"This is as private as it gets Lily, what is it,you wanted to discuss?"

"Severus, I know that you don't want to talk about this, but I remember what you did that night, even if you flat out deny it."

"What exactly do you remember?"

"Everything, Severus."

"But Dumbledore said.. Noone saw it.."

"He meant, Voldemort didn't see it. And neither did the Death Eaters. So your position as a spy is intact. But I did. Although I have not uttered any word to anyone. Noone except me, you and Dumbledore know what happened that night. And it will stay like that."

"See, that it does Lily. I did try to get to Potter on time, but his spell was hard to brush off fast enough."

"I know, Sev. I have no doubt in my mind that you tried to save James. "

"I actually thought noone would ever believe me. "

"We are not concerned about anyone else. I believe you. "

"I hated the man."

"He gave you every reason to do so."

"Seven years of pure torture and I try to save him and I can't. I have to tell you something. You might want to kill me afterwards and that's alright. I have a paper in my right pocket detailing how I don't blame you in my murder."

He showed her a small piece of parchment and put it back in his suit's pocket.

"You are prepared for everything, do you think I will want to kill you?"

"Lily.. The prophecy.. I just.. I overheard and I .. I didn't know I was actually telling him anything serious. He was the most superstitious bastard I have seen. I .. Lily, please just end this life for me, I can't go on like this."

Lily took his hand in her own. He was hiding behind his long hair, not looking at her.

"Don't say such things! Don't."

'"I am going to ask you something, and please for old time's sake, please Lily, just do it.. Please.."

"Sev, what is it? C'mon, Sev, it's just me. Don't be like this."

She was still holding his hand and he didn't want to break that small contact they had.

"You.. Either forgive me for what I did or take my wand and kill me this instant, because I cannot go on like this anymore. This guilt is eating me alive!"

He got on his knees in front of her and extended his wand to her. All she had to do is to take it and cast the curse. He would be free then. Instead she took the wand, put it on a nearby table. She raised his chin with her hand and looked in his tear-filled eyes.

"Have you completely lost your mind, Severus?"

"I am completely serious, Lily." He managed to whisper.

"This is what we are going to do. You are going to get up from the floor and summon tea for both of us. Lemon in mine, please. I am going to sit here and have a nice chat with my best friend whom I have not seen since fifth year of Hogwarts. And this lunacy, these dramatic gestures, are unbecoming of you, Severus and they will not be repeated, understood?"

"Yes."

"Up, then! I believe, you owe me a cup of tea."

Severus got up and went to summon elves, obviously not wanting them to see just who was his guest. In meantime, once alone, Lily looked at her trembling hands and whispered to herself.

"Bloody hell, Sev.. What the hell was that? How am I supposed to be calm after that?"

Severus returned with a tray of tea cups and dessert. It was a good thing he was a spy, and could try to control his shaking hands, as he gave Lily her cup of tea and she smiled at him with that smile of hers that used to make him weak in knees. He had to ask, he wondered about it ever since that faithful Halloween.

"Lily, why did you not turn me to Aurors?"

"The night I came out to talk to you was not the first night I saw you outside, Sev. I saw you night after night stand there and watch my house. Call it a hunch, but I knew you didn't want to cause me harm. You could have done it the first night. But you just stood there and did nothing. The next day- the same. Day and night. You looked so thin, so I figured, I don't know what you are doing outside, but I knew I could not let you starve and become thinner."

"It was rather dangerous gamble, don't you think?"

"Yeah, well..."

"Why did you two fight so much? " It was not his business, Severus knew, but he had to ask. Potter screamed at Lily, and she screamed back, every night. He sometimes closed his ears, to not hear them, because he was close to going and finishing the arrogant bastard in a second.

She put her cup down and looked at the fire.

"Sev, everyone fights once in while.. That's what married people do, eventually. Life happens, you get stressed. And the man you are married refuses to see things from your point of view and you feel tired and sick of the situation you are in. It was stressful to be on the run from Voldemort. It put a serious strain on our marriage. We loved each other, but sometimes, life was too much and I guess we felt alone. I am sure you know what I mean."

