I Hate Wonder Woman Chapter 2, a maximum ride fanfic

(A/N: here's a short rant that has to do with the story. In all of the fan fics, Lissa is consistently portrayed as a slutty rhymes-with-witch. I can see why die hard fans like me wouldn't like anyone but Fang with Max, but come on! She never did anything wrong! Sure, she kissed Fang, but she wouldn't have thought that Max and Fang had this weird thing going on. I mean, poor Lissa thought that they were siblings, and the only place a siblings have a 'thing' is in the south. Sorry couldn't resist the southern joke. But anyways, all she said was 'you're nicks sister right?' WHAT IS SO WHITCHY ABOUT THAT? It was pretty polite, even. I mean she could've pulled Fang away or ignored Max! So why is she portrayed that way? I also think that considering the fact that in the giant world of fan fiction, Lissa is just as big a main/ supporting character as anyone, even though she said, like, four lines, James Patterson should have Lissa in the last book. She is considered a more popular character than Dylan in the amazing word of fan fiction! Okay, well my rant is over. All I need to say is that I do not own Maximum Ride, just the plot of this story. Also, read and review and give me some suggestions for things for Max to call Fang in the next few chapters! The phrases marked with an asterisk mean that it's a foreign insult that is worth googling. Also, I'm going to reply to my comments on here just for now because its the second chapter. And sorry, no time for an edit.

Cinder and NHaqueWaters: Thank you so much! Your comments made my day! They were probably the nicest comments I've gotten, and I always love getting comments. I am always paranoid that my writing style sucks or that it's mundane to read, so it's awesome to get that positive feedback! And it's really fun writing in a British accent, so I'm glad you like it. It's really funny sounding in my head, but it was based off the accent I heard from the women who pierced my ears when I was in England. And that was a random, boring fact...

goldensunflower, I Hate Jam and Chocogirl24: I will update as soon as I can, but I am very busy. I am teaching camp and starting high-school soon, but I will do my best to update every week or so.

Thank you guys so much Thanks, C)

I woke up early the next morning, only to see that someone was up earlier. One guess. If you guessed, Max, Wonder Woman, you would be right. Boy, did she adjust fast. I guess it came with all the traveling. But to be up before six-thirty on a winter break morning?

Max hadn't quite noticed me and shivered a bit, her lips slightly blue as she took off her hat and coat, carefully shaking the snow off outside. I guessed that she had gone jogging, which was stupid, because this was in the middle of an Alberta winter. Why did I say jogging, because she had on a black and grey sweatsuit on under her parka. Which was ridiculous. I also noticed that she had a large, brown parcel in her hand. How did she get that? She must have checked our mail! I noticed a dark substance coming out of the package. Maybe she really was a spy...

"Crap." Max muttered quietly as she placed the parcel of the counter, her back now to me. I heard the tearing of paper. Was she opening our mail? How did she get our key? Max began unload several objects from the box that I could not see. It was then I decided to make my entrance. I pretended to make my way down the stairs, yawning as if I had just woken up.

Max turned around, the objects still not visible to me. "Why are you up so early?" She asked me, sending me a look that told me that she knew I had been watching her.

"No good morning?" I asked, acting mock hurt. "What about manners?"

"Sure thing, Mr. Manners." Max scoffed. "Why were you up so early?"

I was about to reply that I was an early riser, but I decided not to. "Why are you opening our mail?"

"I had a package that I couldn't bring on the plane, so I had to mail it here. Your mom gave me the key so I could check on my way back from my jog. Why do you care, Rainbow?" She shot.

"What are you trying to do? Set up spy gear?" I shot back, realizing a nano second later how stupid and juvenile it sounded.

"Don't get your nickers in a twist, toots. I'm not a terrorist or a spy." She said nonchalantly, and stepped away from her parcel, revealing boxes and boxes of... Tea?

"Tea? Why do you a have a giant box filled with dozens of boxes of tea?" I scoffed.

"None of you're business, but if you're SO interested in learning about me, I got hooked on it whilst in England and France and India. I don't care much for coffee. Now go, be a good host and put them away for me, as I don't know where anything is." She instructed, immediately after opening a cupboard, grabbing a frying pan, opened a drawer and grabbing a spatula and a knife, and opening the fridge, grabbing an egg, milk, onions and cheese.

"I thought you didn't know where anything was." I told her.

Max ignored me and began preparing her eggs. She chopped up some onions and sautéd them in the frying pan with some olive oil. Then, she mixed up the shredded cheese, milk, salt and pepper and some herbs along with five eggs. I finished unpacking the million varieties of tea that she had and watched her whisk the life out of the eggs until they were slightly fluffy, then poured them into the pan. Max let the eggs sit in the pan for a moment before scrambling them. Then she grabbed two plates and split the eggs onto the two of them, also adding a piece of buttered toast before setting the two plates in opposite ends of the table. How did she know where everything was, and more importantly, when the hell did she make buttered toast without me noticing? Unconsciously, I poured two glasses of orange juice and set one down at each plate along with a fork.

"Why did you make me breakfast? I thought we had a mutual dislike thing going on." I pointed out, sitting down, but not beginning to eat.

"Basic manners." Was Wonder Woman's simple reply. "Plus, if I could make toast without you noticing, I could just have easily gobbed into your food."

I knew what gobbed meant. "I want to switch plates."

"Fine. I didn't actually gob into your eggs." she muttered as we switched spots at the table.

