H is for Human
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters and it disgusts me that Bella still finds a way of weeding her way back into Jacob's life – even in my own story. DAMN YOU BELLA! DAMN YOU!
Human (adj.): (1) of, relating to, or characteristic of humans; (2) consisting of humans; (3) having human form or attributes; susceptible to or representative of the sympathies and frailties of human nature.
She senses the pull that draws her towards the small house that holds a scent that is familiar to her and causes her to whimper. Being so close to the humans is a bad idea, instinct should lead her back into the woods but the sensation is much too strong to fight. Cautiously and defiantly she pads forth from the cover the trees and pauses for a moment to look at the area around her. The humans are standing closer to the house and watch her closely.
Stepping forward she continues on the path that has already been decided for her and is greeted by one of the males. They both stop shy of a few feet from one another and regard the creature before them with a look of quiet solemnity. The large silver wolf cocks her head to side regarding the male before her for a moment until recognition finally sets in and her mouth opens up to let out a low and playful growl.
Despite the situation the man can't help but chuckle lightly before lunging forward and capturing the wolf in a tight embrace. A rumbling of a growl penetrates from her barrel chest to his eliciting a soothing sensation that only encourages him to hug her even tighter. A groan follows as she feels her fur become wet as if by rain but looking up there is no rain in the sky nor does she smell it. Sensing the wolf's discomfort the man releases her and steps back offering her an apologetic smile. There are tears in his eyes that the silver wolf leans forward and sniffs at before quickly licking away.
He knows that she probably doesn't understand the full ramifications of his tears, not anymore – if she ever did, in his lifetime, but he appreciates the act just the same.
"Granddad's dying, Aunt Leah," The man states wiping the still falling tears from his face. "I know you've come to see him off, to guide him to the spirit world – just like you did for all the others." He continues on explaining as she cocks her head to the side. "It's me, Aunt Leah, Lee, you remember me, right?" Lee asks his great aunt as her nose twitches. "You saved me when I got caught in that rip tide, years ago, I was only eight then." Lee continues on speaking hoping to get some sort of 'human' reaction from the wolf.
"Granddad told me not to go cliff diving – especially not by myself." He continues on quickly as she sits down and looks at him. "I jumped in and I was so terrified on the way down. But then I felt better after hitting the water, however, things went from bad to worst there. I thought I was going to die – drown. And just when I had given up all hope you pulled me from the current and I rode on your back to safety."
Lee searches the wolf's eyes for some sort of recognition, a sparkle of a memory or a hint that she understands every word that he is speaking. There is none. His great aunt is more animal than human now and the realization saddens him. Lee can't help but wonder if this is the same kind of sadness that his Granddad Seth and his father, Michael, felt every time they saw her and were fortunate enough to interact with her.
Letting out a heavy breathe Lee steps aside and ushers her towards the house. Leah is up on her feet and begins walking toward the house sensing that strange pull leading her inside. Along the way, she notices the rest of the men have come down from the porch and flank her on either side. She does not recognize them by sight but their scents reassure her that she's met them many seasons ago. These were no doubt the young hairless cubs that she's rescued or protected at one time another.
One had wandered off into the woods and got lost there. She heard the wailing of some poor pitiful creature and went to go investigate, expecting to see some defenseless animal that would serve for her meal. The tiny boy cub was laying flat on his stomach howling loudly, with water falling from his eyes and his odd paws balled up tightly. Despite the easy kill she couldn't find it in her to hurt the thing and instead gently picked it up by the scruff of its neck which was strangely a different color from its face. He had clung to her immediately, nuzzling into her fur and unsure of what to do with him while wanting him to quit his wailing, she began to groom him. Her warm tongue licking the only patch of fur on the top of his head, his naked face, tiny ears, arms and eventually down to his belly. When her tongue met his underside a strange sound erupted from his tiny body that startled her. The sound was pleasure and she continued licking his belly until he fell asleep beside her exhausted and content.
She stayed with him the whole night, using her massive body to cover his and keep him safe from the cold air. The next morning a large man came crashing through the forest with a few others. He froze when he saw her and seemed uncertain of whether or not he should draw nearer. Drawing her leg back she uncovered the small man-cub and nudged him awake. The two were reunited and before she could disappear back into the cover of trees the older man wrapped her up into a tight hug that startled her. There was something in his voice that resounded with her, almost as if he was growling or groaning his appreciation to her for looking out for his cub.
For some reason the word 'Paul' stands out in her memories of that season. She's not sure if that was what the man said to her or maybe if for some strange reason she already knew the name for him; same as she knows the sky is called 'sky', rocks are 'rocks' and so on. However, many names stand out in her mind and as she nears closer to the house; the name 'Seth' begins to bring back some sort of warmness.
Awkwardly, she walks up the steps, the objects being much too small for her large frame and the distance between the porch and door being even smaller. The silver wolf lets out a low groan, expressing her discomfort, as the smell of a creature dying is heavy in the air. She can tell that the creature is simply dying of old age and not due to a sickness. The small, cramped area is full of odd, shiny and foreign objects that make her feel skittish.
Her claws scratch on the linoleum floor and the whole house seems to creak under her massive weight. The scent of a wolf is heavy in the air and for the first time in a very long time she feels excited by the scent. The excitement does not overrule her anxiety or her caution as a side door suddenly opens and she is caught by surprise by a human woman. The silver wolf bristles and growls at the being and fights the urge to lunge at her. The woman is old, her hair is gray, face covered in wrinkles and the right side of her face bearing an old and nasty scar. The old woman stands staring at the silver wolf, through her, clutching her chest and gasping for air. With a deep snort, the silver wolf moves on heading towards the stairs.
It is another awkward climb up the stairs and she growls as her hips bump into the walls and banister. The men from outside, come in and stand at the bottom of the stairs to offer her assistance if she requires it. This isn't her first time inside a house and if she could count or understand the concept of numbers, she'd know that this would be her twelfth visit. And if that number held any meaning then she'd realize that there were now only four more wolves left from the original pack, she not included.