"No. I don't."

"I am sure you have had the feeling like that when you are with someone?"

"I have not." He answered rather more harshly, than he intended.

"Well.. Sorry.. I am glad your relationship is better than mine."

"You misunderstood me, Lily. I don't know what you are talking about, because I have not been married."

"Well, even with a girlfriend.."

"No.. "He shook his head.

"Severus.. You are telling me that there was never a girl you liked?"

"I am not saying that.. "

"Then what are you saying?" I sound way too interested, Lily thought to herself.

"Nothing, Lil. I am not saying anything. Let's just change the subject, please."

He didn't look at her, instead staring at the fireplace.

"Sev, you are obviously still hurting. Talking about it might help, you know."

"Lily, I have no plans to make this visit into a therapy session, as Muggles love to call that waste of time."

"Sev, she broke your heart, didn't she?"

Severus fell back in his armchair, and looked up to the ceiling.

"She.. She didn't.. It's just.. I don't think she had any idea. And if anything, I broke hers. Look, It's too late to change anything and I am fine, it's all in a past.

"You don't look fine to me. Sev, it's so hard to read your emotions, you should be more open about your feelings, how do you know if she didn't share your feelings?"

"Trust me on this, she did not share my feelings."

"Why didn't you find someone else? Someone who can see you for who you are?"

Severus smiled at her softly.

"There is noone else like her."

"Have you looked?"

"I didn't need to. If it's not her, then I don't want anyone else."

Sirius was right. Remus was right. This man, her best-friend, this Death Eater. He was in love with her. She thought Severus was talking about someone from his adult life, but he had such fire in his eyes when he said the last sentence, that Lily knew he meant her.

Why didn't he say something? Why didn't she? Two absolute cowards. Too late now. He will be killed the moment anyone finds out Severus Snape and Lily Evans are in love. Death Eaters will tear him into pieces. He cannot stroll around with the mother of Harry Potter! She remembered her best friend. He was so nice, so smart, so funny, so patient with her, so much fun to be around and such a gentleman. The Death Eaters just had to have him. They just had to suck out his very soul out of him and leave the empty shell. Did she love him still? Hard to tell. He was older now, as was she. He looked so tired of everything, so broken. Lily's thought were interrupted by Severus's question.

"Why did you let him scream at you, Lil? Why did you two fight that much?"

"Sev, how much exactly those fights between me and James affect you, that you still remember them?"

Severus said very quietly, but Lily heard every word of the next sentence

"You promised me once to never let anyone raise a hand on you."

Lily did her best to not burst in tears at that very moment. What was just another argument for her and James, because life was hard and they could not leave the house, and they were tired of each other, for Severus was an entirely different story. His mum and dad.. He stood outside and imagined Lily with a monster like Tobias.

She got up and walking around the table, kneeled in front of Severus who was sitting in an armchair and looking down.

"Sev, I promise you on Harry, Jamie never touched me. We just screamed. You know our fights. We used to fight even back in school."

"Never?"

"Never. I promise. I would stand my ground. My promise to you precedes all the others. I will always keep it. Will you?"

"I will, Lil."

"Sev, could you please take down the wards on your door? I need to go before I do something too rash. "

"Of course, Lil. Wards are down."

"Thank you for understanding, Sev. Thank you. "

She kissed him on a cheek.

"Don't change your attitude towards my Harry. You never know when that bastard comes back. But please keep my son safe, for me. Let's keep in touch."

Severus nodded, completely in shock.

"You didn't mean it, Sev. I am not kidding. I want us to stay in touch. We used to be best friends once. Please don't tell me there is no friendship left for me."

"I will stay in touch. I thought you were just being polite."

"You know that I am not polite with you. I try to say what I think around you, mostly. That's what best friends do, right?"

She kissed his cheek again.

"You should have said something back in school, Sev. You would be surprised with the answer. Also, don't mind what kids say. You look dashing in black." Lily almost ran out of the room.

Severus nodded again. Sure, Lily. What did you do here? Turned my entire life upside down once more..