For shoppinglegends and alzgalzz
Visions of you
Chapter two :)
I was having morning fun with the random guy I picked up from the club last night, Zach I think he said his name was, when I heard my phone vibrate on the bedside table. I don't usually like my conquests to stay the night but we hadn't really been to sleep, I was feeling up for it, insatiable, probably due to the fact that I couldn't get a certain boys face out of my head. I crave him so much that I kept pretending that it was him I was pleasing and that I was satisfying his every need.
I know I shouldn't keep doing this to myself but it's the closest thing that I'll ever have to being with him now. I should just take the hint, move on and leave him in the past like he has left me, but I can't. My feelings for him won't budge and no matter what happens between us they never leave me. Zach was going down on me for the second time when I reached for my phone. He wasn't the best shag in the world but he knew how to suck and looking down at him I could almost convince myself that it was Steven, that was until he looked up at me.
His eyes were dull and empty, no warmth in them whatsoever, not like that boy of mine, looking at his eyes was like looking at the sun. I pulled Zach's head down further; I can't stand to see that it's not Steven. I open up my phone to check my message and see that it is from him. I wanted to read it straight away but I couldn't bring myself to, not with this meaningless fuck blowing me off. I pushed him off me, he was startled and shocked but I needed him to get as far away from me as possible, I'd suddenly lost my appetite for him. It didn't take him long to realize that I wanted him to leave, maybe it had something to do with the unnerving look in my eyes. As soon as Zach left I opened up his message, it read….
Tell me what can i do with these visions of you.
What the hell did he even mean by that? Maybe he still thought of me, maybe I was still in his head everyday like he is mine. I thought about sending him a message back but what would I even say to him? Would he even reply? I know that things have been getting better between us lately but he made his choice and much to my disappointment, things seem to be working out for him and Douglas. I had hoped that their relationship would prove to be short lived but that's just not the case.
I have so many regrets as far as Steven is concerned, I wish I could have given him all the things that he wanted when he wanted them. But instead I leave it all too late and end up pushing him further and further from my life. I want him back with me by my side; I still believe that it is where he belongs. I want him to spend every spare minute he has with me and more than anything I want him to love me the way he used to.
It's all just such a mess; everything that has happened recently has taken its toll on me, I barely recognize myself these days, sad thing is though I could cope with anything if he was by my side. I convinced myself for so long that he needed me, only now im beginning to realize that it was the other around and that it was me who needed him, I still need him.
I had to find out what he meant by that message, it would play on my mind otherwise. I looked at the time on my phone; it was still early I wondered why Steven was even up this early. I jump in the shower to freshen up, I feel tired but im wide awake, how is that even possible. I grab some joggers and a t-shirt from my wardrobe and put them on, I feel excited just at the thought of seeing his face. I quietly make my way out of my bedroom and out of the front door, not wanting to wake anyone up.
There was hardly anyone about which suited me fine, im not really a people person anyway and especially first thing in the morning. Was I even doing the right thing going round to his flat? The kids might be awake, Douglas might be with him and there is Amy and that newbie Ally to think about. Even though everything seemed to be against me none of that mattered, all that mattered to me was Steven and finding out exactly what he meant by his message.
I was starting to feel uneasy, nervous, god what has he done to me? I'm Brendan Brady I need to remember that. I was showing weakness more and more lately and I know if im ever going to get back to the man I was I need to stop, he just makes everything so hard.
I'm now standing here at his flat wondering what kind of reception I will get from him. I can't hear any noise so everyone must still be in bed, so i decide to text him instead of knocking at the door, that way I won't disturb anyone else.
I'm outside ye front door Steven. Ye gonna let me in?
I waited anxiously, my whole body felt like it was shaking, I didn't think he was going to come and I was just about to walk away when I heard the door open. He was stood there smiling, it was impossible not to smile back, he melts me. I walk up to the door we are inches away from each other, I start to talk but he just shuts me up with his finger that is now resting on my lips. He then reaches his hand out to mine and holds it, I must be dreaming, he pulls me in to the flat and leads me to his bedroom.
I'm about to find out exactly what he meant by his message but through actions instead of words.
Some people are meant to be together. You know the type: determined to stick it out, despite the irritations. Whatever it takes, nothing's gonna stop them from staying close, like it was always meant to be. When they're apart, life can feel like hell. But that's the thing with these people: they know what they're going back to, and they know that's closer to heaven.
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