She makes it up the stairs and finds the room, the room at the end of the hallway where an old and wrinkled man lies in bed. There are other bodies in the room that she looks at for a moment and vaguely recognizes them by their scent – save one. Looking around there's one man that stands out from all the others; he lacks the wrinkles, tired eyes and the more...'human' scent as the others. His eyes are a deep brown and lock onto hers immediately. The man does not seem to be much of a threat but she nervously growls at him, not liking the challenging look that he gives her.
"Leah?" The man in the bed calls out softly.
She does not look away from the strange man but holds her stare, refusing to be the weak one in the room and break eye contact. It is a draw as both wolf and man are snapped out of their silent power struggle each by one of the older men. Quickly looking back at the old man that nudged her, she groans as he reaches out and roughly pushes her head – it's a playful and familiar act. Groaning she turns and moves closer to the bed, closer to the old man that smells like her most frequent visitor, Seth.
"I'm glad you came, Lee." Seth rasps out with a weak smile upon his face. He feels a small part of him break on the inside as Leah's eyebrows raise and she stares at him blankly. Long gone is his big sister, the first female shifter in their tribe's history, the woman that made sure he never patrolled alone, ate all of his vegetables, made sure he did all of his homework and scoffed her approval of the girl that would later become his wife. "I – I'm sorry, Leah." Seth apologizes and shuts his eyes, trying to fight back a bout of tears, as Leah sits down on her haunches and rests her head next to his hand.
Seth doesn't recall now, after all these years, what finally prompted Leah to give up living life as a human and that realization breaks his heart even more. The fact that he cannot remember what caused his sister so much pain that she'd decide to give up living as a human – as a woman. There were many qualms about Leah's decision but after it became apparent that Leah was still looking out for the reservation and the pack's children, her decision was overlooked – selfishly.
"I wish I had been a better brother to you." Seth sobs out weakly. The low mumblings from his brothers telling him to not think that and Leah's own cold nose nudging him gently only reinforces his beliefs. Leah has missed out on her life, hiding from something that he never took the time to inquire about.
"I love you, Leah, I do." Seth adds after taking a few deep breathes.
Lightly Leah nudges Seth's hand until he finally lifts it and rests it on her head. The wolf understands that the man is going to die and that it is her job to be here with him, same as the others, when the time comes. The sadness in the house is so heavy and she doesn't understand why they are sad. Life and death is all a part of the cycle that is their existence. No one is meant to live forever and eventually her time will come when she will no longer walk the earth.
"Phase and tell him that you love him." Leah lifts her head up to find the source of the angry and demanding voice. She growls low at the younger man in the room as he stands glaring darkly at her. His arms are crossed tightly across his chest and there is a deep frown marring his russet colored face. Snorting at him she turns her attention back to the dying man and lightly licks his face offering him some form of comfort in his last moments.
"Phase back," The man orders again.
"Jacob, please don't do this." An old Embry asks lightly looking between Leah and Seth. "Not now."
"No, yes now," Jacob growls out angrily as he stands up to his full height and growls at the silver wolf, "this has gone on long enough. I won't stand by and let Seth die without hearing her voice one more time. She has to speak to him – him of all people."
Leah ignores Jacob's talking as she continues grooming Seth. Her long tongue licking back his hair before moving down to his neck and, despite his condition, Seth can't help but chuckle at the attention. When he had first phased Leah had licked his face to help him calm down during their father's funeral. It was the least she could do since hugging wasn't an option and she needed to do something to take her mind off of things.
Seth is snapped out of his revelry as he hears Leah whimper and cry out in a mixture of surprise and pain. Looking up he can only look on helplessly as Jacob Black roughly snatches Leah back by the neck and pins her to the floor. She snarls and growls, her legs kicking wildly and her body thrashing violently as she struggles to break his hold. The struggling and scraping of nails on the hardwood floor brings the young men upstairs in a hurry and they all crowd into the tiny room before freezing in awe. Despite their obvious size difference Jacob is still able to keep Leah pinned down to the floor his body having the advantage of being in just the right area where her huge six inch canines and long claws cannot reach him. It's a power struggle between two powerful forces that keeps the others at bay and despite the fact that they want to help the silver wolf that has been all of their guardians for the last, almost, eighty years none can find the courage.
"Stop fighting me, Leah. I'm your Alpha – remember that." Jacob growls out as Leah stares up at him wide-eyed, exhausted and wild. Somehow the man's hand holds her in place and there's strength to his voice that makes it hard to keep up her struggle. Eventually the fight is knocked out of her and she submits to the man's power.
Jacob slowly moves back from Leah, removing his hand and knee from her neck as she continues to lie prostrate, her chest heaving with her quick and heavy pants and her tongue lying limp on the floor.
Lee can taste the bitterness and hurt in his throat over seeing his 'great' aunt being pinned to the floor as if she was a common dog. She was always something, someone, more in his eyes and to see her broken like this angers him. He's heard of the man, the true Alpha and who was supposed to be the chief of their people after Billy's death but the man has been a complete stranger, a forgotten memory and old fairytale over the years.
Jacob stands over her, waiting for her to calm down before giving her a complete sense of freedom to get up.
"Good, now turn human." Jacob snarls out once Leah lifts her head off the floor, her tongue licking her muzzle and the fight no longer visible as she looks everywhere but at him.
The young mens' eyes widen in surprise as the silver wolf's body begin to shrink, the hair shrinking and turning from silvery grey to black on her head and a warm olive-tanned color everywhere else. Fingers and toes replace the paws and a small nose with full lips takes the place of a lean muzzle and wet nose. The gold and black eyes of a wolf become a soft hazel coloring; the cold and mild nonchalance look becomes that of a girl wide-eyed, surprised, confused and frightened.
Panic begins to well up inside of Leah, this new body is foreign to her and she is unable to comprehend why she has changed so. A growl from the tall man is a clear warning for her to remain calm and collected.
