Chapter 5

June 25th 1847

I'm glad to finally be writing again.

That night is a blur of slipping in and out of consciousness, of tears, and labor pangs, and screams fading in the background.

I remember only a few things, because at one point, I think I must have fainted on the bed. Mum hadn't brought me dinner or any water…it simply wasn't good for me and you.

I remember waking up to Toby. He was leaning over me, his eyes dark and his brows pulled together. He didn't look worried as his blurry face came into focus…he looked…angry.

"Thank God you're alright…" he muttered. But his voice didn't hold relief…it was stiff and low.

I felt another shooting pain…great…I thought I could maybe think it was all a dream.

"Thank…God…you're…alright…" I sputtered out…I don't think he quite understood what I meant before I was sent screaming by another pain. "You've got to fetch my midwife…the baby's coming…" I whispered quickly, just wanting to get the words out to him.

"No time…" he muttered as he took his eyes off of me and walked to the other side of the room in search for something.

I didn't have any time to mutter out another question. I was out of breath. I didn't want to talk anymore.

"They'll come looking for that judge man soon…we have to leave…"

I narrowed my eyes but didn't ask any questions…all of this could be resolved when this was all over with. I was worried about leaving, I wondered if I could even get out of bed.

There were just so many things that were making me uncomfortable and simply…miserable. I was thirsty and hungry, but I was unable to communicate to Toby that I was. I didn't think I could make it out the door, but Toby found what he was looking for and grabbed my wrist before I could protest.

I walked slowly, despite Toby struggling to drag me fast out of the home and through the shop. I had to pause every few minutes and lean against Toby as the pain shot through me…poor Toby. He didn't seem to care…he didn't seem to even notice. His strangely dark eyes were always just glued on the door exiting to the next room.

When we finally made it outside, for the strangest and most convenient reason, there was a coach right in front of the shop. Toby led me in, neither of us seeming to care very much that the coach wasn't called for us. I think I might have seen Toby slip the driver a few extra pennies to keep him quiet.

It was only a few blocks before the coach pulled over to wonder what all the screaming in the back was about…me.

I vaguely remember the coach driver sputtering something about his friend's wife being a midwife, and Toby paying him extra again to rush us to where his mate worked.

Unfortunately, it was a pub.

Fortunately, his mate's wife did happen to be there.

We didn't have a nice comfy bed to lie down on. We didn't have any of the fancy herbs and medicines to make things easier. We didn't have a nice clean room and a wonderful cradle to watch you sleep in after you were born. But we had Toby, some water, some blankets, and a midwife, and that was all we truly needed.

I don't remember much else…I remember briefly someone screaming at Toby to leave the room, but I was clutching and digging my fingernails into his hand so hard he couldn't leave if he wanted to.

I remember more pain…

…and then I remember the sweet sound of a baby crying.

And this…euphoric feeling.

They had to take you away from the room to…check you all up and such, I suppose. And for that brief moment I was scared out of my mind because…I immediately thought of Mum's baby…and how after she left that room, she never came back in.

Toby reassured my mystery tears by wiping them away and then kissing me lightly on the forehead…

"Good job…" he whispered in my ear.

I took a deep breath in and told myself to relax. As I was lying there with my eyes closed, Toby's hands in my own and just about falling asleep, I heard the door to the back storage room we had been stuffed into creak.

My eyes shot open as my heart leaped and shook my pulse off balance.

In walked the midwife.

With a tiny little body in her arms. You were wrapped in nothing but a bar towel and it still makes me laugh to think about it. I only wish we had something more proper for you.

"Congratulations…?"

"Ella…" Toby filled in for me, knowing that I was simply at a loss for words

"It's a girl…" she whispered to me as she handed you into my arms.

"A girl…" I sighed. What a…relief…almost. It didn't stop the chances, but it seemed to keep them from manifesting…at least a little less likely of you looking like him? Right? Forget motherly instinct, this was enough.

And I held you for the first time.

My breath was taken away…I don't know how else to describe it. Everything around me suddenly faded, the cold ground I was sitting on, the hard and itchy blankets, the bar towel you were wrapped in…and it all amounted to you, lying in my arms, staring up at me with your big blue green eyes.

