Erik's POV
Over the next few days, I spent them in bed. I couldn't help but feel depressed at times, mostly all the time. Being blind had made me not only bored, but also feel as if I were living in another world. My ankle was healing quickly, all thanks to Christine's loving hands. She massaged my aches and pains every moment of the day.
"It's a beautiful day, Erik."
Christine came walking into my room one morning after a horrible night's rest. I had not slept a single wink all night, making my exhaustion ten times worse.
"Let's go out, Erik."
Was she serious? Out? She acted as if I had my sight, as if I were playing on my piano and she was asking me to take a break.
"No." was all I said before rolling over to pull the blankets over my head.
Out. She wanted to go out? How could I possibly be seen with her in pure daylight? How could I possibly walk with her, as if I were her lover or a friend taking a Sunday stroll with her? I was never that man, and now that I was blind, I never would be. Christine pulled the blankets off my body, obviously not taking "no" as an answer.
"Erik, you always told me that you wanted to have a wife to take out on Sundays."
"It's not Sunday." I growled. "And you're not my wife."
"Erik, don't be like this. You've been in bed for days, it'll be good to get out for a while."
I knew Christine was right, but the sheer thought of embarrassing her and myself made me cringe. I heard Christine moving about, coming back to my bed and lifting me up into a sitting position.
"I'll freshen you up, dress you in your best, and we'll be off."
Christine did just that. She helped me change into a fresh pair of clothes, before combing my hair for me. I didn't have much, but Christine promised to have me looking like my old self again. When she lifted me to my feet, I stumbled, but she was there to catch my fall.
"Steady, Erik." she warned. "Don't move around too much, the floor isn't level in here."
I stood still, until she interlocked my arm with her own.
"Oh, Monsieur Lavere made this for you."
Christine placed something wooden into my hand.
"It's a black walking staff with a skull knob." she said. "I know how much you love skulls, so he carved you one."
"Thank you."
Oh, how embarrassing this was. Not only was Christine holding onto me so I wouldn't fall, but she was also making me walk around with a staff.
"Hold it out in front of you to scan the ground."
I tapped the staff around as I took my first steps, feeling furniture and strange objects laying about. It was frustrating, but I held in my anger as I nearly tumbled over something wooden and wide... A hope chest perhaps?
"Step up." she warned.
When I did, I tripped again, this time, my anger took a turn for the worst.
"Confounded!" I threw the walking stick aside, hearing it clunk to the floor on the other side of the room.
"Erik, you're doing well."
"Well!" I snapped. "Well! I am fumbling around like a blind bat!"
Christine let me go, but I knew she only did so to get a hold of the stick I had thrown.
"Erik, you're on your own. You need to start trying to be independent. Giving up will do you no good."
She shoved the staff back into my hand.
"I look like a complete idiot, Christine! Look at me! Repugnant, and now, blind!"
"If I didn't know you, I'd believe you to be a handsome one."
This took my breath away. Handsome? Did she really think of me to be handsome? No, she was only saying this to give me confidence.
"Let's try to walk, Erik."
For Christine, and only for Christine, I walked swaggering the staff around in front of me. I heard Christine opening the door, and heard the strange voice of a man.
"Oh, I see monsieur is finally up and walking around?"
Christine giggled.
"Yes, monsieur Lavere, I'm taking him for a walk around the cottage, perhaps even to the beach."
"Nice day for it. If you need anything, I'll be in the barn taking care of the chickens."
Next thing I knew, Christine was leading me out the door. I knew I was outside when I felt the warmth of the sun hitting my face.
"Feel good?" I heard Christine ask.
It did. So many days and nights spent in the confinements of a chilly room made me forget what if felt like to be out in the sunlight. Even when I lived back at the opera house, I never went out during the day, I was a night crawler.
"Be careful, Erik." Christine warned. "There's a lot of gravel scattered around."
She kept her arm interlocked with my own, as she guided me away from the house. I could hear birds happily singing, crickets chirping, even the clopping of horse hooves against the cobble road.
"Do you like this?" she asked, breaking our silence. "You're being rather quiet."
She was right, I was being rather quiet. Why? Why was I being so quiet? It wasn't like I didn't have anything to say. Christine and I always had long conversations.
"Is it beautiful out here?" I curiously asked. "What does it look like?"
"Well, there are lovely pink blossomed trees, tall grass, and a cobble road."
"Any houses nearby?"
"They are spaced yards apart."
We continued walking, me stumbling along the way as my walking staff swaggered in front of me. Was this really how it felt to be out and about with another human being? We walked along arm in arm, something I never experienced up until now. I heard some women talking as they passed by, giggling and gossping. Were they giggling at me? I probably looked like a complete fool.
"They were laughing at me, weren't they?" I embarrassingly mumbled.