Lying down she shuts her eyes, trying to push out the sights and sounds of this home, this man, this change. She shivers, the only sign of her discomfort.
Seth sits wide-eyed, eyes full of unshed tears and he's not sure whether they are tears of joy over seeing his sister, his big sister, again after so long. To see that her hair has grown out over time and easily reaches past her waist. Somehow her wolf form does not look as shaggy as it once did the first time she phased. But there is also a hint of sadness, sadness over seeing her being forced to do something against her will, the fearful trembling of her body as she's in a strange room, naked, surrounded by men – strangers in her eyes.
Fortunately, it is Lee, his grandson that rushes to Leah's aid. Kneeling down beside her, he pauses for a moment unsure of how to comfort his aunt and this new form. He's never been the one to offer her any form of comfort – reassurance that he was alright, safe and happy, yes. Gently putting a hand on the top of her head, he marvels at how small her head is in his hand, and pets her lightly calling her name. He smiles lightly, genuinely and reassuringly as she looks up at him and finds eyes matching his own staring back up at him. Eyes that he had always heard he inherited from her thus explaining his name but there was something, almost, magical seeing a woman that has been gone for eighty years.
Under the watchful gaze of her nephew Leah begins to explore this new form; wiggling the long, thin things that used to be her paws. The nakedness intrigues her and somewhere in the back of her mind is an inkling of familiarity. For some strange reason, a warm bubbling feeling appears in her belly as she sits back on her haunches and look at her back paws. The wriggling amuses her and a ghost of a smile appears on her face.
A deep chuckle besides her draws her attention as she looks up at the man called "Lee". His lips are turned up in that familiar human way to show his pleasure and he wiggles his fingers in front of her face, imitating her own. "Fingers," He states as he lightly captures one in between his index and thumb and moves the digit.
"Fingers," Leah looks around surprised as she hears an unfamiliar voice echo inside the small room. The voice is low, almost a whisper, warm and higher than any of the other voices she's heard come from the rest of the males.
"That's right, Leah." Lee says excitedly, his face beaming with pride. "These are your fingers."
Leah is only mildly aware that Lee is referring to her, that she is the one who spoke the language of man and that her performance has not only pleased him but all of them. A sense of accomplishment overcomes her as she notices the heavy cloud of sadness, despair and dread is lifted from the home. Her chest rumbles with a bubbling sound that is filled pleasure and innocence – a giggle.
Hearing the sound of Leah's pleasure Seth fills himself warming up, the cold chill of death leaving him for the moment as the desire to see his sister, the woman that was always his protector. He calls her name softly and is more than pleased when she slowly and awkwardly crawls towards him. He tries to ignore the confused frown on Leah's face when she realizes that in her human form she's much smaller, too small to look down at him as she did before. But she does not let the height change deter her from coming closer and quickly rests her hands on the bed. Silently he looks at her with a small smile upon his worn and weathered face, trying to recall the last time he saw his sister like this? Her eyes alert and free of any hurt, anger, resentment, worry and a bold, daring look willing anyone to try and break her.
Leah looks on intently at Seth as he stares back at her, his eyes drifting from her own eyes to some other part of her face. For some strange reason in this new form seeing him lying in bed stirs up a strange feeling that cools the warm, bubbling sensation that was in her stomach earlier. She lets Seth's hand reach up and rest on her head, his fingers clawing through the new fur on the top of her head and she assumes the position and role that they shared earlier – the calm comfort in his final hour.
Jacob lets a low growl of frustration rumble from his chest watching and listening in as Seth softly mumbles to Leah about their lives growing up, what he's done with his life and how happy he is that she is back this final time. The underlying guilt that Seth feels for the woman turning his stomach as Leah remains still and watchful, nothing more than some wild animal awaiting the inevitable death, void of any emotions of remorse, regret, sorrow or even the ability to share in fond memories. Deep down inside, Jacob knows that Seth deserves more, deserves to have a conversation of some kind with his sister. Stepping forward Jacob pushes past Lee and quickly picks up Leah around the waist. The action causing her to immediately begin to struggle and wriggle in his grasp until she is sat down the bed beside Seth.
"Talk to him." Jacob growls out pointing a finger at Seth and glaring darkly at the woman that was once his Beta. He ignores the weak pleas for him to ease up on her but Jacob and Leah were never easy on one another – they always told one another the cold, hard truth. They understood one another – a long time ago, a couple of lifetimes ago.
"Leah, speak to him." Jacob orders.
The order is clear, cut and direct. She does not fight the command as it seems to be directed at the dying soul beside her and she allows her voice, her spirit, the power that drew her out of hiding to aid the people of this town.
"Seth," The voice is stronger this time, not so soft but louder.
"Leah," Seth whispers out as the unshed tears he'd been holding back since first hearing Leah struggling to climb up the stairs come pouring out. "I love you."
The command is still in place and Leah speaks again, repeating the words she's heard, that somehow feel appropriate for the situation.
"Love you. Seth." A smile breaks out across Leah's face as Seth smiles and she's filled with pride knowing that she's accomplished something new and different. The sound of this voice, a voice she never knew she had or could use tickles and amuses her, makes her feel young and playful. "Seth love you. Love you Seth." The words begin to run together as she repeats them over and over again in between playful and attentive head rubs that show her affection for the old man and succeeds in wiping away his tears.
It is a small consolation seeing his sister again after so long. To see the woman that he's certain his parents had imagined her to be; someone who was strong, resilient, self-sustaining, protective, caring, selfless and smiling. Seth knows that Leah doesn't comprehend the words that are coming out of her mouth, that her concept of love may have changed over the years and that she is now just some beautiful Native puppet or doll doing as she's told.
