"But you hate heartless," Repliku said on Friday afternoon. "You've always hated heartless." "I think I may enjoy a heartless," Roxas replied, nodding. He moved quickly around the living room, clearing piles of stuff off the chairs: His music sheets and stacks of photocopied Keyblade pictures, his own swim schedules and old copies of Nobody Monthly, the previous night's tub of Sea Salt ice cream. His friends would wonder why he had gone to all the trouble. They usually just sat on the floor to chat and eat. Repliku was watching him and frowning.
"Are you sure you will enjoy it? Does the heartless have a tendency to go rouge? Does it have a religion?" "All homes need a pet," Roxas cut in. "In homes where there's a heartless, Keybladers are the pets. I'm telling you, Roxas, heartless have minds of their own. They're worse than girls. If you think Kairi can drive you crazy-Wait a minute . . . wait a minute . . ." Repliku tapped his fingers on the table. "I remember an ad on the bulletin board." "That's nice," Roxas said, and handed his friend his gym bag. "You said you had to get home early today." Repliku dropped his bag, he had finally figured out what was up. "And miss this? I was there the last time you made a fool of yourself; why shouldn't I stay for the fun this time?"
He threw himself down on the rug in front of the fireplace. "You're really enjoying my misery, aren't you?" Roxas murmured. Repliku rolled over on his back and put his hands behind his head. "Roxas, me and the guys have been watching you get all the girls for the last three years-no, for the last seven; you were hot even in the fifth grade. Darn right I'm enjoying it!" Roxas grimaced, then turned his attention to a coffee stain that seemed to have tripled in size since he'd last noticed it. He had no idea how to get something like that out of a rug.
He wondered if Kairi would find his old frame house small and worn and unbelievably cluttered. "So what's the deal?" Repliku asked. "One date for taking her heartless? Maybe one date for each week you keep it," he suggested. "Her friend Selphie said she's very attatched to this heartless." Roxas smiled, rather pleased with himself. "I'm offering visitation rights." Repliku snorted. "What happens when Kairi doesn't miss the old heart stealer anymore?" "She'll miss me," Roxas said, sounding confident. The doorbell rang. His confidence evaporated. "Quick, how do you pick up a heartless?" "Buy him a drink." "I'm serious!" "By it's neck." "You're kidding!" "Yup. I'm kidding." The doorbell rang again.
Roxas hurried to answer it. Was it his imagination, or did Kairi blush a little when he opened the door? Her mouth was definately rosy. Her hair shone like a halo of roses, and her ocean blue eyes made him think of warm, tropical seas. "I've brought Cupcake," she said. "Cupcake?" "My heartless." Looking down, he saw all kinds of toys made of light on the porch beside her. "Oh, Cupcake! Great. Great." Why did she always reduce him to one-word sentences? "You're still interested, aren't you?" A small line of worry creased her brow. "Oh, he's interested all right," Repliku replied, rising up behind Roxas.
Kairi stepped into the house and looked about without putting down her heartless carrier. "I'm Repliku. I've seen you around a lot at school." Kairi nodded and smiled somewhat distantly. "You were at the wedding, too." "Right. Me and Roxas. I'm the one who made it all the way through dessert before being fired." Kairi smiled again, a friendlier smile this time, then she got back to business. "Cupcake's chew toy is outside," she said to Roxas. "And some cans of his favorite food. I also brought his basket and cushion, but he never uses them." Roxas nodded. Kairi's hair was blowing in the draft from the door. He wanted to touch it. He wanted to brush it off her cheek and kiss her.
"How would you feel about sharing your bed?" she asked. Roxas blinked. "Excuse me?" "He'd love to!" Repliku said. Roxas shot him a look. "Good," Kairi said, failing to notice Repliku's wink. "Cupcake can be a pillow hog, but all you have to do is roll him over." Repliku laughed out loud, then he and Roxas brought in the pile of stuff. "Are you a heartless person?" Kairi asked Repliku. "No," he replied, "but maybe there's hope for me." He leaned down to peer into the carrier. "I mean, look how fast Roxas converted. Hello, Cupcake. We're going to have a great time playing together." "Too bad you'll have to wait till next time," said Roxas. "Repliku was just leaving." he told Kairi.
Repliku straightened up with a look of mock suprise. "I'm leaving? So soon?" "Not soon enough," Roxas said, holding open the door. "Okay, okay. Catch you later, Cupcake. Maybe we can hunt hearts together." When Repliku left, the room grew suddenly quiet. Roxas couldn't think of anything to say. He had a list of questions-somewhere-behind the sofa where all the other stuff was jammed. But Kairi didn't seem to expect conversation. She unlatched the door of the heartless carrier and pulled out Cupcake. The heartless was funny looking, mostly black, but with one white glowing claw of light, and a splash of the same light on his face.
