"Children, we don't you go explore the estate. It's already dark and though, for obvious reasons, you can't sleep I would like it if you stayed and accommodate yourself here." Carlisle said standing up, and everyone followed.

"Here?" Rosalie repeated.

"Yes, Rosalie, here. Actually since none of us really use our chambers for much, feel free to choose whichever room you like best." Esme said in this beautiful, joyful voice. "So, you can discuss the matter of staying." She smiled. Before I could think twice Rosalie had run upstairs and I heard the lock of a door.

"Please, excuse her. She's not, keen to new friends." Emmett said as he ran after his wife.

"Not yet, they aren't married, and, no Jasper this is not a trap. You can feel anything that might indicate the contrary?" Edward said sitting on a beautiful piano.

"Children, go ahead." Carlisle said gesturing toward the stairs.

And even though I had never ever, seen such a grand estate, outstanding view or such a weird, unique and united family, I knew exactly which room I wanted. So, I ran. I knew in some close future Edward would fight about my stealing it but –

"I won't…You won't give away that view, so why bother?" his dreamy sleepy voice traveled through the house and I couldn't help but laugh… out loud. Then music started to play. When I reached the door Jasper was hot on my heels, pushed it open. It was in the last floor and its roof was made of crystal, pure transparent, see-through crystal… Where now you could observe the radiant colors of dusk turn into a dark blue sea full of shiny glowing stars.

I walked so slowly it was like if I had never moved at all and sat in the floor, admiring this view. From another crystal wall you could admire the sun settling behind the ocean… Jasper sat beside me, first time in an hour I had seen him relax completely.

"You want to stay." It wasn't a question but somehow it sounded like a direct plead. He was begging from the inside out for me to not follow this path.

"Jasper, this is my shot. I have to take it, if not I will regret it forever." There wasn't much explaining, that was what I felt and what would happen. Period. "I'm staying. And I can't do it without you. I know you are scared and I know this is a big step for you but if you don't take it now you might never get the actual chance to make this choice again."

There was silence and then he slowly nodded. It was slight and almost invisible; it was over as soon as I had acknowledged its existence. "Let's go tell them…" I said starting for the door but Japer didn't move an inch.

"It's not like they didn't hear us already…" he whispered indifferently.

"Stop being so difficult!" I yelled out in frustration. "Why can't you just understand?" and then I felt it, the urge. The urge to throw, to punch… to rip. I couldn't control it for long if it was taking over my senses… but I had to fight it. Otherwise other five vamps were going to tear me apart and burn me without blinking… literally. "Stop it, Jasper." I knew it was barely a whisper that escaped my lips and there wasn't much conviction in the authority but I needed him to stop… I didn't like this… how can someone be like this? It was torture. Plain and simply torture…

"This is what I feel, Alice. Every moment of everyday when I am not alone." He stood up calmly, like if I wasn't burning from the inside out. But I knew, oh I knew, that he wasn't making up this feeling… He wasn't creating it. He was reflecting what he had been feeling since we stepped in this land. Since we've been with them… Since I hadn't wanted to leave. "Why don't you understand?" he repeated my question, but somehow it felt completely different, if this wasn't my Jazz. "Why don't you understand that if it's not you who is around me, all I want to do is rip…" he extended that last word like if it was a judge dictating a dead sentence. But his words weren't really my main focus at the moment. My legs failed me from the pain, my insides were breaking. I twisted in the floor and suddenly my fangs were out. I couldn't do it; the only being here was him… and as much as I wanted I couldn't rip him. I could kill him…

Then suddenly the connection of feelings broke and Jasper was flying and a window was breaking… two shadows went after him, lighting fast. Cold, hard but sweet and loving arms were around me. "You are alright, my dear." A sweet motherly voice said.

"No, Carlisle, he's not evil. He's just frustrated and it magnified over the argument." Another voice said a manlier one. I knew the omitted words… it magnified over the argument, because she pushed him. And I knew it was true because Edward didn't contradict me. "He didn't know it would affect you like this… He's so used to it, he forgets that you aren't that strong." He simply said hesitating in every word.

