Okay yeah so I should be buffered for a little bit, so I can start doing a few updates.
CHAPTER 3
Big had lost his friend Froggy once more. He was searching all around Mystic Ruins for him, fishing in every puddle, lake, and stream he could find, when suddenly, here came Ganja da Hedgehog, flopping like a fish down stream and onto Big's hook. Big pulled the green hedgehog out of the water and on the shore of the lake.
"You look familiar..." Big stated.
Ganja opened his mouth and pulled out a fish. He tossed it aside and pointed at the fat cat. "OH I REMEMBER YOU! UR BIIIIG! I alwuys tought u wer prty kewl."
Big looked confused. "... Gaaanjaaaa?"
Ganja put a finger against his chin, thinking, and suddenly had an idea, complete with lightbulb. He opened his mouth again, and pulled out cooked frogs legs.
Big would recognize those legs anywhere.
"...F-froggy?", Big asked with a worried expression.
"Nuuuuuu! It is Noorten! Frend of Frogy!", Ganja exclamed.
"..." Big was silent. SUDDENLY, Big grew an extremely manly mustache and his chest fur level doubled. His voice also got noticably deeper.
"So, you cooked and ate Norton, Froggy's best friend?", Big said firmly.
"Yah! Yeh!"
"Underwater?"
"Yup yup."
"OH, YOU'VE SCREWED UP BIG TIME, MOTHERFUCKER!" Big yelled.
He violently grabbed Ganja by the neck and held him up with one hand. "YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY, HUH? HUH? BECAUSE OF YOU MY BEST FRIEND LOST ONE OF HIS PALS, BECAUSE YOU FUCKING ATE HIM, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"
"Oooh, water YOOUUU gonna do bout it, muscle wizard?" Ganja mocked.
"I CAST FIST!"
A mushroom cloud swept across the Mystic Ruins and pierced miles into the sky.
Ganja's fur has disintegrated, and he's lost a few teeth. The trees around Big have been knocked over, and there is a large imprint of a fist in the ground. FUCK YEAH.
"Don't fuck with me, Ganja. Wanna face my fist of fury again? HUH, YOU LITTLE SHIT?" Big yelled.
"But teh last time I got puncht liek that, I died so hard I DID THE OPPOSITE. I lived, and MULTIPLIED into BAJILLIAONSof clones, including SUPER MARY SUE OVER POWERED RECOLOR RECOLOR Ganjas. Oh and a dozen of us got captured by Amy, painted blue, and used as sex slaves. Are you SURE you want to do that?"
"Mighty hasn't perfected his techinque yet. I have. I CAN PUNCH YOU SO HARD I CAN ERASE YOU FROM THE FABRIC OF EXISTENCE. MIGHTY LEARNED EVEYTHING FROM ME. I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD TO PUNCH YOU BACK TOGETHER TO FIX THE WHOLE DAMN PROBLEM! I DID IT ONCE, I CAN DO IT AGAIN!"
"Dude, he INVENTED pain. He was pissed off that armadillos make up 12% of Texan roadkill, and then made texans look like the most retarded people on the planet. One week later, George W. Bush was elected. His name is an acronym for Mighty Is Gonna Horribly Trash You. THE WORD "ARMAGEDDON" COMES FROM THE WORDS "ARMADILLO GETS IT ON", for pete's sake. Even IKNOW THOSE FACTS."
"Common misconception. Mighty says that to make himself look like more of a badass than he really is. It's not true."
"OI, LARDASS!"
Big turned around, not at all threatened or offended by the insult. He found himself staring at the revolver of a purple weasel.
"What are you up to this time?" Fang the Sniper asked through clenched teeth.
"Nice to see you too, Nack. I take it you're going with Mighty and Ray to the Mobius Strip tonight?"
Fang growled. "Nah, I juss got back from dere, actually. 'Ey said that somethin' was up, and it's probly an old nemesis a' ours..."
"Figures. Look, I need to find Froggy, he ran off again. Explain while we look."
The two were about to set off on the search, but the hedgehog had to make himself noticed to Fang. "HAI I REMEMBER Y-... oh please don't hurt me."
"WAIT." Fang swung around on his heel to walk over to Ganja. "YOU AGAIN? I SWEAR TO GOD I KILLED A MILLION OF YE BLODDY SHITFUCKS LAST TIME, WHY THE FUCK ARE YA BACK! HOWTHE FUCK ARE YA BACK?" Fang pointed the .44 Magnum at Ganja with immense hate in his eyes.
Ganja's weak knees clacked twice before saying "GAATTA JUICE!" and blasted off down the stream.
