Hey look new chapter! Please don't hit me, I know i'm really bad at this whole updating thing. However I really am trying to be faster. Anyhow, I hope you all enjoy this latest instalment.
Thank you to everyone who as read, reviewed and added this story, it means so much to me and really motivates me to write.
Chapter Four: Guilt and Misconceptions
Grin fading John disconnected the communications between Thunderbird five and Tracy Island the adrenaline from their latest rescue already leaving him. Sometimes he wondered which was the harder job, being on the ground in the thick of the action, the physical strain and stress of the elements, the job. Or sitting here, thousands of miles above his family, watching and listening but completely unable to do anything.
Realistically John knew that he was helping his family, that with the information he was able to give them they were a hundred times safer then they would have been otherwise, but sometimes the frustration and the fear at watching his family constantly putting themselves in peril, over rode the logical part of his mind. Leaving him feeling increasingly helpless, trembling with adrenaline without an outlet.
As much as John loved the stars, loved being in space, so close yet still so far away from the sight that had fascinated him since he was a child, there were times that he resented them. Hated the barrier that they created, and wanted nothing more then to forgo calm words or rationality and just punch something.
Rocking back in his chair, John looked out the thickly reinforced windows in front of him. Gazing into the endless darkness that stretched for billions of miles around him lit by so many diamonds, burning with their own inner fire. He knew that he should try to sleep now, but sleep wasn't something that had come easily lately. The station had been repaired quickly in the aftermath of the Hoods devastation, the gleaming panels and screens bore no sign of the nightmare, but the psychological scars endured.
Truly John didn't know what was effecting his family more. The memories of what had happened on Five, the explosion, being trapped with no control, decreasing oxygen as they hurtled towards the earth. Or the footage they had watched from the security cameras, both from the island and London. He knew his father still had recurring nightmares. John himself was kept awake at night by the images of his baby brother being flung against walls and choking in mid air, of him hanging over the spinning blades of the mole and disappearing into the wild flames of One. The thought of what could have happened to Alan, in his home, the one place on earth he should have been safest was enough to turn Johns stomach.
He knew that if he was bad Scott was worse. His only older brother's habit of taking any hurt given to one of his brothers personally, had made the whole experience that much worse for Scott. Between John's injuries and what Alan had endured, Scott was brooding more then usual, spending every spare minute trying to think of a way he could have changed things, kept his family safe. Nothing anyone else said seemed to help. It might help if one of them talked to the kid, but not even Gordon seemed to be able to look Alan in the eye. John didn't really understand it, things had been fine at first, better even with Alan becoming closer to the family then he had been in years. However as reality had regained its equilibrium and Alan had gone back to school, the guilt seemed to set in. It appeared to have become the common belief that Alan blamed his brothers for allowing the Hood to get to him. John had thought that was ridiculous, but with the way his littlest brother had been avoiding anyones calls, it looked more and more like the truth.
Sitting in the back of a darkened classroom, Alan sucked the chocolate off another coffee bean, focused intently on the closing scenes of the video presentation being shown. As the images faded and the credits began to scroll across the dark screen, he closed and gathered his notebooks rising with the other students, mind already racing towards his next class. Though it was expected the call of his name made an already jittery Alan jump as he turned towards his science teacher, with a sort of exasperated resignation.
Mr Tessaro was watching Alan with a cold expression, that as the last of his classmates filed out of the door grew increasing malevolent. Alan waited for him to say something, frustration evident as he bounced slightly from leg to leg, impatient for the man to spit out whatever bitter abuse he felt necessary today. This had become a ritual of sorts in the time since Alan had first met him, gradually getting worse as the teachers inexplicable hatred of him seemed to grow. Alan would stay after class and Tessaro would sneer and spew bitter comments and criticisms of his work, or performance in class.
Truly Alan could not understand what he had done to make a man he had never met hate him so obviously, what he was doing to make that hate fester and grow. Motivations however hardly seemed to matter when the guy had that look in his eye. The one that made Alan feel as though if Tessaro felt he could get away with killing him, he would.
Slowly the thin man stalked forward. Alan resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the mans melodrama, he had a feeling that it wouldn't go over very well. Wrapping a tight hand around Alan's bicep, Cal roughly pushed him back against the wall with a heavy thud. A soft grunt escaped Alan as he fought to keep still and quiet, to quell the growing rage and bitter comments that he long to throw, even as the teacher moved his face closer. Whispering in a quiet menacing tone, "So, Tracy." he drew the name out condescendingly. "What are you playing at? This little act." He gestured with his free hand, carelessly swiping at the air. Alan trembled with suppressed hate, reminding himself with every breath why it would be a bad idea to lash out at the man, while the hand on his arm tightened to an almost crushing grip. "Pretending to be the little golden boy." A bitter chuckle gave his face a mad, twisted look. "If only they new, what do you think they would say, Tracy, if they knew that people like you aren't capable of being good people. Tessaro's distracted snickering was interrupted by the shrill sound of the bell, signalling the next class.
