Dance for Camera Chapter 3: Coffee Shop Break Down, a twilight fanfic

I know it's been an incredibly long time. I had major writers block.

But moving on.

This is my first Fanfiction so I apologize for any errors, awkward sentences, weird lines of dialog or anything else I could have done wrong.

BPOV

It was weird walking next to Edward, such close proximity. We'd never been that close before.

I didn't speak the whole way here, I didn't want him to believe that this was okay in any way, shape, or form. I kept my head high, looked straight ahead, and kept my distance. When we got to the cafe, he opened the door for me and I almost rolled my eyes at his chivalrous attempt, but I didn't say anything.

"What can I get for you, miss?" The man at the counter asks me, smiling. He's kind of cute, redhead, freckles. Geeky looking, but adorable.

I smile back because I'm not always upset. Only around him.

"Green tea frappuccino, please."

"Of course. That'll be $3.25. May I have a name?"

I reach into my purse to get my wallet.

"Bella." I say.

"Bella." He repeats as he writes it on the cup, then takes the 5 dollar bill from my hand. "That will be coming up shortly, Bella."

"Thank you." I take my change, and walk over to the side. I look around the cafe and see him sitting there, looking at me. He quickly looks away.
I sigh, because he looks nervous.

Why am I even here, letting him talk to me? Why did I let Alice talk me into this?

I almost feel bad for him - looking all jittery, fingers running through his hair - but then I remember everything that went on between us and I can't feel bad anymore.
I'm not usually one to hold grudges, but he doesn't understand the weight of his actions. And he never apologized. He just yelled at me. Though I never gave him much of a chance to apologize on that day, he could have come up to me a week later. I might have heard him out. Maybe.
But it's too late now. It's too far gone. I doubt he's sorry. And if he is, he's never going to admit that.

"Bella?" The lady who made my drink calls.

I smile and wave, taking my drink off of the counter.

"Thank you."

I walk over to get napkins, even though I don't need them. I'm stalling, I know it.
The worst part about this situation is, even though looking at Edward makes my blood boil, even though he made my life hell for a months, even though he's going to our school undeservingly - I find him incredibly sexy - and, when his hard eyes falter, he doesn't seem like such a bad guy. Maybe he's just like me? Not acting like himself around me because he feels he has to put up a fron.

I think that's why I let Alice talk me into coming.

But he still never apologized.

In all honesty, I don't know if I could handle it if he did. The situation was emotionally dead a long time ago. After I dealt with my dance instructor, the shame, the guilt, and the loss of a relationship that finally felt like it was repairing.

He'll never understand why what he did was so incredibly horrible.

He doesn't know about me, and my fucked up home life. All he sees is this art college version, the girl away from her parents. He's not there when I'm crying in bed at night.
I don't expect him to know these things. But fuck, he never apologized for the surface of the issue. For the burnt clothes, the lost money.

So fucking rude.

I take a deep breath, turn around, and walk over to him. I take the seat across from him and sip from my drink.

"You getting anything?" I ask, making him look up from the floor to me.

"Uh, no. No I'm good."

I shrug, and continue to drink. I refuse to make this conversation easy for him.

I don't know how long we've been sitting here with silence between us, but he finally sighs and looks up at me again.

"Bella?"

"What?"

"Bella, I..." He goes silent and it looks like he's struggling for words.

"I don't have all day." I snap, still upset about the thoughts I was having moments before.

"I don't know how to say start."

Goddamnit. This sounds like bad news.

Is he going to back out of the project?

"Neither do I, so figure it out." I move my eyes to my cup of green slush, and read the words on it for lack of a better thing to do.

"Bella, I'm sorry."

So he is backing out. Fucker.

But he sounds so...sad.

And I can feel my heart twist. "Bella, I know I don't deserve your sympathy or anything..."

No, no you don't. You chose to back out. No sympathy from me.

He runs his hands through his hair. "But I am really, really sorry."

Stop apologizing and be done with it!

"About what?" I ask. I sound so cold.

"About..." He looks like he can't even say it.

Oh my God, get it over with so I can leave.

I open my mouth to speak and say I'll find a new partner, but then he says.

"About that night. The night I...burned...everything. All the costumes."

Fuck.

His words trigger a full body reaction. Hearing him say it, actually saying he did it - it makes my heart beat twice as fast. Adrenaline shoots through my veins like rapid fire and I feel like crying.

