Amy sat on her rocker, her quilt pulled tight around her and the fire blazing in the fireplace. It seemed that no matter what she did, she couldn't fight off the chill that she felt in her bones. Logically, she knew it was coming from within, because she couldn't detect a chill in the air, but she just couldn't deal with getting up and making a cup of coffee.
She stared blankly ahead, trying to regulate her breathing and figure out what to do. She knew she was safe for a while, her address was protected and there was no way Mara's father would be able to figure out her real address, it was strictly confidential and well guarded. And yet, Brendan's announcement had set her heart racing and no matter what she did, she couldn't bring it back to normal patterns.
She thought of Mara sleeping upstairs and remembered the pain and suffering the little girl had gone through at the hands of her "father," Daniel. Her lips twisted in a facsimile of a smile.
"God is my judge, indeed" she murmured, her fingers tightening in her lap as his face appeared in her mind's eye. The dark eyes and the florid complexion, and the big, beefy build of his body, the way that he carried an air of violence and cruelty around with him, everything about him made Amy cold to the core.
Amy didn't think of him as her father any longer, in her mind he gave up that right as soon as he had laid a hand on little Mara. However, she knew that he still thought of himself as Mara's father and as such she knew he believed he had the right to Mara. And to a man such as Daniel, that meant the right to do whatever he wished and whenever he wished it, he was that much of a selfish and egocentric man who had little to no empathy for others, including his own child.
Mara had never talked about what happened between her and her father. Even when Amy had taken her away from the city and the two of them had been together, alone and safe, away from prying eyes and city noise, Mara still hadn't shared anything about the pain she went through in her short, heartbreaking life.
Besides, Amy had seen Mara's bruising and reviewed the notes from the hospital when Mara had been picked up. She knew all she needed to know about Mara's past.
Amy sighed and stretched, arching and throwing her head back. Maybe she and Mara should go back to that quiet little spot. It was always peaceful and beautiful, and the only ones who knew of it were a handful of people at work, and Amy trusted them with her life. They would never reveal the location of that little house, even under torture. Amy was sure of it.
She shook her head and laughed as she stood up. "I must be getting paranoid in my old age," she muttered to herself as she padded through her house, turning off the lights as she went. She and Mara were safe in the city, there was no need to up and leave to some remote location. Just because Daniel had managed to trick everyone in the judicial system didn't mean that he would be able to find the location of her home and track them down.
She couldn't believe that he had been let free, after what he had done to Mara. She knew he had money and connections, and she knew that the world worked on money and connections, but she couldn't help but feel let down by the society she was in, a society which allowed such blatant use of money and power. It was at times like these that she wondered whether she really should retire, and move onto something else in her life. Something that wasn't so frustrating and shattering.
Amy tiptoed into Mara's room and quietly approached the bed. Mara had always slept on her side, rolled up into a tiny ball, often referred to as the fetal position. Recently, however, Amy had noticed that Mara began to sleep on her back, with her arms extended outwards, palms up. A position which was defenceless and perfect for a little girl of 5 years old, and which made Amy thrill in her heart, knowing that Mara was starting to feel safe and secure in her surroundings. It was in this way that Amy found Mara sleeping now, her arms and legs stretched out as far as they would go. Bathed in the warm glow of her nightlight, Amy could see a faint smile on Mara's little face, and Amy almost felt her heart expand in her chest as her eyes filled with tears.
She knelt next to Mara and softly kissed her cheek, and nuzzled her hair. "I'll never let anything happen to you, little one" she whispered, her voice soft but fierce with determination. "Never again."
The next day Amy sat at her desk, nursing a huge cup of coffee as she stared at the paperwork in front of her. Set free. He had been set free. He had demonstrated "a powerful regret for the pain he had caused, as well as knowledge of the moral and ethical faults of his actions.." blah blah blah.
Amy rolled her eyes and physically refrained from tearing the paperwork to shreds with her teeth. She was Brendan strolling towards her and she smiled at him, knowing she must look like hell and that Brendan would probably comment on it without compunction.
"You look like shit," Brendan said flatly, his mouth drawn tight with disapproval and a hint of something else Amy couldn't place.
She shot him a death look and chucked a pen at his head which he nonchalantly ducked.
