DISCLAIMER: SM owns all Twilight characters and settings. No copyright infringement intended.

Sorry...so sorry for the long delay. As stated in my profile, I've been ill and had a tough tough time focusing on this story. I hope to update quicker going forward. I'll make excuses for the weakness of this chapter by saying I barely wrote a paragraph a day some days, so it might seem disjointed and not exceptionally thought provoking.

Edward's hand hurt and he pressed his battered knuckle against his mouth before he remembered that the superficial scrape had been treated with a distasteful antiseptic. He studied the injury closely and decided it hurt worse than it looked. He hadn't expected the pain, but then he never punched anyone before, not for real and certainly not full on in the face.

He thought he heard noise on the lower landing and cocked his head, listening carefully. It had been a full forty-five minutes since he and Esme had gotten home and he'd been sent to his room to wait for Carlisle. He wanted to tell Esme it wasn't his fault but it was hard to convince her of that when his victim was in the nurse's office sporting a bloody nose while he sat in a chair in the principal's office rubbing his tender knuckles and silently cursing himself for his stupidity.

He tried to offer an explanation on their short drive home, one that sounded completely reasonable to him, but she appeared unimpressed and her stern facial expression reflected in the rear view mirror, never changed. True he never mentioned that Mike was the foster brother that had tormented him during the year he lived on the reservation. He didn't like to think about that part of his life, safely buried under the good memories of his time with the Cullens and it wasn't like he hit Mike because of it, though it certainly was in the back of his mind.

He listened a minute longer, before deciding that the noise he heard wasn't Carlisle's footsteps coming up the stairs, not that he would hear them anyway, but sometimes if he listened hard he would hear movement though he never was really sure what was creating the sound.

He went into his bathroom and carefully reapplied the peroxide to his injured knuckles just as Carlisle had shown him. His scraped knuckles hadn't really bled but he could pick up the signs from Esme. Her pained expression when she spoke to him, the way she seemed to hold her breath in the car even after she rolled down the windows letting in the chilly winter air, all signs that precautionary steps were necessary.

He had come to the conclusion over time, that it wasn't the sight of blood that the Cullens objected to, but the smell; not that he noticed anything repugnant about the odor of blood or his in particularly, but it seemed to bother his adopted family in various degrees…well except for Carlisle. He tried not to be too self conscious about it, but every time he got a scrape or cut, he would race up to his bathroom and dig out the stinging medicine that would disguise the offensive odor and make his presence around his family members tolerable to them.

He didn't dwell on what his punishment would be. Years of living with the Cullens had reassured him that spankings would never be part of it, but then he had never hit anyone before or been suspended from school for the rest of the week and no one in his family had ever been forced to pick him up from the principal's office.

He knew the latter was the worst thing that could happen. Drawing attention from the authorities was a big no-no and given Esme's expression he knew that wasn't an exaggeration. She hadn't wanted to hear his excuses on the drive home, how Mike had provoked him, had tripped him in gym class when the teacher wasn't looking and knocked his books on the ground when they were in the hallway which had been the final straw in an entire month's worth of taunting from his nemesis who had left him alone for years only to start in on him again, now that they had both found themselves amongst the same group of friends.

He wished Emmett were around. Emmett got in more trouble than anyone Edward knew and if Emmett was there he might be able to offer some advice or at least let him know what to expect. Carlisle didn't usually punish him; that was Esme and Rosalie's job. But when Esme said, in a tight distant voice that Carlisle would be having a talk with him, he felt a knot in his stomach. Talks with Carlisle could be as bad as getting hit with the belt by George.

He never heard the car pull into the driveway, too distracted he guessed, by the beeps and hums of the PSP that he was using to entertain himself until Carlisle came up to issue his punishment. But the slam of a car door was enough to draw his attention. The Cullens didn't have visitors and unless Emmett and Rosalie were paying a surprise visit, an unexpected visitor might be just what was needed to distract Carlisle.

He jumped to his feet and ran to the window pressing his forehead against the glass and peering directly beneath him where the cars were usually parked. What he saw did not immediately register, but he felt it, that wave of terror, something he hadn't felt for years. not since he was little and lived with George and Karen. It filled his stomach like an unwelcomed meal and his first thought was to run to the bathroom before it was too late. Instead he swallowed the bile down and watched the scene unfold below him as if it were happening in slow motion.

