Mandi
disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings nor its canon characters. Those belong to the master of Middle Earth, Tolkien and his estate. Only borrowed for a time. No monies made from this work of fiction.
Warning: Rape and Murder-implied. Read NOTE below!
NOTE: WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! This chapter contains insight to Mandi's past. It is NOT pleasant. Implication of Rape and Character Death. No strong descriptive reading. But could make one squeamish nonetheless. If you get sickening thoughts about rape or murder, turn back now or fast forward to the Saralonde's Thoughts section of this chapter (it is boldfaced). Things described in this chapter is not meant to drudge up bad memories or cause offense. They are necessary for the development and understanding of the OFC. If I cause offense, I am sorry, this was not my intention. However total skipping of this chapter will only cause confusion. The beginning part is the only part in which you can fully live without. If you are under the age of 18, please do not read. Thank you.
Chapter Eleven: Insight to Mandi's life
Revelations...
The lady led Haldir to the forest floor through the mazes of gardens that outlined the personal bower to her Mirror. Haldir had many emotions. Uncertainty, remorse, regret, concern, and, yes, even a bit of sorrow for the actions he had done and what was to happen to him next.
The Lady walked forward, once in the glade of her mirror, to the small stream of crystal clear water. Taking the silver pitcher, she filled it. Turning, her eyes were cast forward with no emotions, no feeling. She spoke not a word as Haldir looked on. Tipping the pitcher over the mirror, she began to pour. "Haldir, will you look into my mirror?' she asked glancing at him to the side.
"What is it I will see, my lady?" he asked. He already knew that some vision would come.
"Things that were. Things that are and some things," she paused as the waters trickled into the basin, "that have not yet come to pass."
The lady took the now emptied pitcher, set it upon the small pedestal near the basin and waved to him step forward. Before looking into the smooth waters, she spoke softly a word of warning. "What you will see, not even I fully know, but your heart will guide the waters to show what it must. The images you may not understand and could hold things that will cause you great discomfort seeing them. I caution you to say nothing until all is revealed."
Within moments it seemed, that the images began to play. The world within the vision, completely, utterly, and disturbingly different from his own. Things he saw he did not understand. The lady only looked on, watching his reactions to the things that were shown to him. She had seen some of them before, in the days prior to Mandi's arrival. She understood it all.
The images of massive exploding things that left the wake of destruction. The massive metal beast upon wheels, that seemed to be powered by magic. The images of different things, allowing to see a world that he had never imagined.
In a breath of a moment, he was taken to a time. A small child, human years the age of three summers, in a room with other little children. The children were laughing, pointing at her. Haldir did not understand why. She seemed no different from the others. The shifting of the waters now held sound. "Look at the fatty, fatty two by four." one child said pointing at the sad little girl with dark hair. Her eyes cast down in sorrow. The sadness seemed to emanate from every recess of the girl's heart. Haldir felt her pain as if it were his own. The waters shifted again, the same little girl, now in her early teens. Her eyes, he decided, was the only thing that stayed the same about her, accept her weight. She stood now, in what appeared to be a kitchen, a man towering above her, screaming cursing words. Talking about how fat she was and how she was a burden to them. He was lashing her now, hitting her hard and fast with leather belts and his fists. Bruises beginning to appear as the cursing continued. Now huddled into a small ball on the floor, he began telling her he wished she had never been born. In a moment, the man, whom Haldir now felt anger toward, walked out the door and slammed it behind him. An older woman, he assumed was the mother of the girl, stared at the door, then looked at her with great contempt. The words she spoke Haldir would never forget. "It is your fault, Mandela, the fact your father is leaving us. Are you happy now?" The girl stared at her mother tears flowing slowly down her cheek and the pain deeply embedded behind her eyes. Her mouth quivered as the tears began to fall harder. The mother left the room and from sight.