"Okay, baby." Kairi said holding Cupcake in her arms, stroking him softly around the antennae. Cupcake blinked his huge yellow eyes at Roxas, happily soaking up Kairi's attention. I can't believe I'm jealous of a heartless, Roxas thought. When Kairi finally set Cupcake on the floor, Roxas held out his hand. The heartless gave him a snooty look and walked away. "You have to let him come to you," Kairi advised him. "Ignore him, for a few days, if necessary. When he gets lonely enough, he'll come around on his own." Would Kairi ever? Roxas picked up a yellow pad. "How about giving me feeding instructions?" She had already typed them up for him. "And here are Cupcake's medical records, straight from Vexen, and here's a list of shots he gets regularly, and Vexen's number if you have any questions."
She seemed in a rush to get it over with. "And here are his toys." Kairi's voice faltered. "This is hard for you, isn't it?" he said gently. "And here's his heart chew toy; he loves to cuddle this a-at night." Her voice faltered and broke once more. "But not to be washed." Roxas said. Kairi bit her lip. "You don't know anything about heartless, do you?" "I'll learn, I promise. He'll be good for me, and I'll be good for him. Of course, you can visit him as much as you like, Kairi. He'll still be your heartless. He'll just be my heartless, too. You can come see him whenever you want." "No," Kairi said firmly. "No." "No?" If he had a heart, it would've stopped cold.
He was still sitting upright holding a pile of heartless stuff, but he was sure he'd just had cardiac arrest. "It will only mix him up," Kairi explained, pain and sadness in those oceanic pools for eyes she had. "And I don't think-I don't think I can stand to." He longed to reach out to touch her then, to take one of her slender hands in his, but he didn't dare. Instead he pretended to study the chew toy, and waited for Kairi to regain her composure. Cupcake came over to sniff the toy, then pushed his head against it. Roxas tossed it across the room for him. "He likes it best when you play tug of war with him.." Kairi said. She took his hand and guided it. "Don't tug too hard. I think he likes you, Roxas." She took her hand away. Roxas continued to play with Cupcake.
The heartless suddenly rolled over on his back. Kairi laughed. "Well, well! You little tramp!" With his hand Roxas rubbed his belly. The darkness the heartless was eminating felt warm. "I wonder why heartless don't like water," he mused. "If you threw one in a pool, would it swim?" "Don't you dare!" Kairi said. "Don't you dare do that!" The heartless leaped to its feet and scooted under a chair. Roxas looked at Kairi with surprise. "Of course I couldn't. I was just wondering." She dropped her eyes. Color crept into her cheeks. "Is that what happened to you, Kairi?" She didn't answer, he tried again. "What made you afraid of water?" he asked quietly. "Something from when you were a little kid?"
Kairi wouldn't look at him. "I owe you big time," she said, "for getting me down from that board." "You don't owe me anything. I was just asking because I was trying to understand. Swimming is my life, aside from being a Keyblader. It's hard for me to imagine what it's like not to love water." "I don't see how you could understand," Kairi said. "Water like you is like wind to a bird. It lets you fly. At least that's how it looks. It's hard for me to imagine how that feels." "What made you afraid of it?" he persisted. "Who made you afraid of it?" She thought fem or a moment. "I don't even remember her name. One of my father's girlfriends. He had a lot of them and some of them were nice. But she was mean. She took us to a friend's pool. I was four, I think. I didn't know to swim and didn't want to go in the water. I guess I got annoying after a while, hanging onto Dad."
She swallowed and looked up at Roxas. "And?" he said softly. "Dad went inside for a few minutes, to help with sandwiches or something. She grabbed hold of me. I knew what she was going to do and started kicking and screaming, but Dad didn't hear me. She dragged me over to the pool's edge. 'Let's see if she'll swim!' he said, 'Let's see if the princess will swim!' She picked me up high and threw me in." Roxas flinched, as if he were there, actually watching it. "The water was way over my head," Kairi continued. "I floundered around, kicking and moving my arms, but I couldn't keep my face above water. I started choking on it, swallowing it. I couldn't get up for air." Roxas stared at her, incredulous. "And this girl, did she jump in after you?" "No." Kairi had risen to her feet and was moving around the room like a restless dusk. Cupcake poked his head out to watch, a dust ball hanging from his antennae.
