The next morning was normal you guess. Normal for you anyway. You got up, and walked out into the kitchen, like any morning. You grabbed the Faygo from the night before, and pour yourself a bowl of cereal. You sat down, and ate, while your father would walk into the kitchen, clad in a suit, like any other day. He grabbed a bottle of water, and a bagel from the fridge, sighing and taking a bite before he was out the door, with a quiet, "Goodbye."

You let your thoughts drift through your head, and suddenly you wonder what Karkat is up to. Karkat has been your friend since kindergarten, when Equius stole his blue crayon, and you had to get it back for him. That story always made you smile. Karkat was always small, very small. He hasn't really ever grown much. For all you knew, he looked about 5 foot, maybe a few inches taller. You often teased his height playfully, and he often overreacted. If was part of his nature, if there was anything Karkat was fucking miraculous at, it was ranting like there was no tomorrow. You didn't mind though, even if you had no clue what he was saying half the time, it was all chill. If he was all motherfucking up into what he wanted to rant about, then he could rant away.

You are now in your room, you don't remember coming here, or lighting up this joint, but who gives a fuck. You suddenly want something sweet, something you can dip your hands into and get them sticky while you shove handfuls into your mouth. Wow that was a mother fucking weird thought, but once again, no one gives a fuck. You go into the kitchen, the length of the joint hanging from your mouth. You begin searching around, and after some searching, you find a pie tin. You debate and debate, looking for things to put in the pie, and the only thing you can find is chocolate pudding, but you don't care. You take the tin, unwrapping it and pouring the pudding mix in and you stop.

"...The fuck? This isn't pudding." You stare at the powder, wondering where the pudding was. You then proceed to open all of the boxes of pudding mix and they're all powder. "What. The. Fuck. This mother fucking shit says 'instant' so like, shouldn't it mother fucking turn to pudding like, when you open it?

You go into your room, and grab your phone, opening it and scrolling through contacts. You scroll until you find someone you think could help you, and you hit "Talk."

"Hello Gam." The British accent filled the speaker.

"Yo mother fucker. I need your help with some weird shit." You walk back to the kitchen, phone to your ear.

"Oh cod, should I be scared Gam? Last time I helped you w-with 'w-weird shit', you w-were at my door telling me your pants could talk to you."

"No no bro, this shit is legit. I'm trying to make pudding pie."

"Ohhh ok Gam. Easy enough I guess. How-w do you need fuckin' help?"

"Well, the shit says instant, so I mother fucking opened it, and poured the shit into the pie crust shit, and it was like, mother fucking powder. It ain't pudding. I mean, I'm all up with being whatever you mother fucking want to be and shit, but I'd much prefer if my pudding was like, "Yo bro, just gonna be powder now," instead of staying in a pudding box and not telling this mother fucker."

The silence on the other end of the phone seemed to drag on, then you decided to make sure Eridan was still alive. "Yo mother fucker, you still there?"

"Gam... Are you smokin'?"

"Oh yeah mother fucker."

"Gam, you hawe to MAKE the puddin'."

"...But it's instant."

"That means you don't hawe to COOK it. You still hawe to add stuff to it."

"Oh. Like what?"

"W-well, milk. And...I think that's it... Maybe heat the milk up some? I don't know Gam, read the fuckin' box."

You look to the box. "But... They mother fucking lie bro. They told me they were filled with pudding, and then they sat back and laughed at me while I mother fucking wondered why the fuck powder was coming out like a stampede."

"Gam... Just heat some milk in the microw-wawe and add it to the fuckin' powder."

"Fine mother fucker." You go to the fridge, take the milk carton out, and walk over, popping the whole thing in the microwave and setting the time. You wait, then it beeps and you take it out and walk over, pouring the whole thing in the tin, making a mess. "Ok mother fucker, what now?"

"Stir?"

"Got it mother fucker." You begin to stir, but end up breaking the pie crust apart inside the tin, but the powder begins to get thicker, and it eventually becomes a very watered down pudding mix, with pie pieces.

"...Holy mother fucker I made a miracle."

"Uh, that's nice Gam... Now-w I hawe to go... Sissy's home."

