The Human Cure
Chapter 5: This Mortal Coil
Hello everyone! I want to thank you all for your patience. I won't talk about the various changes and whatnot that have been happening in my life, but I am very excited about getting back to this story and mapping out others. I am taking many creative liberties with certain parts of this chapter just to note. Once again, Mrs. Rowling is the supreme creator and I'm just playing around in this wonderful world. As always, reviews and constructive feedback are always welcome.
Also, a part of this chapter was inspired by The Velvet Underground's song "Oh Sweet Nuthin'." Without further ado…
XOXO
"I think I've got it." Hermione said as Severus walked into her flat the following evening. She looked as if she were working on only one hour of sleep, better yet given that she still had on the same clothes it appeared as if she hadn't even gone to bed.
Frantically she walked into the lab, and he had no choice but to follow. Looking at the whiteboard, all of her formulations looked atrocious, but he was more than curious. Things were colour coded he noticed, and while he could understand only part of it, some of it looked like a foreign language he had yet to learn about.
"I looked at your blood sample and compared it with mine. I don't know why I didn't think to look at this sooner, but it just hit me last night. I kept thinking of Alexei Romanov's blood, and then I thought I would just do something simple and basic like look at the platelets in our blood.
Placing a slide under the microscope, she continued.
"I used the centrifuge and separated the platelets."
Severus looked at the slide as he listened to her.
"What exactly am I looking at?" He asked.
"Those are my platelets. You see, platelets, by design, regenerate after five or so days."
As Severus continued to look at the small dots that made up his colleagues life force, the slide was switched with what he assumed was his blood on it.
"Your platelets never changed at all. I repeated the process of separating the platelets three more times and the same results were yielded every time."
"So you think if we find a way for my platelets to regenerate…"
"It's the best thing we've got right now." Hermione added as she looked at Severus.
Walking towards the window, she continued to speak, or maybe it was rant, about her other epiphanies.
"I think it would also be a good idea to place your blood in direct sunlight to see what sort of effect it would have. Maybe that can help us too. The question now is how do we go about changing the composition of your blood and its platelets."
"I suppose potions could be of some use here. There has to be something in the blood replenishing potion that could at least guide us in the right direction. Give me a few hours and I'll see if I can add onto this discovery of yours."
Hermione instantly voiced her discontent.
"No, no, no, no, no! I want to help."
"You look like you did when you were ill. I think it would be best if you rested up for a bit."
Hermione refused to back down.
"No! I feel fine. Besides, I'm still running on some form of adrenaline. I couldn't sleep even if I tried. Tell me what ingredients to start cutting up, what cauldron to pull, anything!"
Severus knew that it was better to just let her have her way. He hoped that she didn't fall asleep in the middle of their work, but he knew that pushing her away would be big mistake.
Sighing, he gave into her, knowing that she wouldn't back down.
"Fine. I have some ingredients that need to be crushed. I bought dried vampire bat hearts. I also was able to get my hands on some herbs." Severus said as he removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. He pointed to where she could find the ingredients. "Oh Hermione, you will need to use the…"
"Which type of mortar and pestle? You've got two here." Hermione finished his sentence.
"Stone." Severus replied, somewhat disturbed that she was one step ahead of him. A wooden one wouldn't keep the ingredients as fresh. He knew that she wasn't trying to be a know-it-all; the damn woman was just the most brilliant witch of her age…but she gave it all up.
For hours the two worked, occasionally asking each other questions in regards to their progress. After the third hour, Hermione put on the kettle for tea and insisted that her research partner take a break.
He noticed that her lack of sleep was starting to get to her, and that was probably the reason why she resorted back to questions he knew she would eventually ask him.
"So, what happened to you? I mean, how did you become a vampire?"
Adding a little more lemon into his tea, Severus took a few more seconds to collect his thoughts before he replied.
"I was stupid and angry. I thought that immortality would somehow make everything…all the pain and suffering, go away. It didn't."
"Well, do you know who turned you?" She asked delicately.
"Yes. Her name was Judith, and she was exquisite. She had flaming red hair and the most beautiful blue eyes. There was substance there, of course. She was well read, intelligent, and fluent in at least five languages so that made her travels much easier I suppose. I don't really know who created her but if it's any indication of her age she was on friendly terms with Marie Antoinette. I met her one night and the rest is history."