The next images, were faster than the others before. The young girl, still a teenager, but yet not an adult, ridiculed on a daily basis, harassed at every corner. The pushing, poking, pulling hair, the smacks upon her face. The children, her peers, the cruelest things Haldir had never seen the likes of before. He wanted to rush forward, protect her, keep her from harm. Why he felt it, he did not know. But then it happened, the young girl, now a young adult, early twenties, in a different setting among her peers. She seemed withdrawn, quiet, meek. Never bothering anyone and always alone or reading in a secluded spot. One book held a title 'The Lord of the Rings' written by a man whose name he had heard her mention to him before, Tolkien. She seemed happy reading the book, every once in a while a small smile would appear. She had a beautiful smile, Haldir thought. But then the visions turned darker than all the rest.
Mandi, walking alone in the dark, her arms filled with heavy books, was unaware of three men behind her in the shadows, stalking her like prey. Haldir moved closer to get a better look. Mandi must have sensed something was about to happen, began to walk faster and faster, scanning the area behind her at the same time. For a brief moment she stopped, took a closer look, but saw nothing. Her pace picked up when she began to hear the footfalls of the men. They gained more ground as the moments went on. It was in a full run, did Mandi call out for help. But there was no one else around. The three men were now upon her.
Haldir gasped as the scene began to heighten to a new level of danger. The lady seeing her Marchwarden reacting to the scene spoke, "This is the moment that changed Mandi's life forever. Do not take your eyes from it."
The three men, all of which were close to the same age as Mandi, jumped her knocking her to the ground. Her books now strode across the lawn. She was kicking and screaming for help. Two of the young men held her down while the other strode her body holding her into place. For what seemed an eternity Mandi fought the three men, but soon in a moment of sheer weakness, she stopped fighting. The three had won. Haldir watched in horror as they each took a turn at violating her person.
Haldir looked away, disgusted and enraged. The act alone was enough and enraged because she had been helpless. He wanted to transport to her world, hunt the men down and kill each of them slowly for the torture they had done to her. He walked away from the mirror, his heart now filled with so much emotion, he knew not how to deal.
Tears filled his eyes as the regret of his own actions against her came upon him like a raging river of water. He felt breathless for a moment, not being able to shake his own feelings. The poor girl had endured enough, why did he do what he did? His reveries broke when the lady called out to him, "Haldir, return to the mirror. There is more."
"I cannot watch anymore." he said sadly.
"Trust me, you must see it." she spoke to him imploring him to return.
Reluctantly, he obeyed, knowing that the lady needed him to see it. He returned to the mirror and the images played on.
The next images found Mandi sitting in an office with men in uniforms with metal badges. She was bruised, cut, and looked as though she had not bathed. In front of her, a window, tinted. The room she was in was dark, but the room on the other side was well-lit, with a white wall and striped with black lines, each line held a number. The three men now stood along with others in a line. She pointed to the ones that attacked her. The visions shifted again.
The night was similar to the one in which she had been attacked. She seemed little happier, her hair a little longer, indicating that some time had passed since that night. She was walking with another girl, both talking and giggling. The same three men, stood in the shadows waiting for her. As Mandi and the other girl walked closer to the men, they came from the shadows. Fear came to Mandi's face. She called to the other girl to go and get help. The girl dropped her books and handbag and ran fast.
The men jumped Mandi again but did not violate her. Instead, the one now on top of her pulled from inside his pocket a large dagger. Mandi screamed, "NO!" but went silent as he stabbed her repeatedly.
Haldir nearly vomited seeing this. In all his years, he had seen death. Took life, but only enemies in battle, but this was an act of murder. It was cold-blooded, uncalled for, and violent. How could such things as this ever be done against an innocent? He looked at the lady who only looked at him and nodded for him to look back into the mirror.
His eyes drifted back to seen one last vision. There Mandi laid upon the grass, blood soaking her clothes, same he noticed she wore upon her arrival in Lorien, her eyes glazing over, her lips calling out, but nothing coming forth. Only one name did he hear. Haldir.
He gasped hearing it. Why had she called out his name? Her eyes closed and then a bright light came and surrounded her. Then the mirrors went black. Silence filled the glade. He looked at the lady waiting for an answer.
"In her final moments, she thought on her favorite book of our world. Little did anyone know in her world, actually was real. For many years people loved the tales by its author, but had no idea that our world ran parallel to theirs. One character in the story she loved the most." The lady said stepping closer to him, she smiled lightly, "That was of you, Haldir. You were her favorite. One she dreamed of, wished she could find a person just like you. You held a special place within her heart. The Valar saw this love of our world and brought her here." The lady reached out and touched his arm. "This is why we must help her heal."