"Oh sorry mother fucker. Tell her I said hi." You hang up and set the phone down, digging in. You've met Eridan's "sissy" plenty of times before. Their relationship is very interesting honestly. They're not even brother and sister, so you don't mother fucking get it. You're pretty sure they're just cousins, and Sissy just took him in after Eridan's parents were in that plane crash on their way to the Bahamas or some shit. It was their anniversary or something. Eridan wasn't quite old enough to live on his own, so Sissy took him in. You don't even know if Sissy has a real name, but who gives a fuck? You still have your miracle.

The pie doesn't last long at your clutches, as you gobble it down like a British street Orphan at an all you can eat buffet. For some reason, the idea of Karkat thinking that was a shitty metaphor popped in your head. You decide to ask him later, if you remember. Remembering things was a miracle for you.

You finish eating, your hands a mess and you look around, now perched on a bar stool at your counter, only in your boxers. Your phone starts ringing the familiar little Pupa Pan ring tone Tavros set for himself, and you can't help but smile. You look to your phone, going to answer it, then stop. You can't touch your phone with your chocolate-y mess hands, you might break it. You stare at it ringing, debating, then, you lean in, trying to answer the touch screen with your tongue. It works, woah, mother fucking miracles.

"Yo mother fucker. I just answered this bitch with my mother fucking tongue."

"..Uh...Wow?" His high pitched voice rings throughout the room and you smile. You love his voice, it just made him all the more cuter.

"Yeah mother fucker. I'm covered, in fucking chocolate. Eridan helped me make mother fucking pie over the phone.

Be Tavros Nitram

So your boyfriend just answered the phone for you, with his tongue. No matter how weird this is, you find it strangely arousing. Uh, wait what?

Anyway, this is not strange for Gamzee to answer the phone while doing weird things. Some possible examples run through your mind.

"Yo mother fucker, I think the sk yfell dow no nme... Oh wait that's the map dad put on the ceiling, never mother fucking mind."

"Woooooah mother fucker, my pants, they're talking to me. Eridan won't mother fucking believe me. Think Karkat will?"

"Woah mother fucker, I think there's a mouse in the house. There it is!" This was proceeded by a lot of loud crashing noises and yelling. You don't think Gamzee ever caught that mouse.

There were plenty others, but now you were drifting into thought, and Gamzee was talking to you. You need to come back to Earth, put the fairies and puppy dogs aside for a few minutes.

"...and then he told me to go to bed, and he seemed pissed. He just mother fucking seems so moody with me any fucking more. I swear bro, I'm about to snap at him one of these mother fucking days, and he ain't gonna mother fucking like it."

You guess he is talking about his dad, but you aren't quite sure. "Well uh... What exactly was said last night?"

"Well, I was trying to find something to mother fucking eat, and he came in and yelled at me for walking around in my fucking underwear..."

You nod, but the mental image of Gamzee in his underwear causes you to blush, and you stutter a bit. "Y-yeah, and uhh, then what?"

"Well I started arguing with him, and he kept telling me to watch my mother fucking language, so I did for a fucking while, but then I slipped up, and he yelled at me, and were started arguing and he just told me to go to fucking bed."

You nod, then pause. After a moment you realize that Gamzee can't tell you nodded through the phone. "O-oh!"

"What is it mother fucker?"

"...Oh I uh... Nodded... Then...Well... You uh... Can't hear a nod... So uh... I feel, rather... Stupid..."

You hear Gamzee chuckle. "You ain't mother fucking stupid bro. I mean, I've fucking done worse. Fuck, I've talked to my phone, for like an hour, after Eridan hung up, I just thought he was being mother fucking quiet, but he really just got tired of fucking talking to me."

You nod, and debate whether you should laugh, or Eridan's lack of caring should upset you. You decide Gamzee wants you to laugh, so you chuckle.

"So mother fucker, any reason in particular you called?"

You stop, and smile. The reason pops back in your head and you can't believe your almost forgot it. "Oh uhh yeah, mom wanted to know if you wanted to come over..."

Be the guy who just received an invitation.

You smile wide at the phone, after licking your fingers off. "Oh mother fucking yes bro. I'll be over in half an hour or so."

"Uhh, sounds good Gamzee... I uh, love you..."

You smile more. "I love you to Tav. Now bye mother fucker, don't miss me too much."

Tavros chuckles. "I'll try Gamzee, bye..." He hangs up, and you begin to pack. Soon, you'd be at Tavros'.