"Where is she? Where is she?" Spot said as she ran through the fields of Dearly Farm.
"Hey! Hold up, will ya!" Rolly called after her as he started to fall behind.
"Where is who?" Lucky said as he poked his head out of one of the haystacks.
"Cadpig!" Spot said.
"She could be anywhere," Lucky said. "Why do you need her?"
"Haven't you heard?" Rolly said.
"No, I've been on the run from Dumpling all day."
"It's about time for this year's wrestling match," Spot said, "and Vendella has decided to cash in her wrestling rematch clause this afternoon!"
"She can't do that!" Lucky yelled. "We didn't even get a chance to prepare!"
"She can do whatever she wants. You know the rules."
"I know, but it's still unfair. If only I could show her a thing or two…"
"But, you know, Cadpig has to do it," Rolly said.
Lucky slapped his forehead with his paw. "I forgot! She'll never agree to it! No point in even trying to find her. We might as well just give up."
"What?" Spot said. "Am I really hearing Lucky saying he wants to give up? You never give up!"
"I don't like it," Lucky said, "but I've got bigger problems to worry about."
"Like what?"
"Oh, Lucky, where are you? I'm ready for my valentine," Dumpling called out as she came bounding up.
"Like that," Lucky said before disappearing back into the haystack.
Cadpig and Jake were now sitting down in a sidewalk café, one of those ramshackle affairs which dogs were occasionally to set up in deserted alleyways. The air was soft and sweet and the day seemed perfect. The two just sat across the table from one another staring dreamily into each other's eyes.
"This has got to be one of the most romantic spots in town," Cadpig said. "And to think, the Flea Bite only recently opened up a branch in Grutely."
Meanwhile, at another table, sat two ruffians. "You comin' to the big fight, today?" said one to the other.
"Where's it at?" replied his companion.
"Down at that old Smedley place. Vendella wants me to stan' guard and prevent those Dalmatian runts from pullin' a fast one."
"Sure, why not? You know I'm always lookin' for a good fight!" The dog pounded one paw into the other.
The first canine ruffian smiled evilly and nodded in appreciation. "We're gonna show 'em, all right!'
Hearing this, Cadpig was filled with anger. "How dare you," she said as she jumped atop her table, "come in here on Valentine's Day and talk about that bloodsport!" She then pounced upon them both with great ferocity and soon enough they were both sent flying across the alleyway.
"That'll teach you to fight on Valentine's Day!" Cadpig said as she wiped her hands on the remains of their tablecloth (the table was shattered). Jake looked on in amazement as Cadpig walked over and sat back down in her chair.
An Irish setter now walked up to them. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you two to leave," she said.
Cadpig and Jake walked up to the Cruellaplex. As usual, Jasper stood guarding the entryway.
"How are we going to get past him?" Jake asked.
"Watch and learn," Cadpig responded. Seeing a piece of half-eaten corn dog laying on the ground, she picked it up and began walking toward Jasper. She turned back briefly to signal Jake to follow her.
Jasper, seeing the dogs, stopped them and said "You know the rules. Get your food inside or don't get any food at all!" He then took the corn dog.
Cadpig looked back at Jake. "Rules are rules," she said with a wink. She then pretended to be heartbroken, her eyes downcast and her ears dragging along the ground as she lowered her head in sorrow. Jasper waved the two through. He then spoke into his walkie-talkie, "Caught another mutt trying to sneak food in, Horace. I made sure that they went in without it!"
"Gee, that's the third one today," said Horace on the other end. "We'll be sure to get a pay-raise for sure!"
"I know, just think of what we'll do with actual money!"
"You see, nothing to it," Cadpig said to Jake as she once again became her happy self. Jake smiled, appreciating her ingenuity. They walked into one of the theaters after Cadpig found a title which caught her eye.
They took two deserted seats and waited for the movie to start. As is customary, several previews played first.
"These things are getting longer every day," Jake said.
"At least the movie should be good," Cadpig said. "It's supposed to be the number-one romantic comedy of the year."
Then, there suddenly appeared upon the screen the figure of a man. He was short and rotund, this man, but he projected a presence that was unfathomably large. His face and chest were covered by an impressively gigantic beard of which no attempt had yet been made to keep clean or untangled. And strewn throughout this strange forest of facial hair was a gaudy mane of obviously fake jewelry, so bright that it seemed to obscure the dusty sports jacket he wore underneath. Upon his head was a large black top-hat which seemed to make him much taller than he actually was. Upon the brim was perched a strange buffalo skull through which stretched a number of worn-down chicken feathers. With its wearer's every movement, the skull seemed to come closer to crashing to the ground, yet by some miracle it never fell. His eyes were hidden from view by large dark sunglasses but even these glasses could not disguise his sharp and penetrating gaze, his proud and lofty countenance. Whatever else might have been said about him, it was obvious that this was a man of great authority and purpose.
