A/N: the song used is by Bob Dylan "I Threw it all Away" I do not own it.
Sam's eyes slowly began to flutter as the sun peered through the window, just as she was about to turn her body away from it she felt something warm next to her. It took Sam a moment to remember where she was and just whose body it was; taking a small breath she slowly turned to face the person next to her; Jack.
"Hi" she whispers are her eyes slowly met Jack's.
"Hi" he answers back.
"How long have you been awake?" asks Sam
"Not long" Jack lies. He hadn't really fallen asleep since he woke up from his dream of a life with Sam only to have it taken away. "What are you thinking about" he asks her as he notices that her wheels are turning.
"What makes you think I'm thinking about something?" she asks him with a smile.
"Come one Carter, even this early in the morning I can see the wheels in your brain turning. What's going on?"
"Fine…I was just thinking how nice this is" she says in a muffled whisper.
Jack looks down at Sam, looking into her beautiful morning blue eyes, "Sam…about this…"
Quickly Sam places her fingers on his lips preventing him from speaking further. "No not now."
Jack slowly moves his hand to cover hers, he entwines their fingers together and tires again, "Sam…as nice as this is and as much as I wish we could stay like this….we can't."
Sam can feel the tears beginning to form in her eyes and she does her best to hold them back. "Why are you doing this?" After everything we've been through why?" she says as she pulls back away from him.
"Sam last night was…was something we both needed. We were…are both mourning. But we can't do this. I won't risk your life or your career. And what about Pete? I assume he is still in the picture?" Jack says.
"Shouldn't I get a say in anything this? Shouldn't I say whether or not I want to risk my career or not? As for my life…dammit Jack we put our lives on the line every time we step through the gate, it's a risk that we're all willing to take if it helps us get to where we need to be" she quickly responds.
"And what if we don't get where we are? What if everything we've done this far is worth nothing. What if in the end we still lose?" Jack argues as he tries to keep his voice down and anger under control. "And what about Pete?" he asks again.
"Where is this coming from? And if that is how you feel then why shouldn't we take today, take now and have what we may not have in the future? And stop mentioning Pete, right now this is about you and I. This is about us!" Sam yells as she gets up from the bed and heads towards the door.
"Sam please do not go like this." Jack called from the bed, hoping that Sam would stop.
Turning around she did just that, she stopped and stared into Jack's brown eyes. "Why should I stay?" she asks with tears falling from her face.
Rising up from the bed Jack slowly makes his way towards her, her lifts his fingertips to her face and wipes away the left over residence of the fallen tears. "You know I care about you…a lot more than I should be telling you. But Sam I am afraid for you…and us that if we let this continue that we'll lose it faster then it started…you know I'm not good at this sort of stuff and the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I won't risk losing you. Please try to understand." Jack pleaded as she waited for Sam's response.
Lowering her head Sam shakes it, pushing Jack away from her she finally looks up at him. Not only have fresh tears fallen but eyes are red, red from anger, red from sadness, red from hate.
"You can't say that….you can't say how much you care about me and basically throw me out. You didn't want to hurt me Jack…well congratulations, you just did" Sam yelled as she continued to make her way towards the door. Suddenly though she turned to Jack, who was still standing there in shock and said, "one day Jack, you're going to realize what you threw away. You're going to realize what we could've had. I do love you Jack O'Neill and I hope on that day you realize just how much you love me too" Sam said through her falling tears as she once again turned her back and headed down the hallway.
Jack stood there not knowing what to do, he listened to every step Sam took down the hallway and with every step every moment together suddenly hit him, every moment that had led to this one he saw before his eyes.
I once held her in my arms
She said she would always stay
But I was cruel
I treated her like a fool
I threw it all away
(Flashback from Children of the Gods)
"Where's he transferring from?"
"She's transferring from the Pentagon."
"I'm an Air Force officer just like you are, Colonel. And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside, doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle."
"Oh, this has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women. I've just got a little problem with scientists."
"Colonel, I logged over 100 hours in enemy airspace during the Gulf War. Is that tough enough for you? Or are we going to have to arm wrestle?"
(Solitudes)
"By the way, Captain, we ARE going to get out of here; that's an order."
"How's the splint feel?"
"Captain? You have to believe me."
"I want to, Sir. I just don't see how."
"Then we'd better start looking for a way. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to die on some god-forsaken block of ice a million light years from home. Is that clear?"
"Yes Sir."
"Good. Help me up."
"Ah, ah, I don't think you should move."
"Probably not, but my butt's freezing to the ground. Come on."
"Yes, sir."
"Ah, a little paint, a coupla windows, maybe a fireplace in the corner…it'll be just like home".
Once I had mountains in the palm of my hand
And rivers that ran through ev'ry day
I must have been mad
I never knew what I had
Until I threw it all away
(Secrets)
"Sam?"
[He hands her a drink.]
"Thank you, Sir."
"Colonel Jack O'Neill, Jacob Carter."
"Carter? As in?"
"As in, my father Sir, yes."
"Get outta town. Sam's Dad? I've heard nothing about you, Sir."
Flashback from Window of Opportunity)
"Excuse me, George?"
Jack hands George a piece of paper.
"Colonel, what are you doing out of uniform?"
Looking at his watch, and turning to Sam. "Handing you my resignation."
"You're resigning! What for?"
Still looking at his watch "So I can do ... this!"
He takes her face in his hands, and kisses her on the mouth
(Flashback from Divide and Conquer )
"What were you feeling?"
"Like . . . someone who was about to die."
Detector shows signs of lying-pink appears around the blue.
"Sir. . . . She looks him in the eyes."
Flashback to the face to face with the force shield between them. They're just looking into each other's eyes. She has the pleading look.
"I didn't leave . . . because I'd have rather died myself . . . than lose Carter."
Carter looks him in the eyes, startled, but says nothing.
"Why?"
"Because I care about her . . . a lot more than I'm supposed to."
Love is all there is, it makes the world go 'round
Love and only love, it can't be denied
No matter what you think about it
You just won't be able to do without it
Take a tip from one who's tried
(Beneath the Surface)
"Would it mean anything if I told you I remember something else?"
"What?"
"Feelings."
"Feelings?"
"I remember feeling...feelings."
Small silence, then a tiny smile. "For me?"
"No, for TOR." Sam laughed at the sarcasm, and shifted her head to rest closer to him. "I don't remember much, but I DO remember that."
(Flashback from Ascension)
(Turning toward Jack) "Take it easy?"
"Yeah. You've been a little tense."
"Tense? Me? I'm not tense ... am I? When did you first notice?"
(Said Very slowly) "As ... We ... Met.
So if you find someone that gives you all of her love
Take it to your heart, don't let it stray
For one thing that's certain
You will surely be a-hurtin'
If you throw it all away
"Sir? I heard you were up and around."
"Yeah. Still a little tender, but they said I could go home."
"We're lucky that staff blast hit you where it did. The new vest insert works well."
"Didn't help Fraiser much."
"No."
"How's Cassie?"
"She's a strong kid. She survives. You know."
"Yep."
"You speaking at the memorial?"
"Sir, I just wanted to say…when you were lying there, I…I'm really glad you're okay."
"Come here."
After what felt like an eternity Jack finally heard the front door slam, his legs suddenly became weak beneath him and so he slowly walked towards the edge of the bed where he sat down and lowered his head into his hands. 'I do love you Sam, you just may not realize how much' Jack whispered to himself as tears slowly began to fall from his eyes. Deep down throwing it all away felt like the right thing to do, he couldn't risk her life…but at the same time what if she was right?