"Don't pay any mind to them, Erik."
"You shouldn't be out with me, Christine. I'm making you look bad."
"No, never."
Christine then stopped me, and told me to stand still. I wasn't sure what she was doing, but when she helped me sit down, I noticed that there was a blanket placed on the ground. Had she placed it there? I heard her sit down beside me, oh, she was so close. But, this felt strange. Here I was, on the first picnic in my entire life, and I was blind. I could still feel the sun on my face, even feel the summer breeze blowing our way.
"Relax, Erik." Christine said. "You're so tense."
"Why don't you try sitting out here blind as a bat. I can't see a damn thing."
"You're still upset over the people passing by?"
"How could I not be? I'm making you look bad."
"No, Erik, you're doing no such thing. Besides, you need to be outside, you're so pale."
But nothing she could say was going to make me change my mind. Moments later, I felt Christine's hands massaging my shoulders. I sighed, and relaxed against her touch.
"Better?" she asked.
"I guess."
"Here, why don't you lay your head in my lap. You'll feel better if you do."
Me? Lay my head in Christine's lap? Oh, what a wonderful offer.
I agreed, and she gently guided my head into her soft lap. But what if I was hurting her? What if my head was crushing her lap?
"Am I hurting you?"
"No, I'm fine."
Her fingers stroked the hair out of my face, as my unfocused eyes stared out into the oblivion.
"Your eyes are starting to look normal again."
"Really?"
"Yes, the redness is going away. They are beautiful, you know."
"What? My eyes?"
"Yes, I love how they're two shades of blue."
She loved my eyes? Oh, no body loved them, especially my mother. She used to tell me how hideous they were. But Christine, she loved them?
"Do you have a favorite shade?" I curiously asked.
My left eye was a darker shade of blue, when my right was a clear color, almost sky blue.
"A favorite shade?" she giggled.
Oh, how could I ask her that? I should have been happy with just the comment she gave on my eyes. But, here I was asking for more. Asking for more never did me any good. I have learned to go through life satisfied with what ever I received. So why was I asked Christine for more?
"I'm sorry, Christine." I stuttered. "Forget I asked."
"No, no-" she began. "I was just caught off guard. But now that you've asked, I like your right eye best."
"The ugly clear one?" I questioned.
"It's not ugly. It's like staring into the sky on a beautiful day."
"Stop being nice."
"I'm not, Erik. I wish I had eyes like that."
"You don't. You don't know the pain that comes along with being born with these eyes."
"Well, I love them."
"I'm not feeling well." I said.
Oh, I would say anything just to go back to where we were staying. I wasn't worthy of Christine's kindness and yet, here I was, laying here accepting it as if I deserved it.
"Erik, is your fever coming back?" she placed her hand over my forehead in worry. Great, now I was making her worry.
"I don't deserve to be out here with you." I said. "I'm not worthy."
"Erik, you're not an animal. You're a human being. Now, if I didn't want to be seen with you, I wouldn't have offered to take you out for a walk. Just relax, Erik."
"I wish I could."
"What would make you feel better?"
"Oh, Christine, you've given me more than I ever deserve. Just tell me you want to be here with me, and not with your lover?"
"I…." Christine paused, making me uncomfortable. Did she not want to be here with me? "I do miss him, Erik, but-"
"But what? So you don't want to be here with me?"
I heard enough! Who would want to be here with me? I was a monster! Without another word, and without my staff, I quickly stood up, stumbling off to God knows where. I bumped into trees, ran into bushes, even tripped over the sidewalk before falling flat on my face. I heard Christine calling for me to stop, but I wouldn't. I knew I had cut my face open from my fall, but I didn't care, I stood up and continued stumbling about. This time, however, I bumped into people who shoved me right back. I could hear galloping horses getting closer and closer, but still, I wasn't stopping.
"Erik! Erik stop!" Christine was calling my name, but I refused to listen to her. I was a hideous beast! I was hideous, and I was holding her back from what she really wanted in life. I let her go once, and I was trying to do it again. She needed to return to Raoul, she needed to be with him! But me, being the monster that I was, just continued to keep her captive because of my affliction.
"Erik!"
I must have crossed the road because I felt cobble beneath my feet. But did I stop after that? Of course not. I continued my stumbling, until there was no more ground to walk on. I felt myself falling, my body floating in thin air, if only for a few seconds. I landed on something softer-sand perhaps? I could even hear the ocean. The impact had left my body stunned, making it impossible for me to get up on my own and continue running. I wanted to die now. I wanted to die before Christine found me. Just when I thought that perhaps she could love me-Oh, why must I dwell on things that shall never be? Christine would never love me. She was engaged to marry another, and yet, I was hoping it would be the other way around.