With a jump, Tessaro was startled out of his musings, immediately loosening his grip on Alan's arm. As though remembering were he was he stepped back letting Alan go completely. "Run along little Alan, be a good boy." He ran a finger roughly down the arm he'd been holding, eyes brightening at the subtle wince on the blonde boys face. "Remember, i'll be watching."
Glancing back over his shoulder as he ran to his next class Alan couldn't help the chill that ran down his spine at the insane smile that lit the teachers face as he looked down at the hand, whose imprint now marred the skin of Alan's arm.
On Tracy island a lone figure sat curled on the sand at the waters edge, letting the turmoil swirling through her mind be soothed by the constant repetition of the waves. Resting her chin on her knees she watched as the foamy water pushed itself up the sand, just brushing the toes of her bare feet before being pulled back out. 'If only', Tin-tin mused, 'life was as constant as the waves, as predictable.' She giggled miserably, 'then again, I suppose it would be really very boring.' The current object of the teenagers misery and confusion was her... well she really didn't know how to think of Alan anymore.
Were they dating? She didn't think so, but then again they weren't just friends either. They had been on the way to something, Tin-tin was sure of it, but now it was as if Alan wasn't interested. He was rarely around when she called, and when he did talk to her, he was so distracted. Tin-tin doubted he heard anything she said, she would bet anything that if she mentioned that she was now a lesbian and running away with Elena Gilbert, to join a demon cult run by two guys named Harry and Draco, Alan wouldn't even blink. She could see it now, he would just smile half-heartedly and say "thats great Tin" before going back to looking at the wall past her head.
It was times like these that Tin-tin bemoaned the fact that she was the only teenage girl living on an island full of boys, she would give anything to have a girl to talk to about these problems. As much as she loved her mother there were times a girl needed more then platitudes and the obvious relief that she wasn't yet pregnant. Okay that wasn't fair, her parents trusted her enough to not immediately assume that she was pregnant, but still it wasn't fair. 'Stupid boys, stupid islands', she kicked out at the sand in frustration, only to flick some back into her face, 'and stupid sand' the dark haired girl groaned as she dropped her head back onto her raised knees.
The pity party currently being held inside of Tin-tins head was crashed by the red headed Tracy brother, as he sat down beside her and flung an arm around her shoulders. "Whats up Tin?" And sometimes she thought it was nice to have a bunch of adoptive older brothers who had known her since forever. 'Well', she considered thinking of some of the more irritating pranks and teasing the boys had subjected her to, 'most of the time anyway'.
Gordon had been considering wether he had time to have another swim before dinner (regardless of the fact that he just showered after the last swim he had), when he saw the dejected form of his adopted little sister sitting by the water on the beach.
It hadn't escaped the notice of the Tracy brothers that the young malaysian girl had become more sad and withdrawn lately. The boys had been quick to assure the girl that they didn't think less of her for her unfortunate association with the hood, either through blood or ability. However Gordon suspected that most of Tin-tin's problems stemmed from his AWOL baby brother.
Making his way down the beach the red headed Tracy brother sat down beside the girl that all his family considered one of their own. Pulling the girl into his side, Gordon looked down at the dark head and asked the question that everyone else, men that they were, had been avoiding. "What's up Tin?"
He felt more then heard her sigh deeply against his side, before she looked up at him with dark eyes. "Nothing Gordon, I'm fine." He looked at her in exaggerated disbelief until she shook her head. "really Gordon, everything's just fine."
"Oh yes I'm sure and hey look is that a flying pig?" He took a moment to stare into the distance with a look of faux surprise. "quick we should get pictures." His efforts were rewarded when the young girl snorted with laughter and shoved the side she was leaning on with enough force to send him over into the sand beside them.
"Seriously?" He looked up at her as she smirked at him one eyebrow raised in disbelief. "flying pigs, that's the best you got?"
"Ha ha" Gordon pulled himself back up beside her, watching as she turned her eyes back towards the horizon and the glowing colours of the setting sun as they danced along the top of the rippling ocean. "we're all here you know" he gestured when she looked back. "When you decide you want to talk. You don't have to brood out Here all alone sis." The red headed boy put his arm back around her shoulders as she leaned into his shoulder.
"I know" She looked back out at the ocean "I appreciate it Gordon, I really do."
No more words were said as they sat like that until the sun had well and truly set.
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