For a moment, Seth's eyes widen and darken as he recalls the faintest glimpse of a memory, a memory long forgotten – almost – before they drift over to look at Jacob Black. The smile falls as his heart begins to slow down, the chill of death returning and his line of sight begins to narrow. He opens his mouth to speak, to tell Jacob that he remembers, that he knows why at his death he chose to come back home, why now after all of these years but speech eludes him. His vocal chords refuse to follow his command. His limbs feel heavy, tired and exhausted. He wants Leah to be freed from the grip that Jacob has implemented on her, wants her to return to the path that she had chosen for herself in life. But instead Jacob only looks down at him with apologetic eyes; eyes that shows Jacob understands what Seth wants for his sister but will not be carried out.
Seth slowly slips away into a quiet darkness, his soul leaving to find its rest in the form of a long, slow and dragged out breath.
Leah quiets down and stares into space for a moment, her body perfectly still, her heartbeat even and steady. When she comes back she instinctively knows that Seth's soul has returned to the Spirit World to be with his ancestors. He tried to communicate something to her but she was unable to comprehend the message he was trying to get across. It was not her role to link the Spirit and physical worlds together, she was to guard the territory decided a long time ago and ensure that her peoples' souls find their way. Her connection to them is a mystery to her but she knows and feels deep down inside that they are her people.
Usually after the guiding of a soul she turns and offers a moment of comfort to those left behind with a simple nudge or a lick of the face before leaving and returning back to the seclusion of the woods. This time, however, things are different. She is different. Looking down at the shell of the soul that just passed there's a new feeling, a new sensation that consumes her. It is a dark and heavy feeling that makes her feel anxious and lethargic. Feebly she calls out his name over and over again, her paws reaching out and resting on his still and quickly cooling chest and pushing lightly. A part of her knows that he is gone – dead, no longer of this world but this new part refuses to accept it, tries to will him back.
Again she takes up the rambling from earlier, a change in the order of words "Seth" and "love you". Almost as if they are the words that can bring him back – bring him back to her. It is a sad and pitiful sight as Leah begins to cry, calling out Seth's name over and over again. Guilt consumes Jacob seeing the hurt and helplessness on Leah's face realizing that she's no longer equipped to deal with this new 'human' emotion of losing a loved one.
"Aunt Leah," Lee whispers hoarsely, his voice sounding grave as he fights to combat his own emotions. "Please, stop. He's gone, Aunt Leah. You did your job." He tries to calm her down and wraps his arms around her body, holding her close for both her comfort and his.
Stilling her actions Leah looks down at her paws – hands – and balls them up tightly. Slowly the lightly colored claws – nails – begin biting into the flesh seeming to ease the pain in her chest. Her brow rises as she notices small droplets of water landing on them, moistening her skin. Lifting up her 'hand' she roughly wipes at her eyes and is surprised to see them leaking the salty water. Her chest begins to heave, the new and raw emotion fighting to come out with the realization of the expression of the heavy feeling inside her.
Lee holds onto her tighter, his warm embrace seeming to help combat the onslaught that is threatening to shatter her, break her and tear her apart. Being rocked gently seems to help the moment pass and that is where Leah has had enough, enough of this pain, these cramped quarters, the stuffy air reeking of death and the unnatural scent of man and the artificial scent that follows behind them.
This hollow feeling, sense of being alone, loss and dread consumes her. The emotions are too much and it is with quick and determined movements that Jacob reaches out, snatching Leah from Lee's hold and pushes her out into the hallway just as her body phases. The anger builds over the strange sensations, the unexpected and now unwanted sorrow that consumes both woman and wolf. In a scramble of heavy panting and scraping claws, she awkwardly and hastily makes her way outside, back into the cool comfort of the trees. Throwing her head back, she lets out a long and mournful howl. It is the sad howl of a wolf that has lost a member of her pack, a brother; a soul that she will never run around with, play with or reprimand.
She is only vaguely aware of the new scent in the forest with her, a woodsy scent that has a slightly sweeter smell that makes the fur on her haunches stand on it. She ignores the scent for the moment as the newcomer throws his head back, adding his own howl along with hers.
As the mourning slowly dies down is she able to notice the huge russet wolf sitting across from her. His piercing black eyes looking into hers with a curiosity that says he is more than a wolf. There's something familiar about him, the way he sits, cocks his head and even his gait as he moves closer towards her. Sitting beside her, she surprises herself by immediately resting her head against his barrel chest, her nose nuzzling into the thick, warm fur wanting to hide deep within his fur and warmth. She calms down as he begins to lick the back of her neck, his tongue easily reaching the skin underneath and occasionally his teeth aid in the act of grooming and comforting her. It's a strange and wonderful sensation – new. For as long as she can remember it has been her offering the grooming and comfort to the people, very few reaching out to offer her much – or at least what she could understand.
Letting out a deep huff of air she pulls back from the male and nods her head at him, her way of saying 'thank you' or 'alright'. She is surprised when he suddenly bounds to his feet and nips at her haunches before darting off. The act causes her to yelp in surprise before growling at him angrily. With a loud snort she fixes him with a hard stare before turning to walk deeper into the woods.
The ground vibrates under her paws and she quickly whips around and is roughly smacked on the top of her head by the russet male's paw. She growls again in anger and confusion as he quickly darts out of the reach of her jaws, turning around to look at her, his head low to the ground but his rump in the air. Sitting down she tries to understand the strange male; the one who just comforted her and now is nipping and batting at her. An excited mix of a yelp, growl and whine escapes his throat as he lunges at her and stops short, his tongue lulled out his mouth as his canines flash in the afternoon sunlight peeping through the trees.
He groans as if annoyed with her inactivity and she cocks her head to the side wondering if he had just rolled his eyes, an act she's seen from the cubs when they've caught her watching them and call out to her.
The realization hits her that he wants to play. Over the years she's grown used to the 'children' requesting her to play with them. Their loud shrill voices calling out 'Leah', 'Lee' or 'Wolfie' over and over again, limbs flailing wildly and chaotically before they nominate a few brave souls to walk up and coax her into their foolish antics. She gives into their requests eventually and spends the day giving rides to tiny cubs and even slightly older cubs that she feels are much too big for a ride but can't find the heart to deny. She's seen them play 'chase' but she does not participate as the last time resulted in a couple of them being bulldozed over and coming out with a few bruises and scrapes.