Gorgeous.

This is how Mum said she felt when she held me for the first time. The uncontrollable smile, the pure sweet bliss, to the point where you can't hear anything but your heart beating and you can't feel anything but the weight of your baby under your arms.

Magnificent.

This is how Mum felt about me…no wonder she couldn't give me up…perhaps I can't fully blame her anymore…

Curiosity suddenly washed over me, overwhelming and unexpected.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I kept my eyes on you but muttered to Toby…

"What happened to my Mum?"

It was just us three in the room at that point. The midwife said she'd leave us alone for a moment together, I suppose. My question hung in the air and slowly fell to the ground in the space Toby left open.

I was terrified for the answer, even though I seemed to have already known it. I had heard two loud screams from below…

…first scream…footsteps down the flight, I could hear the creak of the large bake-house door. If I listened intently enough, I could hear voices floating through the bake-house, harmonizing with each other. One of them Mum, one of them, perhaps Mr. Todd.

…second scream…I felt the foundation shake at it…then utter silence. I remember running to the door and pounding on it and screaming for my mum, as if I already knew that the screams were hers.

Toby finally opened his mouth and took a breath. Letting the words out with a sigh in a whisper, "He killed her…"

So I had guessed.

My heart sank and tears fell down my cheeks.

I didn't bother, at that point, to ask about Mr. Todd. Toby would tell me the whole story later.

We both agreed he got what he wanted.

It seems I didn't get to do any proper mourning for my mother until later, when the feeling of being so high had worn off.

A few minutes later, the midwife knocked and came back in the door. I remember her asking how everything was. My lack of an answer was being the only answer she needed to know that everything was perfect.

A few more moments past with just me and Toby staring at you before the midwife broke our trance with, "Wot're going to name her?"

I hadn't thought about it.

Of course I hadn't thought about it, you were supposed to be a boy all these months! I thought briefly of changing the "Toby" we planned for you and changing to something more fit for a girl like "Tobette" or something foolish of that nature.

I looked at Toby for the solution to our problem. And he looked down at you with your big eyes and your…growing-darker hair. Your face was round with small chubby cheeks and simple…perfection. Your eyes fluttered lightly and you started to drift to sleep.

"Eleanor…" Toby whispered.

And I nodded.

"Eleanor Amelia Lovett,"

"It's beautiful," came the midwife's voice.

"It is? Isn't it?" I muttered back.

And for the past few months, this is where we've been staying.

Mum seemed to have left the sea side cottage just the way I remember it.

We settled in just fine, spoke to the landlords, who said that money was coming in like it regularly did. They never even had a notion that no one was living in the home. I figured Mum was always planning for us to come back here someday. She loved it so here…

And I've open up the shop next door again. A little music school, something that the small village doesn't have. Small children are invited every day and I teach them all my Mum taught me about music and singing. It wasn't a lot, but it manages to make the kids and their parents happy all the same. I named the shop, "Mrs. Lovett's Music Notes". I like to think I named the shop after my mum, even though I am a legitimate Mrs. Lovett now also. Well, Mrs. Ragg, but Toby was quite content with letting me keep my last name that in truth…never really was mine. I know it's unusual and sometimes even frowned upon, but I feel like it's time to finally claim myself as a Lovett. And that is your name, after all.

I miss my mum very much, but I'm grateful for every moment we had with each other…every single stolen year. I miss her so, but somehow I manage to see her in the lot of you. It's been a long time since I've been this happy. By some means, I've managed to take my eighteen year old life, and make it into something beautiful, just like Mum always wanted for her daughter.

And just like I always pray for you to be someday.

Eleanor Amelia Lovett.

Nellie…I love you so much.

And that's finally it!

All together - 155 reviews, five parts, 34 chapters, and...a lot of words...THANKS FOR BEING AMAZING! !

If anyone is still there, just to let you know, I haven't given up on Sweeney Todd fanfiction!

I have a whole new story to post and personlly, it's my favorite I've ever written! Be looking out for a rewrite of "Mr. Todd do you believe in ghosts?"

Goodbye my wonderful readers!