The Human Cure

Chapter 11: What We Have Become

Disclaimer: I'm just having fun with Rowling's world.

A/N: Thank you to all of my wonderful readers. I am so happy with all of the people who are following it. Please leave reviews and tell me what is working or what isn't. I love criticism if it is constructive. Now onto the reason you are all here…

Severus Snape was worried. The ticking of the wall clock Hermione had in their lab was a reminder that with every passing second, his aggravation was growing. He hadn't seen or heard from Hermione since the morning. Nothing seemed to be off. She said she had to go by the university to get a hold of her rosters for the three classes she was assigned to teach, and then she was going to swing by Waitrose to pick up some groceries.

She could have met up with Carla or some other friends for a drink and a chat, but Severus felt a knowing in the pit of his stomach that the reason for her tardiness wasn't a good one. Still, it was almost midnight and Hermione was nowhere to be found.

In a panic, Severus walked around the neighborhood, hoping to find her. Hoping that the idea of her blood being in him would lead him to her, he knew it was fruitless. He hadn't had enough to truly form that sort of connection. He had searched the University earlier that evening, without success. Those he did question said that she had left hours ago, wondering strangely who he was to inquire about her.

Now, pacing back and forth in her flat, he worried because the weather was starting to get dodgy by the hour. Fearing the worse, it was then that he wished she owned a mobile. He heard months ago that she tried to avoid such conveniences as much as possible, believing them to be a hindrance on real communication. Never had he wished she would have one of those bloody devices than now. Then, as if she sensed his panic, he heard the door open and shut as she placed her keys and handbag in their proper place.

"Bloody hell Hermione! Where have you been?" Severus asked.

"I don't think that's of any concern to you." Hermione stated as she removed her trainers.

"I thought something happened to you; I damn nearly rang Scotland Yard!"

"Well, you could have come in and taken care of it like you did Glen, right?"

Her attitude was short and daggered. Nowhere was the Hermione he was familiar with. His eyes followed her as she walked into the kitchen and unceremoniously grabbed a mug from the cabinet.

"What's going on?"

"I needed some time alone, so I went for a stroll. I did go to Waitrose earlier today and I ran into our friend Judith. We had a lovely little chat today, but I never really got around to going back and picking up those groceries."

Surprised, but hoping that it would lighten up her attitude, he let her continue. However, he sensed something big was about to be revealed.

"I decided that I didn't want to come home, so I went to the Fleming Museum, King's Cross station for a while, and I couldn't resist the urge to take the tube to Golders Green. I saw what was once an empty lot that once had the house I grew up in on it, but now there's a new house and new family, living their lives."

All this time her back was to him, and Severus knew the gig was up. Judith must have inadvertently told Hermione, or better yet, Hermione figured it out on her own.

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

It was then that his fear was confirmed; she discovered his secret. She turned around, anger and rage in her face.

"You fucking bastard. You knew." She whispered. "You knew they were going to be killed, and you didn't do anything to stop it!"

He felt himself pale at her words.

"Hermione, you have to let me explain."

"I had to hear this from Judith of all people! Imagine my shock at expecting a nice chat about a sale at Topshop turning into you knowing full well what was going to happen to my parents! I want you to leave." She stated, hatred dripping from her voice.

"Hermione, please, I've been wanting to tell you for so long, but I…I didn't know how to."

"Of course you were never going to! How stupid have I been? I gave up my work, classes, and research and you only had one thing in mind when you found me. Just admit it! You needed my help, and as soon as that would have been taken care of, you would have left! Mortal cure my arse! YOU DESERVE TO BE DAMNED!" Hermione stomped off, brushing past him.

Steeling himself for her words, he followed her into her living room, only to be narrowly hit by her book on the Romanov's that was thrown at him.

"I knew, but I couldn't say anything because it would have revealed my loyalty to Dumbledore and Potter's cause. You know I would have done something if I could have!"

"What a load of bollocks!" Hermione said. "I see past it now." She said as she slowly approached him.

"You found me, saved my life, asked for my help, and then we find a possible way to cure you. Then you step up the game and we have all but practically fucked! All along…all this time you've tried to make me fall for you!" Hermione said, as her rage took over and she pummeled him with her fists.

Taking out her anger over how her magic had destroyed much of her life, he was her willing punching bag. He closed his eyes, wanting so bad to hold her, comfort her, convince her that his intentions were nothing but pure from the very beginning. Her punches didn't hurt, but he let her use his body as a way to release the rage that had built up inside of her for years.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU…YOU…BITCH!" She cried over and over again as she continued to hit him.

After a few seconds, she wailed as she began to tire down. It was then that he cloaked her in his arms, wishing she could see the anguish on his face. She continued in whispers as she grabbed his shirt by the collar, her eyes and cheeks exhausted from the tears that graced them.

"You should be happy." She started in between sobs.