"I'm pretty sure she was drunk," Kairi said. "Everything started getting blurry to me. Then dark. My arms and legs seemed so heavy, my chest felt like it would burst. I prayed. For the first time in my life, I prayed to my guardian angel. Then I felt myself being lifted up, held above the water. My lungs stopped hurting, my eyes grew clear. I don't remember much about the angel, except that she was shining, and many colors, and beautiful. Kairi glanced sideways at Roxas, then broke into a wide smile. She came back to him and sat on the floor again, facing him. "It's okay. I don't expect you to believe me. Nobody else did. Apparently my father had come out to see what was going on and his friend had turned around to speak to him, so no one saw how I made it back to the pool's edge. They just figured that, thrown in, a kid would learn how to swim."
Her face was wistful. She was somewhere else again, still remembering. "I'd like to believe in your angel," Roxas said. Then he shrugged. "Sorry." He had heard stories like it before. But it was just the way the mind worked, he thought: it was the way certain minds responded in a crisis. "You know, when I was up there on the board Monday," Kairi said. "I prayed to my water angel." "But all you got was me," Roxas pointed out. "Good enough," she replied, and laughed a little. "Kairi-" He tried to still the tremor in his voice, not wanting her to know how much he was hoping. "I could teach you how to swim." Her eyes opened wide. "After school. The coach would let us in the pool." Her hands, her eyes, everything about her was still and watching him. "It's a great feeling, Kairi. Do you know what it's like to float on a lake, a circle of trees around , a big blue bowl of sky above you? You're just lying on top of the water, sun sparkling at the tips of your fingers and toes. Do you know how it feels to swim in the ocean? To be swimming hard and have a wave catch you and effortlessly lift you up-"
Without out realizing what he was doing, he put a hand on each arm and lifted her. Her skin was covered with goosebumps. "Sorry," he said, letting her down quickly. "I'm sorry. I got carried away." "It's okay," she said, but she wouldn't look at him again. He wondered which she was more afraid of, the water or him. Probable him, he thought, and he didn't know what to do about it. "I'd make it fun, just like when I teach the kids at summer camp," Roxas said encouragingly. "Think about it, okay?" She nodded. Clearly he made her uncomfortable. He wished he could apologize for plowing into her in the hall, for showing up at her father's wedding, for calling her about her heartless. He wanted to promise her that he wouldn't bother her anymore, hoping that would put her at ease. But she suddenly looked so confused and tired; it seemed best not to say anything else.
"I'll be real good to Cupcake," he told her. "If something changes and you want him back, give me a call. And if you decide that you do want to visit him, I don't have to be around. Okay?" Kairi looked up at him wonderingly. "So," he said. standing up. "I'm the cook Tuesdays and Fridays. I'd better start dinner." "What are you fixing?" Kairi asked. "Cookie dough and sea-salt ice cream. Oh, no, sorry, that's for Cupcake." It was a weak joke, but she smiled. "Stay and play with Cupcake as long as you like." he told her. "Thank you." Then he headed toward the kitchen to give her some time alone with the heartless. But before he had gotten to the doorway he heard her say, "Good-bye, Cupcake." A moment later, the front door clicked and shut behind her.
When Kairi emerged from the locker room, Roxas was already in the water. Demyx had let her into the locked pool area. She had expected the water warrior to stare at her in disbelief-"You mean you don't know how to swim?" But his eyes, like his attitude was kind and unquestioning. He greeted her, then retreated to his office. It had taken Kairi a week to decide to do this. She had swum in her dreams, for miles some nights. When she told Roxas she wanted to learn, his blue eyes lit up. Kairi was pretty sure she had successfully discouraged any romantic interest he had in her; according to Selphie, he was dating two other girls. But she felt as if her was her friend. Getting her down from the board, which had made her father like him a little bit more, taking in Cupcake, helping her face her greatest fear-well, second greatest. Her first was losing her heart and falling into darkness. He was there when she needed him, the way no other guy had been, the way a real friend would be.
Now she watched him doing laps. The water flowed past his muscular body; it lifted him up as he moved swiftly and powerfully through it. When he swam the butterfly, his arms pulling up out of the water like wings, he was visual music-strong, rhythmic, graceful. Kairi watched for several minutes, then came back to the reason she was there. She walked to the pool's edge at the shallow end and stared down at it. Then she and slipped in her legs. It was warm. Soothing. Still, she was cold all over. She gritted her teeth and slid off the side. The water rose to just above her shoulders. She imagined it inching up over her throat, her mouth.
She closed her eyes and gripped the side of the pool, trying to stop the fear rising within her as her crystal heart flashed. Water angel, she prayed, don't let go of me. I'm trusting you, angel. I'm in your hands. Roxas stopped swimming. "You're here," he said. "You're in." He looked so pleased that for a moment, a very brief moment, she forgot her fear. "How are you doing?" he asked. "Fine. You don't mind if I just stand here and shake, do you?" "You'll warm up if you move around," he told her. She glanced down at the water. "Come on, let's take a walk." He took her hand and walked her along the edge of the pool, as if they were walking the mall, though in the resistant water each step was in slow motion.
