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Slipping

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The cold November air hit Nikki in the face as she walked through the main doors of the Lyell Centre, making her eyes sting with the sudden change in temperature. She pulled her long coat up around her neck, grateful for the high collar as it protected her tender skin from the rush of cool air.

She couldn't stay here. She couldn't risk one of the men coming to look for her. She couldn't risk talking to either Harry or Leo right now, not when she was feeling so fragile, so vulnerable. She would be sure to open up and tell them everything. And that wasn't something she could do.

Before she knew it she was walking away from the centre, the thought of using her car not even crossing her mind, not a possibility anyway as her keys were inside, in her bag, on her desk. Picking up more than her coat hadn't been her main priority in her hurry to escape the lab.

There was only a light breeze, but since the temperature had dropped into the realms of winter weather the week before, the air was unpleasantly cold. Nikki hugged her coat around her body, trying to keep herself warm. Her own temperature seemed to have dropped even before stepping outside, and the climate gave no relief.

Her eyes continued to sting as she walked, her mind briefly wondering whether it was still just the cold air causing them to water as she felt a slim trail of warm liquid trickle down her cheek.

She was already losing her sense of time, wasn't sure how long she had been walking, or even what time she had left work. She hadn't been paying much attention to where she was going either, and now, as she slowed her pace to look around she realised she truly had no idea where she was.

An overpowering wave of fear passed through her, and Nikki's hand barely made it to her mouth to cover the sob that escaped. Her feet stopping beneath her, Nikki took a deep breath, screwed her eyes tightly shut and tried to force the rising emotions back down before she landed in a heap on the pavement. Another trail of warm fluid stained her other cheek before she managed to open her eyes again, and drop her hand back into her pocket, assuring herself that she wasn't going to break down right now.

She couldn't, not here, not now, not like this.

Maybe later, in the privacy of her own home, with the lights off so that she could pretend it wasn't really happening. Before that could happen she was going to have to figure out where she was.

That thought drew her mind to a halt. If she worked out where she was, there would be some kind of pressure to go home. Or back to work. Either way she knew Harry and Leo would find her. Someone would find her, and she didn't want to be found. She didn't want to have to explain herself. She wasn't sure that she could.

Never before had Nikki felt quite so alone. There had been times in her life when she had no one to turn to, and yet somehow now, when she knew that she had people that she could rely on, it was so much worse. Knowing that they were there but she couldn't tell them anything, couldn't ask for their help, couldn't let them help her. She felt so much more alone than she had ever thought possible.

A tremble passed through her body at the knowledge that she was entirely alone in this, that there was nothing anyone could do.

Suddenly a feeling of nausea rose from her stomach, and Nikki quickly slipped into an alleyway between two buildings and emptied her stomach contents onto the dirty street. Leaning against the wall a moment later as she tried to regain some balance and quell the shaking of her legs, Nikki had to wonder where that came from. It was rather unexpected. Though now it had left her body feeling weaker than before; the trembling didn't seem to want to stop and her whole body was beginning to ache.

She felt a sudden loss of control. Not that she had felt in control all day, but now it was excruciating, the lack of power she felt as her legs took it upon themselves to stumble back out of the alleyway and continue along the pavement.

She was barely registering her surroundings, the kind of area in London she had wandered into, when her body and mind simultaneously gave up and allowed her to slump to the ground in another, even more grimy dark alleyway.

She rested her back against the cold stone wall behind her, legs automatically bending in front of her, arms hugging them close to her chest. She had no idea what she was supposed to do now.

Her body was still aching with a painful intensity, her head throbbing enough to disturb any half sensible trail of thought that attempted completion. It wasn't long before her eyes became heavy and the constant shivers began to lull her into a light sleep.

One thought ran through her mind before she faded into a dream world. How had she allowed this to happen again?

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