who had almost been raped in that place and he wanted to cry. He had failed to protect them. Both of them. And now his brother wanted to go back there. The silence was heavy and suffocating.

Edmund looked up at his brother and fixed him with his penetrating Edmund-stare. Aslan Peter hated when he did that!

"He needs it Pete. Even if he gets better and even if he gets back to normal that amphatike is still going to stay in his system. It will never leave him unless we get Lucy's cordial. I know you aren't exactly one hundred percent comfortable with the idea of him being married to our precious sister but we have to get it for him," Edmund said in a more serious tone. Every hint of irratation was gone and his face was determined and serious.

Peter's head snapped up. He was her big brother. Of course he would never be comfortable with the fact that his seventeen year old sister was already married and moved bedrooms but he was bloody glad it had been to Caspian.

''I'm not uncomfortable with Caspian being married to-"

"If it was Lucy or Susan that had been poisoned you would let me go." Edmund interrupted in a quiet whisper. Peter opened his mouth and then closed it. That idea was so horrifying to him he couldn't even process it.

"That-that has nothing to do with it Ed!"

"He's our brother Pete. And he needs it. His life depends on it. I love Caspian as much as I love you and the girls-well, maybe not as much as I love the girls- but if there is something my family needs I am going to get it. He is part of this family now Peter and he needs that cordial to continue being a part of this familiy,'' he said in a voice stronger than he felt. It didn't matter to him what Peter said. He was going to that castle. And he was going to find that cordial.

"Ed you know I love Caspian but I love you more. I'll go. You...stay here and look after the girls and Caspian and the kingdom and-"

Edmund threw his hands up in the air and tore at his hair in frustration but strangely his face remained calm and blank. "Pete I love you but you can be a real prat sometimes. Do you honestly think I am going to stay here and be a bloody nanny? Peter, Susan is married for Aslan's sake and Lucy is almost fourteen! When are you going to realize that just because you're the oldest and Dad was never around that you don't have to father us about everything. You're not my father Peter. Your youngest sister will be fourteen in March and you are still treating ME like I am the same pratty rotten little boy that almost got the four of you killed because I was mad at you. I'm not a little kid anymore. I was twenty five when we left! You can't keep telling me what to do Peter you're not the High King of the whole bloody universe!" he ranted.

"But you know what Ed, that is not the point! No matter how old you get I will always be older and no matter how hard I try not to I am always going to want to protect you because I couldn't when you were that little boy! I'm sorry but no, you're not going. And the only way i will let you is if we go together but we can't DO that because someone has to stay here and look after the country!' he retored angrily. "It is too dangerous and you aren't going without me."

Edmund scrunched up his nose, the resemblence to Susan becoming overwhelming. Peter flinched. Just another thing that he and Susan shared that they didn't...

"Yeah Peter, it is dangerous but everything can be. I have to do this Pete. Not you, not Caspian, not Su or Lu, ME. It has to be me."

So many unspoken words in those last five words.

"I am never going to forgive myself for what I did but this is my chance to try. You have no idea what it is like to look at your sisters knowing that they could be rotting in the ground because of you. And you have no idea what it is like to look at this country and know that it could all be covered in snow and she could be sitting on the thrown. I have never stopped feeling guilty for what I did. It tears me apart Pete. It always has and I can never redeem myself and I'll never forgive myself for what a prat I was back then but this is my chance to try. PLEASE don't take that away from me. Please just let me do this. I can do this Peter. I'll take Trumpkin and Glenstorm with me...whoever you want but just let do this. Don't you trust that I can take care of myself?" He asked in a slightly injured tone.

Peter opened his mouth and then closed it again, trying to choose his words very carefully. He sighed.

"It's..not that I don't trust you...I just want you to be safe...and I know that you can do this. But we'll be getting a declaration of war from Telmar any day now and you're the best swordsmen in Narnia. It's really really risky for you to be gone. I dont know if we can risk it this time. I believe in you more than any one else in the entire world but you know...I'd miss you. Um, I uh, I mean the girls. The girls...would...miss you." he mumbled awkwardly. Edmund seemed to not notice and was staring out the open window with a distant look on his face.