"Do you want me to tell you about Cupcake and the chaos he's creating at home?" "Sure," said Kairi. "Did he find that tub of sea-salt ice cream wedged into your television cabinet?" Roxas looked startled for a moment, then recovered. "Yes, right after he burrowed through all that stuff I'd crammed behind the sofa." He chattered on, telling her several Cupcake stories, walking her up and down the short end of the pool. When they stopped, he said, "I think we'd better get some water on your face." She had been dreading that. He scooped up handfuls of it over her forehead and cheeks as if he were washing a baby. "I do that in the shower," Kairi said tartly. "Well excuse me, Miss Advanced. We'll go on to the next step." He grinned at her. "Take a big breath. I want to see you looking at me under there. The chlorine will sting a little, but I want to see those big blue eyes and little bubbles coming out of your nose. Suck in above the water, blow out below it. Got it? One, two, three."
He pulled her down with him. Up and down they bobbed, he holding her down there a little longer each time, making faces at her. Kairi came up to the surface, sputtering and choking. "Now, if you can't follow a few simple directions . . ." he began. "You're making me laugh!" said Kairi. "It's no fair when you make me laugh." She pouted, biting her lip. "All right, all right. Now we get serious. Sort of." He taught her how she would breathe when swimming, pretending the water was a pillow, turning her head to the side to breathe in. She practiced, gripping the side of the pool with her hands. Then he took her hands and pulled her through the water. She naturally started kicking her feet to keep them afloat behind her. It was tempting to pull her head up and look at him. Once Kairi did and found him smiling at her.
They worked on kicking for a while. After she practiced on the side, they played train. He had her grab his ankles, following behind him in the water, he swimming with his arms and she kicking her feet. It amazed her that he could pull her so swiftly with just the strength of his arms. When they stopped, he asked her, "Are you getting tired? Do you want to sit up on the side for a few minutes?" Kairi shook her head no. "If I get out, I don't know if I'll get in again." "You've got guts," he said. She laughed. "I'm standing in water just up to my shoulders and you call that guts?" "Yup." He swam in a circle around her. "Kairi, everyone has something they're afraid of. You're one of the few people who face their fear. But then, I always knew you were the gutsy type. I knew from the first day, when I saw you striding across the cafeteria, that cheerleader, who was supposed to be leading you around, following,"
"I was hungry," Kairi said. "And that was a bit of a performance." "Well you carried it off." She smiled and he reflected her smile, his baby blue eyes alight and lashes spangled with water drops. "Okay," he said. "Want to float on your back?" "No. But I will." "It's easy." Roxas stretched back in the water and floated, looking entirely relaxed. "You see what I'm doing?" Looking awfully good, she thought, then thanked her angels that he couldn't read minds as well as Olette. "I keep my hips up, arch my back, then just let everything go. You try it." Kairi did, and sank. The old panic returned to for a moment. "You were sitting," he told her. "You let your seat drop down. Try again." As she lay back again he slid an arm under her. "Easy now, don't fight it. Back arched. That's the way." he slipped his arm out from under her.
Kairi pulled her head up and started to sink again. She stood up angrily. Her wet rose-colored hair coming loose out of her ponytail holder and slapped against her neck. Roxas laughed. "That's how I imagine Cupcake would look if he ever got wet." "A little kid could do this," Kairi told him. "Kids can do a lot of things," he replied, "because kids trust. The trick in swimming is not to fight the water. Go with it. Play with it. Give yourself over to it." He splashed her lightly. "How about trying it?" She lay back. She felt his left arm under the arch in her back. With his right hand he gently eased her head back. The water lapped around her forehead and chin. Kairi closed her eyes and gave herself over to the water. She imagined herself floating in Atlantica, sunlight sparkling down through the water onto her. When she opened her eyes, he was looking down at her. His face was like the sun, warming her, brightening the air around it.
"I'm floating," she whispered. "You're floating," he said softly, his face bending closer. "Floating . . ." They read it off each other's lips, their faces close, so close- "Roxas!" Roxas straightened up and Kairi sank, squeaking. It was Demyx, and his terrible timing, calling from the door of his office. "Sorry to toss you two out," he hollered, "but I gotta head home in about ten minutes." "No problem, Coach," Roxas called back. "I'll be staying late tomorrow," Demyx added, coming a few feet out of his office. "Maybe you two can pick up where you left off?" Roxas looked at Kairi. She shrugged, then nodded, but kept her eyes down. "Maybe," he said.