Haldir still feeling the turmoil in his own heart over what he had seen, looked up at her. Confused by everything. "Why would they hurt her? She did nothing wrong."
"In her world, differences in a person never went unnoticed. Here, things that are different, goes undetected, except by a rare few. Look what happened to you. In your youth, you were thought different because of your appearance, but it was soon realized that you are a unique individual who is meant to be loved and respected. That is why I chose you to help her. If anyone is strong enough, patient enough, and able enough to help her, it is you. Your stubborn ways, aloofness and arrogance has always served you well. It will in this case. To damper things, Saralonde is there to assist you. She helped before, she will do it again. Mandi may seem tough, but beneath the surface, lies an intelligent, kind, caring, and loving person, just dying for a chance. All you must do is break her shell."
Haldir thought on the Lady's words. "How is it that I can help her after what I have done? She has been through much more than I." he said trying to make sense of it all.
"It is not the extent of your experience that is needed. It is your way of coping with how you were treated as an elfling. Your attitude on life is your greatest strength and that alone will be the binding tie to help her with her healing." The lady walked away a moment, her back to him. She turned and faced him once more. "Haldir, the road to her self discovery and healing will not be easy and soon, very soon, her resolve will break and the transition will be hard for her. You must be patient, kind, and considerate. She will realize she needs you. It is your strength and ability to handle all situations that she found so appealing in her life before. She will turn to you for that feeling of safety that she desperately needs." The lady turned and began to walk up the stairs, but stopped at the top. "Think on what I said, pennath. You will see I am right. Your idea on taking her to the training field will be the best choice on how to open her up to your wisdom. Until morning, I bid you good night." The Lady turned and began to walk away.
Before the Lady was out of sight, he called to her. "My lady, I have the feeling that Mandi is unaware things from her former life. Am I right?" he asked.
The Lady turned to him, walked back down to the forest floor and stood in front of him. "Most of the things she remembers is the teasing. Her parents' rejections. But the attacks, both the violation and the death, she has no memory of them because she buried the one and the other caused her to come to Middle Earth. Things in between the two events, she also remembers. She acts out in ways she does not understand, because she does not remember what caused those feelings. She just knows the feelings are there. I will warn you. She will remember them very soon and, when she does, it will be up to you to help her feel safe. Things happen for a reason, this is cruel, but is the truth. She has to face what has happened to her, before she can move forward." she reached out and touched the lapel of his tunic. "You will know when it will occur. Now I bid you goodnight...again." she smiled.
He stood there taking in all he could of what the Lady had said as he watched her climb the stairs again and out of sight. She was right on all things as usual. He had to apologize. But decided that tonight was too soon. In the morning, he would make the effort to.
Saralonde's thoughts...
Saralonde sat upon the side of the bathing tub as Mandi silently bathed. Her eyes, the elleth saw, were still filling with tears. What a terrible thing Haldir had done. This child was suffering, not in the physical form, but the emotional. She felt a wave of pity for the girl unlike she had ever done before.
When she had helped Haldir all those centuries ago, it had been because there for a time, she was his only friend. But when the lady pulled her away in the dead of night to tell her of the new arrival to Lorien's borders, she heard the lady's plight and immediately volunteered for the task.
Now, she felt unsure what to say, where had before with Haldir it had been so simple. There was so much more to Mandi, she was sure of it. She reached out to help wash the young woman's hair but was met with a swift pull away from her. Her hands quickly pulled away, afraid to offend or scare the girl further. How was they supposed to help Mandi now that she felt apprehensive of the elves?
Her thoughts were broken, when Mandi spoke. "Could you please leave me alone for a bit?" she asked sniffling.
Hearing Mandi's request, Saralonde stood up, and nodded. "If you need me I will be in the other room." Saralonde opened the door and left the room. Outside the bathing room, she stopped and looked back at the closed door and stared a moment.
