Tee Time
Chapter 2
"Si, senor?" I had gone with a Spaniard, just to mess with him. "What?" he snapped. Even more of a prat than usual, it seemed. "Que tal, senor?" I held up my hands in a gesture of surrender, just to confuse him even more. "Bartimaeus, I know that you speak English. Knock it off." He demanded. "No me comprende, senor. Yo soy de Espana." I explained. "Fine. You force me to do this." He declared in a threatening tone. "Que?" I asked, appearing close to panic. In fact, I knew he was just about to command me to respond in English. "Very well." He twisted his hand in a gesture and began the first syllables of the Essence Lance. Not a command at all. "All right, all right, lay off." I submitted. "Much too late for that, Bartimaeus." He responded gleefully, and then continued. "No cheek for the next three commands, and you don't blast me." I suggested. "Fine. I'll hold you to that. Do you know how to play golf?" He inquired quite suddenly. "That game with the clubs? You clobber the white ball? Yeah, what about it?" I replied. "I need you to go to a golf social in my semblance." He commanded quite solemnly. "Somebody skipping out? Don't tell me you've got a girl!" I gasped, seemingly realizing something, and then continuing, "Or a guy?" He immediately began sputtering and protesting "How dare you- no, I would never- Aggh! Of course not!" He buried his face in his hands. "Now, Natty, do I need to explain this to you?" I took on a fatherly tone. His head flew up, fear in his eyes. "NO! YOU MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT!" he shrieked. "Now, some confusion is just a part of adolescence. You see, there will be some changes going on, such as-"I began in an explanatory tone, but he cut me off, gabbling "I command you to immediately attend the golf social at noon in my semblance and impersonate my personality! NOW!" He started mumbling incoherently. The infamous fishhooks of my command didn't appear. Immediately and at noon. A contradiction. Renders his command pretty much irrelevant. But I would play along, act like a perfect little djinni, until I could cause some serious problems. Us two might bicker like a married couple, but we were far from love. I hope. I seriously hope we aren't in love. That would be very, terribly bad. Pretending I never thought of that, I wouldn't have him killed; I would just give him an interesting reputation. Might make him flirt with the wrong people, maybe even a guy. That would be fun. "Accidentally" clubbing Jane Farrar upside the head with a driver could have possibilities. Cussing frequently was a must. I could be indecent! Short shorts, oh the possibilities are endless! Natty interrupted my reverie by giving me another command. "Oh yes, and I'm going to summon Queezle to 'guard' you. I promised Jane Farrar that I would summon a middling djinni to guard myself. It was going to be you, but then I realized I don't know how to play golf and… you know." He ended lamely. A slight smile lit up my features for a split second, and then it was gone. "So long, Natty boy. And if you need me to, er, explain anything, just call." I waved, and disappeared to plot.
Hello! It's me! That guy that you hate because he writes terribly! Do you like the Bart-Nat relationship? No, it isn't romance. That's kinda weird. BartxPtolemy makes sense, it says that Bart loved Ptolemy, but he and Nat had a fairly conventional master-slave relationship. I noticed that even though Nat's an adolescent, Stroud never talked about him going through the challenges everyone else faces, so I gave Bart a fatherly role. Tee hee.
Reader: No, I won't review, because I'm a troll!
Raudhr Blodhgarm: You think reviewing is no big deal, but it is, you troll! When I was just a reader, and didn't write, I didn't always review because I thought they didn't really check, but they do! I check every day! And every day, I'm disappointed.
Reader: All right, fine.
Raudhr Blodhgarm: Thank you. I love you. Just kidding.