Erik's POV
I was in heaven. Surely, this had to be heaven. Christine and I had made love. Yes, I might have been blind, but I made love to Christine Daae. That night as I slept soundly beside her, I began thinking about the past few hours spent with my angel. Surely she had a feeling deep within her, a feeling worth more than pity. My angel wouldn't have shared something so special with me if she didn't at least love me a little. Love, that word! That wonderful, strange word. I had never associated love with anything due to the fact that no body ever loved me. But Christine-this woman-this angel! She had done something I shall never forget. Tonight had been the best night of my entire existence, but what frightened me more than ever was what tomorrow would bring? She couldn't possibly return to her boy now, could she? My attitude towards life had changed and all because for the first time in my life, someone had showed me a tiny bit of compassion.
I had made up my mind. In the morning, I would ask her to join me for breakfast. Then, once we were comfortable, I would ask her kindly to go to Coney Island with me. I could be her lover, couldn't I? In time, she would surely learn to love me as I loved her. Whether the lights were on or off when she was making love to me, I wasn't sure, but either way, she had gotten over her fear and made love to me on her own accord. Christine had made love to me!
It was as if making love to her was my cure for nightmares. For the first time in my life, I slept soundly, without a single memory haunting my sleep. I awoke feeling refreshed and ten times better the following morning. There were birds chirping outside the window, so it had to be morning. My arms were still wrapped around Christine, or so I thought they were. I soon found out that Ayesha had taken over Christine's spot when I felt a ball of fur beneath the blankets. My angel's spot was cold and empty, making it obvious that she was most likely in the shower or wandering around our room. Perhaps last night had been a dream? I felt beneath my blankets, only to notice that I was still naked. No, last night was not a dream.
I wrapped my arms around Ayesha, and snuggled back into my pillow, wishing it were Christine's curls instead.
"Oh, Ayesha," I sighed. "If only you knew how breathtaking last night was for me. My angel let me touch her as if I were any other man."
Ayesha's tail hit me in the face, her fur tickling me.
"You may be jealous of her, Ayesha, but you will have to learn to accept Christine. She is an angel straight from heaven."
I was saying everything out loud, and yet, I was surprised that I didn't even get one giggle out of where ever Christine was roaming around. Curious, I stretched and rolled over.
"Christine?" I called her name, hoping to get an answer, but I never got one. Where was she?
"Christine?" I called her name a little louder. "Are you ready to go?"
Still, no answer. I was beginning to get a little worried, but I stayed calm, rising to my feet and grabbing my staff that was placed at my bedside. Curious, I felt around until I reached the other bed. The night before, Christine had been laying in it before crawling in with me. But now, as my fingers ran over the covers and sheets, I knew by their smoothness, that she had made it. No! I was in a panic now, moving about until I bumped into my belongings. I prayed that hers would be next to my own, but they weren't! No, the only bags here were the ones filled with my belongings. She left! Christine left me all alone.
My heart ached when I realized that she was not here. She must have gotten up before the sun rose and left me. What was it that made her leave? Perhaps she woke and saw the demon she had made love to. Maybe she did have the lights off after all. Ashamed! That's what she was feeling, ashamed that she had given herself to a monster. I collapsed against my bed and sobbed as I realized that that tiny bit of hope of her loving me would never become a reality. I would have sat there and sobbed all day, but Ayesha was circling me frantically, pushing her body up against my legs.
A few moments later, I heard a ship horn blowing from outside.
"The ship!"
I wasn't sure what time I was supposed to be meeting Madame Giry, but I couldn't miss my only chance at freedom. How badly I wanted Christine to be here to help me dress, but I knew I couldn't expect her to walk through that door. I was alone now, and so, I had to learn to live in darkness, or die trying. I reached out for my bag of clothing, reaching my hand into the sack, pulling out what ever garments I had inside. From memory, I tried remembering how each piece of clothing felt. I surely didn't want to put on my jacket before a shirt. My shirts were always softer than my jackets, like a silk feeling. I felt around the pile until I found a soft, satin fabric. I slipped it on, keeping myself calm enough to button each button. I made sure to stay patient as my fingers glided over each button to fasten the garment. When my shirt was on, I felt around until I touched my vest. When my vest was over my shoulders, I did the same to fasten that as well.