"Erik!" she was close now, so close that I could hear her footsteps approaching me. "Erik, oh my god-"
I felt her kneeling beside me. Maybe if I didn't answer her, she would believe me to be dead. I wasn't going to answer her anyway. Not after what she just told me.
"Erik, Erik, answer me!" she was pressing her fingers to my neck, laying my head in her lap, oh, what was I to do? "Erik, please-oh, you're bleeding."
"Just take me home." was all I groaned, before she helped me to my feet.
I wasn't sure, but I thought I heard her sniffle, as if she were crying. Though, I didn't ask. I knew it be best not to. Christine did as I told her to, and took me back to where we were staying, our journey back being completely silent. When I knew we were back in my room, I began stripping off my clothes and threw them wherever my arms aimed. I wasn't sure where Christine was, but by the sound of movements behind me, it was obvious that she was picking up my discarded clothes. I waited for her to lay a hand on me to guide me back to bed, but thankfully, she knew better than to touch me. Instead, I felt around until I felt the blankets. When I was back beneath the covers, I laid there, still hearing her moving about. Just the mere thought of her cleaning up after me made me angry.
"Just put them back where I tossed them!" I growled.
"Monsieur Lavere has let us stay here, Erik." Christine replied, a hint of frustration in her voice. "I'm not going to let you make it into a pig pen. Then where would that leave us if we got booted out?"
"Us? There is no us, Christine! You have a nice estate back in Paris to live in with a handsome boy to cradle you in his warm arms at night. Me? I'm the one who will most likely be living in a milk crate outside of the city."
"You act as if your blindness has caused the end of your life! People go blind all the time, Erik. You're still alive incase you haven't noticed."
"I am useless, Christine! And how dare you attempt to bring me outside, as if I were healthy? You saw how those people reacted when they saw me! They laughed! A blind monster!"
"Who cares what the world thinks, Erik. All that should matter is that you have someone to look after you."
"For how long! You'd leave me tomorrow if I had my sight. You pity me, Christine. If I were my normal self, you wouldn't even be here."
The room fell silent. Was I right, or was I right?
"You're acting like a child."
"And you're acting like you owe me something! I don't need you, Christine! I've been alone my whole life!"
"I just thought you would want someone here with you to get you through the first few days of being blind."
"That's where you're wrong, Christine!" I tossed a pillow in the direction that her voice was coming from, hoping it had hit her. "If you were so concerned about me, where were you when my mother abused me? Where were you when my master had me face down in the dirt while raping me from the backside? Where were you when I begged you to love me? You were nowhere. There is no God, and there is no love. You're putting on a show, a pity show. I've gotten through all those things alone, and I'll do the same now."
"Erik-I-"
"Everyday, Christine. Everyday of my childhood I was molested. I would cry myself to sleep, curled up in a ball, praying to God to send me an angel to save me. That never happened, and even now, when I need one the most, still, God mocks me. Instead of true love, he sends me a pity party. Go back to your boy, and leave me be."
"You think by begging me to love you that I would do it? You don't know how to love."
Those cruel words tore through me like a bolt of lightning. I didn't know how to love?
"And you're wrong about God." she cried. "If you believe in him, then he will help you."
"Just like you believed that he sent you the angel of music?" I cruelly remarked.
Once more the room fell silent. I knew I had insulted her, which is exactly what I had intended to do. If it weren't for me coming forward as her angel, Christine's childhood would have been completely silent. She would have gotten no reply when she came down to pray for her father.
"With the way you treat women, Erik," she cried. "You deserve to be alone. You are a cruel man."
"If I am cruel, it's only because the world has made me that way!"
"At least one day, I'll know what it feels like to make passionate love to my future husband. I know what love is, Erik, and I know that you will never feel it."
"I don't need love!" I snapped. It was a lie, but I was angry, completely angry and willing to say anything to get her away from me.
"Oh, so you think buying time with whores will make you feel any better!" she cried.
"That is non of your concern!" Oh, this was beginning to hurt. She was digging deep, so deep that it was pulling at my heart strings. Yes, I've tried on several occasions to feel the joys of the flesh, but not one whore would take my money. The mask frightened them away.
"By that vacant expression displayed upon your face, I'd take it that no whore would accept your money? It's never going to happen for you now, Erik! You're still not only hideous, but you're blind too. Who would ever want a blind monster!"
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I never knew Christine could say such hurtful things. The room fell silent, and moments later, I heard her begin sobbing right before the door to my room slammed shut. She had stormed away, and me? I was left laying there, tears forming in my eyes, and my heart aching over the words that were just said to me. But what could I say? Every word was true. No whore would want nor take me, and Christine would never love me…..
Awww...their first fight. LOL Please Review everyone! I promise it will be getting a bit happier soon.