"Were you in love with her?"
"So much that I would have killed for her, and that was before I actually DID. I know what you're thinking. You think that she's the person who made me this way, attitude wise. I will admit, I was a little softer, but she somehow took that out of me when I…"
"How…" Hermione tried to find a polite way to ask. "How does it work?"
The tension in the air was thick, but Hermione knew she had to press on.
"She drank my blood and when I was close to death she made me drink hers. Some films did get that part of the vampire folklore correct. You drink until the heart is about to stop beating and then you give yours back. The process isn't painful, it's erotic to most, but I blame the films for that assumption too. How many people you know get excited when their lover bites them while having sex?"
She knew it was a rhetorical question, but Hermione couldn't help but blush.
"I don't understand how all of things with Hogwart's and your time there somehow worked with your condition."
"That's where magic comes in. I used various glamour charms during my time at Hogwart's, and Dumbledore did aide in creating that false image of me. He also made sure that my…needs were taken care of. No one died under my touch in all of my years at Hogwart's both as a student and a professor. He didn't count on me joining the Death Eaters, but what's done is done."
"Did you want to become what Judith made you?"
The look of his face changed. He stared at his cup of tea, as if the answer would be found at the bottom of the cup.
"Yes, and I think that's why Judith chose me from the start. She knew that I would want this…gift. It's more or less a curse. I'm lonely, bored most of the time, lost and yet, somewhat found, and I just…I just wish I wouldn't have done such a stupid thing. I won't be able to have children, and maybe that's a good thing. Could you seriously imagine me as a father? Besides Voldemort, Judith was worst thing that could have ever happened to me. Still, I don't hate her. She too was lonely and bored."
"What ever happened to her?"
"She left. We had a lot of time together. Judith aided in my assimilation to the vampire world. I never knew all that lurked underground, and not just in Europe but everywhere. We traveled and lusted after everything, and we usually took what we wanted without asking. Do you know what it's truly like to walk in this world and know that you have it in the palm of your hand? I suppose you can relate, you were once hailed as the brightest witch of your age."
Hermione leaned back into her chair at his odd compliment.
"Maybe, but wouldn't you agree that all of those things come with a cost?"
"Everything comes with a cost Hermione." As he traced his fingers around his empty cup, Hermione took it as her cue to refill his cup. He acknowledged her with a glance and she knew that was his way of thanking her.
"You still never told me what happened to her."
"I suppose she just got tired of me. Traveling, feeding, chatter, sex, all of those things can get boring after a while, and I think she thought it was her time to move on. I woke one day to find her gone. No note. Nothing. I searched for her, Merlin knows I searched, but I couldn't find anything. She could have found a way for someone to kill her for all I know. I even tried to find anyone else she may have turned; I wasn't her first and I'm sure I wasn't the last. I gave up searching after about thirty years, and here I am."
"Have you ever turned anyone?"
His response was quick.
"I would never…" it took Severus a few seconds to catch himself. "I could never curse someone to such an existence. Immortality is greatly overrated. The package is lovely, but when you come to realize that everyone you love around you…"
Hermione didn't need for him to finish the sentence. She knew exactly what he would have said if given the chance. When she realized that he wasn't going to complete the sentence she took that as her cue.
"I guess Voldemort didn't fully grasp that idea." She said, smiling at him.
Her professor smirked at her; it was as close to a smile as she was going to get at that moment.
"So, how can you tolerate the sun?"
"I suppose one could say that it's an adaptation."
"Like evolution?"
"I have yet to completely decipher it yet. There are other things that have gotten stronger in me besides physical strength. I can read thoughts if I want to, but I've had to tighten that gift for obvious reasons; it would drive the best of us mad! I learned my lesson after taking the tube to Bond Street on a Saturday evening. I also have had to somehow train myself not to get too much psychic information from someone when I touch him or her. It's common for many strong vampires to see images and feel things if a connection is made through touch.
"Like legilimency?"
"Sort of. It made my legilimens skills much better, but this is slightly different."