"It's all your fault," Amy grumbled as she rearranged the papers to put back into the filing system. "You with your crappy timing and your crappy news, you made me stay up all night!"
She finished organizing the folder and sat down in a huff. She looked up at Brendan through her lashes, and suddenly her filled with tears. With the dark smudges of a sleepless night under her eyes and her skin paler than ever, she looked as fragile and soft as a moonflower.
Brendan, watching her, had to clench and unclench his fists to prevent reaching out to her and holding her against himself. He knew that Amy wouldn't think anything of it but it would still add fuel to the already rampant speculations of the relationship which he and Amy shared.
"Why don't you go home," he said instead, chucking her under the chin. "Read a good book, get some sleep?"
Amy smiled at him, pushing her tears away and tossing her gleaming hair over her shoulders, her mouth firming. "No," she said. "I have to pick up Mara from school today and take her to see the Riley's, remember? I told her I would introduce them today, and she was very excited about it. I can't take that away from her."
She attempted to smile at Brendan, though it felt as if her face was going to crack in two.
"I'm fine, really!" She chirped brightly while beaming at him, as he stared at her dubiously. "I'm just going to try to be strong and not worry about it, worrying doesn't get us anywhere anyway, right?"
Brendan nodded his head slowly, while still looking dubious, and the effect was so comical that Amy felt a bubble of laughter escape her, and her chest loosened a tiny bit.
She circled around her office, and pulled Brendan in for a hug. "I'm fine!" she said, her voice firm with conviction. "I have to stop acting like such a weak, fragile female all the time. And you shouldn't encourage me to be so vulnerable!"
"You always want me to depend on you or to let you handle things; you don't want me to be a strong, powerful woman in my own right..." Amy kept up the steady stream of complaints, most of which Brendan had been hearing since their first year of university together, as she gently but firmly manoeuvred him out the door and shooed him off to his own duties.
A few hours later Amy stood outside of Mara's school, leaning against a tree and watching the front doors, waiting for that moment when Mara would come racing through the doors and, upon seeing her, run towards her, crying out with glee. Amy had gone home and quickly changed into more comfortable clothing, and was now wearing a simple cream silk blouse, jeans, and a pair of beige pumps. The suits and power skirts she had to wear for work were stifling and made her feel uncomfortable.
Amy heard the shrill of the school bell and the school doors burst open almost immediately. Amy straightened up and narrowed her eyes against the sun, scanning the sea of children for the familiar mop of shaggy brown hair and dark eyes she had become so accustomed to.
"Ah-mee," she heard a second before spotting Mara, her little feet pumping as she tried to reach Amy as swiftly as possible, and Amy felt her heart give a little in her chest.
She kneeled down just as Mara reached her and almost toppled her over.
"Mara!" She gasped, trying to regain her balance. "Slow down, honey. Easy." She looked into Mara's smiling, laughing face and she suddenly knew. She knew she was a horrible person and a weak person too, and she had probably known all along that she would do this but just hadn't allowed it to come to her conscious mind.
"Ah-mee, I got a star on my homework and Miss Luna said I'm getting mush better at weading and we're gonna go to a play nexsht week.." Mara prattled on and on about school and classes, and Amy watched her, smiling and exclaiming at the appropriate intervals, content to just listen to her chatter.
"Would you like to go get some icecream, Mara?"Amy asked her once she was able to get a word in, edgewise. "We could get some really cold gelato, and you can tell me all about this play you're going to!"
"Yay!" Mara squealed and jumped up right away. "Lethgo go go!"
And with an indulgent smile, Amy allowed herself to be dragged away from school, feeling equal parts of relief and guilt because her decision had been made, and whether it was right or wrong didn't matter to her anymore.
Hey, everyone. Just a couple of author's notes to add. I know it's been over 2 years since I've written aaanything, and during that time I haven't had the chance to read many novels either so my writing may be a bit choppy at first, so please bear with me. Also, i know in the first chapter Mara was just a child, but I decided to make her a bit older. A bit more aware of what's going on around her, and I think that's the only change I've made? I'm not too sure at the moment haha. I may change the rating on this to MA soon, I'm not sure yet. Please let me know what you think! And thank you for reading =)