"Why now? It's so sudden."

I am not used to hearing Peeta make these sorts of remarks. Usually, he just lets me do my own thing, as long as he can stay near me. I'm convinced that he believes I'm still part crazy or something like that. He's afraid that all it's going to take is something small to either shut me down or set me off. Maybe he's right, and maybe seeing Gale will do that to me – but I need to know. I am not the kind of person that can sit back and let things happen. I have already been stupid enough to let Gale go without even admitting to him that I needed him around. One of my biggest flaws is apparently toying with people and their feelings, leading them on, making them feel like puppets, confusing them. I still remember that night at the Capitol when I overheard Peeta and Gale talking. They were right about me. I have been so consumed with my hatred for the Capitol for quite some time now that I completely let my old self slip by. I used to be the girl that was perfectly content hunting in the woods with Gale. I loved talking to him, knowing that he would always show up and be there. As much as I wondered about Peeta, he didn't cross my mind every day. He made the gesture to me back years and years ago with the bread, but nothing ever came of it. My whole life changed when my sister's name got drawn and I never had the chance to look back at how good some things were. Even if I have Peeta now, I lost Gale and it seems like it might be a permanent thing.

"I know." I didn't know what else to say to Peeta, but I was pausing for so long that it almost felt like I needed to reply with something short or overly dramatic. I sighed, feeling mildly uncomfortable. I knew that if I explained this too much that it would do nothing but hurt Peeta. He had been so patient with me for so long that it didn't seem right to tell him what I needed to talk to Gale about. I suddenly felt like that awkward girl in District Thirteen who was torn between the two because of so many different reasons. I swept a loose strand of my hair away from my face before forcing myself to make eye contact with Peeta. I couldn't do this to him.

"You really don't want me to come with you?"

"It's not that I don't want you to…."

"Katniss, it's fine."

I knew I hurt him. Nothing that I ever did seemed to be right by everyone. Either I hurt my family, Gale, or Peeta. I could never just have things work out. Sometimes I wonder if things would have been better off if I just lost the Hunger Games and died. What did they really help me with anyway? The entire war started because of my stupid move with the berries. If I would have been a normal girl who went into the games then things would be completely different. I normally hated to dwell on the games and "what-if" scenarios but with how upside down my life had been lately I couldn't fight the thoughts.

"No, it's not fine. I'm sorry but you know that I have to do this."

"What are you going to say to him? You're going to try to convince him to come back, aren't you?"

Now Peeta was pushing me to the limit. I didn't even know what I was going to say to Gale when I laid eyes on him. I knew it would be just my luck to turn to mush or to be too cold. I could either be one or the other. I still couldn't help but to worry about what Gale is doing over there. He could have moved on completely, although I might have heard of it by now. It was still a disturbing thought. All of this time I had the comfort of knowing that Gale was mine and that he would always be there for me – until I shoved him away because of Prim's death. I no longer had that security net of knowing he was going to be by my side. I seemed to be turning into the person that destroyed things easily.

"No."

"You're just going to go say hello?"

"Peeta!"

I for once saw Peeta become visibly stressed about the situation. He took his left hand and brought it to his temple to massage it gently before letting his hand run down his face. I knew that I was driving this poor guy to insanity. Maybe it would have been wise for me to get up and move to a different district. Sometimes I wondered if a fresh start is what I needed, but then again, it was so hard to start fresh now. Peeta knew me and understood the things I went to. The nightmares? They never really go away. Even Gale couldn't understand those. It's not even the typical kind of nightmare that a child gets. It's a million times worse and it runs through your soul until you cannot take it anymore. It's emotionally and physically draining. I feel my face flush of any color as soon as I relive those terrifying thoughts in my mind.

"Katniss?"

He was staring at me now, worried. It was strange to see the way that his mood could change, but Peeta cared about me so much that it couldn't even be put into words. I could scream at him or rip him to shreds and two seconds later he'd be back to loving me unconditionally. I really wasn't fair to him. I put him through nothing but hell from the first games until now. I inhaled a lot of air and then slowly exhaled, letting the exhalation linger for a moment or two before glancing in Peeta's direction. Saying goodbye was much harder than I thought. I never even expected that he was going to be here and that I was going to have to do this. I hoped that I could sneak off before he would even realize I was gone.

"Sorry. I know you'll worry about me but I promise I'm better – ask Greasy Sae."

"She won't tell me anything."

It was true. Greasy Sae and Peeta were sort of strangers, even though they got along and chit-chatted here and there. Since Peeta sort of became one of us, she warmed up a bit – but he was nothing like Gale to her. She had the fond memories of him bringing game, the Hob: Peeta was in a totally different world back then.

"I promise she will. She's just old and quiet."

"That's not true. She likes to talk to you."

"She talks to me because she thinks that she has to take care of me after all that happened. Otherwise she wouldn't be here cooking for me each meal of the day."

"That's not why she talks to you."

"Fine! What do you want me to say? She and I relate to each other in some odd way. But that doesn't mean that she isn't capable of having a conversation with you. Now I really have to go."

My patience was becoming short with Peeta. It wasn't typical for us to have any sort of a spat, let alone over something so stupid. My mind was in the sort of mode where all I wanted to do was run and escape. I needed to get out of District Twelve and to Gale. He would understand why I was coming, even if he'd be mad at me. I missed even hearing his voice, some of the typical comments he would make. I don't like to admit it, but I even miss hearing him call me Catnip. It's silly but the small word makes such a difference. I sigh again at the stresses of dealing with Peeta and the anxiety of getting out of here and quickly. I move over to the closet and grab a bag and start stuffing a few things into it. I won't need much, but I need to go.

"How long do you plan on staying? And how are you getting there?"

"I don't know. How do you think?"

Since Paylor was in command, she was lenient with me. I could pretty much do what I wanted – even if some of the people still thought I was a little crazy. I could even call Haymitch if I got so desperate to get me to District Two. He understood my relationship with Gale, even though he respected Peeta. He would think it would be good for me to go, I know it. Ever since the war ended, people thought I was just some insane girl who sat at home and withered away to nothing. Getting out of Twelve would do me some good and maybe slightly repair my image, not that I cared.

"Fine, you have fun. Tell Gale I said hi."

"Have fun? You think I am going there to have fun?"

"Well you won't answer me, so it's a good guess."

I glared at Peeta for once, not accepting the way that he was behaving. Where was the warm, sweet, patient Peeta that I was used to? He didn't do this jealousy thing. I tried my best to resist my anger and forced a smile.

"Okay, then, I'm going to have fun in District Two."

"Maybe I'll go have fun somewhere too."

"You do that. I'm going now."

I grabbed my bag and pushed open the door to run back down the stairs. I wanted to escape. I needed to call Haymitch and have him help me set up the arrangements first. Greasy Sae was staring at me but gave me a little nod, so I just ignored her and went to the phone. I hoped that Haymitch wasn't drunk off of his ass and could pick up his phone. So much for his sobriety in District Thirteen.