I took a bite of my eggs. They were amazing. They were light and fluffy and had the eggy flavor that was perfectly complimented by the other items in the scromlette (scrambled omlette). "I thought you said you couldn't cook." I told Max through my mouthful of eggs, pointing my fork at her.

Max took a sip of her orange juice. "No, I said I couldn't cook anything except for eggs. I can cook eggs any way imaginable. When you've had fourteen years of only cooking eggs, you learn how to cook them pretty bloody well. I've even cooked ostrich eggs. Ee-yuck!" Max then proceeded to shove her whole meal down her throat in rapid succession. "Care for a spot of tea?"I opened my mouth to politely decline,but she beat me to it. "Sorry, I forgot. I'm that annoying, unwanted parasite that you hate. No tea for you." Wonder Woman sent me a glare, but judging by what she had said earlier, I was guessing that it was just a mild glare.

I took the last bit of eggs and used my fork to sling shot them, and they landed square in the middle of my face. I then proceeded to eat the rest of my food, eliciting her entire piece of toast, minus three bites to land in my hair.

Max chuckled adorably. Wait. Ignore that. "You're incorrigible, Scromlette." She told me, a small grin tugging at the corners of her lips.

After finishing eating and washing our dishes, I walked up stairs, knowing fully well that no one would be up for another two hours, or until nine.

I brushed my jet black hair and pulled on a black Black Veil Brides tee shirt along with some black jeans before going downstairs to watch television. I found an episode of the Simpsons, so I settled down on the big beige couch to spend my last Friday before school started up again after winter break. Bah. I was not looking forward to that too much. I mean, it would be fun, I guess. I would probably would not have Max in all my classes, so I'd see her less. Max wasn't too bad, I guess, but I still didn't like or trust her. I wasn't really looking forward to seeing Lissa or Bridgid again though.

If you're wondering about who they are, they are the two 'women in my life' as Iggy would refer to it. Let me explain. Lissa, for starters, is my girlfriend. I don't mind her much, she's a pretty redhead (for some reason, I like redheads) who is fairly nice and not too slutty and conniving, which isn't something that can easily said about all the other popular girls in the school. All in all, she isn't too bad, but I'm thinking of breaking up with her because she's a bit clingy and I don't want to lead her on, thinking that I'm still interested. Bridgid, I was confused about seeing. She was my chemistry teacher, and she was smoking hot. She had amazing red hair, which was long and straight (think Kim Kardashian hair, but on a pretty woman and red). She had an amazing figure, she was slender, but had curves in all the right places, if you get my drift. She also dressed to please, her signature style being a fairly short black pencil skirt with a slit up the side, a coral blouse, with the top two buttons left undone (giving the entire students and faculty a great view without being slutty) and a pair of black pumps. The majority of the schools straight male populace, students and teachers alike, had an attraction to her, if not a full blown crush. For me, I wasn't going to deny the mild attraction between us. She also flirted with me, especially when I was called to help her at lunch and after class. Even thought we could have, I was reluctant to start anything with her, because besides the thrill and fun of it, we both could get in a lot of trouble. Plus, it was the slightest bit creepy. I mean, she was 27, ten whole years older than me and almost a cougar. But man, was she beautiful. Not as beautiful as Max, but close. Again! With me thinking that! What is wrong with me?

Speak of the devil, I felt someone sit down on the couch beside me, and I heard a voice that was already annoyingly familiar. "Ace! You watch the Simpsons! I watched that all the time on the Telly at home!" Max cheered.

I glanced over at Max, who's eyes were glued to the 'Telly' screen. "No." I told her. "Go get changed. Now."

She gave me a questioning look. "Why?" Then she looked at her outfit, then mine and laughed. "I see you've got a good fashion p sense."

"Go get changed." I instructed her again. There was no way in heck that I was going to wear the same thing as a girl, especially Max. Our outfits were practically the same! Max had on black skinny jeans and I had on black boot cut jeans. Max had on black socks and so did I. And we both had on the exact same Black Veil Brides shirt... Poo.

"Why don't you get changed?" Max asked.

"I had this on first." I explained.

"There is no way to prove that." Max told me.

"Well, this is my house!" I argued.

"Well, I'm the guest!" Max countered.

"I already have it on, so I'm not taking it off." I told her, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Nor am I." She said, turning back the tv.

'If she thinks that I'm weak enough to cave and that she won, Max has another thing coming.' I thought snidely to myself. A few moments later, I noticed Max looking at me. "What are you looking at?" I snapped.

"The victim of a horrible, disfiguring accident, apparently." Sneered Max.

"Obviously you are mistaken. I've been asked out a million times." I retorted.

"You're mom asking you to go out and get a life doesn't count." She shot back.

"Haha." I said dryly.

"Well, that's the first sign of life I've seen from you yet." She told me.

"Just because I don't laugh at something from the exchange student other than her face doesn't mean that I'm as dead as her allure." I spat. Definitely not my best line, but most definitely not my worst.

"You know, I think you'd make a good exchange student." Max said honestly. That was strange. No comeback? "We could exchange you for someone better." There it was.

"I bet you were up all night thinking of that one." I told Max, forcefully poking her in her arm.

"I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse." Max said, sticking her tongue out. Real mature.

"Well SOMEONE shoved her tampon up the wrong hole didn't she?" I asked. "And don't bother trying to slap me; you'll never be the man your mom was."

Immediately, I knew that that had gone too far. Max's face set in stone and there appeared to be no emotion. She refused to make any eyes contact with me and she jumped up from her spot on the sofa and strode stiffly up the stairs.

...