She thought on Haldir. What had he been thinking doing what he did? She knew that he felt remorse, or would feel it. It was how he was, when he done wrong before, he was the first to admit it. She knew deep down he wanted to protect the girl, the Lady appointed him the girl's guardian. Once that was done, it was done. He would perform the task, hell or high water. It was the one thing, Saralonde knew to be true. She looked back at the door again, would Mandi forgive Haldir, or would she retreat further into her own world of self hate and destruction? This worried her deeply. She walked from the door and into the kitchen to warm up the dinners. She would take some food to him. He would need it.
Taking up the plate of food, Saralonde went to the bathing room door and knocked lightly. "Mandi, I need to step out a moment. I will be back shortly. Do you need anything?" she asked. "Should you get out of the tub soon, I have your dinner warmed and in the oven."
She was greeted with a sound of sloshing of water and a snappy, "No. I am not hungry. I am fine. Leave me alone!" Saralonde heard this looked at the door a moment.
Confrontation with Haldir...
Saralonde walked across the way to Haldir's door. A lone light was on in the living area. She knocked.
Haldir opened the door not too surprised to see her. Holding out the plate in front of her, she could hardly believe the look upon his face. IT was like he had been horsewhipped and drug through the mud. Serves him right, she thought to herself. "Saralonde." he said his voice low and full of shame.
"Marchwarden." she said back to him without feeling. Her eyes never fully looking at him.
He reached for the plate of food and stood aside to motion her in. She stepped in and stood there silently while he shut the door. "So formal now, are we? I thought by now, you would not treat me like that." he asked a little surprised by her blatant act of formality.
"How should I act, when my best mellon for so many years, acts like an orc?" she snapped at him.
He walked to the table, set the plate down and looked at her shocked. "An orc? I am no orc." he shot back.
She felt anger toward him. "Really? You think not? I do as do Lord Celeborn and a certain young lady across the way who cannot stop crying. How could you do such a thing as you have done this day, Haldir? Tell me, how?" she crossed her arms disappointment clearly ringing through her tone.
Haldir looked to the ground, let out a small sigh and looked at her. Saralonde saw the remorse behind his eyes. "Trust me, I know not why I did what I did, other than I wanted to keep Mandi safe. True, it was wrong with every sense of the word. You do not need to come here and lecture me further on the etiquette of my actions. The Lady has gone far and beyond what you or Lord Celeborn could do. So please spare me the extent of your disappointment. I feel sorry enough." he said sounding quite tired of being accosted for his behavior.
Hearing his reaction, told her that he was already thinking on what he had done, and feeling the repercussions of them. She softened toward him. He was hurting by what he had done. "I am sorry, Haldir. In the years I have known you, I have never seen such behavior, truthfully, it bothers me." she told him honestly.
"I am aware." he sat down taking off his boots. He stopped a moment and stared at her. A burning need to know came upon him. "How is she?" he asked concerned.
"Scared, disappointed, silent. I fear that she may do something silly, like, running." she answered taking up the chair next to him. "In my honest opinion, I do not know how to help her now, or what to say." she leaned her elbows on the table. "She will not eat. Will not speak. All she has been doing since Celeborn and I rescued her is crying silently. You deeply hurt her, Haldir, physically and emotionally. I am afraid for her."
Haldir shook his head silently cursing under his breath. Then the word 'physically' hit him. He looked up concerned. "Physically? What is wrong?" he asked taking her hand.
"The ropes cut her wrists badly. Lost a lot of blood too. The healer will be coming by soon. Lord Celeborn went to fetch him." she told him honestly.
He looked distraught. "Saralonde, I did not tie them tight. I am sure of it. How could it have happened?" he asked.
"She struggled against them and rubbed them too much. She must have fought hard for them to have done the damage they have done. But it is not the rope cuts that seems to bother her, but her heart and emotions. She is a bag of tears right now." Saralonde said soothing his fears.
Haldir seemed pacified with the physical part being alright, but still felt bad. But still felt deep remorse for the emotional damage he had done. Tomorrow morning he would take care of that. He looked at her. "I am sorry. Tomorrow morning, I will come by and check on her. I want to take her to the training field. The lady wants me to do as I planned to help her channel her emotions. Perhaps you can come with us to help?" he asked hoping.
