Hey, all of you X-Men fanfiction writers,

Listen up if you know what's good for you. I've some of these supposed "stories", and you've got my character all wrong.

Yes, I wear pink. And I own boy bands CDs. But you know what? That's all a cover to hide my true self from the others. I know that if they realized what I'm really like, I would be totally alone; the team would turn against me if it was revealed that I'm not some ditz who likes Twilight. I pretend to be girly in order to fly under the radar. It's a survival technique, a disguise. You know what I mean?

So I wear this mask each day, every day, in order to achieve a place under the leadership of our Noble Leader, Comrade Scott Summers. But I think some of the New Mutants suspect my true motives after they saw me hijack that one Miata while smoking three Cuban cigars at once, especially Jubilee. Someone should remind her that curiosity killed the cat, or else I'll have to teach her the hard way.

So, let me tell you. I may pretend to be Jewish, but I don't actually believe in God, or anything that organized religion stands for. I'd rather have chaos and anarchy, if only to watch others flounder and drown, unable to deal with life in that sort of society.

I hate Taylor Swift music. She can't sing, she actually only speaks the lyrics to the melody. She's not even a particularly good songwriter: her music is always the same four chords, just rearranged for each song. Sometimes not even that. So please, stop writing me as some teenybopper who sings along to "T. Swizzie's" songs on the car radio. Truth be told, I like Black Sabbath, My Chemical Romance, and most of all, Insane Clown Posse.

What's more is that I hate being called, "Kitty". It's so juvenile. I prefer, "Kate". That's so much more adult than some silly nickname from my childhood that I didn't give up when I should have.

I also have a tobacco habit. Not the best thing for my lungs, but hey, I live and work within a communist black ops system created to rebel against the government and separate into our own mutant nation, in which I put my life on the line each day, so don't be so quick to judge me. Hey, it's better than being addicted to my mutant abilities to the point of schizophrenia, like Jean.

All of you authors seem to think differently, but I'm not particularly interested by either Kurt or Lance. It's fun to string them along and see what they'll do to keep me happy, but I'm out of there if one of them so much as tries to hold my hand. Gross, all of that mushy love stuff makes me nauseous. Besides Pyro is the only dude I could ever see myself getting serious with. He's just the right amount of psycho for me to handle.

Before I leave, I just want to remind you people that just because I'm petite and rather lacking in the "T and A department", as they call it, I'm still more than a little dangerous. Seriously, just the other day I teamed up with Green Goblin to rob five banks, three jewelry stores, and all the Dunkin' Donuts in New York City. I deprived millions of people of their doughnuts, glazed, jelly-filled, or with sprinkles; I'm not sure what's more dangerous than that.

Sincerely,

Kate Pryde