The police car was parked in the driveway behind Esme's car. Charlie was already standing outside leaning against it, his arms crossed, his face glum. Carlisle was talking, Edward couldn't see his face but his hands moved in an exaggerated fashion. Esme was there too standing between the two men, her hand pressed against her lips, her face pained.

Then Charlie was talking. Edward wished he had the Cullens hearing ability, but he could only see his lips move and imagine what Charlie was saying. There was only one reason that Charlie would be parked in the driveway talking to Carlisle and he didn't have to think too long and hard about what that reason was. Police officers showed up at people's house for one reason and that was to take kids away, bad kids, the kind of kids that were so damaged that even their moms and dads had given up on them.

Would they send him to another foster home? Would he have to go to the group home again or maybe because he had actually hurt someone, he would be forced to go to a detention center. But Edward wasn't about to be sent anywhere. Not that he would have much of a choice. If the Cullens wanted him gone, he couldn't make them keep him, but that didn't mean that he had to go anywhere with Charlie.

He didn't stop and think about what he was going to do or where he was going to go or if he should consider packing anything. He didn't have much time. He already knew that Carlisle would invite Charlie into the house and then silently come up the stairs to his room, looking at him sadly, shaking his head, wishing there was some other way, because Carlisle would be sad, he was sure of that, but Edward had broken the one rule that no one ever talked about.

He had jeopardized everything.

He had gotten in trouble at school, bad trouble and the worst thing about it was it never occurred to him that he might until he saw Esme in the principal's office talking to the principal…drawing attention.

His room was on the third floor of the house and one full wall was covered with floor to ceiling windows.

Edward knew that the windows were actually doors, opening up to the outside and more importantly the roof, but they had long been nailed shut after he had followed Emmett onto the roof when he was still a little kid almost giving Esme a heart attack. So if he had any chance of getting away, he couldn't do it from his room.

But as he should have known, his decision to run wasn't one he could hide.

Alice.

She always knew what he was about to do and there she was waiting at the end of the hallway when he ran out of his room, shaking her head sadly.

"Edward sweetie, what's wrong?"

He wanted to yell at her. Why was she pretending she didn't know? She knew, she knew everything and she had to know that he had been bad and now he was going to be sent away. Yet there she was pretending she didn't know why Charlie was there.

He spun around and ran for the back staircase. It would take him to Emmett's room and he knew Emmett's windows opened to the roof. From there he would just climb on the roof and jump into the trees, then down to the ground. But before he even reached the stairs he could see it was blocked by Jasper who looked perplexed, but no less resolved to stop him in his escape.

"What's wrong Edward?" Jasper said solemnly. "Why are you so upset?"

"You know," he replied, refusing to meet Jasper's eyes as he approached him cautiously. "Charlie's here."

Jasper looked over his head presumably at Alice. Edward felt himself relax a little. He knew that was because of Jasper. Whenever he was upset and Jasper was around, he always felt better. That was another one of those odd little traits that he noticed but didn't comment on.

"Did you hear something?" Jasper wasn't standing on the stairs anymore, he was standing right next to Edward and Edward didn't even flinch. He was use to it, the sudden appearance or disappearance of one of the Cullens; just another one of those things.

"He's here because of what I did today…and now I have to go." There would be no use pretending that he had any other choice.

Jasper frowned. "Do you honestly think that Carlisle or any of us would let anyone take you away from us?"

Edward sighed, a shaky rush of air escaping his lungs. "Charlie didn't come to take me…I'm being sent away." There was a gap between Jasper and the wall and Edward went for it without really considering that whether he ran away or was taken away, he would no longer be living with the Cullens, but at least he was in control.

He didn't even make it to the first step of the staircase and he wasn't sure he made it past Jasper at all or if he had even moved or just thought about moving, but the grip on his arm unrelenting in its power, was gentle in its touch yet no amount of pulling on his part could loosen it.

"Edward you're wrong…no one is sending you away," Jasper said smiling weakly down at him.

Edward might have been reassured by the words if the look on Jasper's face wasn't so pained…such a contradiction.