He's never actually said he did it before.

Even while we were yelling at each other the day after it happened.

I can feel my body reacting uncontrollably.

This is not good.

"Shut up!" I can hear the water in my voice, and I wonder how distorted my face looks as I try to contain my emotions.

I can't handle this. I feel like I'm breaking down. I didn't see this coming.

"I don't want to hear your excuses." I spit at him. I really just want him to stop talking about it.

"I'm not trying to give you excuses!" His voice is pleading me.

Stop talking about it!

"Project things" he'd said. This is not project things.

"It was a huge mistake and I want to take full blame."

Oh my God.

"Stop it!"

"I do! I'm being serious! I deserve that!"

Don't you know what stop it means? Shut up!

The roles have switched, I feel like the weak one now.

I'm shaking my head, and every time my eyes pass over him, I see his pained expression. I don't know why I thought rattling my brain around would calm me down, because it does the opposite.

I can't handle this.

I shake my head faster. I feel like I'm spinning out of control.

Stop shaking your head stupid, get a grip!

Deja vu to the night it happened, deja vu to the morning after, deja vu to my collapsed form on our apartment floor.

I. Am not. Weak.

I don't know what's happening, but suddenly I'm on my feet, and the outside air is hitting my face. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself.

Fucking anxiety. Fucking broken girl.

I take a seat on the curb, and begin to breath.

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...

I can feel my pulse slowing, and all of a sudden my body feels too heavy.

"You left this."

I can't compute who's behind me until I look at him. He's got my purse in his hand.

I don't have the energy to be angry.

He takes my silence as acceptance as he sit on the curb next to me. I want to get up and walk, but I know I'll end up getting dizzy and collapsing.

I begin to wipe my eyes off with my hands, glad I didn't wear make up. I know my face is red as hell right now.

"I'm sorry...for that night and for now." He begins.

Goddamnit.

"I wish you'd stop talking about it."

"I know this sucks for both of us, but I need to get this out."
"How is that fair to me?" I finally turn to him. I'm angry now, and he can see that. He blows out a breath.

"I guess it isn't..."

"Well at least you're honest." I begin to stand up, but a strong hand catches my wrist.

"Please, Bella."

And there's that face again, the one that makes my heart twist. I sit back down.

"You say you want to apologize, but you don't even understand what you did."

You don't understand how fucked up my life was after that.
"I know what I did! I burned down an entire costume department. How could I not know?" he sounds like he thinks I'm stupid. Like it's so obvious.

"You don't know what those meant to me." I whipster out. I don't want him to hear my voice wavering. I can feel the air shift as it dawns on him that he's done more than he can comprehend.

His voice is softer now. "You're right, I don't."

His hand is still on my wrist and it's oddly comforting - it feels perfect in a way I've never experienced. But I pull away from him and hug myself. He can't know that I like anything that he does. He can't know that I think he might be an awesome guy if we weren't so hostile. And he especially can't know what goes on in my head or heart.

"You don't deserve to know." I choke out, remember everything that happened weeks afterwards.

And then I can feel the anxiety again, pulsing through my body. I hug myself tighter and press my face to my knees.
"Fuck." I say, but I comes out more like a sob.

He doesn't understand what he did. He doesn't understand, and even if I told him, I doubt he'd comprehend it. With his perfect rich family and loving siblings.

Those costumes were more than just costumes.

And I begin to cry, in the parking lot of a coffee shop, next to the only man I've let myself hate.

All of a sudden I feel a hand on my back, rubbing me, comforting me. And I don't know how to react. I look over at him, and I expect him to draw his hand away. But he doesn't. His eyes hold mine in a mixture of sympathy and resolve.
But resolve to do what?

I don't know, but in that moment, I feel too weak to put up a fight.

"Look, you don't have to tell me what's up with you. You're right about me not deserving to know. But I hope that we can try to reach some common ground where we're not yelling, or arguing, or...crying. Because...I think you deserve better than that. You don't deserve to hold this constant anger inside of you, because I know how draining that is. If we can accept the fact that I've fucked up beyond belief and that I'm tremendously sorry, then maybe we can be okay?"

I don't say anything. I don't know what to say. Because he's right, it is draining.
"Let's get you back to Alice then, okay?"