While I was busy situating myself into my trousers, Ayesha fetched my shoes, bringing them to the bed and dropping them at my feet. Dressing myself never took this long before, but I knew I'd eventually get the hang of it once I did it a hundred times or so. I hated not being able to see myself in the mirror, but however I looked would have to do until we reached Coney Island.
"We need to find Madame Giry, Ayesha." I told her as I swung my bag of belongings over my shoulder.
Ayesha stayed by my feet as we left the room we were in. Christine said I was to meet her at the docks, but finding the correct place was a little harder than I first thought it to be. Especially since Christine was supposed to help me find her. People pushed me, I fell three times and to make matters worse, I had no idea on where I was going. I figured if I fell into the bay, I would just let myself drown.
"Erik!" I heard Madame Giry's voice within the crowd and stopped. When I felt a hand place itself on my shoulder, I sighed in relief.
"I was wondering when you were going to show up." she spat. "Come, the ship is about to leave."
The old woman pulled me along, Ayesha jumping up into my arms.
"Madame, have you seen Christine?" I frantically asked. "Is she with you?"
"No, I have not seen her. I thought she was with you?"
"She was, but this morning I woke and she was gone."
"She is probably where she belongs." the woman assured. "Now come along before we miss our ride."
Madame Giry had been my caregiver for years. The woman helped me to the opera house when I was too hurt to do so. If not for her, I'd probably still be with those monstrous gypsies. The opera house had been my playground, and then, my home. If not for Madame Giry, that sanctuary would have never been known to me. She had been the one to deliver all of my letters to the managers of the opera house, the ones demanding my twenty thousand francs a month, even the ones that demanded Christine to be the lead role. Madame Giry had always been kind to me, but those times were long gone. Christine told me she would care for me until my angel could return, but Madame Giry did none of those things.
Getting me on the ship was the extent of her help. I was placed into a room all alone. It smelled like raw sewage, and the woman only told me once where everything was. When I asked her where the closet was, she simply yelled at me and told me that I should have listened to her the first time. If Christine were here, she would have unpacked my things for me-Oh, but I couldn't think like that! She was gone, and I was on my own. Her care only became worse once the ship was out to sea. Most days I would lay there alone in the uncomfortable bed in my room. Madame Giry and her daughter Meg were in a room on the end of the hall, only coming in at meal times to drop off the slop I was to eat. When I complained about how terrible the meals were, Madame Giry only snapped at me and told me that I was ungrateful.
"If I must eat," I told her one evening. "Could you at least help me?"
But she only laughed. "You're a grown man, Erik. Learn to eat on your own."
When she left, I attempted to eat, but only wound up having my meal fall to the floor along with the plate it was on. I missed Christine. I missed how she massaged my sore feet, I missed the way she giggled at my ignorance. I even missed her stories. For nearly three weeks, this ship ride from hell only got worse. At night, it would take me thirty minutes to dress for bed. When I had to urinate, I usually pissed on myself instead of in the chamber pot because I couldn't see where I was aiming. I even had to administer the eye drops into each eye, sometimes, the medicine would land in the holes where my nose should have been, causing me to sneeze. Oh, it was horrible!
Then, one morning something extraordinary happened. I had fallen asleep the night before, my world dark and completely black. I always fell asleep with Ayesha curled up in my arms, and together we would rest. Every morning at the same time, Madame Giry would barge in with my breakfast. The only reason I knew she was even entering was because I would hear the door creaking open. But on this morning, something was different. I was laying there with my eyes shut, resting with Ayesha in my arms. When I heard the door opening, I rolled over and opened my eyes, only to see a shadow walking past me! Everything was still black, but I could see Madame Giry's outline!
"Madame! I can see you!"
"What? You're blind." she assured. "Your eyes still aren't focusing on anything. No, Erik, you're going mad."
And then she left me. How could she not believe that I could see her outline. She might have been dark, but at least I saw her. I thought that perhaps my sight was coming back to me, but it stayed like this, nothing but shadows. I soon came to notice that in order for me to be able to spot the shadows, the room had to be lit. At night, when it was dark, I could see nothing because everything was black.
"I miss Christine, Ayesha." I sighed one night as I laid there in bed. "We'll be docking tomorrow, and yet, I can't get her out of my mind."
Ayesha meowed and I knew she was trying to make me feel better, but-Oh, having her here wasn't like having Christine with me. I yearned for her touch, I yearned to have her laying here beside me. If only I had one last chance to apologize to her for how ugly I was. I would tell her how sorry I am, and how much I loved her anyway.