"You can't know that. I hit someone at school. Esme was mad. I did the one thing I wasn't suppose to do."

Jasper's expression had turned to confusion, but before he could speak Edward burst out in a childlike tone. "I drew attention."

And with that, Jasper released him. He understood.

Edward ran down the stairs taking two at a time ignoring Alice's heavy sigh, not thinking beyond getting out of the house and trying not to cry. He didn't think about where he was going or what he was going to do, he only thought about reaching the back door and running away from that police car that would take him back to his past, the last place he wanted to go.

But he only managed to reach the bottom of the stairs and make the turn towards the back door.

"Edward where are you going?"

And then it was too late.

Carlisle was right behind him. Close enough to reach out and grab him if he wanted too. There would be no getting away, but had that ever really been a possibility. It was over than. He wouldn't try to run from Carlisle, he wouldn't even voice his fear. He would let the inevitable happen and he would try his best not to do anything to make any of them feel guilty. It was his fault anyway.

"No where," he replied. So why was he lying? He turned to face Carlisle and the look on his face didn't reassure him.

"I think we should go in my study," Carlisle said solemnly. "We need to talk."

"I know."

He moved slowly, as slowly as was humanly possible, but Carlisle waited patiently, didn't rush him and followed him down the long hall to Carlisle's office that before now, he only had ever played in. He wasn't surprised to see Esme sitting in one of the big leather chairs in front of Carlisle's desk, but Charlie was nowhere in sight.

"Where is Char…Chief Swan," he mumbled sitting next to Esme in the other chair.

"Ahhh is that what this is about? You saw him then?"

He nodded his head.

"Charlie isn't here. He couldn't stay."

That surprised Edward and he looked up meeting Carlisle's golden eyes. He had not taken a position behind his desk and instead sat on the edge of it crossing his arms. Maybe it took a few days to find a place for him to go.

"I'm in trouble," he said resolutely, looking at Esme for confirmation.

But Esme looked distracted and when she glanced at him, her expression was thoughtful, like she was trying to remember what he was talking about and when she did, he saw the realization plainly on her face. But she hadn't been thinking about it until he reminded her. How weird.

"Are you talking about school?" Carlisle said slowly.

"I hit someone. He's a bully he deserved it." Edward had meant to sound contrite and regretful, but he couldn't help the defiance that slipped from his lips.

"Yes well, I'm well aware of the history you share with that boy, and you're probably right, he did deserve it, but you can't go around hitting people Edward, do you understand?"

"Yeah."

"But Edward that's not why you here." Carlisle cocked his head slightly and his face revealed his understanding. "….wait…do you think that was why Charlie was here? Did you think you were in trouble?

Edward nodded and before he could stop himself he blurted. "I thought he was coming to take me away."

He heard a little intake of breath from Esme but he didn't look at her. He didn't want to see the disappointment on her face. It was hard enough to meet Carlisle's pained expression. They hated his insecurities and blamed themselves whenever he overreacted to a situation. Why couldn't he just believe that they loved him and wouldn't send him away just because he did something wrong. His panic, his fear, his need to run, just another big overreaction. He was an idiot.

"Edward," Esme whispered.

"I know…I know…I can't help it." And he couldn't. No matter how many times it happened, he could never stop himself from believing that one day he would be forced to leave.

"Everyone makes mistakes, Edward and there might be consequences for those mistakes but those consequences will never include you leaving us. I don't know how I can reassure you of that. Nothing you could do would make us send you away or let anyone take you away from us," Carlisle said, his voice calm and steady but Edward could hear the weariness in it.

He sighed and nodded, like he had done so many times in the past but then he remembered Charlie and glanced quickly at Esme then back to Carlisle again.

"Why was Charlie here?"

Carlisle looked away. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Again Edward felt his insides tighten. But he would not blame himself, he would not think it was about him and above all else he would not assume that Charlie's visit spelled trouble for him. At least that's what he kept telling himself.

"We do have some bad news Edward." Carlisle sighed and leaned forward like he was going to reveal a secret.

Edward swallowed a lump in his throat. He felt Esme's hand on his arm. He didn't have to worry about exaggerating his fear now; Carlisle and Esme's behavior dictated his response and no matter how hard he tried to suppress it, his biggest fear, the single most anxiety he felt over the years could not be left unspoken.