I feel him taking me by the arm and standing me up. He puts my purse on my shoulder and begins to walk me out of the parking lot.

"I can walk myself."

He looks so deflated, but backs away.
In reality, I knew I wouldn't be able to think straight if his perfectly comforting hands were on my back.

The whole way back up to the apartments, I struggle to grasp what shifted between us in the past 30 minutes. Maybe he's right about us needing to put this behind us. It's so unnecessary, our hostile relationship. We can be civil. Right?

Why should I spend my life with this over my head and in my heart. I've spent too long teaching myself to be a good person to let Edward & I's relationship ruin my progress.

Forgiving doesn't make you weak.

Nana always said that. And if anything, I should be living by her example - she's the only one who ever knew what was right in my life.

When we reach my door, I know my decision.

"Edward?" I look over at him, he's been avoiding looking at me since we left the parking lot.

He turns to look at me with a surprised expression. I don't think I've ever called him by name.

"Yeah?"

"Let's just start over, okay?"

His expression goes from confusion, to surprise, to complete joy. The smile he's sporting warms my belly up. I feel rewarded. I can feel myself blush, and I can't help but smile back. It feels nice to smile at him.

"Really?" he asks.

"Really." I answer.

"Oh my God, thank you! You won't regret this! I promise I'm nothing like I've been perceived."

"I hope so. I'm nothing like I've been perceived either."

"I know." He looks at me with eyes I've never seen, so warm and tender, and I blush ten shades darker under his gaze. "I'll see you tomorrow okay? And we can start over." He suddenly looks like he's struggling to decide on something. I just ignore it.

"Okay." I nod, and turn away quickly to run up my front stairs. I open my door, and go inside without looking back. As I collapse on my couch, I can feel a huge weight lift off of me - a weight I didn't even know was there - and then the weight is replaced by a feeling of content happiness, and it scares the shit out of me.

EPOV

Oh my God, I feel like a new man.

Alice, I have to call Alice. Wait, is she home? Bella's home.

Bella can't know how happy I am right now. That would be embarrassing.

Okay, text Alice. I can do that.

As soon as I'm out of their complex gates, I wave to the gate lady with a huge grin on my face.

She waves back, but looks at me like I'm a psycho. I can't even find it in me to care. I grab my phone out of my pocket.

Alice! I did it! I fucking did it! - E

It feels like my heart is soaring. I can't believe that just happened. Everything was so surreal at first.

Watching her cry, run away, looking like she was about to pass out - I felt a frantic need to help her. I needed any excuse to find her, knowing that finding her just for the sake of it would make her upset. When I saw she left her purse sitting on the floor, it felt like a sign. I grabbed it like my life depended on it and ran to see where she went. I didn't have to look far. The sight of her broken body sitting on the curb made me feel like a knife was stabbing me in the gut. I felt like I was going crazy until I grabbed her wrist. I couldn't let her leave, and her skin is so soft. And her body is so small and perfect under my big hands. I didn't want to stop touching. When she ripped her arm out of my grasp, I felt like there was no turning back. Like I had completely fucked up to the point of no return. But then she didn't pull away when I tried to console her, and she let me help her stand to take her home. And when we go to her apartment, she said we could start over.

And fuck me if that didn't make me feel on top of the world. I could feel the difference and I just wanted to hug her, but I knew that was overstepping my boundaries.

For now.

Yes, for now. Maybe some day. I hope.

I TOLD YOU. - A

My phone buzzes in my hand and I laugh at Alice.

You did. Thanks Al. - E

Okay, she looks like she's been crying though. What did you do? - A

I tried to apologize and she broke down...I don't know why. But by the time we got back to your house, she said we could start over. I still don't know how I got this lucky. - E

Well I'm happy for you, but don't fuck this up. She seems really...shook up. - A

That's the last thing I want to hear. But I know if I am on my best behavior, she can see the good in me and overlook all that's happened.

But can she really? What about all those things she said you didn't deserve to know?

Fucking subconscious.

This is going to be one hell of a ride, and I can only hope she won't revert back to how she was before.

Okay, so after a whirlwind of events - we've reached a conclusion!
But how will things be later in the day after this new development sets in?
I sense awkward conversations on the horizon~

Please let me know what you think!
It's really difficult to get inspired to write if I have nothing to work off of.

Anyways, until next time!

-LBBxoxo