"Bloody cunt fuck," The weasel cursed, putting down the pistol. "This shit is BAD."
"Now, about "this shit"..." Big inquired.
"Yeh, about this shit." Fang began, as they began to search for Froggy.
BACK TO SONIC, BLAZE, ETC.
The four walked into the apartment building and walked into the elevator. Sonic pressed the '20' button, and the elevator rose. It stopped at the 19th floor as a fatass couple squeezed their asses into the elevator. Because of their immense weight, the elevator went all the way back to the first floor. And then they went back up to the 20th floor after an hour of waiting for the stink to clear out.
"Agh, finally!" Sonic shouted as he finally walked into his apartment.
Metal replied, "I appreciate the fact that the Doctor did not give me smell receptors. Otherwise, I would have had to endure that horrible stench."
"So what is it you wanted to get, Sonic?", Blaze asked.
"Oh, a couple things, but first I need to put out some air fresheners. Settle down and let me get them." Sonic said, walking into his closet. He took a couple air fresheners, and held them to his nose, taking the smell with delight.(They smelled like lavender, Emerald Coast, and Chili Dogs, respectively) He then ran around the small apartment, placing them. He returned to his closet, and grabbed a book. He left the closet.
"Is that it?", Blaze said, looking at the fairly large book.
Sonic shook his head. "Nah, it's not. But..." He walked into his room, and pulled open a dresser. He pulled out a large, familiar green gem they all knew well. "This is."
"Why do you keep a Chaos Emerald in your dresser?", Eggman asked.
Sonic chuckled. "You think I keep clothes in these things?"
"And why don't you own a mansion, or something?" Blaze asked, jumping on his bed. "Surely you could afford it."
Sonic began to back up toward the window. The movement reminded him that he was still wearing overalls. He began to undo them. "I don't really stay here that much. World traveling and-"
CLAM, CLALALA...
Sonic was all too familiar with the sound of something falling off the fire escape.
"Aw shit what?" Sonic asked, swinging his head around. He opened his window, and looked out. "Oh God damn it, Amy camped out on my fire escape. AGAIN."
Sonic leaned out further. "AMY! ARE YOU OKAY?", he shouted out the window.
"I'm fine, my darling Sonic! There was a mattress truck parked outside!"
"That's a relief! But could you PLEASE stop camping on the fire escape? I mean, I TOLD you Amy! I TOLD you about this fire escape! I mean, this keeps happening!"
"MARRY ME FIRST!"
"NO WAY!", Sonic shouted as he slammed the window shut.
"I told her to stop before, but she just keeps on doing it. That's why I spelled her name wrong in the Chao in Space 2 credits.", Sonic said. "Everyone else's names are wrong because they guy typing the credits was a pirate. He could only see with one eye and had to type with hooks on both his hands. I felt bad for the guy and didn't want to have to fire him, he was a great worker. He has kids, too. He's like... the complete antithesis of a pirate in terms of personality. It's weird."
"Alright, is that it?" Blaze asked.
"Yup. That's it. Now let's go, before-"
Amy had reached the window, and swung it open. "Can I come with you?"
Sonic briefly wondered if this was a good idea or not. But, since getting out of bed today was not a good idea in the first place, and all logic has since left the building, he thought why not. Unfortunately, he was so used to saying 'No' to Amy that he instead blurted out, "No. I left Tails with Shadow and Knuckles, and I'm pretty sure he's got the chainsaw out again. Can you maybe go bash his head in with that Piko Piko hammer of yours? For me?"
Amy's smile faded. She glared at the cat laying on his bed with a glare that seemed to send death threats and insults.
"NO AMY I AM NOT DATING BLAZE SHE JUST CAME OUTTA NOWHERE OK? IF YOU LOVE ME YOU'LL GO CHECK ON TAILS FOR ME AND MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T FIND OUT ABOUT THE SUPRISE PARTY."
"Oh, I knew that." She assured.
"I'll go do that." She began to pack up her camp fire and walk down the stairs of the fire escape. "BYE-BYE~!"
"Besides, Metal is here. Do you remember what happened last time?", he yelled after her.
Amy didn't answer, though she heard what he said. She was busy plotting.
"AMY! YOU BETTER NOT BE PLOTTING AGAIN!", Sonic shouted with an insane amount of rage.
"Fine.", she pouted. "But I'm only doing this because I love you!"
"Amy, you don't understand. I've had a rough day, I'm trying to set up for a surprise party for my insane per-pubescent adopted brother, and I haven't even gotten to the store yet. Alright? If you make sure to not plot or anything, I'll make you some cookies!", Sonic shouted down the stairwell while holding Metal away with his hand. Sonic is an excellent cook. It's one of his favorite pastimes. Didn't know that? You do now.