"I don't want to live anywhere else." His voice hitched a little and there it was again, his irrational fear in direct odds with Carlisle's reassurances.

"Oh sweetie, that's not it…that's not it at all. You won't have to live anywhere else…ever." Esme said, her fingers curling around his wrist as she leaned toward him.

But Edward remained unconvinced and shrugged off Esme's attempt to hug him.

"Edward…Charlie was here sharing some bad news about Bella."

Edward gasped. For a moment all his other fears and insecurities faded away. "What happened to Bella….what happened?" He jumped up from his chair his hands clenched at his side.

"Easy Edward," Carlisle's hands gripped his shoulders holding him in place. "Bella is fine, she's fine. But Edward…her mother…her mother is dead."

Edward let out the air in his lungs in one long shaky breath. Bella was fine…she was fine…that's what Carlisle said. He almost wanted to cry with relief, but then he remembered the reason for Charlie's visit.

Bella's mom was dead.

Edward was surprised to see Charlie's house filled with people when he arrived with Carlisle and Esme, though he supposed it made sense. Charlie was the Chief of Police. He knew a lot of people in town and had a lot of friends. They were there to comfort him. Even if Renee was his ex-wife, he had loved her once and he had to feel sad now that she was gone.

Carlisle and Esme had stayed for a while, but Edward didn't think Esme knew Charlie at all and Carlisle wasn't exactly his friend. They left after the Quileutes showed up. Edward didn't try to guess why Billy glared at Carlisle. No one disliked Carlisle, but obviously Billy did. So now he was he alone in the house with adults he didn't know and friends he hadn't played with since he was a little white kid living on the reservation.

He wanted to talk to Bella. That was why he was there and the reason he insisted on staying when Carlisle and Esme left. But Bella was surrounded by people, a bunch of do gooders that didn't know Bella and were only there because of Charlie. But Bella wasn't talking…not really. She was sitting in a chair in the living room staring out the window nodding occasionally when someone asked her a question, but otherwise just ignoring all the people in the room like she was all alone. Jacob was there, trying to talk to her and she did lean over and whisper something to him from time to time.

Edward wanted to rush over to them and interrupt their private moment ignoring his own resolve to bide his time. It upset him to see Bella confide in Jacob, when it was he, Edward that she should be depending on. He couldn't put his finger on the exact nature of his distress. It wasn't anger exactly; there would be no reason to be angry. Jacob was Bella's friend just like he was. During Bella's summer visits she would spend more time with him then Edward. It made sense since Charlie and Billy were friends and he hadn't let it bother him but maybe that was because he was never around when Jacob and Bella were together so watching them now made him uncomfortable.

He didn't know how long he hovered around Bella waiting for first Jacob to leave with Billy then gradually, one at a time, the rest of the adults. It wasn't until almost everyone had left before Charlie finally noticed him and appeared surprised that he was still there. He even looked little relieved.

"Why don't you and Bella go up to her room while I clean up around here," he said looking first at Bella who was paying no attention to either of them, then back at him. "But it's getting late, so only an hour and then I'm going to call Carlisle to come and get you."

An hour wasn't very long considering he'd been waiting all day to talk to Bella but he wasn't going to argue. It was better than nothing.

"Come on Bella. I'll help you unpack your boxes."

Bella nodded and without saying anything to Charlie she got up from the chair she'd been huddled in all evening and headed upstairs followed closely by Edward.

"Shut the door," she said softly when they were inside her room and Edward did so reluctantly. Charlie liked the door kept open.

There were several boxes pushed against the wall that hadn't been there before; all of Bella's things. She was moving to Forks permanently and would never go back to Arizona again.

It had been a struggle for Edward not to appear happy about the change in Bella's circumstances. It was wrong to feel happy that she was here to stay because the reason behind it was so sad, but sometimes when he was alone in his room away from the knowing stares of Carlisle and Esme, he would allow himself a moment of pure joy in imagining Bella with him all the time; going to school with him, playing with him after school and on weekends and no longer having to dread the time when she would leave him again and return home to her mother.

