It ended too soon.
The Alliance medical facility located on the Citadel finally quieted down after a small Alliance frigate brought the remains of The SSV Normandy's crew to the station for medical treatment, days after the ship's untimely destruction at the hands of an unidentified vessel. A small waiting room held only one occupant; a young asari who had been one of the fortunate survivors of the disaster.
Liara T'Soni sat motionless on one of the cold, metallic benches; her posture slightly bent forward with her hands crossed on her lap staring at what appeared to be a plant of some sort unlike any other the asari seen in her life. Her eyes looked through the plant and her mind didn't focus on it for long as the Normandy attack now consumed her thoughts. Most of these thoughts weren't coherent but rather a mess of indistinct 'feelings'; most notably, an intense sorrow and guilt.
Liara blamed herself for the death of Commander Veronica Shepard. She finally accepted that the Commander was dead; no one could survive getting tossed from the Normandy and into the cold, endless depths of space.
Dead.
Shepard is dead.
I killed her.
These three sentences finally pierced through the wall of torment and feeling in Liara's mind.
She continued to sit on the bench motionless, face devoid of expression or emotion, as two Alliance medical workers entered the room.
"Lieutenant Moreau has suffered a few broken bones in his arms and legs," stated the red-haired human female Alliance medical officer to her associate. "In spite of his chronic medical condition, he is recovering from the injuries quite well."
The other medical officer nodded at this statement as they both walked past Liara, en route to the cafeteria.
Liara spoke for the first time in hours, "Joker, I...I mean, Lieutenant Moreau is fairing well?" she asked hoarsely and barely audibly.
Her voice was loud enough for the red-haired human officer to take notice. She turned to her left to acknowledge the asari. "Yes, Lieutenant Moreau is doing well, in spite of his medical condition and the fact that he did not receive proper medical treatment in those first few days after the crash, before arriving at this facility. He is resting at the moment, so you'll have to wait until later to visit."
"Thank you," Liara whispered almost breathlessly before again turning her gaze to the plant on the table near the bench that opposed her own. The two Alliance medical officers continued to the cafeteria as Liara was once again lost in thought.
I delayed her. Because...because I didn't want to leave her. Because I loved her. Because I love her. Why didn't I listen to her when she ordered me to leave? Those extra moments I delayed could have made a difference! Veronica would be alive!
Liara thought about the final moments leading up to the very last time she would ever see Shepard alive, or at all. Shepard gave her the order to evacuate the ship, but Liara had hesitated. She didn't want to abandon the one person that meant the most to her in the entire galaxy. Love forced Liara to disobey; her love killed Shepard.
Liara's face finally broke into an expression reflecting her current feelings of unyielding guilt. A few tears streamed down from her eyes and danced over her beautiful round cheeks. She was finally shedding tears over Shepard's death but she didn't even notice.
When Liara heard Joker's recount of the final moments of Shepard's life, her torment over losing Shepard heightened. Before arriving at the hospital, Joker told the survivors that Shepard was mere seconds away from joining him in the escape pod before a final blast from the enemy ship's cannon expelled the still living, breathing Commander out into the vacuum of space.
Seconds I stole from her, because I was selfish!
Liara's thoughts turned to the morbid. She tried to imagine where Shepard, or her lifeless body, rested at the moment. What was happening to it? What had happened to it? Would the same cold vacuum of space that sucked all life from it also preserve it?
Liara thought of the times this body brimmed full of life. She remembered how warm it felt as it danced and held itself against her own body during their night out at Flux just a few weeks ago. She remembered how that body could bring her own into a state of pure ecstasy by writhing with passion against her own; its skin in intimate contact with all of hers. She remembered how it sounded when it laughed at her and looked at her with those eyes...loving eyes.
She wondered what they looked like now.
Suddenly, two others walked into the waiting room. Liara recognized the one as Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko and the other as Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Alenko wore the standard Alliance fatigues. He had survived the attack on the ship without any physical injuries or scarring. Liara could tell from the look on his face that Alenko suffered the loss of the Commander as much as everyone else. She wondered if he was taking this a bit harder than the others, considering the recent losses of Jenkins on Eden Prime and Ashley on Virmire.
Tali wore the same purple-colored enviro-suit she wore on the Normandy. Liara wished she could read the quarian's face but a breather mask obscured it from sight. She was sure it matched Kaidan's.
The Lieutenant took a seat on the bench across from Liara's. Tali took a seat on the bench next to Liara. She noticed Tali sat close to her. Quarians probably don't know the meaning of 'personal space', she thought but the close proximity of the suited woman didn't bother her.. After studying the other two for a brief moment, Liara looked down to see what clothes she herself wore; a standard Alliance lab coat that one of the station's medical officers had give to her upon their arrival. It was mostly blue, with some black trim and an Alliance logo adorned the left-breast.
