"Come on in, Kurt," Rachel smiled as she opened the door to her house for Kurt.
"You are way too cheerful for this ungodly hour," Kurt muttered as he made his way up the stairs.
"I am going to ignore that comment seeing as you are obviously distressed about your current situation. But in any other case I would inform you of my morning elliptical routine."
"I know all about your daily routine," Kurt muttered as he rolled his eyes and flung open the door to Rachel's room.
"Make yourself comfortable," Rachel said. The doorbell rang. "I'll go answer that and bring up some breakfast for those of you who did not wake up bright and early at 7AM like me."
Minutes later, Santana, Brittany and Quinn entered the room.
"So this is what Man Hands' room looks like," Santana said.
"It looks like Strawberry Shortcake threw up in here," Quinn muttered.
"Can you stop it with the snarky comments about Rachel every five seconds, Quinn?" Kurt snapped. "Just because you ruined things with Finn twice and Rachel was there to pick up the pieces doesn't give you a right to pick on her all the time."
"What gives you the right to—"
"I get that you don't care about anyone but yourself, Quinn. And I know that you don't think about the person getting cheated on seeing as you DO the cheating, but it hurts. And if you don't want to be part of this, then leave."
"My mistakes have nothing to do with this—"
"Mistakes?" Kurt scoffed. "A mistake is something that happens once. You've done it at least twice. And you're right, your poor choices have nothing to do with the current situation, but neither does your issue with Rachel."
"Look, Kurt. I get that you're upset about Blaine and this Alexander guy, but don't take it out on me."
"All right, you two," Santana said, stepping between the two. "That's enough."
"It's not my fault Quinn's being a bitch."
"Excuse me?"
"Both of you, stop it!" Brittany said. "Quit fighting."
Kurt rolled his eyes one more time at Quinn and stalked over to the huge walk-in closet where Rachel's excessive amount of stage makeup was kept.
Tina was the last to arrive, a coffee in her hand. Rachel followed suit, a gigantic amount of breakfast foods on a tray in her hand.
"All right," Rachel exclaimed cheerfully. "Kurt can sit here and do makeup while the rest of us will go and choose outfits. Help yourselves to anything you want over here, and from anything on the left side of the closet.
"Whoa," said Lauren as she entered the closet. "Berry! Your closet is almost a big as your bedroom!"
"Yes," Rachel said. "My fathers want me to have as many options as possible."
"And you've got cute clothes!" Santana said in shock. "As in, not all animal sweaters and miniskirts. Why don't you wear those to school?"
"They'd only get ruined by slushies," Rachel replied, shrugging. "I get my school clothes from the thrift store because it's too expensive to keep replacing my good clothes. Unfortunately the thrift stores don't have much selection."
That put everybody silently rooting through clothes for a moment before Rachel broke the silence with, "Tina, I have the perfect outfit for you. It's so unlike your usual style that nobody would ever recognize you!"
Tina emerged from the closet a moment later with a long, blonde wavy wig and a bright yellow sundress with flowers on it. Kurt couldn't help but let out a laugh at Tina's disgruntled expression.
"So not me," she grumbled. "This is horrible."
Kurt just chuckled. "All right, Tina. Now to go with your new preppy personality, you need simple, natural makeup. That means no dark eyeliner." And he did so, adding a light pink gloss to her lips.
Tina stood up and looked in the full length mirror. "I'm so different!" she cried, laughing a little.
Next came Mercedes wearing a bright pink tracksuit and a short wig with matching pink streaks and fake square glasses. She was laughing loudly as Kurt cringed.
"It's awful!" she cried. "I look like Coach Sylvester!"
"I agree," Kurt said. He did her makeup too.
By the time the group was finished, they all looked completely different. Quinn's usually blonde hair was black and she had several fake piercing all over her face with darkly lined eyes. Lauren was wearing a green maxi dress and a red, curly wig. She looked seriously irritated in her dress and was complaining about how she couldn't "Beat anybody up without giving them an eyeful."
Brittany was also wearing a black wig, but hers was longer (down to her waist) and round black glasses.
"Brit," Kurt had said when he'd seen her. "I'm tempted to give you a lightning bolt scar and call you Harriet Potter."
"Why don't you?" Brittany asked. "That'd be cool."
Kurt had instead given her smoky eyes and bright red lipstick.
Santana was wearing a blonde wig and one of Rachel's animal sweaters and a long black skirt. "I wanted to wear a little black dress," she grumbled. "But Berry wouldn't let me. Said that the point of this was to not be ourselves."
Last was Rachel in a blonde bob and little black dress.
"I wanted to wear that!" Santana had yelled.
"Too bad," Rachel had replied. "My clothes, my rules."
Santana had muttered something in Spanish and rolled her eyes.
"Next is you, Kurt!" Rachel had said. "You have to be the least recognizable because Blaine might see you and act differently."
By the time the girls were done, Kurt was unhappily donning a blonde Justin Bieber style wig with baggy jeans and a red Hollister t-shirt.
"How could you do this to me?" he had asked in annoyance. "This is a crime to fashion. All the famous designers are rolling over in their graves right now!"
"You are not you, Kurt," Rachel had replied. "Your new name is Evan. Tina is Lindsay, Mercedes is Jane, Lauren is Emily, Santana is Glinda—"
"No!" Santana cried. "I refuse to be Glinda."
"What's wrong with Glinda?" Rachel asked.
"Nobody is called Glinda! I thought we were supposed to be blending in."
"Fine," Rachel sniffed. "Your name is Kayla."
"Fine," Santana said.
"Brittany, you're Kendra, and I'm Samantha. Now everyone get a walkie-talkie."
"Why aren't we just using our cell phones again?" Quinn asked.