He never commented about his happiness over his good luck to anyone. He knew it was wrong to feel that way, not only wrong, but evil and he would never tell Bella that, especially seeing how devastated she was, but he couldn't help feeling it all the same.

The boxes held mostly knickknacks of a little girl, one he didn't associate with Bella; cute little unicorns, dolls that didn't look played with, Barbie dolls still in their boxes; only the stuffed animals looked like they had gotten any attention.

As Edward pulled each item from the box he would hold it up to Bella who would either nod her head if she wanted it or shake her head if she didn't for which he would return it back to the box and would pull the next item out.

She didn't speak or acknowledge him in any other way and that made him nervous. Her beautiful brown hair hung over her face as she sat on the edge of her bed her skinny legs hanging off the end of it, her tennis shoe thumping rhythmically against the side of it.

Edward didn't know what to say to comfort her, so he just kept pulling her belongings from the boxes and holding them up, tossing most of her childhood memories back in the box to be packed away again.

When he tried to comment about a certain toy or book or ask a question about it she would ignore his comments so he just stopped asking.

Eventually Charlie came upstairs and said they had fifteen minutes. Alice was on her way to pick him up. He tried to smile at Edward but his eyes were only on Bella who didn't acknowledge her dad at all. He didn't say anything about the door being closed and even closed it again when he left the room. Edward felt bad. He knew he let Charlie down. If he couldn't get through to Bella, then who would? With only fifteen minutes left, he was at a loss for what to do next.

As it turns out he didn't have to do anything, because just after Charlie left, Bella finally moved, sliding from the bed and joining him cross legged on the floor next to the stack of boxes. He sighed with relief and placed his hand on her knee tentatively. She did not pull away and even looked up brushing her hair from her face.

"I need to tell you something Edward, something important, but you can't tell anyone…not anyone and that means Emmett… okay," she said in a hushed voice covering his hand with one of her own.

Edward stared at the closed door suddenly wanting Charlie to come back, but he could feel Bella studying him intently and he tried to keep his face neutral. When he started to nod his head she gripped his hand painfully.

"I mean it Edward…you can't tell anyone…not anyone."

"Bella, you know I won't…I…"

"I know how you are…I know you would if it meant not getting in trouble."

"What? Bella what are you talking about?" But he knew. Bella knew him better than he knew himself.

"You're afraid…you're always afraid," Bella said, her voice growing louder. "You'll tell if you think Carlisle will send you away if you don't."

"I…I…no I won't." He lied.

She nodded at him sympathetically, but her voice hardened. "You can't tell anyone even if it means you'll be sent away."

He gasped. "What are you saying Bella? I would never get to see you again if they sent me to live with someone else. There's no guarantee I'd go to the same school."

"You can't tell anyone and if you can't promise me that then I can't tell you and just forget I said anything," she said stubbornly and let go of his hand. "Don't make a promise you can't keep."

Edward felt the familiar knot form in his stomach. His fear of being sent away was always there, always lingering in the back of his mind and now Bella brought it right out in the open. But he tried…he tried again to be rational. Could a simple secret too big to tell anyone get him sent away? He didn't think so, not really and he was doing Bella no favors by letting his irrational fears interfere with his support of her

"I promise I won't tell anyone, even if it means they will send me away," he finally said, hoping she couldn't hear the quiver in his voice.

"Okay…good…good." Then she smiled a little and patted his hand. "It's important that no one finds out because we don't know who we can trust."

"Huh?"

"It's you and me Edward…just you and me. No one else. I can't trust anyone else."

"You could trust your dad."

Bella shook her head, making no move to brush away the hair that fell across her face this time, peering at him through her heavy bangs. "No, I don't think so Edward. I don't think I can trust him at all. He's a police officer."

Edward felt that knot in his belly twist. "What does that have to do with anything? Bella he's your dad, you can trust him."

"That's easy for you to say, but you don't trust Carlisle."

"I do…I trust him."

"No…no you don't. Not really. You always worry that one day he'll send you away."

"That's different Bella." Edward sighed. "Charlie's your dad. Carlisle's not my dad. They are just keeping me as a foster kid. I can be sent away any time they say so. Your dad can't send you away."

"Your dad did," Bella said smugly.