Focusing on the scar on her wrist as it lay limply on the table, Severus grabbed it before she could even think to pull it away, and soon focused in on the feel of it under his thumb he immediately saw the images as they came to him. As she fixed her hair and looked at herself one last time before she headed out the door to her first class, a line from a movie she saw years ago repeated from her lips, I'm going to kill myself tomorrow. The absolution that she made a final decision brought a slight smile to her face. Suddenly the time had fast forward to the next day. The razorblade. Drops of blood falling on the sink. The look on her face as she stared in the mirror; it was of absolute acceptance that the dark sleep of forever would soon greet her. He could feel the cold tiles of her bathroom floor as she lay down on it clad only in a tank top and some old pajama pants. The blood began to slowly fill in the lines of the tile squares. He could feel the blood leave her body, just as he could feel her eyes closing, and the last five words she muttered to her self before the darkness enveloped her…just let it all go…
"Just let it all go…" Severus stated as he gently released her wrist.
Hermione's look was one of absolutely stoicism. It was almost as if she had run out of tears. Thinking he may have gone too far, he hoped that the fact that he was very uncomfortable with that particular memory told her what he wished he could communicate with words. She looked as if she had relived that very moment. He chose to continue rather than apologize.
"As I mentioned to you earlier, I can tolerate sunlight, but being out during the brightest and hottest hours of the day isn't going to leave me in a sunny mood. Yes, that pun was intended." He hoped that humor would somehow lighten the situation.
Hermione somehow felt more at ease with Severus. She knew that she should have been mad at what he did, but somehow it gave her comfort knowing that someone else knew and understood what she was feeling. Knowing that he could sense it, he too relaxed his posture a bit and leaned back into his chair.
"Well, that could explains so much with those old nicknames you were given. You do realize there was a rumor that you were a vampire."
"Who do you think started it?"
Giving a look of disbelief, Hermione let him continue.
"The bigger the rumor, the more stupid and false it truly is. Of course, the dunderheads shut their mouths when they saw me outside for those bloody quidditch matches. I never really cared for the game."
Hermione couldn't help but laugh a bit at his words. Trying to hide a yawn that escaped her mouth, she could still hear the radio playing in the makeshift lab the two of them had put together.
"Any other questions?"
"Well, I can't think of any off the top of my head, and I'm not stupid enough to ask if you sleep in a coffin."
Taking a few seconds to respond to her statement, Severus tried to think of a way to not let his reply sound anything remotely close to seductive, but that couldn't be helped.
"I do sleep in a bed Hermione. I can also tolerate garlic and crosses. I do not cry blood, but my skin is cold to the touch as you have already experienced."
Seeing her blush, he knew she wanted to ask something else, something a bit more provocative.
"Just ask me…" he stated.
"Have you had many relationships?" Hermione curiously asked.
"You mean lovers?"
"I mean women who you've…"
"Bitten?"
Frustrated at trying to find the right way of asking, her skin began to flush a bit "No, um, have you ever revealed yourself while you were…"
"Fucking?"
She knew that he wouldn't sugar coat it. Plus, the way he said the word, so deliberate and with perfect annunciation, grabbed her attention. It was almost as if he said it to remind her of what type of creature she was dealing with.
Sitting up a bit straighter, as if she were back in his classroom, she responded.
"I was going to say making love, but yes."
"It's not a dirty word Hermione, and there is a difference between the two."
"I don't need a lecture on that thank you very much. I'm not some cold virgin like Glen seems to think." Her frustration distracted her from the fact that she brought up someone whom she knew Severus had most probably feasted on.
Still, he knew that she was someone who hadn't truly tasted carnal desire. Trying to squash the flame within him that wanted to tutor her, he continued.
"I have, at times, had lovers that also served as donors if you will."
Knowing what her next question would be he continued before she could ask.
"As a vampire, I don't necessarily have to follow the same rules that one does as a wizard. We have our ways of making people forget."
"So that night when you found me, you could have just as easily obliviated me?"
"I wouldn't call it obliviate, but it is a form of it. I could have done it, and while my original plan was to wait a few more months, I believed that you deserve better than that. I've seen this flat and the life that you've tried to forget. Yes, it's painful, but sometimes the pain makes us better people. Now it's my turn to ask you a few questions."
Hermione knew that it was only fair.
Severus didn't make an attempt to grab her wrist again, but merely pointed to it.
"What about this?"
"It was a stupid decision."