"You play too rough for them, Leah." One of the older males had said as the mothers came to collect the hurt ones. He hadn't scolded her and seemed to sound happy, amused by the turn of events. He had played with her – the last and only one – Quil and that was many, many years ago now.
Throwing caution to the wind she decides to play along with the male by quickly running up and batting him on the nose before running away. She is pleased that she hit him as he yelps at the sudden attack. No other encouragement is needed as the game of 'chase' is on. Together the two wolves run, dart and bound through the woods. The forest echoes with their playful yelps, growls and whines of excitement and joy.
Long forgotten is the sorrow that consumed her earlier or even the sudden and unexpected transformation from wolf to woman. She wonders how the russet male is so knowledgeable of her territory, already seems to know all of her hiding places and can predict some of her moves but the enjoyment pushes such thoughts back.
She's mildly disappointed that the game has to end as the sun sets over the horizon. With the darkness comes the need to hunt and eventually rest. The russet wolf sits beside her, his head pulling back as his jaws open wide and his tongue curls letting out a huge yawn. Shaking his head he gets up to his paws and nudges her lightly before turning and walking away. She sits watching him slowly walk away and turns her attention back to the heart of the forest. There's a short call, it comes from him, and she is surprised to him looking at her intently, expectantly. With a long huff she gets up and follows.
She doesn't understand how, exactly, or why she stayed with the russet wolf – Jacob, is the name that he goes by. After a few days, she recognizes her name to be 'Leah' or 'Lee' which is confusing to her when the male 'Lee' is over. The confusion over who is being spoken to disappears as Leah begins to notice a hint of aggression whenever Jacob speaks to the other Lee. The two argue back and forth and the tension affects her but she does nothing about it because if Jacob didn't want Lee on his territory then he shouldn't invite Lee in and she eventually leaves the area choosing to let the humans hash out their own problems. She'd probably intervene more, if at all, if there was a slight chance of Jacob physically lashing out at the human. In the end, one of them usually turns away or caves in before seeking her out and growling or grumbling about the other.
Her purpose is clearly defined during these brief human skirmishes over some intangible object that Leah cannot see worth fighting over. They don't fight over food, territory or even dominance over one another.
Others come to see her besides Lee; mostly the grown up cubs that she's looked after, comforted or saved. The others are curious gawkers ranging from the very old like the scar-faced woman to the very young. Some try to talk to her, gently and softly trying to coax some kind of response from her and Leah is confused when they walk away disappointed that she hasn't performed some kind of trick for them.
For some unknown reason Leah finds herself more willing to entertain the younger humans than the older ones. The presence of a few of the elders invokes the welling up a low warning growl just by their presence. Jacob sits back and laughs as they jump back and walk away reeking of fear and embarrassment. She isn't sure why she's so opposed to a few of the humans but trusts her instincts and keeps a safe distance away from them – for their own safety.
This new life living among the humans is interesting to Leah and she finds herself highly pleased and entertained by some of the sights, sounds and smells that Jacob and Lee introduce to her. Both males offering her some form of gift whether it's food, something to drink, touch with her deft and nimble fingers or look at in awe. So far, Leah's favorite things are without a doubt the cold tub of 'chocolate ice cream' as Jacob calls it, despite the pain it brings to her teeth and head when she eats it too fast. And a small wooden box that makes a strange noise – a 'music box' according to Lee. Her eyes lit up with excitement when Lee presented the small gift to her, made from a tree in the woods as the scent was still fresh. Inside of the box is a small wolf, sitting back on its haunches, head tilted back and howling. The box does not howl but the 'music' is still something that warms and soothes her.
Over time objects become recognizable and much to Jacob and Lee's pleasure Leah begins to speak more; it's only in broken sentences that are a mixture of English and the old language but it is progress.
Sitting on the couch, music box in her lap and an empty tub of chocolate ice cream beside her Leah hums to herself quietly along with the tune. She is pleased with herself over the accomplishment of learning and vocalizing the tune and her pride only swells more as Jacob walks in, ruffling her hair before sitting down on the couch next to her; the words 'Leah' and 'good' falling from his lips and causing her to smile up at him.
He sits regarding her for a moment before letting his fingers dance across her thigh and smiling as Leah giggles. She's ticklish and she loves and hates the fact that she is. As a wolf, she is not ticklish but loves being scratched behind her ear. But as a human, she seems to be ticklish everywhere and Jacob always takes advantage of this weakness causing her to giggle and laugh.
"Stop," Leah orders quickly brushing Jacob's hand away and shifting down away from him.
"No," Jacob says shaking his head and scooting closer. He suppresses a laugh as Leah looks up at him with a small pout, her eyes challenging and still weighing her options. She recognizes him as her Alpha but there is something more.
"Yes – stop." Leah states again trying to fight a giggle when Jacob's hand slides up her ribs.
"Why?" Jacob asks. Leah tenses quickly noticing the 'test' within the moment. She sits pondering over the question and finds herself unable to formulate an answer. Explanations weren't needed as a wolf; you did things or you didn't. "Don't know why?" Jacob asks after a few minutes of silence as Leah slowly shakes her head. "I'll stop but only because you don't want to play with me today."
"I play – let's play." Leah says excitedly at the magic word. Playing with Jacob meant rough housing, biting, wrestling, touching and fighting for dominance. He always won in the end but she loved seeing how well she faired against him. He was big and powerful while she was small and agile. "Let's play, Jacob." Leah cheers putting her music box down and jumping into Jacob's lap. Her heart is already racing thinking about the game they'll play today whether they'll race, play tag, keep away, tug-a-war or play fight.