As Liara stared at the logo, she heard Alenko finally speak, sounding slightly nerved, "How are you feeling, Liara?"
Liara wasn't in the mood for emotional honesty, "I am fine, Kaidan."
"Are you sure?" Alenko pressed on cautiously, "You just...haven't spoken much since our rescue, neither here or on the ship. I don't remember seeing you eat either."
"I have," Liara lied. "Not much. I am not very hungry."
Tali turned towards Liara and placed a hand on her shoulder giving it a tiny squeeze, "You should go lie down in one of the rooms", she suggested feebly. It sounded as if Tali's voice was breaking through her breather. "I know you haven't rested since we've arrived on the station. I believe you will feel better if you do so."
Rest will not remove the guilt or the loss, Liara thought to herself. Nothing will.
"I am fine, Tali, thank you," Liara mumbled as she hung her head down to stare at the sterile, white floor.
Liara desired solitude. The presence of the other two people in the room reminded her of happier times spent with them in the past, with Veronica.
Liara noticed Kaidan looking at her pitifully, "Actually, I think I will go lie down."
Tali let go of Liara's shoulder as she abruptly rose off of the bench. She turned to the still seated quarian, "Which way to the room you had mentioned?"
Tali arose from the bench, "This way, Liara" she stated as she motioned for the asari to follow her. Liara noticed that Tali and Kaidan shared a concerned glance as she left with the quarian.
Tali led Liara down the adjoining hall, past the cafeteria and into the wing of the hospital facility where the officers and other medical professionals lived in private quarters. The staff set aside a handful of rooms for the surviving members of the Normandy.
"I believe this room next to mine is unoccupied," Tali stated as she pointed towards an open door.
Liara peered into the room to find very uninviting living quarters. A small cot adorned with plain white sheets and a pillow to match rested against the far wall. A few drawers lined both sides of the room; Liara doubted they contained much. Next to the set of drawers on the left-hand side of the room, sat a desk with a computer terminal resting atop.
Liara turned to Tali, "Thank you, Tali. I appreciate your friendship and kind words. I would like to rest now."
"I will leave you then. If you ever want to talk about what happened on the ship...what happened to..." Tali hesitated before saying the name, "...Shepard."
"I don't want to talk about it right now. I'll be fine, Tali," Liara weakly shot back with a tiny hint of anger in her voice. It was so subtle, Tali didn't notice.
"Alright. Get some rest."
Tali left the room and closed the door behind her, leaving Liara to the solitude she desired.
The mention of Shepard's name a few moments ago caused anger to rise in Liara. She wasn't angry at Tali... she was angry at herself.
Why did I act so selfishly? Why didn't I listen to her?
A blue aura of biotics glowed around Liara's right hand.
This is punishment for a daughter who killed her own mother and never mourned her properly!
Liara was slightly taken back. She wondered why this last thought suddenly surfaced. She realized she still felt guilty for not giving her mother a proper burial, choosing to put that aside for the sake of the mission against the Geth and Saren.
Don't be foolish, Liara! That had nothing to do with it! Your own failure to follow a direct order is what caused Veronica's death.
The ball of biotic energy around Liara's hand and arm continued to gain strength, fueled by her anger. It needed release, and Liara violently directed it to the cot resting against the wall. The surge of energy utterly destroyed the cot; crushed into itself by the singularity that now swallowed it. Liara swore to herself and quickly dissipated the singularity with another shot of biotic energy to avoid further damage to the room.
Liara stood still for a moment, waiting for someone to come bursting into her room in order to discover the source of the noise caused by her emotional outburst. After no one appeared within a few minutes, Liara dropped to her knees in the middle of the floor. She felt completely lost for the first time in her life. She felt 'lost' before she met Veronica Shepard, heading down a wayward path, with her life's priorities consisting only of her studies. Veronica came into Liara's life and endowed it by opening up her eyes to the galaxy outside of a dig site. Liara slowly grew to appreciate and then love what she saw. Then she fell in love with the woman who showed it all to her.
This woman was no longer a part of this new world and Liara felt alone again. She knew she couldn't hide away in dig sites anymore. In Liara's mind, she failed greatly for the first time in her life and it cost her the life of the brightest star in the galaxy, in her galaxy. She silently vowed to herself that she would never again fail another soul like she failed Veronica.
Liara pounded her fist against the floor. She continued to press her fist against the floor as angry sobs wracked her body.