She knew she couldn't try to make it sound not as bad as it really was. Trying to formulate the words, she didn't notice him starting at her scar with complete and utter fascination. It wasn't until he gently grabbed it again and slid his finger over the scar that was no longer than two inches that she began to focus.
"It was my last year at Berkeley. I…I just had enough. The stress and the pressure were too much, and one day I decided to just…let it all go."
Giving her a few seconds, he didn't notice that he began to stroke the scar – the reminder of not just her suicide attempt but of everything she tried to forget. He knew that it wasn't just school pressure that had caught up with her; it was everything that happened both during and after the war. She didn't have to tell him; she knew that he knew and understood.
"I miss them all so much; it hurts to even breathe sometimes." She said as she tried to force the tears to disappear. "I know suicide is a selfish decision, but that night I didn't see it as that. I just wanted some sort of release, whatever it was from this mortal coil."
"But you were discovered…" Severus didn't have to touch her to know how the story continued, but still, they both seem to take some comfort in it.
"My roommate."
There was a pregnant pause before she continued.
"The university had counselors that I talked to, and I saw a psychologist but that didn't help too much. They wanted to put me on medication, but I never took them. It's not like I could have told that person about the war and all of those things. I suppose that's why I knew I had to come back to London; it was the only way I could face what happened."
"You're not the only one you know."
Hermione looked up at him with tear stained eyes; he too wanted to end it all.
"Wha, what kept you here?" She whispered.
"The knowledge that I had a lot of people relying on me. After the war it was knowing that while I could possibly never be able to truly live the way I wanted, I still could. If we would of given up, all that we fought for would have been for nothing. I know that I don't need to tell you about those who died. Now it angers me to know that I even thought about stepping into the brightest sunlight ever possible. I didn't even know if that would have even killed me."
Hermione looked at his cold, somewhat pale hand holding her wrist. His words that followed were simple and direct, just as she remembered them always being.
"You won't ever do such a thing again."
She looked into his eyes, and almost as if in a trance, she softly replied,
"I won't."
Their tea had long gone cold, and when Severus suggested she go to bed, she didn't fight him on it. As he continued to work in the lab, his thoughts were constantly interrupted by Hermione's revelation. He knew deep down that he contributed to the them that she so deeply missed. The more he tried to focus, the more disturbed he was with all that she had admitted to him. What worried him was that by him coming back into her life, the chance of her being hurt again grew greater every day that he worked with her. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but he knew that the two of them weren't truly ready for them just yet.
Forcing himself to focus on his work, the radio began playing an old Velvet Underground song he heard a few times back in the day. He dimmed the lights a little bit in the room; it made him feel like he was back in his old dungeons.
Say a word for Jimmy Brown
He ain't got nothing at all
Not a shirt right off his back
He ain't got nothing at all
And say a word for Ginger Brown
Walks with his head down to the ground
They took the shoes right off his feet
And threw the poor boy right out in the street
And this is what he said
Oh sweet nuthin'
She ain't got nothing at all
Oh sweet nuthin'
She ain't got nothing at all
Distracted by the chorus of the song, he heard footsteps approach the lab. Turning his head he saw Hermione walk into the lab carrying the comforter from her bed and a pillow. Severus looked at her strangely, giving her the chance to explain her actions.
Say a word for Polly May
She can't tell the night from the day
"I can't sleep."
They threw her out in the street
But just like a cat she landed on her feet
Those were all the words she was going to give him at that moment. As she snuggled into her pillow and comforter on the purple velvet couch, it took a lot for him not to watch her.
And say a word for Joanna Love
She ain't got nothing at all
'Cos everyday she falls in love
And every night she falls when she does
He heard her mutter something about loving the song that was on the radio, but he tried to act as if his work at that very moment was too important for him to listen to her.
He continued to do his work, thinking she was asleep when out of nowhere she admitted to him,
"I always did like watching you work, even when I was younger. Just…your hand movements were always so delicate even if the man himself wasn't so. It was like watching an artist at work. I strangely take a lot of comfort in it." She yawned and then closed her eyes, trying to hum along to the song. Seconds later she was asleep.
If she would have been drunk, Severus wouldn't have given much of her words a lot of thought, but they still wandered around in his mind. He continued to work as the song continued its play.
She said
Oh sweet nuthin'
You know she ain't got nothing at all
Oh sweet nuthin'
She ain't got nothing at all