Nice, pick your words well all you want… I replied mentally to devastate to speak. The relieve of the gone pain was replaced by shame. I've driven him to that and I knew it. I pushed all his limits and out of selfishness expected him to deal with it, for the rest of forever. I had seen it in his face and ignored it. He had been build a way, a harsh, vindictive way and I pushed all his buttons, all the wrong ones indeed.

"It's not your fault, Alice, nor his… You'll work it out." Edwards went back to replying.

Where is he? My brain tried to search for an image, a conversation, a vision that led me to him but my senses were hurting.

"He's well, Emmett and Carlisle are having a chat with him."

Then I felt Esme laying me down on a comfortable bed. "Alice, sweetheart, he's going to be alright. Stop over thinking it. Can't you hear him and Emmett talk?" her voice rang in my ears but aside from that all I could catch where whispers.

"Her senses are hurting…" Edward explained. "It was too much pain. Even if we can't die by it caused some damage. She's going to need some time to recover." Then everything was silence until Edward cleared his throat and Esme gasped in a kind of female-ish way.

"If he could cry, he would." I heard Rosalie's voice far but not so far. I had closed my eyes so I really couldn't tell. Concentrate hard! I told myself. He needs you… Recover, Alice!

"I need to see him, Mrs. Cullen, please." I said some strength filling my body and I opened my eyes.

"Alright, but he will be out a while. He just needs to hunt, calm down."

"No! Mrs. Cullen, don't go hunting with him without precautions, he can go on a killing spre-"

"Alice." Edward interrupted. "He won't be hunting humans… Emmett is taking him to the woods…"

At that I bolted like a bullet and was out of the bed in my feet before any of them can move. Edward's and Esme's eyes where big as baseball balls seeing how fast I was and I didn't mind. All I had was one thought in my mind and five words in my mouth. "No way I'll miss this."

Jasper's POV

"I need to see her." I said through my teeth. The urge pulsing through my dead veins… Control it, I told myself. Look at what you did!

"I know, Jasper, but you need to calm down first." Carlisle told me while the big one, Emmett, was holding me back.

"I can't! Don't you get it?" I said trying to break free from Emmett's grasp. "I messed up, ok? I got blinded!"

"And until you learn to control your thirst that would always be a problem." Carlisle said not moving an inch from his position by the tree. The forest was dense and dark but I didn't feel scared or alert of my surroundings; Alice was what invaded all of my senses… what I had just done. How sick I felt…

"You don't get it!" I yelled and then I was flying and hit a tree, which shook violently.

"Of course we get it, you butthead!" the voice boomed through the forest like thunder. And it took me a moment to get myself together and understand that Emmett was speaking. "We are like you! We thirst, we lose our grip and we all have had our fair share of tough break downs." His hands were moving like crazy motioning his words with them but his feet didn't move and he didn't stop to take a breath when his voiced changed from angry to pensive. "But we found a way to get back to the track. We found a way to not let blood lust cloud out better judgment." Now he took a breath and looked to the estate. "When found them…" he whispered while his golden eyes sparkled with a feeling I didn't think possible for such a tough big fellow. "And we learn to control it by feeding on animals. So yes, get up and fight, don't whine." He said snapping himself back. There was a moment of silence and then Carlisle smiled and something told me Emmett didn't usually gave this kind of speech in the middle of the night to complete strangers. And the fact that he did made his father proud. His father… they were a family. It was possible… they could help. And I was the one who hadn't gotten it all along. If I was going to face this and be the man that Alice deserved I needed back up and to stand strong...

"Jasper, get up, I think my son has just invited you to our family." I stood up and before I could protest of how after what they had just witness they would take me in there was a rush in the air and her smell filled my nostrils.

"And what about me? Am I invited too?" a tiny voice said.

"Yes, Alice, of course." Carlisle said. And before I could run to see how she was, if she could forgive me, if she would take me back, tiny strong arms where around my neck holding me tight… And I got reminded of how fast she was, her very presence was all I needed to know that what Emmett had just said was al I needed. I was going to fight and I was going to survive.