When Roxas awakened, he tried to remember which day of the week it was and what lessons he would be giving at the swim camp. Judging by the dim light in his room, it was too early to rise and dress for work. Lying back, he dreamed of Kairi-Kairi with her rose locks tumbling down, and those hypnotizing ocean blue eyes. Slowly he became aware of footsteps outside the door, and a sound like something being wheeled by. He leaped up. What was he doing there-lying on the hospital floor in the room of a man he had never seen before? The man yawned and glanced around the room. He did not appear at all surprised by Roxas's presence; he acted as if he didn't even see him.
Then it all came back to Roxas: the battle, the ambulance ride, the paramedic's words. He was dead. But he could think. He could watch other people. Was he a ghost? Roxas remembered the old lady. She had said she saw his light, which was why, he thought, she had mistaken him for an- "No, no." he said aloud, but the man didn't hear him. "I can't be that." Well, whatever he was, he was something that could laugh. He laughed and laughed, almost hysterically. He cried too. The door behind him swung open suddenly. Roxas quieted himself, but it didn't matter. The nurse who entered was not aware of him, though she stood so close her elbow passed through his as she filled out the man's chart.
July 9, 3:45 A.M., Roxas read. July 9? It couldn't be! It had been June when he'd last been with Kairi. Had he been unconscious for two weeks? Would he black out again? Why was he there conscious and there at all? He thought about the old woman who had reached out to him. Why had she noticed him, but the nurse and others had seen nothing? Would Kairi see him? Hope surged through Roxas. If he could find Kairi before he fell into the darkness again, he'd have another chance to convince her that he loved her. He would always love her. The nurse left, shutting the door behind her. Roxas reached to open it, but his fingers slipped through the handle. He tried again, and again. His hand had no more strength than the shadows.
Now he'd have to wait for the nurse to come back. He didn't know how long he would stay conscious or whether, like ghosts in old tales, he'd melt away at dawn. He tried to remember how he had gotten this far and pictured the halls he had traveled down from the emergency room. He could see very clearly the corner where the orderly had gone through him. Suddenly he was traveling the halls to that spot. That was the trick. He had to project a route in his head and focus on where he wanted to go. Soon he was out on the street. He had forgotten he was at the County Hospital and had to get himself all the way home to Oblivion. But he had driven his glider down the route a thousand times to pick up Saix and Tifa. At the thought of them, Roxas slowed down.
He remembered Saix in the emergency room, clutching his necklace and weeping. Roxas longed to assure him that everything was alright, but he didn't know how much time would be given to him. His friends had each other; Kairi was alone. The night sky was just starting to fade into dawn when he arrived at her house. Two rectangles of light glimmered softly in the west wing. Aqua must have been working in her office. Roxas went around back and found the office's French doors thrown open to the cool night air. Aqua was at her desk, deep in thought. Roxas slipped in unseen. He saw that Aqua's briefcase was open and papers with the college insignia were scattered about. But the document she had been reading was a police report. Roxas realized with a jolt that it was the official report on the heartless battle. Next to it was the newspaper article about it.
The printed words should have made his fading and death more real to him, but they didn't. Instead, they made things that once counted-his appearance, his swimming record, his school achievments, his rank in the Organization-seem meaningless and small. Only Kairi was important to him now. She had to know he loved her, and that he always would. He left Aqua to pore over the report, though he didn't understant why she would be so interested in it, and took the back stairs. Slipping past Riku's room, which was above the office, he crossed the gallery to the hall that led to Kairi's room. He could hardly wait to see her, hardly wait for her to see him. He trembled as he had done before their first swimming lesson. Would they be able to speak to each other?
If anyone could see and hear him, Kairi could-her faith was strong! Roxas focused on her room and passed through the wall. Cupcake sat up immediately. He had been sleeping on Kairi's bed, his thick black hide curled close to Kairi's rose colored head. Now the heartless blinked and stared at Roxas, or at the empty air-after all, heartless did that, he thought. But when he moved toward the other side of Kairi's bed, Cupcake's yellow eyes followed him. "Cupcake, what do you see, Cupcake?" he asked quietly. The heartless began to purr, and he laughed. He stood by Kairi's side now. Her hair was tumbled over her face. He tried to brush it back. More than anything he longed to see her face, but his hands were useless. "I wish you could help me, Cupcake," he said. The heartless walked over the pillows toward him.
Roxas kept very still, wondering what exactly Cupcake perceived. The heartless leaned as if he would rub against his arm. He fell over sideways and yelped. Kairi stirred then, and Roxas called her name softly. Kairi rolled onto her back and he thought she was going to answer him. Her face was a lost moon, beautiful, yet pale. All of her light lay in the beautiful long lashes, and rose hair spread out like rays from her face. Kairi frowned. He wanted to smooth the frown away but couldn't. She began to toss and turn. "Who's there?" she asked. "Who's there?" He leaned over her. "It's me, Roxas." "Who's there?" she asked again. "Roxas!" Her frown deepened. "I can't see." He laid his hand on her shoulder, wishing she would awaken, certain that she would see him and hear him. "Kairi, look at me! I'm here!"