Edward winced. It wasn't like Bella to be cruel and maybe she wasn't trying to be, but she didn't look apologetic; in fact the blank facial expression that had clung to her face for the majority of the day was gone and now she was animated and engaged.

"He…I don't think he sent me away." To be honest Edward didn't know how he ended up living with the Cullens and he didn't ask. No reason to rock the boat.

"Well, whatever. But it just goes to show you can't trust anyone, not even your own dad," Bella said, haughtily .

"What's the secret?" Edward didn't want to talk about his dad or Bella's dad or Carlisle and why they couldn't be trusted. Bella usually didn't act like such a girl with silly little secrets so he knew whatever it was she had to tell him was a big deal.

"Well you heard how my mom died right?"

"Yeah…Carlisle said carbon monoxide… that she fell asleep in the car with it running and she was poisoned."

"Yeah, that's right…that's the story…anyway." Bella didn't sound like the sad daughter grieving her mother's death now. She sounded cheerful, even eager to talk about it.

Suddenly Edward didn't want to know the truth, would have been perfectly happy with believing the story and for just a instant he wanted to get up and run downstairs and outside to wait for Alice on the porch, but he couldn't do that to Bella. He wouldn't be much of a friend if he did that and he didn't want to give anyone like Jacob Black for example, the opportunity to become her best friend now that she was finally here in Forks.

"So what's the truth?"

"The truth is it wasn't an accident. The police said it was a suicide, that she did it on purpose."

Edward nodded. He wasn't surprised. He knew people killed themselves with carbon monoxide and he was suspicious right from the start when Carlisle told him how Bella's mom had died. He hadn't said anything. He didn't need details from Carlisle and he didn't need details from Bella. It wasn't his business anyway and if nothing else, he knew there were some things better left unsaid. The only emotion that he was cognizant of feeling with her news was relief. The dread that had momentarily touched his belly had lifted. As far as secrets went, this one wasn't that bad.

But he had to pretend the news was as profound as Bella made it out to be. "Why would she do that?"

Bella shook her head sadly, but there was an glint in her eye. "That's what the police said, but that's not what happened. They got it all wrong. They got it all wrong right from the start. She didn't want to kill herself. She wasn't like that. Even if it was for the best, she didn't want to die."

Edward pulled his hand out from under Bella's and rubbed his eyes. It was getting late. Alice would be coming to get him at any time. But he had a feeling it wouldn't be soon enough. "Why would it be for the best. Was she sick?"

Bella looked at him as a mother might an innocent child and it made Edward uncomfortable. He and Bella had always shared a special bond, a kinship an understanding of the hardships that they'd both endured, his more so than hers, but still he felt closer to no one as she tried to empathize with him, his feelings of abandonment, his fears of never quite being good enough and she never made him feel inferior to her. But he felt it now and he sighed heavily when she failed to respond immediately.

"Bella you need to tell me what's going on. If you don't tell me I can't help you."

"What makes you think I need help?" Bella sniffed and rose from the floor stuffing another childhood remnant in a box to be discarded later.

"I can just tell, this isn't just about a secret. You need to tell me. Alice will be here to get me soon."

"Alright…alright." She agreed, plopping herself down again. " Like I said, my mom didn't kill herself not like they said…like the police said, like they told Charlie. She couldn't kill herself. It wasn't her fault…she wasn't very strong."

"It was an accident then Bella, she just forgot to turn off the car and fell asleep." Edward thought maybe Bella's mom had been drinking, like George did…or his dad did, but he didn't think it was polite to mention that.

"It wasn't an accident ED…WARD." Bella emphasized the WARD and glared at him, leaving him speechless.

"My MOTHER didn't kill herself and she didn't die accidently."

Edward's eyes widened. He finally got it. "Someone killed her?"

Bella looked relieved and nodded, taking his hand in both of hers.

"Who Bella, do you know who would do that…how do you know…are you sure?" Edward sputtered.

"Oh I'm sure."

"How do you know…how are you sure."

"Because I did it, Edward. I killed her. I killed my mother."

At least Bella had the decency to look sad about it.

The next chapter will be from seventeen year old Edward's POV. I think I will be able to relate to him better which hopefully will translate into a quicker turnaround time.

Thank you for reading.