Your name is Karkat and you just bust open the door of your apartment.
Sollux was there and for some reason so was Gamzee.
"Hey...Gamzee. What're you doing here? I sort of specifically told Sollux I was coming and I had hoped we could talk alone." You said.
"Weeell. I won't be too much of a bother. An' if it's so damn impor'ant...why can't you let a bro know?"
"UGGGGGH. FINE. Stay if you really want to hear about my boy drama this badly." You answered, flopping into the comfiest chair in the room.
"Tho what wath thith about meeting a cute guy?" Sollux pipes up.
"I NEVER SAID HE WAS CUTE-" you start.
"Oh yeah? Then why did you thtay at hith houthe and come in here bluthing like a thchool girl?" Sollux interrupts, smirking.
"I AM NOT BLUSHING!" You argue.
"Yeah you are best friend. Your cheeks are all rosy and shit." Gamzee replies, smiling.
"WELL... WHAT IF I JUST RAN HOME, HUH? THAT'S AN OPTION! SINCE WHEN WAS IT NOT AN OPTION?" You reply.
"You're being awful defenthive for a boy who'th 'not cute'." Sollux points out.
"WHATEVER! Uggggh. Moving on from that point of insanity. His name is Dave. He's got platinum blonde hair, ruby red eyes, he's got a Texan accent... and he's a bit of a smarty asshole." You describe quickly.
"Thoundth like jutht your kind of guy. How old ith he? Where'th hith houthe? How nithe ith hith athth?" Sollux shoots out the questions.
"I don't know his age. His apartment is about a quarter mile down the road. And his ass is... fairly decent." You answer.
"Well damn. Why don't we go pay a motherfucker a visit? Sounds like the guy I'd want to meet." Gamzee asks.
"I get home a minute ago and you want me to go right back again? Jesus! Just let me shower and change and grab my bearings with my tumblr." You say, storming off.
"Nobody careth about your thtupid rom-com review thite!" Sollux shouts.
"I DO!" You say, slamming the door shut.
In ten minutes you are out of the bathroom, having voided your bowels and showered.
You go to your room and Gamzee follows you. You don't object, because even though he's a stupid stoner juggalo, he's a stupid stoner juggalo with fairly descent fashion sense.
"Red or black?" you ask, holding up two button-down linen shirts.
"Red. You're wearing black pants dude!" He replies.
"White or black underneath?" You ask.
"White. It'll stand out real nice." He says, nodding his head.
After you're all dressed, it's only been an hour, so you go check up on your internet and tumblr.
"A new follower... oh my god FUCK YOU SOLLUX!"
"Why?" He replies a tad curious and/or annoyed.
"I GOT A NEW FOLLOWER! PEOPLE DO CARE ABOUT MY ROM-COM REVIEW SITE! TAKE THAT YOU DINK-ASS-DUNDER-BITCH!" You shout.
"Uhunh. Great for you, KK." He sighs, returning to his game.
It's around 2:30 when you finally feel comfortable in calling him to hang out.
You dial what is on the business card, Sollux chuckling at it for how ridiculous it is, and you wait for the ring.
"I don't know this number, so I'm guessing this must be shorty?" Dave starts, Texan accent hidden much better now. Almost not noticeable.
"STOP. CALLING. ME. SHORTY!" You say.
"Fine, fine. So shorty. Want to just chat all formal like a symphony, or do you want to hang out."
'He takes directions real well, doesn't he' you think.
"Well my friends are forcing me to have you meet them. It would be much appreciated if you weren't a moron in front of them. We'll stop by and then we can go do something or some shit if you want." You lay out.
He chuckles really softly, and you can tell he's smirking.
"Sounds like a plan shorty." He says.
"STOP CALLING ME THA-!"
"See you." He hangs up.
You hear chortling behind you.
"What!" You bark.
"Thhorty? He really ith a thmarty aththhole." Sollux chuckles.
"Shorty? Sounds like a real fitting name for you." Gamzee says, though he must think he's complimenting you.
"WHATEVER! Let's go to his apartment." You say, storming out and down the street.
Twenty minutes later, Dave opens his apartment door.