"I will, if she feels up to it. But to be honest, I doubt it." she said uncertain. She looked at Haldir again, there was something else there. A new found respect for the situation at hand. She was curious. "You met with the Lady?" she asked him.
"Aye, I did." he said beginning to eat his dinner.
"What happened? I sense it was profound." she asked treading the waters a bit.
Haldir stopped eating. Looking as though he did not want to relive the whole thing over again. He swallowed his food and looked down at the plate debating. "I cannot speak of it. It was too much to relive. The only thing I will say is that now I understand a lot of things with Mandi." he said being sure not to say too much.
"Well I must go now. Melcion will be coming soon. I don't want to leave her for long." Saralonde said as she stood to leave. "I will see you in the morning. I pray she is better by then. Goodnight, Haldir." she opened the door and stepped out. Haldir watched her as she entered Mandi's talan. Saralonde was such a wonderful, forgiving person. To have her as a friend, was a gift. He hoped that Mandi could see her as such. He shut the door to turn in for the night.
Mandi...
Mandi sat silently at her vanity, she tried brushing her hair, but found it impossible to do so with her wrists hurting as bad as they were. With each stroke, it reminded her of what she Haldir had done earlier.
It also made rethink a lot of things in the process. Like, what if she had just stopped being so stubborn and allow that arrogant ass of an elf to help her, maybe it would not have happened. But then it made her that much more madder and reconfirming her want to freaking leave this place. However, as much as she was scared, she could not help, secretly, feel a little excited that Haldir showed so much passion about her staying.
That was stuff her dreams were made of. A gallant, handsome man, or elf, taking her over his shoulder to prove a point, and want to keep her around. Wow. But the whole thing was so not what she wanted after all. Instead the memory of him tying her up to the bed was terrifying.
She contemplated the whole incident with great disgust too. Elves were supposed to be romantic, chivalrous, mysterious, kind, and protective all the same, but that was her own silly notions. HA! So not right at all. She laughed to herself with sarcasm. 'Sure, Mandi, like anyone would really care about you. You can't trust anyone. You would have better chances trusting an orc or Sauron? She thought a moment longer. Perhaps if she busted out of this joint of a realm, she would look up the old bad guy and make a deal with him. Perhaps he could get her home. She threw down her brush.
The wounds itched something awful, not to mention they were oozing blood again. She looked at her wrists. Great, now not only will people laugh at me cause I am fat, but now they will think I did this to myself, she thought. She rolled her eyes.
The door to her chambers opened. 'Great, beauty queen is back!' she said under her breath.
"Did you say something, little one?" Saralonde said looking at her with interest.
Mandi realized something. Note to self, she thought, Elves have great ears. She smiled fakely, "No, sorry, I did not."
Saralonde was not buying it, but smiled anyway. "Melcion is here." she said kindly.
Mandi looked at her in the mirror and snarled up her nose. "Who?" she asked kind of curiously.
"The healer. He has come to take care of your wrists. He wants to check them." she said coming over to brush Mandi's hair. Mandi pulled away, but Saralonde would not let her go. "Let me brush your hair. It is obvious that your wrists will not permit it."
"Fine! Where is he?" she asked the tall blonde.
"I am here, little one. Are you decent?" a tall male elf said from the door. His eyes shielded.
"Yes." Mandi and Saralonde said in unison.
"Ah, good." he said smiling setting a medical bag upon the bed. "Come here, child. Let me see your wounds." he said patting the bed, then turned to light a lamp on the bedside table.
Mandi stood up and walked to the bed and stared at him. He was handsome, built like most of the male elves she saw in the city. But not like Haldir. Haldir was different. She assessed this male and decided that she like Haldir better. Melcion was beautiful as was typical elven males, he seemed ordinary. Haldir, on the other hand was not.
The healer gently reached for hands, taking them one by one, examining each in detail. Opening his bad, he rummaged through looking for something. Mandi looked at him. "Am I gonna scar?" she asked him.
He smiled at her, he did seem quite kind to her, "I have just the ingredients that will both heal it quickly and get rid of scarring. Lord Elrond's recipe. Do not fret on it. In a few days it will be good as new." he said assuring her.