"Why Christine?" I cried into the darkness of the night. "You knew how hideous I was beforehand and yet, you still crawled in bed with me."
Why would she, of all people make love to me and leave in the morning? Did she not care if I made it to my destination? Perhaps she didn't. Perhaps making love to me was her way of saying "now stay out of my life for good." I wasn't sure, but I couldn't get the thought of her returning to me out of my head. When we docked at Ellis Island, Madame Giry pulled me along through customs, forcing me to sign my name as Erik Giry-her brother. She told me it would keep everyone off my back and there would be no assumptions when people would notice that I was staying with her and her daughter.
As I followed them, I could spot thousands of shadows in front of me. I could smell strange fragrances I had never smelled before, even hear strange sounds and screams of excitement echoing in the distance. What was this place? People laughed at me as I passed them, probably pointing at the blind freak walking about. If Christine were here she wouldn't-Oh, why was I thinking about her again? She's not here, Erik! Stop thinking about her!
And just like on the ship, Madame Giry placed me in my own separate room in the building she now called "home." From what I could tell, the place had two floors. On the first floor there was a living area and a kitchen. The second floor had two bedrooms, and finally, the third was an attic- or, in this case, my new quarters. Instead of allowing me to find comfort on the first or second floor to ease my life, Madame Giry stuck me on the third floor to be locked away from the world like an embarrassing family member. I nearly fell down the stairs while attempting to climb them to get to my new room.
It was drafty, with windows surrounding it instead of walls. All the brightness in the room cast the shadows of a wardrobe closet, a desk, a bed, even a piano. It would have to do for now, until I could get out on my own.
"Do Meg and I a favor, Erik, and don't be trying to come down stairs as much." Madame Giry said. "You'll fall."
"And what am I to do up here…." I growled. "In this prison?"
"You owe Meg and I for everything we've done for you!" she angrily snapped. "And you have the galls to call it a prison!"
"If Christine were here-"
"Well she's not, Erik! She doesn't love you! She's marrying her boy and thinking about other things more important than you!"
This was like a stake to my heart. Yes, every word was true, but I didn't want to believe it.
"You lie." I was fighting back tears as I said every word.
"I speak the truth, Erik. You've wasted your life obsessing over someone who would never love you back. This is your new life now and like it or not, you will be living it up here alone."
I heard the door slam shut, making it obvious that I was alone. Ayesha purred and circled my body. She was letting me know that I was not alone, but I couldn't help but feel like I was. For the longest time, I stood there in front of one of the windows gazing out into the darkness of being blind. When I heard the door opening again, I turned to spot the shadow of another woman walking in. It wasn't Madame Giry, so it obviously had to be Meg.
"What do you want?" I snapped. "This is my room."
"I…I thought you could use a little help unpacking." she murmured.
"I don't need your help! I don't need anyone's help!"
"You needed Christine's."
How dare she talk about Christine in front of me! How dare she!
"Please, just leave, Meg."
"Well, why don't you stand at your wardrobe closet and I'll hand you your shirts? It be a lot easier if you organized your colors. That way you'll know what color your wearing."
She was right, I did need her help. I sighed, and used my staff to get me over to my wardrobe closet. Once there, she began handing me my shirts.
"Two white ones." she said, handing them to me. I placed them to the left side of the closet, placing it into my memory. I had the white ones first then my blacks, then reds and then my trousers. This way, I wouldn't go insane walking around wondering if I matched or not.
"Are you going to remember where each color is?" she asked.
This girl was trying my patients. The only reason I even allowed her to help me unpack was because I needed someone to tell me which shirt was which color.
"Yes, yes!" I snapped. "I'm organized now, so please leave!"
"But don't you need help unpacking the rest of your stuff?"
"Just go! This is my damn room! Go unpack your own stuff!"
I heard her gasp, before the door slammed shut. I didn't want Meg, nor did I want Madame Giry! I wanted Christine, and only Christine….but my angel wasn't here, she was a million miles away. A million miles away and with another man. I was here, alone, blind and with a broken heart, one that could only be mended by Christine's love. But I wasn't going to give up hope that she would return to me one day….I hoped she would return. She did promise to return to me when she could…..but then again, she could have lied to me and I would have never known.
Please review everyone! Oh, and If you haven't already started reading my LND/POTO story titled "Love Lives On" feel free to do so. It's something to keep you occupied until the next chapter to this story is up. Thanks again!