Her eyes fluttered open for a moment. Then he saw the change in her face. He saw the terror take over her. She began to scream. "Kairi!" She screamed and screamed. "Kairi, don't be afraid." He tried to hold her. He wrapped his arms around her, but their bodies slipped through each other. He could not comfort her. Then the bedroom door flew open. Sora rushed in. Riku was close behind him. "Wake up, Kairi, wake up!" Sora shook her. "Come on, Kairi, please." Her eyes opened wide now. She gazed at Sora, then glanced around the room. She did not pause at Roxas; she looked straight through him. Riku rested his hands lightly on Sora's shoulders and moved him aside. He sat down on the bed, then pulled Kairi close to him. Roxas could see that she was shaking.
"Everything is going to be all right," Riku said, smoothing back her hair. "It was just a dream." A terrifying dream, thought Roxas. And he couldn't help her, couldn't comfort her now. But Riku could. Roxas was overcome with jealousy. He couldn't stand to see Riku holding her that close. And yet he couldn't stand to see Kairi so frightened and upset. Gratitude to Riku, as powerful as his jealousy, swept through him. Then jealousy again. Roxas felt weak from this war of feelings and backed away from the three of them, moving toward Kairi's shelf of angels. Cupcake followed him cautiously. "Was your dream about the battle?" Sora asked. Kairi nodded, then dropped her head, tears spilling out of her ocean blue hues, as she ran her hands over and over the twisted sheets.
"You want to talk about it?" Riku asked. Kairi tried to speak, then shook her head and turned one hand over, palm up. Roxas saw the jagged scars running up her arm like the traces of lightning strikes. For a moment the darkness came up from behind him, but he fought it back. "I'm here. Everything's okay," Riku said, and waited patiently. "I-Iwas staring at Roxas," she began. "I saw a huge shadow, but I wasn't sure who, or what it was. 'Who's there?' I called out. 'Who's there?' " From across the room, Roxas watched, her pain and fear pressing upon him. "I-I didn't know until I looked up, that it was Darkside," she continued. "Then I saw a light. . ." She looked down. "The light that Roxas used to save me. The one that took him away from me! Then. . .I couldn't see." She stopped and glanced around the bedroom.
"You couldn't see," prompted Riku. "The heartless had knocked me out. . .everything was black. I could feel myself bleeding as I awoke, blinded by the light of the ambulance, and . . ." She looked down. "Roxas was gone." She fell silent. Riku cupped her chin in his hand and pulled it up toward him, gazing deeply into her eyes. From across the room, Roxas called to her. "Kairi! Kairi, look at me," he begged. But she looked back at Riku, her mouth quivering. "Is that the end of the dream?" Riku asked. She nodded. With the back of his hand he gently stroked her cheek. Roxas wanted her to be comforted but- "You don't remember anything else?" Riku said. Kairi shook her head. "Open your eyes, Kairi! Look at me!" Roxas called to her.
Then he noticed Sora, who was staring at the angel collection-or perhaps at him; he wasn't sure. Roxas put his hand around the statue of the water angel. If only he could find a way to give it to Kairi. If he could some sign- "Come here, Sora," Roxas said. "Come get the statue. Carry it to Kairi." Sora walked toward the shelves as if drawn by a magnet. Reaching up, he put his hand over Roxas's. "Look!" Sora cried. "Look!" "At what?" asked Kairi. "Your angel. It's glowing." "Sora, not now," said Riku. Sora took the angel down from the shelf and carried it over to her. "Do you want her by your bed, Kairi?" "No." "Maybe she'll keep away the bad dreams," he persisted. "It's just a statue. . ." she said wearily. "But we can say our prayer, and the real angel will hear it."
"There are no real angels, Sora! Don't you understand?" She started to tear up, her voice breaking. "If there were, they would have saved Roxas!" Sora fingered the wings of the statue. He said in a stubborn, little voice, "Angel of light, angel above, take care of me tonight, take care of everyone I love." "Tell her I'm here, Sora," Roxas said. "Tell her I'm here." "Look, Kairi!" Sora pointed toward the statues, where Roxas stood. "They're shining!" "That's enough, Sora!" Riku said sternly. "Go to bed." "But-" "Now!" When Sora passed by, Roxas held out his hand, but the little boy did not reach back to him. He stared with wonder, not recognition. What did Sora see? Roxas wondered. Maybe he saw what the old woman had seen: light, some kind of shimmering, but not a shape. Then he felt the darkness coming on once more. Roxas fought it. He wanted to stay with Kairi. He could not stand to lose her now. He could not stand to leave her before Riku did.
What if this was his last time with her? What if he was losing Kairi forever? He struggled desperately to keep back the darkness, but it was rising on all sides now, like a black mist, before him, behind him, closing over his head, and he succumbed.