"Something new today," Jacob says looking up at Leah with a small frown. Moving off of his lap Leah sits and waits patiently, eager to learn this new game and curious if she'll be able to best him. There aren't too many things that Leah can beat Jacob at but racing and hide-n-seek are where she excels. Jacob's eyes narrow at Leah, as if regarding her for a moment, taking in her small face, bright eyes and the smile that is upon her face. His brow twitches as her smile falls and he knows it is because she can smell that something is bothering him.
"Love you, Jake." Leah immediately throws out knowing that those little words always seem to bring a smile to Lee's face whenever he's upset.
"Do you?" Jacob asks sadly as he brushes some of Leah's hair back behind her shoulder. "Do you even really understand what that means?"
"Means?" Leah repeats cocking her head to the side. She's slightly confused and saddened that her declaration hasn't had the desired and expected effect but the question quickly pushed that feeling aside.
"Yea, 'love', Lee. Do you know what that means? Really? Do you remember?" Jacob asks turning in the couch to face Leah. "Do you remember being 'in' love?" Leah's eyes look into Jacob's seeing an emotion deep within the chocolate brown pools that makes her heart beat rapidly.
"Do you remember Harry? Sam? Do you even know who Seth was to you? Or me?" Jacob asks taking hold of Leah's hands, his eyes pleading her to do something that she can't understand.
"I'm going to teach you something new." Jacob declares after letting out a heavy sigh over Leah's silence.
Emotions and feelings change so quickly as a human that Leah finds her head swimming as one moment she can be happy, laughing with Lee or Jacob, then finding herself annoyed by the mindless rambling of the scar-faced woman and then a sense of protection as she's pulled away from the house of Jacob to help out someone on the reservation.
This is no exception as Jacob's emotions switch from playful to serious to disappointment to sadness and then something else – something more baser.
Based upon instinct Leah lets out a soft sigh as Jacob's calloused fingers cups her chin and he leans in placing his lips over hers. He calls it a 'kiss' and Leah finds herself wanting another and is rewarded with her desire as she repeats the word and tacks on 'more' with it. The kiss becomes deeper and something more.
There's a change in the air or more like within her that she doesn't fully grasp or comprehend just yet. It's a very subtle change that she knows she will understand once she knows the word for it. The answer comes as she's sitting with Lee over at 'Emily's' house surrounded by her granddaughters as they chatter away mindlessly about nothing. Leah smiles at Lee as he, again, sighs deeply and rolls his eyes not making any attempts to hide his frustration and annoyance of being around the 'Uley' women.
"So I have a big announcement to make." Rita, one of Emily's granddaughters, states with an air of self-importance. Leah looks on trying to wrap her mind around 'announcement' but knowing something is about to be said as Rita stands up and all eyes turn towards her. "I'm pregnant!" She squeals excitedly. Leah and Lee both flinch as all of the women squeal excitedly, exploding into small circles of chattering as Lee smiles and congratulates his cousin.
"Pr-pregannt?" Leah asks trying to understand the word. It sounds familiar and causes her heart to flutter for a moment.
"Yea, it means she's…with child – baby – cub." Lee explains with a sad smile looking over at Leah.
Leah's eyes widen in understanding as she smiles at Rita, her hands moving to her own belly as the word finally comes to her.
"Baby," Leah says pointing from Rita's stomach to her own.
"Yes, Rita's going to have a baby." Lee says with a nod, forcing out a smile noticing Leah's hands resting flat against her stomach.
"Rita having baby and Leah having baby." Leah declares and the talking stops. All eyes turns towards her and Leah can immediately sense the confusion and concern.
"Wait…whoa, whoa, whoa," Lee says shaking his head, holding his hands up to stop the other women from talking and glaring darkly at Emily before looking at Leah. "Leah, you're not pregnant."
"Yea, with baby – cub." Leah says nodding her head adamantly.
"Whose?" Lee demands, his eyes growling dark and his voice lanced with anger. "Who is the father?" Lee demands as Leah looks at him confused.
The anger gives Leah need for pause, worry and concern building up in her as Lee stares hatefully down at her stomach.
"Is it Jacob's? Did – did he touch you?" Lee demands, his voice rising and bringing the tension in the small kitchen to an all-time high.
"We kiss." Leah answers softly feeling bad – guilty. "Love Jacob – Leah loves Jacob."
Leah walks behind Lee, her legs moving quickly to keep up with his long, determined strides. The moment she let it known that Jacob was the father of her baby – cub – Lee exploded into a fit of rage that she'd never knew he was capable of. He had thrown a fit, literally throwing his chair across the kitchen and flew into a cussing fit, his arms gesturing wildly and going in between rubbing his face, pulling his hair and choking some invisible figure. From there he stormed out promising 'to make Black pay for this'.
Leah doesn't fully understand Lee's emotional outburst; why he could be happy for Rita but angry over her own personal announcement. Leah frowns trying to understand if she made the 'announcement' wrong, if there was supposed to be some sort of protocol or proper steps when telling those around you that you were pregnant. Animals didn't announce their births; it could be sensed, smelled and accepted by the family and other members of the pack/herd.
Leah suddenly freezes, her hand quickly reaching out and grabbing hold of Lee's wrist tightly. He freezes and looks down at Leah prepared to tell her to not stop him but the hazel brown eyes are gone and have been replaced with a midnight black, her nostrils flared and teeth bared in a vicious snarl.
"Home. Now!" Leah orders as she pushes Lee in the direction of his home.
She doesn't wait to see if Lee follows through on her command as she takes off running towards the forest picking up the scent of Cold Ones.
Jacob sits on the back porch, his head lowered, eyes focused on the engine part in his hand while the rest lie spread out on the porch. Leah had left with Lee earlier in the morning, leaving him behind with nothing to do but entertain himself for the moment. His nose crinkles as a stench assaults his sinuses and a low deep growl rumbles from his throat. The aggression is short lived as Renesmee appears at the edge of the backyard smiling at him. Getting up he smiles at her before walking out to greet her.