"Hey shorty." He smiles. He sees Sollux and Gamzee, eyes freezing on Gamzee.
"Fuck... you weren't kidding. This is the guy." He says.
"I'm the guy what? What's he talkin' about, bro?" Gamzee asks.
"Come inside. If there's yelling I want to be less of a dick towards my neighbors."
"Basically, this guy's sister is the one who wooed John away from you." You say when everyone's settled in.
Gamzee's face doesn't seem to change for a minute, but then he gets a look of rage and turns towards Dave.
"IS THAT RIGHT? WELL MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE DAVE AWAY FROM HIS SISTER TO SEE HOW SHE LIKES THINGS SHE LOVES BEING TAKEN AWAY FROM HER!" He says, grabbing at Dave's collar.
Dave punches him and ends up smudging his make-up.
"Dude. What." He grunts, flattening out his shirt.
"I...don't know. You got beer?"
"Yup. Here y'are." Dave said, handing Gamzee a Sam Adams.
He takes a swig while Sollux looks at you.
"Tho. Did you two fuck or thomething? KK doethn't normally follow back on people who he meetht at barth." Sollux suggests.
You send him a glare made of fire, but Dave smirks.
"Nah. Shorty looked too mad last night. Mad at pretty much everything, I guess. He slept in my bed and I slept on the couch."
"That tho? Hmmm." Sollux smirks.
"What do you mean 'hmmm'?" You asked.
"Nothing KK. Theethh. Calm your titth."
"Jumpy there, are you shorty? Well. Anyone wanna watch something? Order a pizza? Or shall we go out to dinner. Olive Garden sound good?" Dave asks.
"A pizza's fine. STOP CALLING ME SHO-"
"Exthra large with everything on it if it ithn't too much trouble." Sollux cut you off.
"Sure thing. Olive Garden's tacky anyway."
A half hour and a scared shitless pizza delivery later (you TOLD Gamzee that random delivery people don't like it when you tackle-hug them for delivering pizza in 'the most miraculous way') the four of you were sitting on the couch eating the most ridiculous pizza ever that was tasty in the most magnificent way.
"This pizza tastes like shit." You said aloud as you watched the screen absentmindedly.
"Jeez, if you like it so much why don't you marry it." Dave said, deadpan. This was probably the first person you had ever met who got a smirk out of you for retaliating your idiocy.
"Welp. Gamthee and I are probably gonna head back tho you two can make out. Thee you later KK. Come on Gamthee." Sollux said, getting up and brushing himself off.
"Sure thing motherfucka. I was thinkin' it too. Ain't that awesome?"
"Thure... Gamthee... what ever you thay." Sollux muttered, rolling his eyes as he left the apartment.
"So. Does making out actually want to be a thing you want to do?" Dave asked, winking at you.
"AAGH! WHAT? NO! NOT WITH YOU! I MEAN, ER, YOU MIGHT BE NICE TO KISS, BUT. NEVER MIND ACTUALLY. I'M LEAVING!" You spluttered, not able to actually have anything make sense.
You headed towards the door, red in the face.
You opened the door a few inches, when you felt it slam shut.
"You sure? These lips don't save themselves for just anyone, shorty." Dave said, face quite close to yours.
Your eyes widened and you could feel your breathing pick up.
You felt heat somewhere else, and you looked down and OH GOD WHAT NO WHY HOW WHEN WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING TO YOU?
He chuckled, soft and light.
"Happy to see me?" He said.
"N-no! J-just, er... you're just too close is allmmmmmphh!" You started, being cut off with those lips on yours.
They were soft, but also heavy.
He pinned you against the door, using his hips to his advantage.
He breathed out hard through his nose, smiling into the impromptu make-out session.
Against your will, you moaned into the kiss.
You could feel his arm coming closer to you, when your brain finally caught up and shoved him away.
You fled the apartment, the only thing your brain could process being 'WHAT IN ALL THE BURNING HELLS JUST HAPPENED?'
It wasn't until after you got back to your apartment, and Sollux and Gamzee chuckled in your direction, that you realized you had just run down the street with a raging boner.