Amy decided she had better plans, "...Instead of cookies, could you throw Metal Sonicdown?" She batted here eyelids innocently.
Sonic blinked, and decided, if Metal Sonic was gone, it'd be one less recolor! So he put a grip on Metal Sonic's head and swung him down quickly.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Eggman asked.
Sonic replied, "Sorry! Old habit! Why would she want him, anyway?"
Blaze, Sonic, and Eggman stared down to see what was happening.
Metal Sonic was backed into the wall as he stared at the demon figure about to bring the Piko Piko Hammer of judgment down.
"You...dare...try to hurt my BOYFRIEND?" Amy bellowed.
"I didn't even touch him." Metal Sonic replied. "I'm hardly even acknowledged."
"But you just appeared in 2 spinoffs, an anniversary game, and are in an upcoming game in development." Amy said bluntly.
"You've been in more games than I have, despite us being introduced at the same time, in the same game.", Metal replied.
"AND SINCE WHEN DID YOU GET A MOUTH?" Amy noticed suddenly, her jaw dropping.
"When he decided to have a snappy attitude like Sonic...I blame myself for that." Eggman face palmed. "He has a faceplate to cover it, but he's been eating Chili Dogs all day. Just like... Sonic."
"Maybe you should get over your obsession with Blue Hedgehogs, doctor." Blaze added.
Eggman shrugged plainly. "He was originally meant to be as close to him as possible, but there of course was the need to make him loyal, and stay loyal. I also gave him sharper fingers, etc."
"Were sharp fingers really gonna make a difference?" Blaze asked bored.
"Not really, but that's not the point. The point was to-"
Sonic was walking away. "Let's just GO already, we've got an annoying Nyan Cat to kill and a plot device to destroy."
"Um, Sonic, you're forgetting one thing." Eggman began.
"What?" Sonic asked impatiently.
"Overalls."
"What overalls? Oh.", Sonic said. "Eh... I guess they're comfy. Come on, let's get going!"
"But I'd like to change ba-"
"RED ALERT, RED ALERT, EGGMAN IS STRIPPING" Sonic shouted, leaving the room. Blaze sprung up from the bed and ran out the door. Sonic grabbed Metal's head and dragged him into the elevator. Eggman groaned, and followed, still not in his preffered attire. Sonic, Metal, Eggman and Blaze entered the elevator. Amy stood there, awestruck.
"What just happened?", she asked herself. She ran down the stairs to see if she could catch him.
MEANWHILE...
Tails gripped his chainsaw firmly. Shadow and Knuckles were looking at Tails in fear. They knew what he was doing again.
Shadow wondered why he was still standing around, so he grabbed his hammer-space'd emerald and prepared.
"Chaos...CONTRO-" *PIKO PIKO*
Amy burst through the wall and simultaneously hit Tails, Knuckles, and Shadow with her hammer, knocking them out. She then tied them up and locked them in a closet.
"There!", she said with a sense of accomplishment! "No more trouble, and I can go back to looking for my dear Sonic!" She pranced through the hole she made in the wall and headed to her house in the Mystic Ruins, where the was going to get more rope, her tarot cards, and a bigger hammer. On her way home, she spotted Ganja outside her house, eating a Taco. Just as he was about to take a bite, She rushed to him and held him in a death embrace.
"Gotcha! My darling Sonic!", she squealed. "I'm never letting you go!"
"OMG ITZ YOU!111!" Ganja squealed. "GO AWAY UR SCAWRY D&="
"Wait, I'd recongize that voice anywhere...". Amy mulled over the situation. "...and he smells funny..."
"IT'S ONE OF THE RECOLORS! HOW DID YOU GET LOOSE?", She screamed.
Ganja jolted as Amy bit his ear. "RUN AWAAAAYYYYY!11!11!OMGOGMOGMGOMGMGMOG"
And so Ganja began to run, with Amy stuck on his ear like a leech. He twisted and turned, slamming into trees and rocks and destroying them all one by one as the blissfully ignorant fan character ran toward the city of Station Square with one of the most chronically insane women on the planet with her hands around his neck.
"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG HEEEEEEALP", the freak of nature yelled. He ran into the street and got hit by a car. His body flew through the air, but Amy was still latching on. He bit her fingers, landed, and ran away as fast as his little recolor legs could carry him.
She screamed murderously, "GANJA! I'M GONNA FIND YOU, THERE'S NO USE HIDING! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
END OF CHAPTER 3.