"Not everybody has unlimited talking on their phones," Rachel replied. "So, everybody must use the name I just gave you – "
"Which are absolutely ridiculous," Quinn scoffed.
"They're ridiculous until somebody picks up our signal and tells Blaine that we were spying on him."
"Because everybody who has a walkie-talkie knows Blaine," Quinn replied sarcastically.
"And this is why we put you two in separate groups," Mercedes said quickly as she stepped between the two.
"So everybody remembers the plan? Quinn, you and Tina will go ahead and see if they're in the Lima Bean yet and then tell us if they are. Then the rest of us will enter in staggered entries so as not to raise suspicions. Brittany and Kurt will go in, pretending to be a couple."
"I get to date Kurtie again?" Brittany asked excitedly.
"Only for pretend, Brit," Kurt said. "I don't date girls, remember?"
"Oh, right," Brittany's face fell slightly.
"Anyways," Mercedes continued. "I'll go in with Rachel and Santana will go with Lauren."
"And don't forget to walkie-talkie each other!" Rachel said loudly.
Quinn rolled her eyes. "Got it, manhands," she said. "Let's go, Tina."
Those two left in Tina's car and a minute later they received the message.
"Blaine's here, you can all come in."
"His codename is the Lion, and Alexander's is the Leopard. Use them."
"Fine, the Lion is here with the Leopard, and you can all come."
Kurt and Brittany drove in Brittany's car (the least recognizable out of the two) and when they arrived, ordered their coffees and sat in the booth directly behind them. Kurt's back was towards his boyfriend and his friend.
They saw Quinn and Tina in the one on their other side and gave them a thumbs up.
"Don't forget to turn your walkie-talkie's volume down," Rachel's voice came through theirs.
"Got it, Rach—I mean, Samantha. You, and the others can come in soon."
"Over and out," Rachel said.
Kurt rolled his eyes at how excited she seemed to be about this.
"So Blaine," Alexander was saying. "Hove you told him the truth yet?"
"No," Blaine sighed. "I don't think I'm brave enough."
"You can't keep it a secret forever," Alexander's voice was warning.
"I know," Blaine said. "And no matter what I'll choose you, but still..."
"So what are you waiting for?"
"I told you, I'm scared."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want him to hate me."
"Nobody could ever hate you, Blaine," Alexander said.
"Oh, trust me, he will. You don't know him."
"That's true. But when are you going to tell him?"
"Maybe this weekend, okay?"
"Fine. I just don't like keeping this a secret."
"Ku—Evan," Tina's voice said through the communication device in his head. "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?" Santana asked. "We're coming in now."
"We'll tell you later, San," Brittany said. "Just come in here."
"Her name is KAYLA!" Rachel corrected.
"I like San better."
Kurt's eyes were filling with tears again.
"I'm going to the bathroom," he said. "I'll be back in a minute."
He raced to the bathroom and locked himself in a stall, feeling the tears slip out. How could this be happening to him? Why did the universe seem to never give him a break?
Finally, he pulled himself together and headed back into the shop.
"The lion has taken the Leopard's hand," Rachel's voice came through the walkie-talkie. "He's saying something—we can't hear what..."
"He's saying I'll see you on Sunday," Tina supplied. "They're standing up and hugging, and now the Leopard is leaving."
"He's getting into his car," Lauren responded. "And he's gone. The Lion is following suit. They're gone."
"Meet me back at my place," Kurt said. "We can talk there."
Everyone agreed and once they had arrived in Kurt's bedroom, Kurt had already removed the wig and changed into something more his style.
When Rachel had arrived, she brought with her everyone else's clothes so they all changed and then sat in the kitchen with their ice cream cones to discuss their findings.
"I guess we have our proof, then," Lauren had said once they had finished. "I'll kick his ass."
"Before you do, can I at least break up with him?" Kurt asked, his voice breaking. Before he knew it, he was crying again. God, what was wrong with him? Why couldn't he keep it together?
"Oh, Kurtie," Brittany said quickly. "He's a mean elf anyway. You don't need a mean elf man in your life. You'll find a good one next time and you can have sweet boy kisses with him instead."
"Whoa," came a voice from the doorway. Everyone turned to find Finn, Puck and the rest of the boys in the doorway. "Blaine cheated on Kurt?" It was Finn who had spoken.
"Apparently," Rachel said. "We were just planning how to properly kick his—"
"Why didn't you tell us?" Finn asked angrily. "We're brothers, man!"
"And the rest of us are bros!" Puck said.
"We knew you'd react like—" Rachel began, but was interrupted by Sam.
"Let's go plan how to kill him, guys!"
"Why do we need a plan?" asked Mike. "Why don't we just do it?"
"If we plan it it'll be better," Artie said. "We can inflict more pain if we make a plan."
"Wait!" Kurt yelled. "I don't want Blaine to be hurt, but I know you're not going to listen to me if I tell you not to do it, so at least wait until I've broken up with him."
The boys nodded. "I suppose we can do that," Finn said slowly. "That gives us more time to plan. When are you planning on dumping his ass?"
"Tomorrow," Kurt said quietly. "We've got a date."
"We'll come with you," Mercedes said. "In our disguises and stuff."
"I can set up an earpiece for everyone," Artie said. "Lauren can help. Then we can all hear each other and speak."
"And we won't have to use walkie-talkies!" Rachel said. "That's brilliant, Artie."
"I suppose I'm not going to be able to talk you out of this, am I?" Kurt sighed.
"Nope," Finn said cheerfully. "Don't worry, Kurt, you can do better anyway."
And the rest of the evening was spent with the entire glee club plotting Blaine's demise and attempts to cheer up their friend.
A/N: Haha, for all you Quinn lovers, I apologize. I hate her, so making her a bitch is one of my favourite things to do :). Only two more chapters left! If you've got a second, I would love to hear your thoughts! :D