Leah stands frozen for a moment, instincts for once failing her as her mind tries to process the scene before her. The stench of a Cold One, multiple, have led her here, to Jacob's home – their home. For a moment she was overcome with new emotions fear, worry and concern for someone that had now become so much closer to her then she's ever recalled. But now as she stands watching him hug one of them and then gather up a juvenile Cold Ones does confusion, anger and revulsion take their place.
"Daddy!" One of the Cold Ones screams excitedly jumping into Jacob's arms. Her brow furrows, frown deepens as she watches this exchange between individuals who should be mortal enemies. And yet – yet they were acting like friends – no…a family.
Like a bolt of lightning shooting up her spine do the images come forth like rushing water out of broken dam. Memories of a past, almost, long forgotten of Jacob Black and Isabella Swan, Emily Young and Sam Uley, Harry Clearwater dying of a sudden heart attack, the Newborn Battle, Jacob splitting from the pack and her following, Jacob imprinting on Bella's spawn, Renesmee.
Eventually the images slow down and the present comes back into focus. Leah stands looking down at the grass before her, her hands balling up into fists. There is the old, familiar licking of flames at the base of her spine, threatening to climb up her spinal cord and towards the brain, issuing the command to phase and destroy – to kill the Cold Ones.
The sensation subsides as Leah lets a dark smile grace her lips. It's not the smile that the rez has grown accustomed to seeing; the smile of one new to the world, innocent of pain and sins. The innocence is gone and instead it's a smile of chagrin, resentment and irony. Shaking her head Leah chuckles quietly to herself, her tongue wetting her lips as she thinks over the situation she has awaken to find herself in.
Pregnant.
She's pregnant with Jacob Black's child and yet he has a family already – the perfect family decided for him by fate.
Idiot.
She had retreated to the woods, retreated to the safety and strength of the wolf to avoid, to hide from Jacob Black and his half-assed emotions, his desire to be in control of something in his life – her. It had hit her years ago why Sam had such a strong attachment to her and eventually Jacob had developed one. It had nothing to do with her as a person, a woman or even an individual. She was nothing more than some sort of cheap symbol, a member of their pack that could be easily manipulated, dominated and controlled. She satisfied their male ego and they indulged in it until it was time for them to return back to their happy lives, back to their perfect women – their imprints.
Being a wolf had brought her a sense of freedom she had never recalled experiencing before. Even if she was a lone wolf, there were no responsibilities other than protecting the tribe, she answered to no one once Jacob left and she was free of the emotions that came along with being human. She didn't ache for human companionship, didn't recall the heartache suffered because of Sam, the regret and self-loathing she felt knowing that she had killed her father or the stigma of being 'the bitter harpy'.
That was true freedom.
But because of her locked away memories and the naivety of her wolf, she'd fallen back into the trap of a man, allowed him to use her, control her and make her feel as if she was actually important to him. But it was all a lie. That's what man was capable of, all that humans could really do is lie, cheat, steal and manipulate. Jacob wouldn't want this…child, a family with her. They'd only be a burden and if he did decide to own up to his responsibility he'd probably rub it in her face every time Renesmee decided it was okay for him to come along and play the 'loving' father to his bastard child.
Jacob's smile wavers for a moment as Bella and Edward appear at the edge of the tree line. Their skin sparkling in the sunlight as they stand looking at him interact with their daughter and grandchild. It is the look of pain on Edward's face that unsettles him and before he can ask Edward what is wrong, Edward speaks.
"Jacob, I – I'm so sorry."
Sorry? Sorry for what?
"I see that we've come much too soon." Edward adds apologetically before nodding his head at something just behind Jacob's shoulder.
Turning around Jacob's heart falls as he sees Leah standing at the side of the house, her head hung down as one hand is clenched tightly into a fist, the other causing the siding on the house to splinter. He can see her body trembling violently showing signs that she is about to phase. The sight is upsetting because Leah hasn't struggled with phasing and yet it seemed as if she was holding back.
"Leah!" Jacob calls turning around to face her and praying that she's not taking all of this out of context. His breathe catches as Leah slowly raises her head, her eyes are dark and instead of their being a look of anger, an instinctual desire to destroy the Cold Ones near him, there's a look of hatred and anger. "No, Leah, this – this isn't," Jacob begins desperately trying to explain as Leah slowly shakes her head. He struggles to free himself of the boy's grasp but he refuses to let go only calling out 'Daddy' over and over again; the word no doubt only making the situation so much worst.
Before Renesmee has time to remove her son from Jacob it is already too late. Leah has phased, her clothes ripping to shreds and she bolts for the trees. Lee stands glaring darkly at the beings across from him with such a deep-seeded hatred and loathing. Jacob doesn't see it nor pay him any mind as he quickly phases and chases after her.
He follows her scent, desperately calling out her name, begging her to stop, to listen to him, to just let him explain. But there is nothing. There are no images of Leah running or even the swirling warmth and excitement of colors that have become representative of her thoughts since his most recent return to La Push. There is nothing but him and the idea scares him, frightens him.
Digging down deep Jacob pushes himself harder, vowing to catch up with her and make her listen to reason. Breaking into a clearing he skids to a halt as Leah's scent is suddenly gone – vanished. His chest heaving, covered in sweat and saliva, he wildly turns around trying to find any sign of broken branches or moving hedges to lead him in the right direction.
But there is nothing.
Lee walks up to the small cottage in the woods; he only comes here now out of habit and because for some reason he feels some sense of responsibility towards checking up on the man. He doesn't bother knocking on the door as he walks around to the back to find Jacob sitting on the back porch steps, his eyes focused on the forest before him.
"When are you leaving? Or rather have you gotten up from that spot?" Lee asks before sitting down next to Jacob and dropping a brown bag in his lap.
Jacob barely acknowledges his presence but Lee knows that Jacob is fully aware of him and what he has said. It's hard for Lee to believe that it's been one year since his great aunt ran off into the woods after seeing the Cullens return back to La Push and treating Jacob like a part of the family. No doubt the hurt and realization that she'd never have that type of family with him is what drove her back to the sanctity of the woods, far away from the prying eyes of gossiping women and gawking children.