"The mission is accomplished. The seduction is complete you bastard because I have fallen for you." She said she released him and walked out of the room.

Hearing her footsteps, Severus bit back the scream he wanted to release. As he felt her anger inside of him, he walked into the lab, hoping that it would somehow calm him down. Instead, he saw their research. Close to twelve months of work that appeared to be down the toilet now.

Wanting nothing more than to let his anger do the work, he went to the table that contained various cauldrons and flasks. Pushing them all of the table in a vicious rage, hearing the glass shatter, made him feel somewhat better. He knew that he possibly ruined the most important relationship in his life. He lost the most precious thing in his life. What was the point of a life, whether mortal or immortal, if he couldn't share it with her? She was right; he did deserve to be damned. As he sank into a corner, he sat down on the floor, feeling the tears of regret mask his face. He didn't care if the glass cut into his skin. All of the pain was penance for his crimes.

XX

It took him three hours to build up the courage to go to her bedroom, but she wasn't there. Having a flashback to the time she attempted to take her own life, and fearing what she might do, he quietly entered her room and heard the slight splash of water in a bathtub. Knowing that he could make her even angrier, he decided to take the chance and knock on the door that was slightly open.

Not giving her the chance to tell him anything, he saw that her splendidly naked back was turned to him, her knees pulled into her body, covering everything else. He didn't have to see her face to know that she was exhausted. Her voice did that for him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, still not looking at him, the milky water moving slightly.

"I can't offer you any other explanation besides the fact that I was afraid."

"Afraid?" She asked, almost insulted that the dreaded potions master was a coward.

"Of you. I wanted to tell you so many times, and I knew that you would find out, but I swear to you that I never wanted you to find out the way that you did. You have to believe me Hermione."

He wanted to step towards her, wash the pain away from her. His nose was assaulted with the gardenia soap she used and he couldn't help but step forward to the tub. Realizing just where her intoxicating scent came from, he couldn't help but go to her. Not hearing her protest he continued until he was at the tub. Kneeling down next to the porcelain, mere inches from her, he softly traced his fingers down her back, feeling the goosebumps form on her skin.

"I suppose that I was ashamed of not being able to protect them. I wouldn't have just let them die if I could have done something to save them Hermione. I regret keeping that from you – you deserved to know."

"Why didn't you tell me this when you first found me?"

"I didn't think we would become…what we have." Severus answered honestly.

"And what exactly have we become?"

"Colleagues…friends…lovers." He felt her shudder with the last word.

"I told Judith, but it was more or less to try and get the stain of guilt off of me. I believed that I could love you fully, even if you never knew, but that's not the type of love you deserve. Judith was right…the thought of me telling you scared me so much because of what I feel for you."

"That's why we've never made love, isn't it?"

Damn, she was smart.

"I wouldn't have been right." Severus whispered before continuing. "I couldn't expect you to give me all of you if I couldn't do the same."

Sensing her relax under his touch, he motioned for her to lean back into the tub, the water covering everything except for her arms that were braced on the sides. Her face was red from the tears she cried and from his betrayal, but still, she let him touch her.

Severus grabbed the soap and lathered it up in his hands, not bothering to use a towel. He knew that she washed herself already, but he didn't care.

"Did you mean what you said earlier?" He asked, as he ran his soapy hands through her fingers.

"About you leaving?"

"No, about you falling for me. Was that true?"

"Yes." She whispered as a new set of tears rolled down her cheeks. "I feel like such an idiot!" She continued, turning her face away from his.

"No, don't turn away from me. I want to see you." Severus said as he gently grabbed her neck and turned it towards him.

"Is this all a game to you?"

"It never was you silly girl!" He stated pure honesty in his eyes.

"I want to help you, but how do I know there aren't other things you're keeping from me?"

Rinsing his hands before softly grabbing her face, he continued, "Hermione, it is only now where I can truthfully state that for you I will be an open book. I want you to be my cure. If there is a cure to be had, I want you to be there with me."

He wanted to kiss her, but knew that it would not be the smartest thing to do in that very moment. Instead, he ran his fingers through her damp hair as a sign of reassurance.

She continued to sniffle, but welcomed his touch. As he continued to wash her by hand, she was silent. When it came time to exit the tub, he handed her a towel and turned around as she wrapped herself in it. He had touched her in such intimate places, but he wanted her to call the shots to what he could and could not see. After changing into her nightclothes she tried to comb her hair, but Severus insisted on doing it for her. Massaging her scalp in the process, he knew that she was going to give him another chance.

As she crawled into her bed and motioned that it was okay for him to join her, she stared into his black eyes in the pitch dark of her room.

Before giving into sleep she warned him, "Don't ever do that to me again."

Seconds later, she was asleep.

He knew that she had forgiven him, but she would only tolerate it this one instance. He was determined that he would spend the rest of his life, whether it be through a mortal or immortal experience, proving to her his absolute devotion.