"I would miss them too. You know I never really say it enough...ever, really, but I really hate being away from the three of the you. I really really don't say it enough. I love you Peter.' he said sincerely. Peter was suprised but suddenly found himself holding back tearss. Lu was almost fourteen, Susan was married and Edmund wanted to go off to an evil witch's castle to save Susan's husband. Why did they all have to grow up so fast? Wasn't watching his family grow up and not need him at all bad enough the first time?

Before he knew it Edmund was throwing his arms around Peter and squeezing the air out of his lung. Peter patted his back comfortingly, still trying to be the big brother. "I love you too Ed. And I suppose... Trumpkin might be looking for an adventure. But you have to swear to me that you will be careful. And take Susan's horn with you. Please.''

Caspian flitted his eyes open for the first time in three days. What happened? His tongue was dry, his head hurt like heck, every muscle ached, his side burned, he had the worst taste in his mouth, and he still felt like he was on fire. Except now instense of a boiling inferno it was just a hot glow. Not like the blue part of the flame but the palest yellow part. He tried to sit up and was greeting with a slicing pain so intense he collapsed back on his pillow with a gaspe of pain. He groaned and ruffled his slightly and rubbed his hand rougly down his face.

"Hey, look who just woke up,'' Susan said with a soft smile, quoting Caspian's own words from several months ago. How long ago that all seemed!

Caspian smiled at the sight of his wife and once again tried to sit up. He bit back a rather foul curse (the amphatike tended to linger a bit) when the pain exploded through him. He sank back onto the pillow breathing heavily. The smile fell from Susan's face at her husband's pain and she immediately crawled into the bed next to him and snuggled up to him although she was strangely distant and careful, as if pressing against him too hard would cause her to burst into flames. Caspian smiled weakly and tilted his head to press a kiss to the side of hers. She sighed and brushed a rebelious lock of hair out of his face. He laughed wheezily and tried to shift his weight to be closer to her but finding that it hurt too much gave up.

"Oh Caspian I am so glad you're awake. You've been out of days. I was so worried about you..." she said painfully in a quivering voice. She sounded so small.

Caspian attempted a laugh but it only came out as a gurgle of pain. Susan flinched. She turned her head in an attempt to hide the tears but if Caspian noticed, he didn't show it. Not because he didn't care but because he was afraid the thought of losing her would bring his own tears. He swallowed hard and very slowly and carefully lifted and arm to put around her shoulder. His eyes bugged out and he bit his tongue to keep from yelling out from the pain. It was like his muscles had been through a garbage disposal. Susan's lip quivered slightly and she turned her head gently into his shoulder. Caspian's burning chest seemed to cave in when he heard her soft sobs.

"You almost didn't make it Caspian. Even the Professor said so. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head and- and you stopped breathing and i-it was so scary," she sobbed quietly into his shoulder. Her cold tears sliding down his neck were the only heat relief he had felt for days. He rested his chin on top of head and whispered nonsense into her hair for a few moments.

"Shh Shh its alright love. I'm here now and I always will be. You're my life now Susan and I will always fight for my life," he whispered hoarsely, turning his head to ghost his lips along her temple. She sobbed harder and grabbed a fistfull of his shirt. Caspian was genuinely scared. Even after all of the vile disgusting things Rabadash tried to do to her a few months ago he hadn't ever seen her so scared.

"Please. Please don't cry. I can't stand to see you cry. Love please stop. Don't cry," he breathed as he rested his forehead against the top of her head so he could smell her hair better. How he loved that smell. It was one of the things that he thought of as the foam was gurgling out of his throat and the vile poison was seeping into his heart.

'"I was so scared I was going to lose you" she whispered quietly.

Caspian made a face. "After the way I treated you I should think you would be glad to be rid of me."

Susan gasped and her head snapped up, her eyes huge.

"Caspian X don't you EVER say that again, Don't you ever say that again! How can you even think that way?" her voice was low and dangerous and well...a lot more intimidating than it should have been.

Caspian stared sadly into her eyes. "But it is true. I treated you just like he did. I am so sorry," he ended in a whisper.

"Darling it wasn't you fault-"

Caspian snorted and shook his head. "I am better than that. I was taught better than that I was RAISED better than that. I hit your brother for Aslan's sake!I don't deserve to be part of your family." he said bitterly. Susan shook her head disbelievably.

"Love, who you are is not what you did...that wasn't you Caspian! You were poisoned for goodness sake-you couldnt help it."