Surprisingly enough the Cullens left immediately after Jacob returned saying that he couldn't find Leah, that there was no trace of her left anywhere in the woods. Lee can only surmise that the bloodsuckers figured that if they left, that eventually Leah would return. It did work in a way, Leah did return to La Push but only as she has been for the last eighty plus years as a guardian and protector of the Quileutes. She still comforted those who felt lost and lonely, saved those who were in danger of hurting themselves and those around them. It was nice knowing that the silver wolf wasn't just some legend but a girl, a woman, who had a face and a smile that brightened up everyone's day. That she has a name, personality, heart and attitude. She was real, dependable and selfless.
"Is it true?" Jacob asks bringing Lee out of his thoughts.
"Is what true?" Lee asks cracking open one of the cans of beers he had brought along with the fish for Jacob.
"That Leah was pregnant." Jacob asks. Lee's muscles tense at the question as he had hoped that Jacob would've never found out about Leah's 'condition'.
"Yea, she was pregnant. She told us that same day. Apparently she just didn't know the word for it until it was presented to her." Lee answers before turning his attention back to the forest.
"That wasn't my kid." Jacob states causing Lee to raise an eyebrow but not enough to draw his full undivided attention. "Things between us never really worked out the way it did for the others. I still stuck around because that is what was expected of me. Then finally Renesmee got pregnant by some human. She had been sleeping around on me for years and I knew it but I couldn't find the strength to come back home. I don't know if it's because I was afraid of the questions and comments: what did you do wrong? You must not have tried hard enough. Guess you couldn't be everything she needed."
"Afraid to come back and find that she – that Leah had moved on and found some guy that loved her more. More than an imprint, more than his pride, his ego, himself. And after I found out about Seth I knew that couldn't stay away for much longer especially knowing that Leah would need me – need someone to comfort her. Even if she did have a husband, kids, and grandkids – I was finally ready to be anything that she wanted me to be."
"And everything that I worked for was destroyed – destroyed by the Cullens, again. I know they don't mean to be destructive but…now…after so many years I don't think they can be anything but. Whether it's directly or indirectly they always bring trouble, death and heartbreak with them. They may not kill people but they certain kill the relationships that people have."
"I mean just look at us." Jacob says with a bitter chuckle waving a hand between him and Lee. "You're not my relative but…you're really all I have left. I don't know any of Rachel's kids or grandkids. And they don't want to know me."
"You flatter me…and give yourself too much credit." Lee says with a deep breath before taking another swig from his beer. "I'm not here for you but for her." Lee says softly as his eyes soften drawing Jacob's attention. "You've heard the rumors that people still see her, that she still saves those that need saving because it's her job, her duty. But…she can't save you and you will never be able to see her."
"You're no longer a member of this tribe – no longer Quileute. Sure you may have the blood and of the most influential family on the rez. But you threw all of that away for the sake of a Pale Face, for a girl who would never love you and wouldn't have bothered lifting a finger to save your hide. You forsook all others for her and for that she cannot recognize you as Quileute. It's my job to look out for you until you leave."
"Then we've got a long row ahead of us, kid." Jacob grumbles out. Lee smiles weakly and chooses to ignore the sniffle coming from the man next to him.
Looking back out at the tree line he sees a giant silver wolf walking by followed by two small cubs; one russet-colored and the other a light gray…almost silver. She pauses for a moment in her walk feeling a pair of eyes on her and the cubs that were just playing together a moment ago also freeze and follow their mother's line of sight. Lee smiles at her before nodding his head and watches his vision become blurry as she nods her head back at him before disappearing into the trees.
Sometimes being a human is tough; dealing with the emotions of anger, hurt, envy, jealousy, bitter, sadness, regret and loneliness. And sometimes it takes something more to let those feelings go and seek out peace not only within yourself but in the world too.
A/N: Alright so here goes the next update. I would've had this out yesterday but I was sidetracked by watching The River on Hulu and then I had to take my car to the shop. *sniffles* I hope that he'll be okay.
I hope everyone had a great weekend. The highlight of my weekend was being CARDED! *squeals and jumps around excitedly* What? It's a big deal especially since I went out with my whole family: mom, big brother, little sister and everyone else *waves hand dismissively*. But as the middle child, you just don't expect to be the one carded especially when you're the last one to order a drink which then leads to my next bit of excitement. THE ZOO IS HAVING ZOOTINI ON MY BIRTHDAY! The city zoo here hosts adult-centered events that are a martini tasting (thus Zootini), a wine tasting (Wild About Wines) and a beer tasting (ZooBrew). I went to all of the wine and beer tasting but would LOVE to go to the martini tasting. I mean where else can you go to taste about eight different kinds of martinis for forty bucks? I mean that's half-priced martinis! And local restaurants come and give you food. Oh! I love the zoo's events. Problem though…I work until 8pm that night and I really don't want to use up my vacation days. That and I really need some drinking friends. How do I always seem to gravitate towards people who don't drink? Am I subconsciously seeking out designated drivers? I may have to hit up Facebook and pull together my old working buddies to see if anyone wants to go celebrate my birthday at the zoo with drinks and food. Oh, I sure hope so! Then I can go to White House Black Market and buy me a new drinking dress. *squeals excitedly* And buy my first new sandals for the spring and summer!
OH! And before I forget there was a typo in…Evil. George Orwell wrote 1984 and not Orson Wells. So thanks to memory bleeds for pointing that out and it further proves that I need to get back in the habit of fact checking and stop squinting at the stacked books in my closet. LOL. This must be how the editors of Jet magazine feel on a weekly basis with all of their retractions.
But please leave me a review and tell me what you think. I love reading your reviews and especially your comments to my A/N. I think since I don't have my car I may be safer than before cuz gas-card-stalker-man won't know what I'm in. Phew. And it may be for the best because I think the coyotes have moved on – it's been quieter in the neighborhood over the last couple of nights. They have moved on to eat other housecats and smaller animals.