"Come down today," he said, as though he was commanding a multitude, "to Tommy Bison's Wrestling Emporium!"
"Wrestling… Emporium?" Cadpig said with anger and disgust.
"Calm down, Cadpig," Jake said. "It's just a commercial."
"That's right," Tommy Bison continued. "I am Grutely's only official-ish professional wrestling promoter/instructor and I want you to come down to take a gander at some of my shows and maybe even become a wrestler you-self!"
Without warning, Tommy Bison grabbed the camera and ran with it at breakneck speed into his wrestling facility itself, further threatening his strange head ornament. There were barely any lights in the place and it seemed to consist entirely of a small grey room wherein was set up some sort of home-made ring, one which looked worse than what the dogs had set up at Dearly Farm.
"Just see how popular my show is!" Tom said as he waved the camera at the spectators who seemed to pack the little room from one end to another.
"At least he brings in an audience," said Jake as he watched this.
But then, Tom brought the camera closer to the audience and it became clear in the camera-light that, instead of bringing in actual people, he had merely painted his audience on the walls.
"Spoke to soon," Cadpig said in disbelief.
"Why attractify those spectator-like people when you can just paint 'em on the walls, I always say!" Tom interjected, as though proud of this piece of home-spun wisdom. "It don't cost nearly nothing, 'cept the paint!"
Tom now climbed into the ring itself, where two men were about to begin a match.
"Yes, I am owner of the largest and most beloved wrestling promotion in North America, the world, Singapore, and several other planets of this here solar system!" said Tom. "Just see for you-self the prowess of my superstars."
He then pointed at the pair of wrestlers, who began to slug each other. Except that each missed the other by a large margin. After this continued for some time, Tommy Bison stamped his foot. The wrestlers, turning toward him, recognized his wrath and knew that it was something they wanted to avoid. So, each man made good their lack of dramatic training as both acted as though they had been stabbed by some invisible knife. After wailing and moaning, both fell to the ground, pretending to be dead – each going into violent spasms to heighten the effect. After they had laid silent for a minute, both got up and began to throw punches (and always miss) again.
Tom beamed with pride as he watched them. "Yes, Vince McMahon fears me!" he said. "Ever since I come around, he's stuck with the number two wrestling empire."
And then, walking back toward the wall, Tommy Bison produced a rubber tomahawk out of nowhere. "So come on down to Tommy Bison's Wrestling Emporium today! It's the best darn time you can have this side of Mars!" To emphasize his point, the man let out a thunderous rebel yell and banged his rubber tomahawk against the wall. For a moment, nothing, but then a rumbling. And the whole facility soon fell down atop him, burying the camera and sending everything into darkness.
And then, a moment later, light, as Tommy Bison pushed both his head (buffalo skull still atop it) and the camera out of the rubble. "We'll fix that!" he said with a smile as the vignette ended.
"That's it!" Cadpig said. "We're leaving!"
"But–" Jake began, but Cadpig grabbed him and dragged him out of the theater. Though the movie was just beginning, Cadpig had lost all desire to see a film.
Cadpig dragged Jake out past Jasper. "What? Too good for theater food?" he said. Cadpig took a moment to pounce on his foot, causing him to jump around in agony. Smiling maliciously, she walked off. Thinking it best not to be around when Jasper recovered, Jake quickly followed.
Cadpig and Jake walked along a small sandy area at the river's edge.
"This is so romantic," Cadpig said. "A relaxing walk on a quiet beach."
"Or what passes for it in Grutely," Jake said, eyeing a few empty soda-cans which had just washed up on shore.
They soon came up to a park bench and jumped up on it. Jake and Cadpig curled up together and silently watched the waves crash upon the sands. It was peaceful and serene. The perfect romantic view. This was not to last. A noisy plane flew overhead. Looking up, Jake and Cadpig saw that it was carrying a banner proclaiming, "Come on down to Tommy Bison's Wrestling Emporium today!"
"Tommy Bison is going to pay for this," Cadpig remarked as her eyes burned in anger.
"Don't worry, Caddy," Jake said, patting her back. "It'll be gone in a moment."
No sooner were these words spoken than another bombastic plane entered the scene with another banner, this one reading; "Tommy Bison wants you! To wrestle for his promotion!"
Cadpig let out a yell of frustration and jumped off the bench without another word. Jake followed her as she stomped away from the beach as quickly as she could.
Cadpig and Jake's date isn't working out too well. But what consequence will this have for Dearly Farm, whose time is almost up? Is there going to be a defending champion or is there even going to be a fight at all? And can anybody untangle this terrible knot of love, wrestling, and talking animals? It all comes to a head next time in "The Ultimate Dearly Farm Grudge Match"!