"Lord Elrond. What is he like?" she asked him.
He continued his work, applying the smelling goo on her arms and bandaging them and as he did, he spoke. "He is one of the finest healers in all of Middle Earth. Kind but also a bit of an orc's behind sometimes, but only when he is provoked. Wise beyond all reasoning, has the most beautiful daughter in all of Middle Earth. But in all, he is friend to all. Men, dwarf, elf and hobbits. Gandalf the Gray is one of his best of friends. One day, you may meet him. Would you like that?" he asked her.
"He was one of several characters from the stories back home I admired. Of course I would like to meet him. And his sons." she said excited like.
"Elladan and Elrohir. Little buggers they are! I do not know how many times on their visits as children that I had to patch up scraped knees and elbows. Not to mention sew up gashes on arms and stomachs. Get those two with Haldir's brothers and might as well call it a catastrophe. And let us not talk about Prince Legolas getting involved. Poor ellon, never can get a break from the likes of them four." Melcion said with great amusement. Mandi giggle and when she did, putting her arms down, she brushed her wrists on the bedside and winced. "Do your wrists hurt greatly, little one?" he asked seeing her trouble.
"Yeah. They do." she said holding one of them and wincing further.
He reached in his bag again and pulled out a small bottle of liquid. "Here, take this. It will not only help with the pain, but also help fight off infection and help you sleep." he handed the bottle to her. "But only a sip at a time. It is quite potent."
She uncorked the lid and took a sip. It seemed almost as soon as the liquid was swallowed she was out cold. The healer seeing how fast the girl reacted to the medication, looked up at Saralonde.
"She is human and I had forgotten that our medicines are more potent than human remedies. Perhaps she should not stay here alone until we see how she will react further." he told her looking back down at his patient.
Saralonde seeing the truth behind it, looked up and smiled at him. "Of course, I need to inform my husband." she told him.
He patted her arm as he gathered up his things. "Worry not, I will be going by your home anyways. I will stop and tell him. You staying with her should only be for tonight. Get some rest, I will return in the morning to check up on her. I have one stop before I go to your home. Haldir's. He needs to know of her condition."
Saralonde walked the healer to the door. "That might be an excellent idea. He wants to take her to the training field in the morning."
The Healer heard this, arched his brow and nodded. He muttered loud enough she heard it. "Not if I can help it."
She smiled.
The Healer...
Melcion stepped out upon the walkway and made his way to the door of his old friend, Haldir. Knocking, he waited for it to be answered.
Haldir opened the door looking quite disheveled. His hair a mess, his eyes tired. "Melcion, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" Haldir asked curiously.
"I have just checked up on your charge." he said simply.
Haldir nodded. He looked up at the elf. "How is she?" the guilt behind the tone of his voice.
"She is well, considering. Saralonde informed me that you were planning to take Mandi for some training on the field in the morning. I am here to tell you, she will not be going." he looked at Haldir with scrutiny. "She has suffered a great trauma to her wrists. They are in no shape to be doing training of any kind for a few days at least."
Haldir looked to the ground a second then nodded. "Aye, I guess not. I will let her rest a bit. Thank you."
Melcion went to move from the doorway, but stopped a second. "Haldir, I have been your friend for many years. May I give you some advice?"
Haldir looked at him a moment. "Yes."
"Go gently on the girl. You know how I sense things. When chatting with her while taking care of her wounds, I picked up on something that may help you." he commented.
"What is that? I am open to ideas." Haldir told him.
"Humor is a great healer. Greater than any herb, poultice, or draught. This girl has a great sense of humor. Perhaps if you did something lighthearted, you may find a way to reach her." he said with a wink.
Haldir smiled softly. "Perhaps. Or use it against me for her own amusement." he chuckled.
The healer smiled and walked down the walkway, whistling.
N/A: Okay this chapter was hard. Mandi is due for some serious changing and in the next chapter, hopefully, I will do that for you. I know up until now, she has been a bit of a mess, but considering all she has experienced she is entitled. This chapter may cause some controversy, but hey, I ain't changing things at all. Trying to get her to the point of actual change. I thank each of you who have read and like this story. So much more is to come...hopefully, better...