"But I could have. I am better than that. I actally punched your brothers. Both of them. I actually punched them. But that is nothing compared to what I did to you. Putting my hands all over you like that in front of Lucy and your brothers...I was just like him, someone I swore to you I would never be like." he said spitefully, his eyes a strange combination of spitefully bitter and sad. He would like to say he had never felt so bad about himself but he would be lying. He felt like this more often than he would like to admit.

It was a horrible feeling. Like feeling the most vile part of yourself dancing and swirling around inside of you. He could feel the blackness inside himself.

Susan was quiet for a few seconds. Not an agreeing quiet but a careful quiet, as if she was rolling her tongue over her words before allowing them to leave her mouth.

"You are just like my brother." she said distantly. Caspian frowned and opened his mouth to protest.

"Perhaps that is why I was so drawn to you in the first place. I could feel that you were like them. Good and brave and strong and kind and funny and sweet and chivalrous. Do you know why I never chose anyone? A suitor, I mean, in the Golden Age?"

He shook his head slowly. Uncertainly.

''In England they always say girls look for a man thats like her father. I love my father but he really wasn't around much, even before the war. So I guess I never really realized it but I always looked for someone like my brothers. Someone...who was strong and smart and had a sense of humor but could be serious. Someone who didn't think of me as a prize to be won or an object to be protected. Someone who would hug me when I was upset and make me laugh when I was not. And you are just like him."

Caspian shifted uneasily in the bed with the most adorable confused face Susan had ever seen.

She sighed. "Edmund. You are just like Edmund."

Caspian snorted again. " Edmund would not have acted that way. He would not have treated the people he loved so."

"I love Edmund to death and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him but what he did on our first visit was much worse. I assume you are familiar with the story?"

He nodded solemnly.

"About what the Turkish Delight she gave him did to him? How she tricked him and bribed him with power over Peter and me and Lu. He was such a different person then,'' she added the last part more to herself than to him.

"Now let me ask you this. Do you..blame him for him for what he did?"

"No. He could not help it. He was under her power." he answered automatically. Susan nodded. "Uh-huh. And-how, exactly, is that any different than what happened to you?"

Caspian did not say anything for a while.

''Edmund will never forgive himself but-its done, it happened."

"But that doesn't make me feel any less of a fool."

"Caspian listen to me very carefully. Who you are is not what you did. I was almost thirty when we left the first time and I'm still growing up. Life is a tough crowd but it is not hard to make them cheer again."

Edmund sat frozen in his saddle, staring at the sun above the sea. Was he scared? Of course! Was he going to let that keep him from saving his oldest brother? Heck no!

Trumpkin cleared his throat on the pony next to Edmund, Peepicheek standing on his saddle horn. Edmund didn't notice and turned over his shoulder to look one more time at Cair Paravel. He didn't know how long it would take or the next time he saw it would be but he was not coming back until Lu's cordial was tucked in his saddle bag next to Susan's horn. He still felt a bit uneasy about taking it without telling her but he thought it would be better if he didn't say goodbye to the girls. It was going to be hard enough saying goodbye to Peter, he couldn't imagine saying goodbye to the girls.

He really wasn't as affectionate and caring around them as he would like to be but he still loved them more than anything. He didn't hug them enough, didn't tell them he loved them enough but that would change when he got back.

He felt a pat on his leg and he jumped when he saw Peter's sad green eyes staring at him. "Well, I guess you better get going Ed. You wouldn't want to get going at sunset." he said with catch in his voice, trying to manage a week smile.

Edmund reached down and clasped his brothers shoulder firmly with a brave smile. "Tell Caspian I am going to be back as soon as I can. Tell Su I'm sorry I took her horn and tell Lu I'll have her cordial in no time. But most of all, tell them I love them. I know I don't say it enough." he said with a lopsided half smile. Peter looked away for a moment and then nodded.

"Just be careful little brother. I don't think me and Caspian could handle Su and Lu and all their girly problems on our own." he said with a lame attempt at a joke. Edmund chuckled.

"Well, Cas is kinda married to Su so I think those are his problems." he said and then put on a serious face. "I love you Pete."

"I love you too Ed."

You can only stand by and say nothing as your father and brother plan to stamp out the country of the most amazing man you have ever met. And Mariella did not intend to.

There are only so many fights a young king has inside of him. And Kasim planned to find Caspian's number.

A queen can only take so much treachery before she finally snapped. And Tristan intended to find out just which straw would break the camel's back.

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